by Lux Carmine
“Uh-huh,” I said slowly. I was in this place where I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but it hurt me not to be honest. But the honesty in my words would probably devastate her and make her hate me. I was determined to hold back my true thoughts. She didn’t really want to know I was fairly confident that her relationship with Joey would not go anywhere anyway, she wanted my support and advice. “And what else do you love about him?”
“Ooh, he’s really good at fixing things. He fixed the washer for my mom and when my computer crashed, he was able to get that working again.”
I nodded. That was something, I guess. I personally wanted more from the guy I would give my virginity to. I’d want him to make me laugh. I’d want a guy who would listen and care about what I had to say. I wanted a guy who could be himself around me and who I felt comfortable being myself around too. I wanted to share things with him and have him show me things I never knew.
“Well, if you’re asking me if you should go all the way with him then maybe you’re not really ready?”
Melissa nibbled on her lower lip as she contemplated my response and then nodded slowly. “Probably. I’m just worried that if we don’t do it soon that he‘ll leave me. But I’m also worried that if we do do it, he’ll break up with me because I gave it up.”
I scratched the top of my head lightly. “Melissa, if he breaks up with you for either of those reasons then he doesn’t deserve you. Is he the guy you want to give your V-card to? Is he going to make it special for you? Or is he going to be selfish about it? These are the things I think you should think about.”
She rolled her eyes and finished the last of her Diet Coke. “Okay, Mom. You’re so serious. Chess club is probably the best place for you after all.”
I couldn’t help the wrinkles between my nose. What else was I supposed to be about her sex life? Joking and merry? “Maybe so. Anyway, I won’t be riding home with you guys this afternoon so don’t wait up.”
Melissa’s lips curled up in a smile. “Maybe today will be the day. If you hear music playing upstairs, you might want to take a walk around the block.”
“Your mom won’t be home?”
“No. Did you forget already? She’s out of town for the rest of the week for a work conference. She left us money for food and stuff.”
To be honest, I don’t think Aunt Sara ever told me. Perhaps they’d talked about it over breakfast. They ate together every morning. I tried it for a week before I felt like I was intruding on their time so I made the excuse that I wasn’t really hungry in the mornings and always made sure I took a snack with me to tide me over until lunch.
I laughed a little as a thought came to mind. “She’s out of town and left us money. Sounds like the start of every teen movie, right before they throw a big house party and then bad shit goes down.”
Melissa gasped with delight. “A party! Ruby you’re so smart! I’m going to start planning!” She pulled out her phone, a huge grin on her lips as her fingers speedily typed up her plans.
I was slightly disappointed to see that hot drama guy was already seated and smiling at me as I approached. My heart skipped a beat, and I told it to calm the eff down. It wasn’t like he was into me. He was probably just being nice to the new girl. Or he’d heard something funny right before I walked in. Or any number of other things. He probably wasn’t smiling because he was happy to see me.
I was almost to my seat when my foot caught on something in the aisleway. I’d dropped my books and found myself in hot drama guy’s arms, my face pressed against his chest. It happened so fast that my brain took a second to catch up. Our eyes met for a half a second, god he had gorgeous eyes, and I felt the tingles in my body because he was touching me.
“Tracey, not cool,” he said, glaring at the grinning blonde girl seated at the table in front of us. There were giggles all around, joining hers. He looked down at me and the butterflies fluttered all around in my stomach.
Get a grip, Ruby! Not real, NOT real.
“It was an accident, Jason, I swear,” Tracey said in a fake sugary sweet voice, her hand not even close to covering her grin.
He had a name. Jason. Jason Reynolds.
Jason ignored her, his eyes still causing a mini earthquake in my chest. “Are you okay, Ruby?” he asked, gently setting me away from him.
The way he said my name, oh God. I somehow pulled myself together, thinking I was close to drooling or that he could read my mind about how much I wanted to stay in his arms like some psycho. “Uh, yeah. I’m cool.” I pushed a bit of hair behind my ear and quickly bent to pick up my books. The late bell sounded just as I slipped into my seat next to his.
Class went on as usual. The day’s lesson was about lab safety equipment. I was pretending to take notes when a slip of paper landed on my notebook again. I glanced at Jason; he looked busy taking notes himself. I slyly unfolded the paper.
Sorry about Tracey. Are you really okay? It looks like you’re bleeding.
I glanced at Jason and he nodded, his eyes on the knee of my jeans. I looked down and sure enough there was a spot of blood. It wasn’t large enough to be a concern, however.
Just a nick. I’ll be fine. Thanks.
I slipped the note onto the edge of his notebook, my fingers grazing his forearm. I ignored them. He was just being nice. Maybe he had some ulterior motive. He probably was gay. I needed to not get my hopes up.
How long have you lived in Springfield?
I waited for a few beats before unfolding the note. I didn’t want to seem overeager.
A few months.
Where did you move from?
Maine.
That’s a change. How do you like it here?
Fine.
Do you have a boyfriend?
I glanced up, my heart beating rapidly at the question. He wasn’t watching me. He was dividing his attention between Mr. Richards and his notebook paper. Hastily I scribbled a reply and sent the note back.
Beeswax = not urs
I pretended to ignore the quirk of his lips as he scribbled back a response. Was he smiling because he thought I was amusing? Or did he actually think it was funny that I probably didn’t have a boyfriend? Or... No way. He couldn’t be smiling because he was glad I didn’t have one.
He’s not into you, Ruby! And you don’t want a boyfriend!
So that’s a no. Do you sing?
No!
Not even in the shower?
Stop thinking about me in the shower, perv.
The whole class turned their eyes on Jason as he let out a snort of laughter. He quickly turned it into a cough and apologized to Mr. Richards.
Very rude of me. I apologize. Are you planning on joining any clubs? It’s a great way to meet new people.
Yes.
Which ones?
Beeswax = not urs
:-) I’m in drama club. I’d love to see you there.
I was sad when the bell rang and our note-fest had to end. I held my breath as he stood up and leaned down, his lips so close to my ear I could feel every puff of his words. “See ya, Ruby. We meet on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays after school if you’re interested.”
I held my breath and intentionally kept my eyes down as he moved out of the classroom. God, the things that boy made my insides feel. I reminded myself again not to get crazy about it. He was just a boy, a boy who probably enjoyed flirting with the new girl in school. It was a phase.
As I sat there and waited for the chess club members to come into Mr. Richard’s classroom I thought about Jason. If it were just a phase, then it would pass. I’d never really been one to go crazy about anything, I didn’t really like drawing attention to myself. Before I was Ruby, the nerdy fan girl who could easily win a match of chess in the park. I was the girl the guys didn’t really look at twice because I tried really hard to be invisible. I pressed my lips together as I thought about just being someone else completely for my last year of high school.
What if I did join the drama club? What if
I did come to school dressed like Cyndi Lauper? What if I dyed my hair super white like the Queen of Dragons from Game of Thrones? Would I be teased? Bullied? Could I deal with it for a year? If anything, this would be great practice for college when I could reinvent myself to be whoever I wanted. That’s what college was kind of about, right?
Some voices drew my attention away, and I noticed that some guys had gathered in the front of the room. In my old high school the chess club was full of boys who wore glasses, button-down shirts and khakis. In Melissa’s high school the chess club boys were gorgeous, hot, and totally preppy, in the hot way. I closed up my notebook and shoved my things into my book bag after they all grouped up. Maybe chess club wouldn’t be so bad after all.
They were laughing at something one of them said when I approached and cleared my throat. They all turned their eyes on me and took in my appearance. I didn’t think I looked that bad; I was wearing a plain navy blue t-shirt and a pair of jeans. My hair had been down, but it’d gotten too hot and I’d thrown it up into a messy bun. I never wore makeup, I always ended up rubbing it off and making a big mess on my face.
“What’s up? Need to know where the snack machines are?” One of them asked, he was taller than me by a foot and his blue eyes lit with amusement as they clashed with mine.
I smiled, though it felt pinched. “No. I’m here for the chess club.”
“Chess club?” the guy retorted, shock etched into his dark bushy eyebrows.
“Yes, chess club. Am I in the wrong place?”
He snickered. “No, you’re in the right place. Welcome to the club. This week in chess club we’re brushing up on our oral skills.”
I frowned. Chess was the least oral game there was.
Another guy chuckled, and he came close and wrapped an arm around me, pulling me into his side. His eyes dropped to my mouth, and I felt prickles on my skin. “Yeah, I bet with a mouth like that you could--“
He didn’t get to finish because I pushed him away and my hand slapped his cheek. I stared at the one I’d assaulted, my mouth open wide in shock. Where had that come from? I wasn’t the kind of girl who hit people! At least I didn’t used to be... The guy’s lips were parted, his cheek turning crimson in the shape of my hand. He turned his head slowly towards me, his eyes filled with disdain.
“Ruby, I need to talk to you.” Mr. Richard’s voice boomed throughout the room. “In the hall.“
Oh crap.
3
I walked to my locker, dragging my feet. I could hear the scrape and shuffle of my shoe on the slightly dull, still dirty from a day of high schoolers’ shoes linoleum floor. Mr. Richards saw the slap part and had immediately told me he wouldn’t tolerate that kind of behavior. He fired me from chess club. I was a chess club dropout. What a way to start at my new school.
I fiddled with my locker combination, the metal hinge squeaked loudly in the empty hall as I pulled the door open. The loud bang when it hit with the locker next to it never happened. When I looked up my eyes clashed with a set of shimmering melted-chocolate brown eyes. I wanted to swim in them. Another one of the Lone Wolves.
“Bad afternoon?” he said, his voice as smooth as his eyes. It was deep and husky.
I broke eye contact and unzipped my book bag. “Uh, yeah.” I said, quickly dropping my gaze.
Why was he talking to me? Did Jason put him up to this? Was he going to beg me to join the drama club too? Was this the start of some weird hazing thing?
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.
I pulled out the books I didn’t need and shoved a couple others into the bag. “Would you want to talk about it if they kicked you out of the chess club?” I snapped my lips shut. What was wrong with me? Why was I offering up any information at all? I didn’t even know this guy.
I dared to glance at him and saw a smirk on his lips. “Really? Kicked out of chess club? I’m impressed you even made it into chess club without a Rolex and a ...” He paused, his eyes skimming the front of my body, turning my knees slightly melty. “Trust fund,” he finished, his eyes coming back to meet mine.
“Yeah, well, maybe it was for legal reasons. They needed to say they had a girl on the team. Although they didn’t really ever have me.” But this guy could have me. Seriously?
“What happened?” he asked, thankfully totally unaware of how I was sexualizing him in my mind.
“They were talking about some girls and then when I went to say hi they started turning that talk on me and,” I paused, my locker sounded like it was moving. Looking at Chocolate Eyes and his pissed off expression, I frowned. “Are you all right?”
“Those idiots made rude comments towards you?”
I shrugged. “Yeah, but I slapped one of them and that’s what got me kicked out.”
“Which one?”
I swallowed, feeling slightly uncomfortable. He was very intent on getting details and the look in his eyes made it seem like he wanted to kill someone. “Uh, I’m not sure. I didn’t get any names and, you know, they all kind of looked the same.”
When I took a step back from my locker, he shut the door for me. “Bastards. Don’t mind them. They’ll grow up sooner or later, or end up in jail for sexual assault.”
I pressed my lips together and nodded. “Yeah. Well, hey, it was nice to talk to you, but I got a lot of walking to do.”
Joey and Melissa were already gone. They didn’t have any after-school activities and the bus wouldn’t be here for another hour.
“Do you want a ride?”
“Uh...” Did I want a ride? Yes. Should I be sitting next to scorching hot Lone Wolf number two? No, probably not. He was just being nice, but what if he wasn’t? What if he was just like this so he could get me alone and then do dirty things to me? Ruby, come on. No guys want your body. Get over yourself. I shrugged my shoulders as I replied, “My mom always said I shouldn’t take rides from strangers.”
Suddenly the rest of the five rounded the corner and headed our way. Jason spotted me and smiled. “Hey Ruby!”
I licked my lips and shifted uncomfortably to my other foot. “Uh, hey,” I paused, almost calling him ‘Mr. Reynolds’ which I had called him in my dreams, “Jason.”
“Ah, so you know Jason,” Chocolate Eyes said.
“Yeah, we have Biology together,” I admitted.
“Great. So you don’t have to ride home with a stranger. He’s riding along too.”
I glanced at the lot of them and drew a little circle in the air between us. “All of us are going?”
Chocolate Eyes nodded. “Yeah, Billy has a truck. Most of us ride in the back.”
“Isn’t that...illegal?”
“You’re what?... 17?” Jason asked.
I nodded.
“Totally legal,” Jason said.
“Come on, Ruby,” Chocolate Eyes said with a grin, holding his hand out to me, “YOLO. Don’t waste your beautiful life.”
“Okay, but only if you tell me your names.” I made the request partly to give myself time to accept what was about to happen. And partly because I was curious about them. I had been ever since Melissa had pointed them out to me. My eyes scanned each of their ridiculously handsome faces. “All of you.”
Chocolate Eyes chuckled. “I’m Kevin. This is Steven,” he pointed to the guy with the only five o’clock shadow in the bunch. “That is Mike,” he pointed to the shortest of them. “And the guy with the crazy long hair is Billy.”
They all nodded and grinned as they were called. Billy was twirling his keys around his finger, a Superman logo on his key chain. “I’ll drive nice and careful, Ruby, I promise. Wouldn’t want a pretty girl like you falling off the back.”
I swallowed hard, feeling uncomfortable because of his words. This was probably a bad idea. Something was warning me in the back of my head not to go with them. And then the devil on my shoulder crawled into my ear and took over my mouth. “Why the hell not? Let’s go!”
“Dudes, Ruby got kicked out of the chess club!”
Kevin bragged.
“Really? That’s awesome. Now she can join drama club! Doesn’t she look like she’d make the perfect Sandy?” Jason said, grinning like he’d just won the lottery.
“Uh...” I tried to interject.
“No. She’s be perfect as Rizzo,” Kevin, aka Chocolate Eyes, corrected.
“Guys...” I spoke a little louder, hoping they’d hear me.
“Jan, definitely Jan.” Billy said before they all stopped just outside the school, arguing on the school’s concrete steps.
“Guys!” I shouted, coming in the middle of all of them. “I’m not going to be in drama club so you can stop arguing.”
Jason slipped his warm strong arm around me and led me down the steps towards the school parking lot. My body was full of tremors as I stared up into his eyes. “I have a feeling that’s not true. Sandy is in your future,” he said, gazing down into my eyes.
“You only want her to be Sandy because you’re playing Danny Zucko!”
Jason grinned like a Cheshire Cat.
Oh crap.
“See you at drama club, Ruby.” Jason smiled and threw in a wink as the truck pulled away from the curb.
I shook my head and headed for the front door. The ride with the Lone Wolves was pretty uneventful. Aside from the part where Jason’s thigh was pressed against mine the whole time, and the fact that I could smell his yummy cologne or body spray or whatever delicious man-smell he put on himself. I’d been squished between Jason and Steven the short ride home and after their deft fingers showed me no mercy, they tickled a yes out of me. I’d agreed to show up at drama club tomorrow.
