by Lux Carmine
"Steven will explain."
I huffed. That was the second time that things were left up to Steven to explain and he conveniently wasn't around...again. I could always get out of Mike's bed and corner him to find out. Maybe I would do that. I needed to know what was going on, what game they were playing.
They dropped me off at the last room on the right, at the end of the hall, across from Steven's room.
"Mike has his own bathroom," Billy explained as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "Sweet dreams," he said before striding down the hall to his own room. When his door shut with a gentle click Kevin escorted me inside Mike's room. He slipped off his shoes and turned on the TV, Netflix was already loaded, the menu full of action and horror flicks. He also grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants and gave them to me.
"Um..." I glanced at the bed and the TV. Was he going to lie down with me? I inhaled sharply and held my breath as his shirt came off, revealing some seriously cut abs. "I'm going to use the lady's room."
"Okay," he said with a smile. He laid down on Mike's bed, shoving pillows behind him so he was comfy. "What do you want to watch?"
Honesty was the best policy, right? I bit my lower lip for a moment before blurting, "Gossip Girl, Season Two!" I disappeared in the bathroom and when I came back out, dressed in the baggy t-shirt and equally baggy sweatpants, Kevin was laying there, the blue light from the TV making his abs glow and flicker, one arm behind his head, the other resting just above his belly button. His ankles were crossed. He looked good enough to lick.
"Found it." He smiled and pulled back the covers on the other side of the bed. "Is this cool? I mean, I can go if you want."
I swallowed hard. Was it cool that a hot guy was inviting me to watch TV and cuddle with him? Yes. Yes, it was. I nodded and crossed the room, slipping between the covers. I carefully lowered myself onto his chest, watching his face to make sure it was okay. He smiled and put his hand on my back, shifting a little until we were both comfortable.
Neither of us a said a word until halfway through the episode. "Your hair smells good," he said, softly. His chin dropped and he inhaled deeply. My fingers curled against his chest. More sparks. Was it natural to feel these things for so many guys? And not only some guys, but guys who lived together?
"Thanks," I said in reply. After that his hand started stroking my back, my neck, my hair. The thoughts I’d had earlier were already fleeting. "That feels good," I said, my voice thick.
"Good. I want you to feel good, Ruby. Just like you make me feel whenever I look at you or have you near me," he said softly. "I'm so lucky to have you in my life."
I felt the same exact way, but I was so relaxed that the words never actually came out of my mouth.
When I woke up the bed was empty. Maybe I'd dreamt snuggling up to Kevin. With a groggy brain I rolled over and grabbed my phone from the nightstand, checking the time. It was 5:30 in the morning. After a stretch and some thinking I got out of the bed and hastily went to the bathroom. After putting my clothes on and brushing my teeth with toothpaste and my finger I went in search of Steven's room.
I stood outside of it and stared at the door. Did I really want to do this? Did I really want to know why they were all so close and loving on me? Protecting me?
I was about to put my hand on the doorknob when I heard a groan coming from the room down the hall. I paused, listening intently to see if I'd hear it again.
"No!"
I jumped, Jason's yell making the hairs on my arms stand up. I jumped into action and went to his door, opening it. Inside the room he was alone, curled up on his bed. I looked around his room, looking for someone else who may have been bothering him. Jason's throat grumbled again, jerking my attention back to him.
"No, no. Stop it." He mumbled.
I went over and sat down on his bed, holding my breath. He must have been having a bad dream. Did I wake him? Or did I go get his foster dad or one of the others? Jason's handsome face contorted in his sleep, his breaths were choppy. He looked like he was in pain.
"Jason?" I whispered. "Jason?" I reached out and put a soft hand on his shoulder. Nothing. "Jason?" I squeezed his shoulder softly, giving it a little shake. I almost screamed when his eyes popped open. He lay there staring up at me for a long moment. "Are you okay?" I whispered once the weirdness of the stare faded.
"I'm fine," he said. "You don't belong here."
I pulled my hand back and stood up. "Sorry."
His jaw clenched tightly but he remained where he was. What had I expected? That he'd say sorry and pull me down for a kiss? Roll me over and cover his body with mine? I shook away the image and smiled. "Sorry. See you later. Tell them I went home."
He glanced at the clock as I turned away. Carefully I snuck down the stairs and was about to creep out the front door when I spotted Mike. His limbs were spread as much as they could be, half of them falling off the couch, grazing the floor.
I walked over and grabbed the blanket that had fallen off of him and carefully laid it back over his sleeping body. "Thanks for the bed, Mike," I whispered. I knew he wouldn't hear me, but it was the thought that counted. I pressed a soft kiss to his forehead and then wound my way around the couches. I paused when I neared the stairs, Jason was standing there, looking at me.
I waited, holding my breath, my heart was beating rapidly in my chest. "Let me walk you home," he said.
I shook my head. "No, I'll be fine."
He didn't answer, he grabbed a sweatshirt, slipped on his Converse shoes and opened the front door for me. It was too early in the morning to argue with him so I swiftly exited the house.
I was mostly down the stairs when I heard the front door click softly shut. I didn't bother looking back. I didn't want to see Jason's angry eyes staring at me in disdain. His long legs didn't take long to catch up to me and soon we were walking in cadence. The only sounds were the morning birds and our feet as they pounded the pavement.
We got to my Aunt's house and I stopped at the driveway and turned to look at him. "Why do you hate me all of a sudden?"
I was tired of living like this. I hated that he hated me. I wanted to know what I'd done wrong.
He scrubbed his face with his hand before shoving it back into his pocket. He searched the house before looking down at me. "I don't hate you."
"Don't you? You've been ignoring me since I came over to your house and saw Steven."
"I didn't know that you and Steven had gotten so close."
I opened my mouth to refute the claim, but it wasn't wrong. We had gotten closer. He'd shared his secrets with me. "We have, but that doesn't mean I don't want to get to know you too. You were the first one of the Lo-“ I stopped myself before I let their group nickname slip out, "foster brothers to reach out to me." And the hottest. I looked away, embarrassed that I was even thinking of that.
"That doesn't matter, Ruby. Just let it go." He took a step back, ready for a quick retreat.
Before he could get further away I grabbed onto his elbow to hold him there for a moment. He froze and I wondered if he felt the same tingling that I did. "I can't let go. I...I like you, Jason."
The muscles in his jaw twitched a few times and then his hand grabbed mine and removed it from his arm. "That's too bad. Sometimes in life we have to let go. This is one of those times. Bye, Ruby."
I blinked back tears as he walked away. I didn't understand. If he didn't hate me then why couldn't he be my friend? Why couldn't we talk at least? The talk with Jason certainly hadn't cleared anything up, but it did have a common thread with the others. Steven. I was going to find some way to talk to him alone. And he was going to tell me exactly what was going on.
I went inside and shook my head. At least I wouldn't have to think about any of them for the next several hours. The house was a wreck and badly needed cleaning. I tiptoed upstairs to check on Melissa. The door made a soft creaking noise as I opened it a crack. Wrapped around her like a blanket was Joey.
I closed
her door while shaking my head. I did not understand other girls and their choices. Luckily I didn't have to. I just had to be there to listen. I went back downstairs and grabbed a trash bag and got to work.
7
Melissa and I had gotten the house into (near) perfect condition by Sunday afternoon when her mom came home. While we were cleaning she told me the events leading up to Joey being welcomed back into her bed. She spared no gory detail about their second hook up, either, much to my dismay.
I wanted to talk with her too about Davis High’s Lone Wolves, but I wasn't really sure what I was going to say about them. Did I tell her that I thought I had romantic feelings for all of them? Did I tell her that I thought it was mutual? To my own brain it sounded crazy and yet when we got to school on Monday there was a note in my locker from Billy.
Ruby,
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I suck at poetry
But I want to hang out w U
Meet me in the library during lunch.
Billy
The note had made me smile but it did nothing to calm my nerves as I took my bagged lunch up to the library later that day to find Billy. At first glance I didn't see him so I walked along the perimeter. There were little pockets of study areas hidden between bookshelves so it was likely he could've been in one of those. I paused when I got to the furthest, most private corner, and Billy was sitting there, earbuds in.
His eyes were closed and his hands were resting on his stomach, his fingers playing a soft beat on his t-shirt. I watched him for a minute before bumping into the table and taking a seat across from him.
He tugged out his earbuds and smiled. "Hey, Ruby. So I see you got my note?"
I nodded. "Very cute."
He grinned. "Yeah? Thanks." He nodded towards my lunch. "Whatcha got?"
The bag crinkled as I opened it and started taking things out. "Hm, a sandwich, a bag of Doritos, a soda, and Oreos. Good old American lunch."
He chuckled, but his eyes remained glued to the cookies. "I haven't had a lunch like that since I was four."
I slid the Oreos across the table towards him. "Want these?"
His eyes darted between the cookies and my face. "Are you sure?"
I nodded. "Yeah, I usually put them back in my book bag. I'm not a big chocolate fan."
He gasped loudly. "What?!"
I chuckled and shrugged. "I know, I'm a freak."
"I don't mind the freaks. Especially your kind." His eyes seemed to twinkle at me, causing my cheeks to burn. "More chocolate for me." He opened the package and shoved one in his mouth. I smiled and started on my sandwich.
"So why the secret meeting in the library?"
He leaned back and put his hands back on his abs. I tried to keep my eyes from roaming but he was so broad. It had me wondering what exactly he looked like without the white t-shirt. "All of the other guys have had Ruby time one-on-one except me."
I raised a brow. "Why do you need one-on-one Ruby time?"
"Because I can help you."
"Help me with what?"
"Getting what you really want."
"Oh?" I laughed a little. "And how do you know what I really want?"
"I'm good like that. I have a knack for knowing exactly what people want."
"Okay." I said, taking a break from the sandwich to crack open my soda and take a drink. I offered it to him too and he gladly accepted, gulping some down. "What does my cousin Melissa want?"
"She's the one you sit with at lunch?" he asked, back to his relaxed state. I nodded. "She wants to be loved and cherished. She also wants to change that dude Joey into a stand up guy, which won't work, by the way, because he's rebelling against society. He's afraid of everyone seeing him for what he really is."
"Mm," I said, not sure I believed anything that was coming out of Billy's mouth. "And what's that?"
"Micropenis."
My sandwich became lodged in my throat and I started to cough, my body trying to get it out of my windpipe. Billy came around the table and beat on my back with his hand. A little soda washed it down and I gasped for breath. "What?" I said, looking up at him as he remained standing behind me.
He leaned over, his hands on either side of table, and brought his lips to my ear. "Micropenis," he whispered, his voice sending tingles of excitement through my whole body. I pressed my lips together and held really still. Was he going to be the one to kiss me first? Silly Billy with his long hair, playful eyes, and his expressive eyebrows?
He moved back to his seat, and I was slightly disappointed. He ate another cookie, a grin on his lips.
"How do you know that?" I asked, trying to bring the conversation back to a normal place. A place where I wasn't about to spurt out a demand that he quit teasing me and deliver on the goods. Which is something I would never normally say, but having four guys flirting with you does things to the brain.
"I told you, Ruby, I'm good like that."
"Fine. What do I want?"
He took another sip of the soda and then leaned forward, his hands clasped, his elbows supporting him. "To feel like you belong. To feel special. And you want to be loved, unconditionally, for who you are."
I rolled my eyes. "Everyone wants that, Billy."
"Sure, but I know that yours stems from your father."
I felt as if I'd been stunned with a taser. I heard the sounds of students typing away on the computer melt away. My father. I didn't want to think about him. Not here. If I thought of him while I was sitting in the library or looking at Billy then I would always associate the two. My father was an asshole, plain and simple. He didn't deserve my thoughts or attention especially not after he... I licked my lips and began to pack up my things. "You're not as good at this as you thought you were," I said, lying. I wasn't lying to hurt him, I was lying to protect myself. "Mine stems from a dead mother. That's why I'm here. Nice try though."
His chair made a loud noise as it crashed to the floor behind him. He hurried and grabbed me before I could make my escape. "Hey. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." He pulled me in against his chest and even though I hated him for picking at the one place I tried to keep hidden I let myself melt against him. I couldn't help the tears that fell and the sobs that came from my throat. "Ruby, I'm sorry," he continued to murmur as he held me and stroked my hair. "He is the one missing out. He's a fool."
My plan to corner Steven had been thwarted by Billy's uncanny ability to look into people's souls and pull out their deepest darkest secrets. I cried on him for awhile and then he snuck me to the lady's room. I had tried to fix my face but my eyes were puffy and swollen. When I came out I told him I was going to cut the rest of the day and head home. He insisted on cutting with me and gave me a ride home.
We watched Gossip Girl repeats on Netflix and ate junk food for a few hours. After a break he stood up. "Well, time to go back." He held his hand out to me and I stared at it.
"What do you mean?" I asked, moving my hand towards his.
"Drama club, silly. The theater is finally cleaned up. Let's go."
I pulled my hand back and crossed my arms over my chest like a petulant child. "No. I'm not going to drama club."
He groaned and rolled his eyes. "This again? Ruby, we won't make you act! At the party the guys and I kind of slipped into your room."
"What?!" I hadn't meant for it to come out as a scream. Not that there was anything seriously personal lying around, but there could have been. The only thing lining the walls were my hand-drawn posters. I loved writing encouraging notes to myself and decorating them. "How would you guys felt if I perused around your rooms? You know what, I will. I'm going to. And to punish you all I'm definitely not going to drama club today or... Ever!"
He sighed. "You have an eye for design, Ruby. Can you build the sets or do the costumes or the lighting? Something?"
"No."
"Alright. If you change your mind..."
"I won't." I stood up and showed him to the front door
, it was the manners again, I couldn't help them. "Thanks for the ride home."
He slowly made his way to the door and stood there for a long moment, staring down at me. I looked for awhile but broke the stare when a car pulled up next to Billy's truck. Melissa and Joey climbed out. They'd barely made it a few feet up the driveway when he pulled her into him, his eyes on the two of us, kissing Melissa as if he needed her oxygen to breathe.
I made a sound of disgust and looked away. The day was just getting worse.
"You know if you come to drama club you won't have to hear any of what's going to happen upstairs."
"I have other things I can do, Billy."
"But none as fun as watching auditions."
Billy's cell buzzed in his pocket. He answered it, still blocking the doorway. "Hey. Yeah, I'm at Ruby's. I'm trying to get her to come but she's resisting. Yeah, she's fine. She had lunch with me and then she wasn't feeling well so I brought her home. You sure? Okay." He hung up and smiled. "Alright, well, I'm off. Last chance."
I glanced at Melissa and Joey, tongues dancing, hands groping in public. They were getting closer. I weighed my options carefully and then decided to take the least offensive one. At least if I were at drama club I could get some homework done and secretly stare at the Lone Wolves.
"Fine. I'm coming."
By the time we arrived the auditions were already in full swing. I sat in the middle of the auditorium and pulled my books from my backpack. Once Billy took his seat at the table up front the others turned around and glanced at me. All of them giving a greeting except for Jason. He glared and turned his attention back to the girl on stage singing Look at Me, I'm Sandra Dee. She was pretty good.
I tried my hardest to concentrate on my school work, but I kept getting sucked in by auditions. There were lots of really good singers in this school. After fifteen or so girls had sung the guys called a break and let them know they'd be reading for their parts afterwards.
