by Olivia Janae
“Really?” Vivian leaned forward, fascinated, her long fingers toying idly with the stem of her glass in a way that drew Kate’s attention over and over again.
She sipped her water again and, ready to not talk about herself for a while, turned the tables on Vivian. “So. If we’re getting personal, then I hope it’s all right that I’m asking: how did a deaf person end up in the world of classical music?”
If Vivian caught the abrupt topic change, then she chose to respect it. “I come from a large family of musicians. My mother is a harpist; my father was an oboist. My grandmother was a concert pianist, and my grandfather was a flautist. In the Kensington line, the firstborn always takes after the grandmother. My family expected me to pick up the piano, so much so that her grand piano was my mother’s birth announcement gift. Once my family discovered that I would soon be deaf, things became a bit difficult for everyone. They didn’t know what to do with me, and their solution was to do very little of anything. I spent my life as the one in the family without music. As I got older, I began to work on the executive side. It just seemed the natural thing to do. It was the only way that I could be involved in my family’s business.”
“Is it difficult?”
“Yes,” Vivian said simply. “It is hard to be taken seriously when I can’t remember what music sounds like, not really.”
“So you weren’t born deaf?”
“No. I was hard of hearing from birth, but I didn’t completely lose the ability to hear until I was seven.”
The server interrupted. “Excuse me, are you ready to order?”
They placed their orders and fell back into conversation. This was nothing like what Kate had expected dinner with the crocodile to be. She was pleased to find that Vivian was kind, even funny. Though Kate kept waiting for the change, for her to ice over, Vivian only asked questions about Max and made Kate laugh until her sides hurt with stories of the silly ways people treated her once they knew she was deaf.
Surprisingly, it was easy, like breathing.
Once dinner was through, they sat for a while, simply talking over their empty plates. “Would you like to take a walk?” Vivian asked as they stepped outside.
“Sure, um, assuming you want to.”
“What was that?”
Kate said it again, but Vivian still didn’t seem to understand.
A look of slight frustration passed over Vivian’s face as she put her hands on Kate’s shoulders, holding her still.
A little taken aback and nervous, Kate spoke again.
Vivian smiled a little, her hands dropping away as she gave her a small nod. “Come with me.” She led Kate down the busy street in silence before they stepped around the corner and onto another that was absolutely bustling with commotion.
The Gershwin piece “Rhapsody in Blue” came to mind as the pedestrians wound in and out of each other in a constant frenzy to get from point A to point B. Technicolor lights beamed down at them from each restaurant and shop they passed, music blaring from buildings as their heels clicked, singing along with the song called nightlife.
Glancing at Vivian, Kate couldn’t help but wonder what exactly it felt like for her. Could she feel the pulse of the city without hearing the screaming patrons, taxi horns, and crooning of street performers? Or did the energy feel different to her? She decided, for now, that was far too personal a question to ask.
“This street is Michigan Avenue.” Kate was surprised to see that, for the first time that evening, one of Vivian’s hands slowly began to move, speaking in her own natural language as she simultaneously did her best with Kate’s. “If you go that way” – she softly touched the small of Kate’s back to turn her – “you hit what is called the Magnificent Mile. It’s the best shopping and probably one of the biggest tourist locations of the city. That is where Water Tower Place and the Hancock Center are located. It’s highly recommended for when you are entertaining out-of-town guests.” Vivian took her elbow again, guiding her up a flight of wide stairs and into a huge plaza. “See that building there?” She pointed to a tall building shaped at the top by two connected V’s, one inverted atop the other, a large gash down the center splitting the point at the top and the bottom. “A few call it the Diamond Building, but most know it as the Vagina Building.”
“What?” Kate laughed. It didn’t take a lot of imagination to see where it got its nickname, but she wasn’t sure if she was more distracted by the name or by the sign that Vivian had used for the word “vagina.”
Vivian gave her a knowing smirk. “It’s actually the Crain Communications Building, but the nickname makes the locals laugh.” Kate watched in amazement as Vivian quickly and easily spelled out names that seemed as though they should be crippling. “And this,” Vivian pointed in front of them, the fingers at Kate’s back giving a small nudge, “is the Bean.”
Kate looked around, blinking, realizing she had no idea when she had last looked away from the transfixing woman but sure that it had been a good, long while. As soon as she did, her mouth dropped open. The giant sculpture was a huge mirror shaped like, well, exactly what it was called: a bean set on its side so it bowed in an arch tall enough to comfortably walk under. It was clear that in the daylight the sculpture would capture a mirrored image of the sky and anyone who stood close to it. Now, after the sun had set, the sculpture exploded into vibrant yellows, whites, and golds as it reflected back to them every light in the surrounding skyline.
“This is amazing, Vivian.” Kate smiled at their reflection; Vivian was standing close, her hand still feather-light on the small of Kate’s back, apparently pleased with her reaction. Kate wondered if the hand was there for the simple sake of keeping track of her, or perhaps gallantry. Either way, she realized that she could feel its warm print even through her dress, which sent a tingle up her spine and into her face. She caught Vivian’s eye in the mirrored statue and let out a small laugh. This was not what she had expected from the night.
After another few moments, Vivian smiled and led them into the walkway that flowed underneath the arch. Kate grinned like a gleeful child as she looked up at the elongated versions of themselves that reflected before shooting into strange patterns like a kaleidoscope. She watched Vivian begin to speak, noticing that once again she had seamlessly transitioned to one-handed Sign instead of two.
“It’s actually called ‘Cloud Gate,’ though I have never known anyone to use that name. It’s my favorite.”
Kate made a silly face into their reflection, stretching her lips into something grotesque, and Vivian gave a beautiful chuckle. The sound of it stopped Kate, her obscene face fading. It had been so light, so free from constraints, and hearing it made Kate’s heart beat a little faster. “I can see why this is your favorite.”
After they were through admiring the statue, they took a seat on a bench nearby.
“I like it at night, but I think it’s best when it’s about to rain. The sky turns black and it makes it look almost dangerous.”
The two fell silent, watching as tourists ran through the walkway, children made faces, families took pictures. Behind them, Kate heard the sudden scat of a trumpet, and then the player smoothly melted into a soft jazz number. The notes were gentle and smooth as silk.
Kate closed her eyes to enjoy the dichotomy of the horn behind them and the loud honking of the traffic on the opposite side of the plaza.
“Are you all right, Ms. Flynn?”
Kate’s eyes opened, and she smiled serenely. “There’s a trumpet behind us playing ‘It Never Entered My Mind.’ It’s one of my favorites.”
Vivian turned, her eyes growing momentarily sad as she watched him play. “What does he sound like?”
Kate frowned a little. “He’s pretty good, actually.”
“No.” Vivian held her chin so that Kate couldn’t turn her mouth away. “I mean, what do you hear? What does it sound like?”
Kate understood, but still, she wasn’t sure that she was able to explain. How did you explain w
hat music sounded like? What could she say that Vivian could understand? “Blue.”
Vivian’s eyes blinked once, and Kate was again struck by their beauty, by the soulful richness of them. “What?”
Kate blushed. “That was stupid.”
“No.” Vivian started, her head shaking. “Please. Continue.”
She opened her mouth, not wanting to feel foolish, but Vivian gave her an encouraging smile, her fingers still lightly on her chin.
Suddenly Kate didn’t care if she sounded stupid. She let her eyes stay open, but her mind drifted back to the music, the car horns, the screaming children falling to the background as she listened, letting the music take over, reminding her of just how much she loved her career, how much she loved music.
“It sounds like water. It’s, I don’t know, it’s rich and smooth, like swirling, maybe the way that steam twists up from a cup of coffee or the way that the Chicago River twists through downtown. Only, they’re using a stop mute, so there’s a hushed feeling to it, a pressure, a desperation. It’s like, I don’t know, cobalt, only it’s darker at the edges. Sad. It’s… lonesome, but it’s beautiful. It sounds… I don’t know, it sounds how blue makes you feel, warm and relaxed and yet sad and alone.” She gave a small ridiculing laugh as she looked back to Vivian’s face. The woman was focused on her so thoroughly, her eyes watching her lips move so intensely that Kate wanted to say more, she wanted to paint her a better picture. “It feels… it feels like Chicago, you know? The way the city feels when you… when you’re lonely.”
“Are you lonely, Kate?”
Her answer was automatic. “Isn’t everyone?”
Vivian’s lips parted, a depressed kind of understanding in her eyes, and Kate knew in that moment that Vivian was every bit as alone as she was. The realization wasn’t startling; instead it was soothing. She smiled a little at Vivian, and the corners of Vivian’s deep red lips curled up just a bit. After a long moment, Vivian’s hand gently left Kate’s chin. As if realizing she was staring, she looked down at her hands. “Thank you, Kate. That was… that was beautiful.”
The silence was different now, comfortable and yet thick. The trumpet sang out its last few notes and with it Kate let out a deep breath. “Max would love this.”
Vivian studied her frankly for a moment; the smile that formed was slow and thoughtful. “Let’s bring him.”
“What?” She jumped like she had been goosed.
“The day after tomorrow. Let’s bring him here. We can have a picnic in the park.”
Kate flushed, her heart picking up pace again. If this had been a romantic date instead of an apology date, she would have just had the rare and pleasurable experience of being asked on a second before the first had officially ended.
“Are you sure? I mean, Max can be a lot. He’s very good – awesome, even – but he’s, you know, three.”
Vivian shook her head firmly. “Max is adorable.” She silently repeated a motion for emphasis that Kate imagined meant “adorable.”
Kate’s teeth caught her lip, curiosity bubbling. “Will you show me something?”
“What do you mean?”
“Sign Language. I’ve been watching you since we left the restaurant and it’s beautiful. Teach me how to say something?”
Vivian almost succeeded at looking bashful. “What would you like to learn?”
“How about my name?”
Vivian didn’t hesitate a moment before she flexed her hand, her index and middle fingers standing straight in the air while her thumb sat between them. Then she turned and softly bounced her middle finger under her eye.
“That means Kate?”
“In a way, Ms. Flynn. It means you.”
Why was she blushing again? She shifted on the bench. “Explain?”
The corner of Vivian’s lips twitched. “Well, every deaf person has what is called a ‘sign name.’ It saves us from having to spell the person’s name out each time they are referenced and it shows… familiarity.”
“How do you get one?”
“A deaf person has to give it to you. That is something of an unspoken rule. They choose a characteristic of yours and base the name off of that.”
“What’s yours?”
“I have two. I have a professional one which I most commonly use.” She spread her index and middle finger and softly bounced the two off of her jaw. “That one is very generic.”
“Then what’s your other one? No, you have to tell me!” Kate insisted when she saw Vivian hesitate.
Spreading her fingers again, Vivian laughed, obviously embarrassed when she put her spread fingertips to her chin.
“What does it mean?”
This time it was Vivian’s turn to twist with discomfort. “Something wholly inappropriate that refers to my sexuality. I have tried to change it more than once, but it seems I cannot break Charlie of the habit.”
Kate smiled. “Show me again.”
“Ms. Flynn!” Vivian sighed, exasperated.
“Show me.”
“It’s highly inappropriate, Kate!”
Kate just waited.
Vivian made the sign again, and Kate copied Vivian a few times before, giggling, she asked Vivian to show her how to do her own name again. Softly Vivian took her hand and scooted in close, molding her fingers until they matched the shape Vivian had made. “Wait, what does it mean?”
Vivian smiled, dousing her with that intense stare again. “It refers to your eyes.”
“My eyes?” Kate couldn’t help the grin.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Vivian smiled radiantly. “Because you have the purest green eyes I think I have ever seen. They sparkle, always. They’re beautiful.”
Kate’s mouth fell open, and she tried hard to slow her tap-dancing heart. She could tell that Vivian had said it to gauge her reaction, but she wasn’t sure what she was looking for. She said in a rush, “Show me something else. Something simple.”
“Shall we try the alphabet?” Vivian leaned in again, shaping Kate’s fingers. Kate couldn’t help but be utterly and completely focused on the feeling of Vivian’s arm and shoulder pressing lightly against hers, of Vivian’s hands cupped delicately around her own.
Finally, the hour growing far later than Kate had planned, the two stood and started back toward the train platform.
“Do you take the ‘L’?” Kate asked.
“Actually, I live a few blocks from here, just off of Grant Park.”
Kate nodded, impressed.
They stood together, Kate feeling mildly self-conscious as she tried to think of something to say.
“Sunday?” Vivian leaned against the post for the Red Line train, her arms casually crossed, the picture of ease.
“Yeah. I think that would be fun.”
“A few of the WCCE players are putting on a concert in the park that afternoon. Do you think Max would like that?”
“I think he would love it!”
“Good.”
“Okay well, I, uh—”
“Thank you for inviting me out tonight, Kate.”
Startled by something in Vivian’s voice, she looked up. Vivian’s face had not changed, her eyes scrutinized her as they always seemed to, and her tone was light, and yet Kate felt as though Vivian was saying so much more than simply her words.
“The effort meant a great deal to me.”
Her mouth fell open, but, unsure of how to respond, Kate just nodded, wondering if she should thank her again for paying.
Vivian’s eyes moved over her face again, slightly narrowed in concentration. Kate felt her skin begin to itch, unsure of what Vivian was looking at or looking for. “And thank you for the song.”
Her voice was smooth as black coffee, and Kate felt her heart and stomach react, the blush coming before she could stop it. “No problem.”
Vivian just silently watched her for a few moments.
“Kay, so,” Kate finally stumbled, “I guess I’ll see you then. Wait, do
you have my phone number?”
Vivian laughed. “Katelyn, I’m your boss. Of sorts, anyway. Of course I do.”
“Right. Duh. Dumb.” Kate groaned, but she couldn’t be too embarrassed, she had been distracted by the new sign name.
“Okay, well …” Kate wanted to reach forward, but instead, she shuffled backward, descending a few of the platform steps. “Goodnight.”
Vivian cocked her eyebrow. “Goodnight, Ms. Flynn.”
Heart fluttering, Kate did her best not to look back but failed. Of course, those chocolate eyes were still pinned on her as Vivian remained in her spot at the top of the stairs. Kate blushed and hurried around the corner.
When she arrived home, she melted onto the couch, dazed. That… had been unexpected.
She ran her hand over her stomach self-consciously, aware that it was still fluttering an hour after she had left the evening behind.
She stared up at the patterns on her ceiling in awe, fairly thunderstruck. That night… her night had been absolutely out of the park.
6
Kate awoke the next morning, her mind swirling with shades of blue. Before she was even fully awake, she smiled, her fingers gently touching her lips.
Then she realized that she could hear Max speaking to… someone. She wrenched her heavy eyelids open and frowned at the ceiling, waiting for her brain to start running at its normal speed. He wasn’t on the phone, because that was still charging on her bedside table. Plus, who would he call? The odds were he was having a conversation with his TV buddies again. He often spoke to his favorite cartoons.
She rolled over and clutched the pillow to her face, desperate for just a few more minutes of sweet, sweet slumber… and then she sat bolt upright, her brain finally beginning to whir.
No, he wasn’t trying to communicate with his favorite cartoon characters through the TV. When he did that, he spoke in a mumbled confusion that even Kate could not understand.
She lunged; her first panicked thought was to grab the baseball bat that her past and the drug dealers downstairs had taught her to keep between the wall and the mattress. Her hand was just closing around the Louisville Slugger when she heard Max say, “You talk funny.”
