by Olivia Janae
“Ash,” Kate hissed, embarrassed, as she pushed Ash into an isolated corner. “Meaning sex, right? Do you think I’m an idiot? I understand that when you say ‘adult time’ you really mean sex.”
“That’s total bullshit, Kate.”
Kate crossed her arms over her chest, staring her down. She wasn’t stupid.
“No! I didn’t mean that!” Ash glared back. “I mean, yes, no, I dunno. Just us, I mean.”
“If you don’t want to spend time with my son and me …”
“No.” Ash rolled her eyes. “That’s not, ugh, that’s not what I mean.”
“Then what the hell do you mean? You were just on me to let you hang out with Max!”
“How are we supposed to date like that? I get it, I do, but there needs to be more.”
Kate’s first reaction was to rebuff her. She was really saying ‘I deserve more,’ and that rubbed Kate the wrong way. This didn’t matter. That was the annoying thing. This didn’t matter if she could just get Ash alone. Kate groaned, exasperated. She turned a little, her calm giving way to anger.
“Hey, don’t fuckin’ turn away from me. It’s fuckin’ rude,” Ash said, moving to put herself right back in Kate’s direct line of vision. “What did I already tell you?”
Kate glowered back. She had no idea what Ash was talking about.
“That day at the concert. What did I say?” Ash went on without letting Kate speak. “Obviously, you don’t remember, so I’ll say it again. Look at me,” she said, when once again Kate turned away, livid that this talk was happening at all, let alone this way. “Do me a favor, okay? I need you to really pay attention to me right now, yeah? I need you to stop fuckin’ around with Vivian because that woman is a bitch, all right?”
“Ash!” Kate exploded. “This is not junior high! You don’t get to tell me who my friends can be. You don’t get to control me like that, Ash!”
“Really, bruh? Fuckin’ really? Because I would do that for you. Okay? If you felt uncomfortable or if someone was trying to ruin our relationship, I would straight up drop them.”
“Are you kidding me right now? How? How is Vivian trying to do that?” Kate was getting caught up in a useless argument. She could see herself doing it, but she couldn’t seem to stop it. “This is not how being an adult works! Why do you think she’s so terrible? Because she dumped you? Something which, by the way, you didn’t bother to tell me.”
“Whoa!” Ash cried, her hands clapping together loud enough to make everyone around them jump. “She did not break up with me. I don’t get broken up with, okay? Remember that, all right?”
She stared for a moment, unsure how to take that. Was that a veiled threat or a cocky promise? Either way, it lit a fire in her, and she was suddenly much more enthusiastic about doing exactly that. “What the hell does that mean, Ash?”
“What? No.” Ash’s shoulder slumped, and she grew awkward, her fingers toying with a dread. “That sounded bad. That wasn’t—”
“Look, I need to be done with this conversation now. I can’t believe all of this.”
“No! Nuh-uh, we’re not done talking!” Ash hissed, not allowing Kate to leave the corner. “I didn’t tell you about Vivian because I didn’t think it mattered.”
“You really didn’t think that was important for me to know? Really?”
“No, it was whatever! We just fucked a few times, but she was one hundred percent fooling around with her best friend,” she spat. “She was cheating on me. Okay? But you’re all, ‘Ooh, you’re the one who was wrong.’ And everyone says I’m the player. Fuckin’ whatever, man, it’s crap. That’s so typical. You think whatever you want.”
Kate’s mouth had fallen open. She hadn’t known that Vivian and Charlie had ever been romantic partners. Her stomach tossed and turned at the thought. When? For how long? Were they now?
“Okay. So, why didn’t you tell me? I mean, it’s only weird because Vivian was the one to tell me.”
“And I bet she was all too happy to do that for you, wasn’t she?”
“Ash. Calm down a bit, all right? I’m just asking. I’m not attacking you or accusing you. You don’t need to be defensive.”
“It wasn’t important. We didn’t have a real connection; not like we do.”
“Oh yeah?” Kate wasn’t listening all that much, her hand running through her hair, her stomach stressed. She was thinking of Camille, the woman she had met on her bar date with Ash. She was thinking of how much more she had enjoyed that random stranger’s company that Ash. She was wondering why she hadn’t gone with her that night instead of Ash. She frowned. Looking back, that woman had reminded her of someone. Who was it? She couldn’t put her finger on it. Either way, she had been far more interesting that Ash.
“Yes. Which is why you should ditch your friends and come out with me. You don’t need friends like that.”
“Ash! You don’t get to tell me who I can be friends with! Are you kidding? Stop it, please.”
“Then what do I get?” Their voices had grown a little cooler, a little softer, but now they sharpened again as their annoyance spiked. Ash reached out, pulling Kate in by the ribs, her hands running possessively over Kate’s sides. “One of these nights, Katie, I’ll get you to myself.”
Kate pulled away. Her hands were shaking, her heart racing, and much to her annoyance, her eyes burned, like any moment she might give in to frustrated tears. That was not something she wanted to do right now, but how did Ash think any of this was appropriate or okay? She was acting like a self-centered teenager. It was… it was gross. “You know what? I gotta go. People are waiting for me. This …” She shook her head. “We’ll talk about this another time.” She turned, grabbed her things, and scowled. “And it’s Kate.”
Her teeth were grinding as she started toward the basement door. Below the stage was a series of instrument lockers, used mostly by members of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra, the WCCE, and freelancers who happened to be in the building. She didn’t like to leave her cello anywhere, even behind lock and key, but if she was going out then she didn’t have a choice.
She was still grumbling as she put her cello into one of the larger lockers. What the hell was wrong with Ash? Did women just give into her whims like that? Was that how New Age dating really was?
She closed the locker, securing it, and then leaned heavily against it. Maybe she really was too old for Ash. Maybe that was what this was. She scoffed into the silence of the concrete vault. She wasn’t even thirty, so it wasn’t that. It was just that Ash didn’t seem to understand or care in the slightest that Kate was in a different place in her life.
The door opened and Kate swallowed back a groan, seeing the huge bass being rolled in before she saw its owner. She didn’t want to do this anymore. She just wanted to get out of there and let her hair down in a stress-free environment.
Then, her stomach knotted as she thought of sitting at a bar with Charlie and Vivian, and she realized that “stress-free” would not describe her night at all.
Ash saw her standing there and glared.
Kate’s hands went up in surrender. “Can we please just not do this any more tonight? We both have places to be, right?” She said it in her softest, politest tone.
Still Ash jeered.
“Okay,” Kate said under her breath, “fine.” She started toward the door, shaking her head.
“Wait.”
Kate stopped, her hands on her hips, staring at the floor and thankful that at least this time they were alone. She had liked Ash, even thought that maybe she had liked her a lot, so she waited, giving Ash a chance to say what she wanted. She was too old for this type of behavior, but it wasn’t in Kate’s nature to refuse second chances. Everyone deserved a second chance.
Hesitantly, Ash set the bass upright, and, the human interpretation of a puppy with her tail between her legs, she made her way over to Kate. She took her hands, but Kate pulled away with a small shake of her head.
“Ash, this isn’t working.�
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“I know,” Ash sighed, her head hanging sadly. “Kate,” Ash tried again, walking her back until Kate was pressed into the lockers. “I’m sorry.”
“No, I really don’t want an ‘I’m sorry.’ I want to be done with this. This isn’t working for me, and I think—”
Ash cut her off with a kiss.
“Ash,” Kate cried, pushing her back by the shoulders. “Can you back off for a minute, please?”
Ash didn’t listen. She kissed her again, untucking Kate’s shirt so her fingers could snake under and playfully tickle her sides.
Kate didn’t respond, standing stiffly.
“Kate, I’m trying to say I’m sorry, okay?” Ash said in a low voice, giving the side of Kate’s neck a quick kiss before moving back a few inches. “I’m sorry, gorgeous, okay? Yeah? I just, I like you so much that I don’t know what to do! I feel like I’m being all crazy-pants because of it. I know I can’t tell you not to see the crocodile. Would that make me feel better? Like, a gazillion times over. Do I think that’s a reasonable thing to ask for? Totally. But I guess I don’t get to ask for that. Okay. I just …” Her hands slid back to Kate’s sides again, caressing her gently. “I’m all nuts over you, girl.”
Kate sighed, pushing her own hair back. “Ash, I don’t think we should—” But then she caught herself.
This was not the place to do this after all.
“I gotta go.”
10
Kate scanned the crowd as she moved through the busy lobby, trying to find her company for the evening.
She had expected a fight from Ash when she tried to excuse herself, but Ash had let her go with a meek and very sweet kiss and a promise that she would text her. Every time she thought she knew how Ash would respond, she was wrong. Ash had smiled so sweetly, so sincerely, when she let her go, that Kate was confused.
Her head ached.
She pushed between two patrons, glanced around, and sighed.
She didn’t want to think about it right now. She would put it aside, something she was good at, and just do her best to find her friends. Despite herself, she felt a burst of pleasure at the thought, and with that, thoughts of her fight with Ash were swept away.
Finding them was difficult to do, though, as the moment the concertgoers saw her, they stopped to shake her hand and tell her how amazing she had sounded. She smiled politely each time, understanding the politics of her job and truly happy she had brought them enjoyment.
Finally the sound of Charlie’s voice caught her as she was passing a group of old men in three-piece suits. She hesitated, searching through the crowd, and, after a second, caught sight of Vivian’s lovely aristocratic face as she spoke to a number of people. “This is Mr. and Mrs. Harold,” she was saying. “They are valuable donors to the foundation, we couldn’t survive without them. Right – right. Oh, I would say since 2001, wouldn’t you, Jonathan?”
It was kind of awesome watching this side of her, the one that wasn’t trying to kill anyone, but was all business. Kate smiled, the stone on her chest lightening, feeling a little better as she watched Vivian study the person speaking and then give a bright and wide smile.
Kate was beginning to notice a pattern in Vivian. It seemed as though she liked to use her voice as much as possible, relying on Charlie to be her ears more than her voice. For a moment, Kate wondered why that was. It couldn’t be easier. It was just another riddle that made up Vivian.
She waited until there was a pause in the conversation before softly touching Vivian’s elbow. She whispered to Charlie that she would wait for them by the stage door. Charlie nodded, signing discreetly, and Vivian nodded once, her professional mask applied in a thick dose. Kate paused before leaving, her mischievous side bubbling to the surface, a side so different from what she had just been feeling with Ash, a side of herself that was purely Kate. She wanted – just for a moment – to wipe that look that was so worthy of any political office off of Vivian’s face.
She leaned back into Charlie’s ear, hand still tightly around Vivian’s elbow. “Can you tell her that she looks goddamned fucking amazing in that dress?”
“Right now?” Charlie whispered from the corner of her mouth, her eyes affably shifting to those around her.
Kate grinned. “Yup. Word for word, please.”
“Word for word? Really?”
“Yup.”
Charlie cleared her throat and quickly signed – down by her hip, trying to keep the words private despite the fact that no one around them would know what she was saying anyway.
Kate watched Vivian’s face for her reaction. While it could have easily been missed, Kate triumphantly saw the soft spread of pink through her golden-brown cheeks. She squeezed her elbow again. “Thanks. Don’t worry, you look amazing too, Charlie.”
Kate chuckled all the way to the stage door. How could she pass up the opportunity to muss Vivian up a little when she was so well put together?
She replayed the flush across Vivian’s cheeks and laughed harder, the last dregs of Ash-related stress drifting away.
Kate was still cheerful when Vivian and Charlie exited the stage door a short while later. She had taken refuge in the small alcove, hiding from the hundreds of people who were still out and about, so they didn’t see her at first, not until Kate let out another gale of laughter and Charlie spun around.
The moment Vivian saw her, she gasped and slapped her hard on the arm, which of course only tripled Kate’s laughter. Shoulders still high, back still straight, she signed something that painted a somewhat violent picture, though her eyes were filled with laughter.
The change in Vivian was obvious as soon as they rounded the block; her mask dropped away and she grinned widely as she teased Kate about Ash.
“So you basically just left her out in the cold?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about! She was meeting friends!” Kate cried.
“Careful, Kate, she’s going to start thinking you would rather be with me than her.”
Kate just made a noncommittal sound in her throat.
“Trouble in paradise?” Charlie asked, her dark eyes twinkling.
Kate opened her mouth but snapped it closed again after a second. “Yeah, I don’t want to talk about this. So, anyway, where are we going?”
Vivian smirked at her. She pointed up the street and signed, letting Charlie speak for her. “There’s this great hole in the wall down the street that Charlie and I like. Amazing martinis.”
“Wait,” Kate said, looking from Vivian to Charlie. “Go back. What’s ‘Charlie’? Show me Charlie’s sign; I need to know that one, right?”
Vivian chuckled and cupped her hand in the way that Kate now knew stood for the letter C and made a somewhat obscene gesture.
“Why?”
Charlie rolled her eyes. “Let’s just say that’s one you’ll learn later. Vivian thought it was funny to give me that name when we were kids. It got me grounded more than once!”
“To be fair,” Vivian clipped, “it was only in response to the name that Charlie had given me.”
“So basically neither of you feels comfortable using your names in public, and yet you keep them? Because you gave them to each other?”
Vivian and Charlie exchanged amused and deeply affectionate glances.
“Riiiight,” Kate said slowly. “And follow-up question …” Her shoulders had grown stiff as she remembered what Ash had said. Were Charlie and Vivian lovers? “You’ve both mentioned growing up together.”
Vivian let out a fond chuckle as Charlie threw her arm around Vivian’s shoulder. “Charlie and her family lived a few houses down from me,” she explained through Charlie’s voice, “so we were best friends. As Charlie got older she began to learn Sign Language, something that was very rare in my life. When she was good enough, my parents started to hire her. It’s as simple as that.”
“So how long have you known one another then?”
“Twenty years or so.” Charlie shrugged.
>
“Wow.” Kate couldn’t imagine. “I’ve never had a friend longer than a few weeks! Literally ever. Jesus, twenty years. That’s amazing.” She glanced between them, watching as two very different sets of brown eyes locked and they shared a fond smile.
Kate cleared her throat and turned to look out across the traffic.
The bar was loud and, much to Kate’s surprise, filled with people whose faces she recognized, all celebrating and drinking.
She and Charlie found a table while Vivian took a moment to speak to someone by the bar.
“So, when did you two get together?” Kate asked, doing her best to hold the smile on her face.
“Who?” Charlie was only half paying attention as she glanced through the menu on the table.
“You and Vivian.”
“What?” Charlie gave a snort. “No, no, no, we’re so not together.”
“You’re not? ’Cause I heard—”
“Noooo,” Charlie laughed, shaking her head vehemently. “Viv doesn’t have the right parts for me.”
“Oh.” Kate slumped back against her seat, feeling exponentially lighter. “What?”
Charlie didn’t answer her, but smirked, eyeing her with open amusement.
Vivian slid into the booth a few moments later, and Charlie immediately called for three dirty martinis.
“Wait, are we eating or just drinking?” Kate asked, suddenly concerned for her sobriety. She had to at least be able to make it home, and home was very far away on a train that smelled nauseatingly of urine.
Vivian shrugged, batting her long eyelashes in such a way that was both playful and drool-worthy. “A little of this, a little of that.”
Kate did her best to suppress her grin at Vivian’s coy smile.
I would like to taste that smile. The thought had ghosted up out of the darkest parts of her. It startled her so badly that she slopped water down her front; her whole body gave an involuntary jerk.
Charlie and Vivian stared, eyebrows raised.
