by Amy Clipston
“Arlan didn’t have much time for me anymore once Mary became part of his life,” Chris continued, despite her sour expression. “I remember one time I asked him to go fishing with me, and he said he couldn’t because he was having supper at Mary’s parents’ haus. Another time he had to cancel his plans with me because he was going to take Mary to spend the day at a lake. I was angry, and I was hurt. In fact, I was jealous of Mary.”
Her expression warmed slightly, and he was certain he spotted tears in her eyes.
“But then I realized I had overacted.” He did his best to keep his words measured and not accusatory. “I knew in my heart that it was natural for Arlan to fall in love and to pull away from me and our parents. We’re expected to meet someone, fall in love, get married, and start a family. It’s a difficult transition, but it’s what we’re expected to do. Now Arlan is married, and Mary comes first in his life. But I know he loves our parents and me. And he’s still my best freind. We see each other at work and church, and sometimes we still go fishing. I’ll cherish the time we had together when we were younger. Our relationship has changed because we’re older now, but we’re still close. And he’s still mei bruder.”
He finished speaking, and a heavy silence filled the kitchen. Pressure built in his chest as he awaited her response.
Her eyes narrowed again as she leaned forward, her pretty face expressing more anger than before.
“What did I say wrong?” he asked.
“You think I overreacted?” She nearly spat the words at him.
He paused, uncertain how to respond.
“If I overreacted, then why have other people also noticed the change in Ephraim and Mandy?” Katie Ann’s voice rose. “Rosalyn Beiler commented that Ephraim and Mandy never have time for anyone else lately. Clara had to get the baking supplies even though it was Mandy’s turn because, she said, Mandy was too focused on Ephraim to remember them.” She pointed to her chest. “How am I the bad person when others have said the same things I’m saying?”
“I think it’s more complicated than that. I think this is just what happens when two people fall in love.”
Her angry expression remained as she stood. “You should go.”
“What?” He was stunned.
She pointed at him. “You don’t understand how I feel.”
Her furious words punched him in his gut.
“I do understand.” He sank back into his chair. “Katie Ann, I came to see you because I was worried about you. I thought about you all day, and I prayed for you all day. I care about you.” He took a deep breath. It was time to tell her how much he cared. He reached deep inside himself and found all the courage he could muster.
His hands trembled as he looked into her beautiful eyes. “In fact, I wanted to tell you that I love you.”
Her eyes widened for a fraction of a moment, and then they narrowed one more time.
He sucked in a breath, awaiting a response, but she remained silent. He’d made a huge mistake. From her reaction, it was apparent the feeling wasn’t mutual. The betrayal paralyzed him for a moment as he tried to recover.
He pushed back the chair and stood. “I’m sorry I came. Goodbye.”
She stared up at him, a tear tracing her pink cheek.
He started for the door, his heart heavy and the weight of his disappointment and hurt bogging his steps.
When he’d made it outside, Chris looked up at the sky and shook his head. Not only had he misinterpreted Katie Ann’s feelings for him, but he’d also stuck his nose in where it didn’t belong. He’d pushed Katie Ann away by telling her she’d overreacted, and the pain of her rejection crushed him.
Chris climbed into his buggy and guided his horse toward the road. Maybe somehow Katie Ann would realize he truly loved her. All he could do was pray for her and beg God to fix what had broken between them.
Katie Ann covered her face with her hands as sobs choked her. She’d lost three of the people she most cared for—Ephraim, Chris, and Mandy—in just a matter of hours. She folded her arms on the table and tried to calm herself as her tears continued to flow. Her mother’s and Chris’s words echoed through her mind, and soon guilt became a snake that twisted her insides.
What is wrong with me?
Maybe she had been too harsh with Mandy, and perhaps she had overreacted. But if that were true, why had her angry feelings overcome her? Didn’t her feelings matter too?
As her tears subsided, she began to whisper a prayer. “I don’t know what to do, Lord. I’m afraid I’ve lost three of the people I love the most in this world. Please help me figure out how to fix these broken relationships. Guide my heart, Lord, and help me make things right.”
A calmness covered her heart, and she knew that with God’s help, she’d fix things—somehow.
Katie Ann stepped into Emma’s empty kitchen. She set a container of chocolate chip cookies on the counter, and when she felt Hank rub on her leg, she bent and rubbed his head.
“Katie Ann,” Emma announced as she walked into the room. “It’s so gut to see you. How are you? Have you worked things out with Mandy and Ephraim? They haven’t said.”
Katie Ann shook her head as tears filled her eyes. “No. I’ve wanted to apologize to them ever since we argued a few days ago, but they’ve been avoiding me, and I don’t know what to say anyway.” Her throat had thickened so much, her words barely squeezed out. “I’m so embarrassed. I realized Chris was right when he told me I overreacted, and now I’m afraid they’ll never forgive me. It took all my courage just to come here today, assuming they would be here.” She sniffed as a tear slipped down her cheek.
“Of course they’ll forgive you.” Emma led her to the table. They sat down on opposite sides, and Emma leaned in to take her hand. “They love you. They’ll forgive you as soon as you tell them you’re sorry.”
“But what if they don’t?” Katie Ann hated the whine in her voice. Ephraim was right. Too often she thought of herself before anyone else, and that had to change.
“They will.” Emma squeezed her hand. “When I first started dating Henry, my best friend, Sally, was jealous too. She and I had a falling-out, and we didn’t talk for about a week. Then she apologized, and I told her she’d always be my best freind. As I told you a few weeks ago, we’re still close to this day.” She smiled. “Mandy loves you. She won’t give up on you. And neither will Ephraim.”
Katie Ann wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. “You think so?”
“Ya, I know so.” Emma pointed to the back door. “They’re already out working in the garden. Go talk to them now.”
“Okay.” Katie Ann walked out to the porch and saw where Ephraim and Mandy were, side by side. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, she walked down the steps and to the garden. When she approached their row, she slowed her steps, silently hoping Emma was right.
Ephraim stood up straight and faced her, his expression warmer than she’d expected. Had he missed her as much as she’d missed him these past few days?
“May I please talk to you?” Katie Ann fingered her black apron as she came to a stop in front of him and Mandy. Her heart seemed caught in her throat as she studied them.
“Ya.” Ephraim glanced at Mandy and then back at Katie Ann.
“I want to apologize.” Her voice sounded shaky as guilt chewed on her stomach. “I was wrong to yell at both of you, and I’m really sorry. I’ve been immature, selfish, and mean. I’m froh that you found each other, and I realize that I need to back off and give you both space. I miss both of you, and I hope you can forgive me.”
“I’m sorry too,” Ephraim said. “I was too hard on you, and I was thoughtless. I’m sorry for all the terrible things I said.”
“You are?”
To her surprise, Ephraim smiled. “Of course I am. You’re my baby schweschder. I don’t want to lose you. You’re important to me.” He pulled her in for a quick hug.
“You’re important to me, too, Ephraim.” Then Katie Ann turned to Mand
y. “I really miss you.”
“I miss you too.” Mandy hugged her. “I’m sorry for being a bad freind. I’ll try harder.” Mandy sniffed and wiped her eyes. “And I realized you were right. I have alienated our freinden, and I haven’t done my part with the garden. I’ve been too focused on Ephraim, and I need to find some balance. Also, I did ignore you, and I promise I’ll do better.” She smiled through her tears. “I want to hear all about Chris. Let’s get together tonight and talk, okay? Just us maed. No buwe.”
Katie Ann shook her head as dread poured through her. “There’s nothing to talk about. Chris is upset with me.”
“What happened?” Mandy’s eyes widened.
“I argued with him too. I think it’s over between us.” Katie Ann bit back the bitter taste of regret.
“I think you’re wrong.” Mandy pointed past her. “He’s watching you right now. Look.”
Katie Ann spun and spotted Chris standing by the porch. He raised his hand and waved, and she returned the gesture.
“Go.” Mandy gave her a little nudge. “Talk to him. We’ll talk later. I promise.”
“Okay.” Katie Ann’s heart thumped as she hurried across the porch. “Hi.”
“Hi.” Chris nodded toward the barn. “Can you talk?”
“Ya.” Anxiety curdled in her stomach as she walked beside him. She followed him inside the barn and then faced him. “I’m so sorry about what I said.”
“It’s okay.” He touched her arm. “I’m sorry for coming on too strong.”
“It’s not you.” She shook her head. “I was immature and selfish. Everything you said was right. I did overreact, and I’m sorry.” She looked into his kind eyes. “I understand if you want to break up with me, but I can’t stand the thought of losing you. Please forgive me.”
“Of course I forgive you.” He cupped his hand to her cheek, and she leaned into his touch. “I’m just sorry that I hurt you. I only wanted to help.”
“You did help.” She blinked back tears. “You made me realize how wrong I’ve been about everything. I apologized to Ephraim and Mandy, and they forgave me. Mandy said she’s going to make time for me, and we’re going to talk more later. Danki for making me realize that my relationship with her and Ephraim will change, but I won’t lose them. I guess relationships are like gardens. We need to water them and weed them to keep them healthy, and then they’ll continue to grow. It takes dedication and work, but it’s worth it.”
He smiled as he rubbed her cheek. “That’s very true.”
She studied his handsome face as she recalled their last conversation. “Did you mean what you said?”
“Did I mean what?”
“When you said you loved me?”
He nodded. “Of course I meant it.”
“Gut.” She smiled. “Because I love you too.”
Leaning down, Chris brushed his lips against hers, and the butterflies in her stomach crashed together. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the feel of his kiss, his warmth wrapping around her like a comfortable blanket.
“Ich liebe dich,” he whispered in her ear, and his breath stirred the tiny hairs on her neck.
“I love you too,” she said. “Danki for believing in me.”
On Sunday afternoon, Katie Ann smiled as she sat on a grassy hill next to Mandy while Chris and Ephraim played volleyball with youth group members.
“It’s the perfect day.” Mandy tented her hand over her eyes.
“Ya, it is.” Katie Ann looked at her. “I’m so froh we worked things out. I really did miss you.”
“I missed you too.” Mandy touched Katie Ann’s arm. “I promise I won’t let anything come between us again. If you start to feel like I’m pulling away, let me know, okay?”
“I will.” Katie Ann looked at the makeshift volleyball court on the Beiler family’s meadow. Chris served the ball with a perfect flourish.
Mandy scooted closer to Katie Ann. “How are things with Chris?”
“Great.” Katie Ann felt her smile widen. “I’ve never been happier.” Her thoughts turned to Mandy’s relationship with her brother. Even if it might be awkward, she should ask. “How about you and Ephraim?”
Mandy shrugged and then laughed. “Perfect.”
“Great.”
They talked about their boyfriends for a few minutes until the volleyball game broke up and the men joined them.
Chris dropped down beside Katie Ann on the grass. “Were you impressed by my volleyball skills?” He took a drink from the bottle of water she’d kept for him.
“Of course.” She rested her head on his shoulder, and Chris kissed the top of her head.
She smiled up at him and then glanced at Mandy and Ephraim, who were so obviously in love.
Closing her eyes, she silently thanked God, not just for the opportunity to serve her community with the special garden, but because he’d used it to bring her and Chris together.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1.Katie Ann feels invisible when Ephraim and Mandy are together. Think of a time when you felt lost and alone. Where did you find your strength? What Bible verses would help?
2.Chris tries to encourage Katie Ann to accept how her relationship with her brother is changing by sharing a story of how his relationship with his brother changed when Arlan started dating and then got married. Can you relate to his story? Share this with the group.
3.The youth in Emma’s community started a garden in memory of her late husband and to raise money for the local homeless shelter. Have you ever been involved in a local community project? What was it?
4.Which character can you identify with the most? Which character seemed to carry the most emotional stake in the story? Was it Katie Ann, Mandy, Chris, or someone else?
5.Emma tells Katie Ann a story about how her friend Sally was jealous when she started dating Henry. Then she encourages Katie Ann to apologize to Mandy, Ephraim, and Christian. Do you agree with Emma’s assessment of the situation? Why or why not?
6.Katie Ann realizes at the end of the story that she overreacted when she yelled at Mandy, Ephraim, and Chris. What do you think caused her to change her point of view throughout the story?
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
As always, I’m grateful for my loving family, including my mother, Lola Goebelbecker; my husband, Joe; and my sons, Zac and Matt.
Special thanks to my mother and my dear friend Becky Biddy, who graciously proofread the draft and corrected my hilarious typos.
I’m also grateful for my special Amish friend who patiently answers my endless stream of questions. You’re a blessing in my life.
Thank you to my wonderful church family at Morning Star Lutheran in Matthews, North Carolina, for your encouragement, prayers, love, and friendship. You all mean so much to my family and me.
Thank you to Zac Weikal and the fabulous members of my Bakery Bunch! I’m so grateful for your friendship and your excitement about my books. You all are awesome!
To my agent, Natasha Kern—I can’t thank you enough for your guidance, advice, and friendship. You are a tremendous blessing in my life.
Thank you to my amazing editor, Jocelyn Bailey, for your friendship and guidance. I’m grateful to each and every person at HarperCollins Christian Publishing who helped make this book a reality.
I’m grateful to editor Jean Bloom, who helped me polish and refine the story. Jean, you are a master at connecting the dots and filling in the gaps. I’m so happy we can continue to work together!
Thank you most of all to God—for giving me the inspiration and the words to glorify you. I’m grateful and humbled you’ve chosen this path for me.
Read more from the Seasons of an Amish Garden collection!
Available as an e-book
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Dan Davis Photography
Amy Clipston is the award-winning and bestselling author of the Amish Heirloom series and the Kauffman Amish Bakery series. She has sold more than one million books. Her novels have hit multiple bestse
ller lists, including CBD, CBA, and ECPA. Amy holds a degree in communications from Virginia Wesleyan University and works full-time for the City of Charlotte, North Carolina. Amy lives in North Carolina with her husband, two sons, mom, and three spoiled-rotten cats.
Visit her online at amyclipston.com
Facebook: AmyClipstonBooks
Twitter: @AmyClipston
Instagram: @amy_clipston
