I could sense Davina smiling.
‘I mean it…’ my voice sounded thick. ‘You are the best two friends a woman could ever have.’
‘Ditto,’ said Cara in muffled tones.
‘Same from me,’ said Davina. ‘And we’ll reach Mr Johnston’s target, just you wait and see. Us Christmas Calendar Girls are invincible.’
We let go of each other and I cocked my head.
‘It’s what Max calls us. Calendar Girls is one of his mum’s favourite films.’
‘My mum’s too. And I remember the plot – he doesn’t expect us to remove our clothes, does he?’ I said.
She chuckled. ‘Not you two.’
‘Oh, I don’t know… that might be a super way of raising more money,’ said Cara. ‘Although I’d need very large cream buns to hide my boobs.’
‘Cara!’ I said and pushed her shoulder before pulling a face. ‘Let’s face it – just a couple of macaroons would protect my modesty. Whereas Davina would need something trendy. I know – two gluten-free, vegan scones.’
‘Seriously though,’ said Davina, ‘I’ve every confidence we can do it. And if we save the food bank I couldn’t ask for a better end to the year – apart from winning the lottery and booking a trip to Dubai. And talking of far-flung climes, isn’t it sad that Mr Carlton has left his job?’
‘Left? What, already? That’s not possible.’ My heart thumped. ‘He told me about Jim coming back at some point but…’
‘I assumed you would know?’
Lily appeared and helped herself to a glass of water. ‘It’s true, Mum. We were told in assembly yesterday. Me and Ruby cried.’
33
‘You didn’t mention him leaving, Lily,’ I said, feeling sick.
‘I know he’s your friend and didn’t want to upset you.’
‘Where is he going?’
No one knew.
‘I said he could come into our house on the last night of the calendar, so we can all say goodbye properly.’ said Lily. ‘I spoke to him yesterday before school ended.’
‘What?’
She folded her arms. ‘It’s only fair. He didn’t want to be a bother but I said it was a thank you for him mending your bedroom window. He could try some of the Christmas pudding fudge we’ve made for Gran and Granddad.’
‘Lily, you can’t just go inviting anyone into our house.’
‘He’s not just anyone,’ she said, stubbornly. ‘And it’s weird that you never have him around like I do my friends.’ She headed back to her friends.
‘I know Arlo and Jasper would be pleased to see him one last time,’ said Davina and shot me a curious glance.
‘I haven’t got much choice then, have I?’ My throat caught and I turned away from Lily, and my friends, screwing up my eyes. I needed some fresh air and bolted towards the patio doors, pulled them open and escaped into the freezing garden.
Five minutes later Davina and Cara stood beside me. They’d brought my coat. Cara said the children were playing another game of charades. The three of us stood, staring at her gorgeous garden. The frosty flowerbeds bursting with shrubs. The gentle curved shape of the lawn. The silhouette of apple trees at the bottom. Even in winter it looked alive and welcoming. She disappeared into the shed, on the right, and came back carrying three deckchairs. We each prised one apart and sat down, the two of them opposite me. I tucked my hands into my armpits to keep them warm.
‘Fern? What’s this all about,’ asked Davina softly.
I stared at my lap.
‘Mr Carlton… Kit… you like him after all?’ asked Cara.
Unable to speak, I looked up.
‘After all my teasing…’ said Davina and shook her head. ‘Sorry, Fern. I should have sensed that something really was going on. Why didn’t you tell us?’
‘Not that there’s any reason you should,’ added Cara hastily, and Davina nodded. ‘But the three of us normally have a no holds barred relationship, don’t we? I mean you told us about the time last year you mixed up hair removal cream with moisturiser and nearly lost your eyebrows…’
We all smiled.
‘Sooo…’ Davina leant forward. ‘Has there been lip on lip action? Or even…’
‘Davina!’ said Cara.
My smile widened and I sighed. ‘Yes.’
‘Oh my goodness! When?’ asked Cara and looked sheepish as Davina grinned.
‘Back in November. We went to the ice rink – a friend gave him free tickets. I had a near-miss whilst skating and… I don’t know. Emotions were running high. We kissed. He was so passionate.’
Davina raised an eyebrow. ‘Darling. Please. Give us old married ladies more details than that. Let us live vicariously though you. I mean, he’s bloody gorgeous. Half the women in the playground have spent most of the last few months’ mornings making eyes at him – and probably a few of the men!’
I sat more upright and leant forward. ‘The kiss, it was so utterly spontaneous.’
‘The best kind,’ Davina murmured.
‘But afterwards he pulled away – said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and it was a mistake.’ I sat back. ‘He said that Lily and I deserved better than him.’
‘You do both deserve the very best,’ said Cara. ‘Mr Carlton – he seems like a lovely man. Hannah and Lex adore him – I think all the children do. I’ve never seen him anything but charming and polite to everyone in the playground. And he’s helping out with the calendar and always takes part in extra-curricular events. Why doesn’t he think he’s the right man?’
‘I don’t know. He’s had a… challenging past. Done things he’s regretted. But haven’t we all? And he moved to Chesterwood, turned his life around… I’ve nothing but admiration for him.’
I wouldn’t mention the gambling. It was nothing for Kit to be ashamed of – he’d tackled it and moved on. But it was private to him and not for me to share.
‘What’s holding him back, then?’ asked Davina. ‘There must be something that he thinks hasn’t been sorted out.’
‘His parents. I’m sure it’s that. He’s talked about letting them down – big time, I think.’
‘Then you need to ask him about it,’ said Cara. ‘Perhaps you can help him resolve a difficult situation. At least talking about it should help.’
‘That’s if you really want to get involved with him,’ said Davina. ‘You’ve had enough challenges of your own in recent years. The last thing you want to do is take on someone else’s.’
‘But those lips,’ I said dreamily. ‘The teasing banter. How safe I feel when I’m with him. I know it sounds stupid but…’
‘Shhh,’ said Davina and put a hand up to her ear. ‘Do you hear that?’
Cara and I looked at her, confused.
‘It’s the sound of someone groaning because they’ve fallen head over heels in love and just landed.’
‘Very funny,’ I said as Cara chuckled. Although Davina was right; falling for someone did sometimes – often – result in pain.
‘And if my hearing’s correct,’ she said, gently, ‘then you can’t let him go without talking to him, Fern. Otherwise you’ll always be asking yourself if you and him would have worked. You only have one life. You have to grab these chances when they come along.’
Cara nodded. ‘We’ve known you three years and in all that time – as far as we know – you’ve never been the slightest bit interested in anyone else.’
A lump formed in my throat. ‘No. I haven’t. Adam had all the qualities I’d ever looked for in a man. Ambition. Kindness. And a wicked sense of humour. Now and again he’d suffer the most dramatic laughing fits and always got the hiccoughs afterwards. I’d try to scare him out of them but it never worked. He even stood on his head once and tried to drink a glass of water upside down. That’s supposed to be a remedy. He just spluttered everywhere and laughed even more.’
The other two smiled.
‘But as soon as I met Kit…’
‘He’s a great bloke. You have my bles
sing,’ said Davina.
‘And mine,’ said Cara.
‘Because, of course, you realise that if you didn’t we’d be helping Mr Carlton pack.’ Davina reached over and squeezed my hand. I squeezed hers back.
‘But I’m not sure he wants to talk about his mum and dad,’ I said. ‘He always changes the subject.’
‘Remember when my cousin, Julie, visited in the spring?’ asked Cara.
‘Yes. It was good of her to let me interview her about government cuts in addiction services, for that article I did, seeing as she’d only just got out of rehab.’
‘She said the group therapy was really tough. We talked about it, sat up late, the night after you’d spent the afternoon with her. One facilitator was really sharp. He’d pick up on what people were avoiding talking about and then push them on it. Until he got them crying. During the first week or so people thought he was a ruthless, uncaring man. But then he told them that it was the thing people cried about that they needed to get out. If they didn’t do that, they’d never get completely better. And my cousin said it worked. There was something, deep down, that moved her to tears, that she’d never shared… The facilitator sensed this and wouldn’t let it go. Eventually, after continual prodding, it burst out in one session and the floodgates opened. That, for her, was the moment she truly turned a corner and moved into recovery.’
Cara’s cousin was a recovering alcoholic. Kit was a recovering gambler. Perhaps what Cara said was right. If Kit still had an issue to do with his past and his addiction then maybe talking about that would give their relationship a chance.
‘And you need to tell him how you feel,’ said Davina. ‘What have you got to lose? Perhaps he isn’t aware of the depth of your feeling? Maybe knowing will give him the confidence to really be open.’
Falling for him. Head over heels.
Was that what had really happened?
I focused on Davina’s words.
She was right. I couldn’t deny it any longer. I pictured him in his flat, laughing with me as I dismantled biscuits. At the swimming pool wearing Lily’s hair bobble. On the first night of the living calendar in the red and white Santa suit.
Despite the December chill, an intense heat spread through my body.
It was true.
I’d fallen for Mr Christmas.
34
It had turned even colder and my icy breath stood out against the black night. Yesterday the Birchwood Express had run its feature. It had included my email address and I’d spent the last twenty-four hours replying to queries. My imagination ran wild. What if there was a power cut which would mean no lights or hot drinks? Perhaps not many people would bid for the day trip to Bruges. Or maybe a cyclone would appear and rip away my house and I’d be left with no one for company apart from Dorothy and Toto…
I couldn’t eat any of the Christmas-themed food.
I felt sick.
Tonight was the last big chance to raise the money we needed.
I hadn’t known that the volunteers at the food bank had been carolling, in Chesterwood, to raise money and they offered to provide some added Christmas ambience. They were now singing from Megan’s front garden, words such as angel and shepherd floating through the air like musical snowflakes. An events company lent me a popcorn machine, currently manned by John who bravely faced a long queue of children. Alderston’s bakery donated reindeer shaped biscuits. A local magician had appeared to do tricks as he circulated the crowd. He was handing out his business cards as he went. These were hard economic times and Christmas was all about helping each other out.
A sense of pride filled me as, in my head, I went over the walk we’d enjoyed tonight, past each of the other twenty-two houses all lit up, a crocodile of people filled with linked arms and chat. At five o’clock those who wanted to start early had got out their maps. As December had progressed, hosts had set up their displays increasingly earlier so that people could enjoy following the route before the usual six o’clock kick off at whoever’s house was up next.
Someone in the Facebook group had posted about doing another calendar next year. Ruby’s mum had offered to organise it and had immediately been inundated with offers of help. Other people had talked about teaming up to run collections for donations to take to the food bank, all year round if it stayed open.
I stared up at the moon. When I was little, I’d study it secretly at night, out of my bedroom window, hoping to see aliens or proof that it really was made from cheese. Then when Adam died a half moon always made me feel sad. It reflected how I felt – that 50 per cent of me was missing. However, slowly this changed. I realised that a year or so after moving. It was a balmy summer’s night and I’d stared into the sky, no longer seeing the absent half as missing. Instead it represented unknown adventures and hope.
‘Beautiful, isn’t it?’ said Kit, taking a break from sitting in his deckchair. He and I stood alone.
Little had I known adventures ahead could also cause pain.
‘You’ve left the school already.’ I said. ‘When were you going to tell me?’
I’d wanted to chat earlier. Now wasn’t the time to bring up his parents but I couldn’t help mentioning his imminent departure. He’d arrived at half past five to get changed at my house so he could change back into his usual clothes afterwards and take up Lily’s invitation to stay for a while, without looking like Father Christmas. But I was too busy, putting together the snacks and drinks and delegating tasks to Davina and Cara. Megan was helping too. And Audrey.
Kit stepped closer, his strong features coming into focus.
‘I didn’t want to until I knew the exact details of what I was doing. You see—’
‘Spectator numbers are reassuring tonight,’ said Audrey who came over sipping a hot chocolate.
Kit looked at me again, before leaving to help keep an eye on the road.
‘It’s just wonderful,’ added Cara.
Their arms were intertwined, not surprisingly after Audrey slipped on the ice last week. Yet the closeness looked comfortable, mutual, with Lex and Hannah hanging on either side.
Davina and the rest of our children handed out the snacks. Max and other parents were still carrying around trays laden with an assortment of drinks. Mrs Williams and, to my surprise, her nephew, landlord Mr Johnston, stood chatting. She’d rung to say I wouldn’t need to fetch her tonight. He nodded when I caught his eye. Ron arrived and went over to him. He looked more tired than ever and shot me a questioning glance. I shrugged and gave a tentative thumbs-up. He gave a wry smile and nodded.
I thought about local people in need who’d no longer have an easily accessible food bank.
The homeless who couldn’t afford a bus trip to one further away.
How would they cope? The weathermen were predicting an ongoing bitter January.
Children would be going to school without eating breakfast.
Rough sleepers would be at a greater risk of not making it through the winter.
The air smelt of chocolate and spices, accompanied by joyous laughs. Mia was inside counting the money. I stared up at the moon. Listened to Christmas music. And laughter. The sound of people enjoying the festive season. Lily included.
Gratitude flowed through me at the thought of everything I had. Yes, I’d lost my husband. It had been gut-wrenching. I’d never felt more lost. But a loving family had supported me. I had the very best friends. A roof over my head. Food on the table. The most perfect daughter a mum could ever have.
I had so much to be thankful for. A lump swelled in my throat. Please let the calendar have raised enough money to help those who had so little.
Finally, Mia appeared and beckoned to me from the front door. Stomach cramping, I went over.
The moment of truth.
‘Good news or bad?’ I said, heart racing, feeling slightly sick. I could hardly breathe.
She bit her lip. ‘There will still be money to come in from some last sales of refreshments but we’ve a way to go –
it’s all hanging on the auction now.’
I swallowed and called for hush. ‘Right. Now the moment I know many of you have been waiting for. Huge thanks to the amazing and very successful Flyaway Travel in Chesterwood for their very generous offer of a day trip to Bruges, for two. Flights are included and a bus tour. And for those interested they offer trips to Europe’s capitals all year around.’
I caught the eye of the agency’s manager in the crowd. She smiled.
The bidding started. I could hardly breathe. At first there was a long silence before a voice piped up from the back of the crowd.
‘It will be a fantastic trip for the chocolate shops alone,’ said Mia.
That increased interest and more bids came in, going up by ten pounds, by twenty… To Cara’s surprise, Audrey was bidding, and at the last minute she offered fifty pounds more than anyone else. The amount she was prepared to pay was generous. I really hoped it was enough. I swayed for a moment. It all caught up with me. The long nights of monitoring the Facebook group and phone calls. Those early complaints from concerned neighbours. Continually checking the calendar’s hosts were on track. Keeping an eye on litter, and roads for safety reasons, each night.
And then there was Kit.
‘Going, going…. gone…’
I congratulated Audrey and she whispered something to me about it being a surprise anniversary present for Cara and John.
I hurried over to Mia.
‘Well?’ I said, crossing my fingers behind my back.
‘I’m really sorry to say… we didn’t reach our target,’ she said.
‘What?’ I croaked.
‘No…’ Her eyes shone. ‘We just did it and are thirty pounds over what Mr Johnston needs.’ She clapped me on the back. ‘Well done, Fern. You’re an inspiration.’
The Christmas Calendar Girls Page 22
