by Mary Frame
“You found each other.” I sit up and face him, climbing on top of him to cup his giant face in my palms, his stubble scratching my palms. “Thank you for sharing your past with me.”
His hands move between us.
Not scared yet? he signs.
I shake my head. “You saved Grace, and you saved yourself. You are not defined by your trauma. You are defined by your resilience. You are the best person I know.”
His arms go around me, crushing me to his chest, and I hang on tight. After a while, he grabs his phone again, holding it in front of me to read.
You are not the sum of your experiences either.
“I hardly think my shitty breakup can compare to what you’ve been through in your life.”
He’s motionless for a spell, and I know him well enough to know he’s considering his words. You care about people, too. You aren’t the sidekick, you’re the main character.
I laugh. “You’re saying I need to be the hero in my own story.”
You already are.
“Thank you. I had already kinda figured that out, but I like the way you put it better. You have a way with words.”
And then he smiles. A heartbreaking, happy grin that crinkles his eyes.
My breath catches in my throat.
I’m pretty sure my heart is gone. Toast. Donezo. And despite the inevitable pain looming on the horizon, loving him will be the most exquisite self-destructive decision I’ve made yet.
Chapter Twenty-One
“Are you trying to bring the fandom here?”
“I am the fandom.”
–Overheard at Comic-Con
* * *
It’s still early when I wake up, wrapped in a cocoon of warmth and sweet-smelling man. Beast is sprawled across the bed and I’m lying half on top of him. There’s no choice in the matter, considering he takes up the entire mattress.
But I’m not uncomfortable. I could stay here forever.
He makes me want to give it all up. Maybe I could work remotely. Or I could really be a homeless wretch and hang out in front of the H-E-B with Ol’ Roy.
My phone emits a muffled chirrup. My purse is out in the entry where I dropped it last night.
I wiggle out of bed and race to answer it. It might be Granny. She’s probably realized I’m gone and now she’s totally freaking.
I pick up my phone and it’s a New York area code.
Frowning, I answer. “Hello?”
“Fredericka? It’s Amber. From Comix.”
“Oh.” Surprise colors my voice. “Hi Amber, I’m surprised to hear from you.”
I squint at the clock in the kitchen. It’s early yet. Six thirty. But that would make it eight thirty in New York.
“I bet. Listen, I’m really sorry about the email that was sent.”
This is weird. A former prospective employer calling to apologize about their rejection of me?
She continues, the sound of traffic and wind muffling her voice, like she’s walking the streets of the city. Something in my heart lurches at the sound. I didn’t realize I missed it until now. “Apparently there was some kind of glitch in our system and it sent you the standard refusal notice. It shouldn’t have mattered, because I’ve been trying to call you for the past week anyway to offer you a position, but each time I tried to call you from the office, it would ring to a Domino’s. IT said somehow the calls were being routed wrong. So I finally decided to try from my personal cell, and it worked!”
“That’s . . . so weird.”
Grace.
It has to be. And another thought strikes me in that moment. If she did something to sabotage my chances with this job, someone she’s only known for a few months, what would she do to keep Beast around?
“So what do you think?”
I snap back into the call.
“About . . .” Does she know I know who messed with their system?
But Amber just laughs. “About the job. Are you interested?”
My whole body tightens. “Yes. Absolutely yes.”
“Awesome. I’ll email you the details when I get back to the office. Call me on this number if you don’t get it, though. We’re looking at a start date in two weeks. Does that work for you?”
My limbs loosen again, everything sinking. “Yes. That works.”
It will be tight, but I’ll make it work.
We hang up and after taking a million deep breaths and pinching myself to make sure I’m not still asleep and dreaming or hallucinating or something, I head back to Beast’s room.
I sit on the edge of the bed, trying not to disturb him, but he feels me anyway.
Rolling in my direction, he opens his eyes and greets me with a sleepy grin. His hair is askew, his wide, muscled chest enticing in the early morning sun.
More than anything, I want to cuddle into him and forget the world, but I can’t.
“I got the job.” The words tumble out of my mouth.
He sits up on his elbows, blinking at me.
For a brief moment, I wonder if he’s going to get upset, but then the grin returns, bigger than before and he pulls me into a bear hug.
He’s thrumming with excitement, still smiling when he pulls away to sign, I’m so proud of you.
“You are?”
He nods.
“But this means—” My throat closes up and I swallow past the lump forming there. “I have to leave.”
His smile droops. He shrugs and grabs his phone. We knew this was going to happen, right?
“Right.” I swallow and then the word vomit happens. “Come with me.”
His brows lift.
“Apply to culinary school. To CIA in New York. You’ll get in, I know it. Then you can come with me.”
He blinks rapidly, but then shakes his head slowly. I can’t. You know I can’t.
I grip his hand in mine, like the pressure itself will make him change his mind. “But you can. I have to tell you what they said. You know how they sent me an email rejection?”
He nods.
I quickly explain what Amber said about the calls being routed and the email being an accident.
“It might have been Grace.”
He looks away, toward the window before typing into the phone. It might have been.
“If it was, don’t you see? She might have done the same thing to you when you applied before.”
He stares at me for a few long seconds, expression inscrutable. But then he just shakes his head again. Even if she did, it doesn’t matter. I can’t move away.
“Grace and Jude love you. They should want what’s best for you, too, and what if that isn’t here?”
What if they are his Jack? Whether they realize it or not.
Grace needs me. She puts on a front, but she’s not like other kids her age. Her childhood was not normal. She needs constancy and I’m the only one who’s been there since the beginning. I’m the only one who knows, who really understands.
Hot tears threaten. I know it’s a lot to ask, for him to leave his only family, the only people he’s loved to be with me, but I want to be the one that comes first for him. It’s unfair and selfish. Grace is only fourteen, she needs him more than I do, and I can’t stay. Not even this burgeoning romance, epic as it might feel, can stop me from following my dreams. Even if it means breaking my own heart. I can’t have another Jack in my life, but I also can’t be the Jack in his.
A dull ache thumps behind my eyes, and I press my fingers to my temples like it will keep the pain at bay.
So what if Grace and Jude are the Jacks? Maybe everyone is someone else’s Jack. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe life isn’t always neat and tidy and people don’t fit into the boxes we want to place them in. Maybe it won’t be perfect, but maybe that’s okay. Isn’t it?
“If you could move, would you? If Grace didn’t need you, or if she was . . . older?”
He nods, his eyes both wistful and sad. If there were any other way, I would go with you in a heartbeat. This is Grace’s
first chance for something normal and stable, finally, and I can’t take it from her. Maybe someday, when she’s older, but not now.
I nod. “I know. I get it.” I brush away the wet streaking down my face with the back of my hand.
He crushes me to him. Kisses my tears away. His chest vibrates under my cheek. He’s trying to speak but can’t. Only a moan emerges.
He pushes me away and snatches his phone. For the first time, he’s visibly frustrated with his lack of speech and my heart twists.
He types into the phone, but it takes a little longer than usual. We can make this work. Just because you are following your dreams doesn’t mean you can’t be a part of mine.
I put my hand on the side of his face, rubbing a thumb over his cheek. Holding the memory of his words inside me. I’m a part of his dreams. Nothing has ever felt so good or right. But . . . “How? How is it going to work if I’m two thousand miles away?” The question is a desperate plea, and he meets it with a firm jaw and another question.
Do you want this to work?
“Yes. Of course.”
Then it will. There is no one else for me. The look he tosses me after I read his words is a challenge.
I stiffen my spine. “Me, too.”
Good, he mouths, then he chucks the phone to the side and tugs me into him.
Later that afternoon, we’re back at the ranch. Grace is on the couch, Jude and Beast on either side of her, and Granny and I sit across from them.
I wasn’t sure that I should be present at all, but Granny insisted that I be there since Grace’s actions have directly affected me and she wants Grace to have to deal with the consequences.
Earlier today, the happy couples returned from visiting Annabel and Fitz’s parents. Beast and I told Jude the story, and he was able to confirm Grace’s virtual shenanigans using technology and know-how that is beyond my capabilities. I was right. She messed with Comix’s phone and email systems.
Too much time has passed for Jude to confirm if she also messed with Beast’s past culinary school application, but it doesn’t seem to matter much to him anyway.
When confronted, at first Grace denies having anything to do with the phony email and call routing, but when Jude shows her how he was able to track it back to her, she bursts into tears, burying her face in Beast’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” she tells me when the first round of tears has abated.
“I forgive you.” How could I not?
Granny rolls her eyes at my easy acquiescence. “It’s not right to mess with people’s lives. This is someone you care about.”
“I know. It’s just . . . Fred, I don’t want you to leave.” She’s leaning into Beast, Jude holding one of her hands on the other side. I reach out and take her free hand.
“I’m not dying. We’ll still be friends. And I’ve told you, you can come stay with me anytime.”
“People come and go in your life, baby girl,” Jude says with a squeeze of her hand. “And Fred won’t be one of them. I reckon she’s gonna stick whether she lives here or not.” He winks at me.
Grace looks at me and then Beast and back again. “I don’t want you to leave Beast either. I know you’ve been together and trying to hide it from me. You can’t hurt him.”
Beast and I lock eyes for a second and I pat Grace’s hand. “What’s happening between Beast and me is between us. But I would never hurt him. I couldn’t.”
It would be like stabbing myself in the heart, but I can’t admit that much in front of everyone.
She nods and looks up at him.
He signs something to her, and I don’t catch all of it with my limited knowledge, but he promises her something.
“I know,” Grace says. “I promised never to leave you again either, and I’m sticking to it.”
I squeeze her hand and let go. Even though I know it’s the only way things can be, any lingering hope I might have had that Beast would come to New York with me shatters and my heart pinches tight at the unfairness of it all.
“It . . . it sucks getting close to people because then you get hurt,” Grace mutters.
Granny reaches out and puts her hands over Grace’s knee. “My darling. Life without connection is no life at all. And since we’re here now, and being honest, there’s something I’ve been meaning to bring up.” She sits back and clears her throat, her hands clasping in her lap.
I exchange another glance with Beast. Granny is never nervous. Stubborn, eccentric, annoyed, impatient, yes. She definitely runs the gamut of moods. But never this.
“You should all know.” She pauses for a long moment and panic twists in my stomach. What if she’s sick or something? “I’ve been seeing someone.”
We stare at her.
Grace is the first to speak. “Seeing . . . someone?”
“Romantically,” she confirms.
“Why Granny, you’re breaking my heart,” Jude deadpans, the perfect response to make everyone, including Granny, chuckle.
She swipes at him. “You’re a rascal, Jude boy, and that’s what I love about you.”
“This is why you’ve been sneaking out all the time?” Grace asks. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Now, Gracie, don’t get upset. I wasn’t hiding it from you because you don’t matter, I was hiding it because you do. I don’t want to bring anyone into your life that isn’t going to stick around long-term. If it ended up just being a quick flirtation, there was no reason to get too attached. You understand.”
Grace’s eyes are wide, still reddened from her earlier upset. “So you’re saying it’s serious now?”
“It is. And I want to invite her over for supper so y’all can meet her, if that’s okay.”
My brows lift. “Her?”
Granny squints at me. “That’s what I said.”
I lift both hands in surrender. “I, for one, would love to meet her. Who is she?”
“Elaine Kilgariff.”
Jude grins. “That lady you’re always trying to get the fried chicken recipe from?”
Granny nods. “We’ve been friends for a long time, but things have escalated. That’s all I’m sayin’ about it now, ya hear?”
I wrap an arm around Granny’s shoulder. “I think it’s wonderful.”
“Me, too,” Grace says.
Beast nods.
Grace clears her throat and then bites her lip, her gaze darting around us. “Since we’re doing this whole sharing thing, I should probably mention I lied about the kids being mean to me at school. I didn’t want friends because I didn’t think we’d stay here this long.”
“Oh, Grace,” I say.
“This one guy tried to sit with me at lunch and I might have barked at him.”
I can’t hold back my laugh, and Grace gives me a watery smile. “I just figured, if they think I’m crazy, they’ll leave me alone.”
Jude shifts on the couch, turning to face her. “Why would you want to be alone when you and I both know how desperately you want friends?”
“It’s too scary. Computers I can understand. I can control them. But people do whatever they want and it doesn’t make sense.”
“Amen, sister.”
Granny smacks my shoulder. “Don’t encourage her.”
My eyes lock with Beast and for a tangled second, I completely understand why Grace would go out of her way to avoid getting closer to people. I’ve barely had any time at all with Beast in the grand scheme of things, but my heart . . . it already hurts.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I may climb perhaps to no great heights, but I will climb alone.
–Cyrano de Bergerac
* * *
Two weeks fly by at warp speed.
My parents are ecstatic. Even though they still don’t really understand the concept of the work I’ll be doing, they’re happy I found something I enjoy that isn’t bearded lady at a circus.
Scarlett has offered an escape if staying with my parents becomes intolerable. She and Guy live in a palati
al apartment on the Upper East Side. But they also live with Guy’s teen sisters—twins—and Scarlett only moved in with him recently. Talk about intruding. I should have started apartment hunting already, but I’ve been slammed with making preparations to move myself and my meager belongings across the country, finishing out my last two weeks at Bodean’s, and spending every spare minute with Beast.
I’ve been memorizing our moments. His smell, his taste, the feel of his scruffy jaw under my fingers. Each sensation is amplified a thousandfold knowing our time is numbered.
Despite the bonding, apologetic conversation with Grace, she’s been avoiding me and when she’s forced into my presence, she barely talks. She doesn’t even fight me for the bathroom in the mornings.
All of this makes my last shift at Bodean’s a muddle.
“Hey, Lucas.” I grab an apron from the cupboard.
“Wait.”
I freeze, apron in hand and turn.
“Before you put that on, Ranger wanted to talk to you up front.”
I grimace. “This isn’t going to be an awkward goodbye thing, right?”
He chuckles. “I’m sure it’s nothing of the sort.”
I push open the swinging doors to enter the bar area. It’s dark. “Is there a problem with the power?” I call back to Lucas.
The lights blink on and— “Surprise!”
Mouth agape, I just stare at the small group clustered in the center of the room, whooping and laughing at my no doubt ridiculous face.
Lucas comes out of the kitchen behind me carrying a sheet cake with the words Congratulations Fred! Scrawled in bright blue and red frosting.
So naturally, I burst into tears.
I’m immediately surrounded by people, Granny patting me on the back. “It’s your party and you cry if you need to.”
Eliza smacks me on the shoulder. “Pull yourself together, woman. You have to see the food Beast made. You didn’t tell me your man was a chef.”
Reese is on my other side, giving me a sideways hug. “We were going to invite more people, but Beast said you don’t like big crowds.”
