by R S Surtees
Part of Jorrocks’s half-quartern loaf was bartered with the captain of an East Indiaman for a slice of buffalo-beef. The dentist exchanged some veal sandwiches with a Jew for ham ones; a lawyer from the Borough offered two slices of toast for a hard-boiled egg; in fact there was a petty market “ouvert” held. “Now, Tomkins, where’s the bottle?” demanded Jenkins. “Vy, I thought you would bring it out to-day,” replied he; “I brought it last time, you know.” “Take a little of mine, sir,” said a gentleman, presenting a leather-covered flask— “real Thomson and Fearon, I assure you.” “I wish someone would fetch an ocean of porter from the nearest public,” said another. “Take a cigar, sir?” “No; I feel werry much obliged, but they always make me womit.” “Is there any gentleman here going to Halifax, who would like to make a third in a new yellow barouche, with lavender-coloured wheels, and pink lining?” inquired Mr. —— , the coach-maker. “Look at the hounds, gentlemen sportsmen, my noble sportsmen!” bellowed out an Epsom Dorling’s correct — cardseller — and turning their eyes in the direction in which he was looking, our sportsmen saw them again making for the hills. Pepper-and-salt first, and oh, what a goodly tail was there! — three quarters of a mile in length, at the least. Now up they come — the “corps de reserve” again join, and again a party halt upon the hills. Again Tom Hills exchanges horses; and again the hounds go on in full cry. “I must be off,” said a gentleman in balloon-like leathers to another tiger; “we have just time to get back to town, and ride round by the park before it is dark — much better than seeing the end of this brute. Let us go”; and away they went to canter through Hyde Park in their red coats. “I must go and all,” said another gentleman; “my dinner will be ready at five, and it is now three.” Jorrocks was game; and forgetting the quarter of house-lamb, again tackled with the pack. A smaller sweep sufficed this time, and the hills were once more descended, Jorrocks the first to lead the way. He well knew the fox was sinking, and was determined to be in at the death. Short running ensued — a check — the fox had lain down, and they had overrun the scent. Now they were on him, and Tom Hills’s who-whoop confirmed the whole.
“Ah! Tom Hills, Tom Hills!” exclaimed Jorrocks, as the former took up the fox, “’ow splendid, ’ow truly brilliant — by Jove, you deserve to be Lord Hill — oh, had he but a brush that we might present it to this gentleman from the north-east side of the town of Boroughbridge, in the county of York, to show the gallant doings of the men of Surrey!” “Ay,” said Tom, “but Squire — — ‘s keeper has been before us for it.”
“Now,” said a gentleman in a cap, to another in a hat, “if you will ride up the hill and collect the money there, I will do so below — half-a-crown, if you please, sir — half-a-crown, if you please, sir. — Have I got your half-a-crown, sir?”— “Here’s three shillings if you will give me sixpence.” “Certainly, sir — certainly.” “We have no time to spare,” said Jorrocks, looking at his watch. “Good afternoon, gentlemen, good afternoon,” muttering as he went, “a quarter of house-lamb at half-past five — Mrs. Jorrocks werry punctual — old Fleecy werry particular.” They cut across country to Croydon, and as they approached the town, innumerable sportsmen came flocking in from all quarters. “What sport have you had?” inquired Jorrocks of a gentleman in scarlet; “have you been with Jolliffe?” “No, with the staghounds; three beautiful runs; took him once in a millpond, once in a barn, and once in a brickfield — altogether the finest day’s sport I ever saw in my life.” “What have you done, Mr. J —— ?” “Oh, we have had a most gallant thing; a brilliant run indeed — three hours and twenty minutes without a check — over the finest country imaginable.” “And who got the brush?” inquired the stag-man. “Oh, it was a gallant run,” said Jorrocks, “by far the finest I ever remember.” “But did you kill?” demanded his friend. “Kill! to be sure we did. When don’t the Surrey kill, I should like to know?” “And who got his brush, did you say?” “I can’t tell,” said he— “didn’t hear the gentleman’s name.” “What sport has Mr. Meager had to-day?” inquired he of a gentleman in trousers, who issued from a side lane into the high road. “I have been with the Sanderstead, sir — a very capital day’s sport — run five hares and killed three. We should have killed four — only — we didn’t.” “I don’t think Mr. Meager has done anything to-day.” “Yes, he has,” said a gentleman, who just joined with a hare buckled on in front of his saddle, and his white cords all stained with blood; “we killed this chap after an hour and forty-five minutes’ gallop; and accounted for another by losing her after running upwards of-three-quarters of an hour.” “Well, then, we have all had sport,” said Jorrocks, as he spurred his horse into a trot, and made for Morton’s stables— “and if the quarter of house-lamb is but right, then indeed am I a happy man.”
III. SURREY SHOOTING: MR. JORROCKS IN TROUBLE
OUR READERS ARE now becoming pretty familiar with our principal hero, Mr. Jorrocks, and we hope he improves on acquaintance. Our fox-hunting friends, we are sure, will allow him to be an enthusiastic member of the brotherhood, and though we do not profess to put him in competition with Musters, Osbaldeston, or any of those sort of men, we yet mean to say that had his lot been cast in the country instead of behind a counter, his keenness would have rendered him as conspicuous — if not as scientific — as the best of them.
For a cockney sportsman, however, he is a very excellent fellow — frank, hearty, open, generous, and hospitable, and with the exception of riding up Fleet Street one Saturday afternoon, with a cock-pheasant’s tail sticking out of his red coat pocket, no one ever saw him do a cock tail action in his life.
The circumstances attending that exhibition are rather curious. — He had gone out as usual on a Saturday to have a day with the Surrey, but on mounting his hunter at Croydon, he felt the nag rather queer under him, and thinking he might have been pricked in the shoeing, he pulled up at the smith’s at Addington to have his feet examined. This lost him five minutes, and unfortunately when he got to the meet, he found that a “travelling fox” had been tallied at the precise moment of throwing off, with which the hounds had gone away in their usual brilliant style, to the tune of “Blue bonnets are over the border.” As may be supposed, he was in a deuce of a rage; and his first impulse prompted him to withdraw his subscription and be done with the hunt altogether, and he trotted forward “on the line,” in the hopes of catching them up to tell them so. In this he was foiled, for after riding some distance, he overtook a string of Smithfield horses journeying “foreign for Evans,” whose imprints he had been taking for the hoof-marks of the hunters. About noon he found himself dull, melancholy, and disconsolate, before the sign of the “Pig and Whistle,” on the Westerham road, where, after wetting his own whistle with a pint of half-and-half, he again journeyed onward, ruminating on the uncertainty and mutability of all earthly affairs, the comparative merits of stag-, fox-, and hare-hunting, and the necessity of getting rid of the day somehow or other in the country.
Footnote 13: He might well be called a “travelling fox,” for it was said he had just travelled down from Herring’s, in the New Road, by the Bromley stage.
Suddenly his reverie was interrupted by the discharge of a gun in the field adjoining the hedge along which he was passing, and the boisterous whirring of a great cock-pheasant over his head, which caused his horse to start and stop short, and to nearly pitch Jorrocks over his head. The bird was missed, but the sportsman’s dog dashed after it, with all the eagerness of expectation, regardless of the cracks of the whip — the “comes to heel,” and “downs to charge” of the master. Jorrocks pulled out his hunting telescope, and having marked the bird down with the precision of a billiard-table keeper, rode to the gate to acquaint the shooter with the fact, when to his infinite amazement he discovered his friend, Nosey Browne (late of “The Surrey”), who, since his affairs had taken the unfortunate turn mentioned in the last paper, had given up hunting and determined to confine himself to shooting only. Nosey, however, was no gr
eat performer, as may be inferred, when we state that he had been in pursuit of the above-mentioned cock-pheasant ever since daybreak, and after firing thirteen shots at him had not yet touched a feather.
His dog was of the right sort — for Nosey at least — and hope deferred had not made his heart sick; on the contrary, he dashed after his bird for the thirteenth time with all the eagerness he displayed on the first. “Let me have a crack at him,” said Jorrocks to Nosey, after their mutual salutations were over. “I know where he is, and I think I can floor him.” Browne handed the gun to Jorrocks, who, giving up his hunter in exchange, strode off, and having marked his bird accurately, he kicked him up out of a bit of furze, and knocked him down as “dead as a door-nail.” By that pheasant’s tail hangs the present one.
Now Nosey Browne and Jorrocks were old friends, and Nosey’s affairs having gone crooked, why of course, like most men in a similar situation, he was all the better for it; and while his creditors were taking twopence-halfpenny in the pound, he was taking his diversion on his wife’s property, which a sagacious old father-in-law had secured to the family in the event of such a contingency as a failure happening; so knowing Jorrock’s propensity for sports, and being desirous of chatting over all his gallant doings with “The Surrey,” shortly after the above-mentioned day he dispatched a “twopenny,” offering him a day’s shooting on his property in Surrey, adding, that he hoped he would dine with him after. Jorrocks being invited himself, with a freedom peculiar to fox-hunters, invited his friend the Yorkshireman, and visiting his armoury, selected him a regular shot-scatterer of a gun, capable of carrying ten yards on every side.
At the appointed hour on the appointed morning, the Yorkshireman appeared in Great Coram Street, where he found Mr. Jorrocks in the parlour in the act of settling himself into a new spruce green cut-away gambroon butler’s pantry-jacket, with pockets equal to holding a powder-flask each, his lower man being attired in tight drab stocking-net pantaloons, and Hessian boots with large tassels — a striking contrast to the fustian pocket-and-all-pocket jackets marked with game-bag strap, and shot-belt, and the weather-beaten many-coloured breeches and gaiters, and hob-nail shoes, that compose the equipment of a shooter in Yorkshire. Mr. Jorrocks not keeping any “sporting dogs,” as the tax-papers call them, had borrowed a fat house-dog — a cross between a setter and a Dalmatian — of his friend Mr. Evergreen the greengrocer, which he had seen make a most undeniable point one morning in the Copenhagen Fields at a flock of pigeons in a beetroot garden. This valuable animal was now attached by a trash-cord through a ring in his brass collar to a leg of the sideboard, while a clean licked dish at his side, showed that Jorrocks had been trying to attach him to himself, by feeding him before starting.
“We’ll take a coach to the Castle”, said Jorrocks, “and then get a go-cart or a cast somehow or other to Streatham, for we shall have walking enough when we get there. Browne is an excellent fellow, and will make us range every acre of his estate over half a dozen times before we give in”. A coach was speedily summoned, into which Jorrocks, the dog Pompey, the Yorkshireman, and the guns were speedily placed, and away they drove to the “Elephant and Castle.”
There were short stages about for every possible place except Streatham. Greenwich, Deptford, Blackheath, Eltham, Bromley, Footscray, Beckenham, Lewisham — all places but the right. However, there were abundance of “go-carts,” a species of vehicle that ply in the outskirts of the metropolis, and which, like the watering-place “fly,” take their name from the contrary — in fact, a sort of lucus a non lucendo. They are carts on springs, drawn by one horse (with curtains to protect the company from the weather), the drivers of which, partly by cheating, and partly by picking pockets, eke out a comfortable existence, and are the most lawless set of rascals under the sun. Their arrival at the “Elephant and Castle” was a signal for a general muster of the fraternity, who, seeing the guns, were convinced that their journey was only what they call “a few miles down the road,” and they were speedily surrounded by twenty or thirty of them, all with “excellent ‘osses, vot vould take their honours fourteen miles an hour.” All men of business are aware of the advantages of competition, and no one more so than Jorrocks, who stood listening to their offers with the utmost sang-froid, until he closed with one to take them to Streatham Church for two shillings, and deliver them within the half-hour, which was a signal for all the rest to set-to and abuse them, their coachman, and his horse, which they swore had been carrying “stiff-uns” all night, and “could not go not none at all”. Nor were they far wrong; for the horse, after scrambling a hundred yards or two, gradually relaxed into something between a walk and a trot, while the driver kept soliciting every passer-by to “ride,” much to our sportsmen’s chagrin, who conceived they were to have the “go” all to themselves. Remonstrance was vain, and he crammed in a master chimney-sweep, Major Ballenger the licensed dealer in tea, coffee, tobacco, and snuff, of Streatham (a customer of Jorrocks), and a wet-nurse; and took up an Italian organ-grinder to ride beside himself on the front, before they had accomplished Brixton Hill. Jorrocks swore most lustily that he would fine him, and at every fresh assurance, the driver offered a passer-by a seat; but having enlisted Major Ballenger into their cause, they at length made a stand, which, unfortunately for them, was more than the horse could do, for just as he was showing off, as he thought, with a bit of a trot, down they all soused in the mud. Great was the scramble; guns, barrel-organ, Pompey, Jorrocks, driver, master chimney-sweep, Major Ballenger, were all down together, while the wet-nurse, who sat at the end nearest the door, was chucked clean over the hedge into a dry ditch. This was a signal to quit the vessel, and having extricated themselves the best way they could, they all set off on foot, and left the driver to right himself at his leisure.
Footnote 14: Doing a bit of resurrection work.
Ballenger looked rather queer when he heard they were going to Nosey Browne’s, for it so happened that Nosey had managed to walk into his books for groceries and kitchen-stuff to the tune of fourteen pounds, a large sum to a man in a small way of business; and to be entertaining friends so soon after his composition, seemed curious to Ballenger’s uninitiated suburban mind.
Crossing Streatham Common, a short turn to the left by some yew-trees leads, by a near cut across the fields, to Browne’s house; a fiery-red brick castellated cottage, standing on the slope of a gentle eminence, and combining almost every absurdity a cockney imagination can be capable of. Nosey, who was his own “Nash,” set out with the intention of making it a castle and nothing but a castle, and accordingly the windows were made in the loophole fashion, and the door occupied a third of the whole frontage. The inconveniences of the arrangements were soon felt, for while the light was almost excluded from the rooms, “rude Boreas” had the complete run of the castle whenever the door was opened. To remedy this, Nosey increased the one and curtailed the other, and the Gothic oak-painted windows and door flew from their positions to make way for modern plate-glass in rich pea-green casements, and a door of similar hue. The battlements, however, remained, and two wooden guns guarded a brace of chimney-pots and commanded the wings of the castle, one whereof was formed into a green-, the other into a gig-house.
The peals of a bright brass-handled bell at a garden-gate, surmounted by a holly-bush with the top cut into the shape of a fox, announced their arrival to the inhabitants of “Rosalinda Castle,” and on entering they discovered young Nosey in the act of bobbing for goldfish, in a pond about the size of a soup-basin; while Nosey senior, a fat, stupid-looking fellow, with a large corporation and a bottle nose, attired in a single-breasted green cloth coat, buff waistcoat, with drab shorts and continuations, was reposing, sub tegmine fagi, in a sort of tea-garden arbour, overlooking a dung-heap, waiting their arrival to commence an attack upon the sparrows which were regaling thereon. At one end of the garden was a sort of temple, composed of oyster-shells, containing a couple of carrier-pigeons, with which Nosey had intended making his fo
rtune, by the early information to be acquired by them: but “there is many a slip,” as Jorrocks would say.
Greetings being over, and Jorrocks having paid a visit to the larder, and made up a stock of provisions equal to a journey through the Wilderness, they adjourned to the yard to get the other dog, and the man to carry the game — or rather, the prog, for the former was but problematical. He was a character, a sort of chap of all work, one, in short, “who has no objection to make himself generally useful”; but if his genius had any decided bent, it was, perhaps, an inclination towards sporting.
Having to act the part of groom and gamekeeper during the morning, and butler and footman in the afternoon, he was attired in a sort of composition dress, savouring of the different characters performed. He had on an old white hat, a groom’s fustian stable-coat cut down into a shooting-jacket, with a whistle at the button-hole, red plush smalls, and top-boots.
There is nothing a cockney delights in more than aping a country gentleman, and Browne fancied himself no bad hand at it; indeed, since his London occupation was gone, he looked upon himself as a country gentleman in fact. “Vell, Joe,” said he, striddling and sticking his thumbs into the arm-holes of his waistcoat, to this invaluable man of all work, “we must show the gemmem some sport to-day; vich do you think the best line to start upon — shall we go to the ten hacre field, or the plantation, or Thompson’s stubble, or Timms’s turnips, or my meadow, or vere?” “Vy, I doesn’t know,” said Joe; “there’s that old hen-pheasant as we calls Drab Bess, vot has haunted the plantin’ these two seasons, and none of us ever could ‘it (hit), and I hears that Jack, and Tom, and Bob, are still left out of Thompson’s covey; but, my eyes! they’re ‘special vild!” “Vot, only three left? where is old Tom, and the old ramping hen?” inquired Browne. “Oh, Mr. Smith, and a party of them ’ere Bankside chaps, com’d down last Saturday’s gone a week, and rattled nine-and-twenty shots at the covey, and got the two old ‘uns; at least it’s supposed they were both killed, though the seven on ’em only bagged one bird; but I heard they got a goose or two as they vent home. They had a shot at old Tom, the hare, too, but he is still alive; at least I pricked him yesterday morn across the path into the turnip-field. Suppose we goes at him first?”
