Life was hell and the devil was fucking me at every turn.
Took Easton Reed with me to check in on Alexa and my daughter. When we got there the house was a mess. The house I bought them because even though I couldn’t enjoy it with them I wanted them to have the best. I knew she was having one of her breakdowns. They always came on around Rochelle’s birthday or the anniversary of the accident.
This time was worse than any of the others. She’d taken a bunch of sleeping pills trying to chase her demons away. I had no choice but to send Wylla Mae away with East. If Alexa was gonna die it wouldn’t be in front of our daughter. I forced my fingers down her throat, made her expel what she could. Thank fuck she didn’t take enough to do any real damage. I wanted to kill her myself for being so damn stupid.
“I forgive you, Alexa, but now it’s time to forgive yourself, because so help me if you check out on me, I’ll soon follow you to hell to torment you for all of eternity. She needs you, Lex. I can’t be the man she needs, but you’re wasting your life away. Pull yourself together or I’m gonna take Wylla to live with Lily.”
I spent the weekend putting her back together. Got her in to see a shrink to deal with her survivor’s guilt. Our relationship shifted after that. I stopped fucking her. She’d gotten with Easton. A damn good man, but they weren’t right for each other. Alexa’s always belonged to me and life had other plans for East. Fucking bastard fell in love with my Wylla Mae when she became an adult.
I wanted to be angry. Wanted to cut him down. But I know one thing in this life. You don’t choose who to love. It just fucking happens.
Fucking Ruthie. Bitch played me all these years. Cheated me from a life with Alexa and raising my daughter. All she wanted was one more child to replace the one we had lost, and she’d destroy the evidence she had on me and the club. Sounded easy. Simple even. But she could never carry past five months. Each new loss was another stab to my heart. Another broken promise. Another year lost to a woman I despise. A woman who plotted behind my back with East’s cunt ex to kill Wylla Mae and Alexa.
Alexa took a bullet to the abdomen protecting our daughter. Ruthie better count her fucking blessings that Alexa lived.
Now she’s on the run. Knows that if she shows her face in West Virginia I’ll end her pathetic life. I want her to suffer and always look over her shoulder for what she did to me. For the hell she put Alexa through.
I roll up to Alexa’s unannounced. She’s been avoiding me since her doctor gave her the all clear after her shooting. I’m running out of patience. It’s time we set shit straight face to face. No more dodging my phone calls and refusing to see me.
I know I’ve got a lot to make up for, but hell she hasn’t been no saint. I cover the peephole with the pad of my finger and ring the doorbell. I wait and nothing.
I ring the bell four more times. I’m this close to breaking in.
She promised me she’d wait for me. It may have taken us a long motherfuckin’ time to get here, but I’m here to collect on that promise she made me all those years ago.
“I know it’s you. I don’t have anything to say to you,” her voice filters through the door.
“Well I got plenty to say to you. So you can listen through the door if that’s your choice, but we’re having this conversation.”
“Fine.”
I take a step back and wait for the door to open but two minutes pass. She’s called my bluff. Fuck it. I’ll use my key. I fish it out my pocket and go to stick it in the lock to find she’s had them changed. Not that I blame her after the shit she’s been through, but I keep eyes on her house all hours, night and day. Sometimes my own.
“Let me in, Alexa, or so help me I’ll kick the damn thing in. Need to see your face. Gonna give you to the count of three.” I suck in a breath and get ready to force my way in if need be, but I hear the lock click.
The door swings open and there she is, big pouty red lips. The prettiest thing I ever laid eyes on in all my days. Olive green eyes glittering with the tiniest flecks of gold. Body made from sin and for loving me. A body I’ve taken advantage of more times than I can count. A body I can’t live without.
“You have five minutes then I want you gone.” Stepping to the side she allows me inside. The door closes the second I pass through it nearly catching me on the ass.
Folding her arms over her chest, she stares at me hard enough to turn my bones into stone then crush me to dust, but I’ve never been one to back down from a fight, and I won’t start today.
“Tick tock.”
It’s now or never. Time to lay it on the line and remind her that no matter what’s happened between us. No matter what Alexa will always be mine. “All these years...wasted them. Coulda been happy. You and me, babe. Coulda been kissing you. Having that sweet cunt in my bed. Got nothing to show for it. Got nothing but regret. But I'm here now.”
“Go fuck yourself, Murder.”
“I'm James to you.”
“Asshole sounds fine to me. Or dickhead. Prick. Asslick.”
My lips twitch. “Only ass I ever licked was yours.”
Her cheeks bloom pink.
“Shut up.”
“You loved every damn second of it too.”
“For one night of passion I bought myself a lifetime of pain. You’ve taken everything from me. I wasted twenty years on you. I’m done throwing my life away.”
Alexa flinches when I step toward her.
“Don’t ever be fuckin’ afraid of me. Never ever lay a hand on you in anger, baby. Always treated you with respect.”
Alexa snorts. Tears streaming down her cheeks. “You kept me all these years, giving me money, buying me a house. A car. I was your paid whore. Your filthy secret.” Wiping her tears away she shakes her head. “You don’t know how to love anyone but yourself and the ghost of a daughter who hated you.”
“Take that shit back,” I grit through my teeth. The light in her gorgeous green eyes appears snuffed out, and it breaks me into about a million pieces knowing I’m the one who did this. I’m the one who broke her and made her feel unworthy of love. Of my love. I turned her into the bitter woman who has a hard time trusting men. Who won’t let anyone in out of fear of being hurt again. Who craves love desperately but pushes anyone away who gets too close including our own daughter because she thinks she isn’t loveable, but I love her. I always have.
“No. Rochelle hated you in the end.”
“You want to hurt me. I get it. I hurt you, but don’t do that. Lex.”
“Why? Truth hurts.”
I wrap an arm around her, pulling her closer as she pushes against me but failing to loosen my hold. “That why you get so damn mean when I say I love you. Because you know it’s true?”
“She knew what you did. You did what you always do. Murder someone to solve your problems. Rochelle told me how you killed that guy your wife had moved in while you were doing time. Said he was the only father she ever knew, and you took him from her. She tried to forget but he haunted her dreams.”
“Fuck.” I let her go. Alexa always knows where to hit me the hardest. Each time worse than the last. I stare at my boots unable to gaze into her eyes and see the ugly truth. I know my sins. I don’t need reminding.
“Then you treated Wylla Mae, the little girl who’d done anything to make you proud like trash. All she ever wanted was a father and you denied her. Denied me of all I ever wanted.”
My gaze flickers up, registering the change in her tone. The anger has left her, and the single emotion left is pure sadness. “And what’s that?”
“All I ever thought about was being your Old Lady. How good it’d feel to tell everyone you were my man. That you loved me. That we shared a beautiful daughter together. All it ever was...all we were was a beautiful lie. A lie I told myself over and over again hoping one day it’d be the truth. You don’t love me. You never did. So stop pretending.”
“How long you gonna keep trying to shut me out, pretty girl?”
“As lo
ng as it takes for you to get it through that thick head of yours that I’m done.”
“I say when we’re done, and we’re far from over.” I grip her chin seeing the fire blazing dancing in my eyes reflected in hers.
“I’m not one of your club whores. I’m damn sure not your wife so back the fuck up and get out of my face.”
“Don’t want no whore. Don’t got no wife either.”
“Bullshit.”
“You think I’d stay with Ruthie knowing she was behind those bastards putting their hands on you. Bitch is the reason you were shot. Bled that fuck dry. Slit his throat ear to ear. Would done the same to Ruthie but out of respect for Rochelle’s memory I let the cunt walk away. Told her I better not catch sight of her in West Virginia ever fuckin’ again if she wants to keep breathing. I ever hear anyone breathe her name I won’t think twice about putting her to ground for all the bullshit she’s caused. Divorce was fast tracked. It’s over. I’m a free man.”
“Well lah-de-fucking-dah. What do you want a cookie? A blue ribbon? Gold medal?”
“What I want is you to stop being such a God damn smart ass and admit that you still feel something for me. Stop being a bitch for five minutes and hear what I’m sayin’. ‘Cause, Lex. Baby, I’m trying to tell you this is our second chance at a fresh start. Leave the past where it belongs.”
“Oh, I’m trying, but it’s you who isn’t hearing a damn thing I’m saying to you. I’m done, James. You need to let go.”
“Want you to think long and hard about how good we were together.”
“You must have smoked too much pot or drank too much moonshine because I remember the past just fine. I lived it and barely survived you. Maybe you’re the one who needs to jog their memory. I loved you, and all you ever did was bring me down.”
“I know I hurt you, but I’m here now.”
“You can’t change the past no matter how hard you try. We can’t go back and that’s exactly what I’d be doing if I give in and let you into my heart.”
“So you admit it. You love me.”
“I’ve never not loved you. It’s never been in question has it?”
“Guess not. But I shouldn’t have to remind you that I loved you too. Since the first time I laid eyes on you, I knew you’d be my ruin. And I wanted you anyway. Took whatever I could get knowing it’d never be enough for either of us. You’ve always had a hold on me, pretty girl. Think back long and hard. You’ll see and when you do, you’ll come to me.”
“Don’t hold your breath.”
“You’ll see, Lex. I’ll be waiting.” I brush my knuckles along her cheek, and her face softens. “Come back to me, baby. Promised you’d wait for me as long as it took.”
Unshed tears glitter swirling in those flecks of gold as she stares at me. “James,” my name leaves those sweet lips.
I bring my mouth down on hers, hard and true pouring every ounce of love I have for her into the power of my kiss. I won’t lose her. I’m not so proud now that I won’t swallow my pride and go to my knees to beg for one more shot to make it right. To give her the life she deserves. Show her the love she’s always craved.
Alexa sweeps her tongue against mine tasting of home. Her body melts into mine, and I walk her backwards toward the stairs. She stops abruptly. Palms pressed to my chest she breaks our kiss. “Look at me, James.”
“Got my full attention, babe.”
“You and me...we’ll always be unfinished business. I’ve made my peace with it, and now it’s time that you do too. I’m putting the house up for sale. I’m doing something I should have done a long time ago. I’m leaving. This time I’m not coming back. I’ll always love you. You have two choices. One we say goodbye now or two you can follow me upstairs and give me something to remember you by, but after...I’m done. I walk away, and we go our separate ways. I can’t do this anymore. We’re not getting any younger. Don’t you want something more for yourself?”
“Everything I want is right here and so help me, Lex, if you think you’re packing up and walking out on me I’ll chain you to my bed and spank your ass until you give me what I want.”
“Okay.”
“Glad you see things my way.”
I go to kiss her, and she clamps her mouth shut going still.
“Gimme’ that mouth, baby.”
Her head moves side to side.
“You and I both know you don’t want to deny me.” I shove my hand down the front of her jeans, and she’s fucking soaked like I knew she would be. “Don’t want me, babe. We both know you’re a fuckin’ liar.”
“I hate you.”
“Because you know I’m right. We belong together. Fate brought us together. Waited my whole damn life for someone like you. But I fucked it up. I know that.”
“I’m done with this conversation. I’m drained. I’ve got nothing left to give you. So save your energy, and put it toward building a relationship with your daughter.”
“Already had a chat with Wylla Mae. She knows where my head and my heart are. Said I needed to fix us then she’d talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to fix. I’m not repeating past mistakes.”
“Wanna talk about the past, Lex? I’ll tell you how I remember it all going down between us.” I curl a finger inside her, and she moans. “Yeah, baby. Let’s talk.” I kiss along her jaw, take away my finger, and toss my woman over my shoulder.
Chapter Thirty
“Put me down.” I wiggle and shake, but all I manage to do is force James to tighten the hold he has on me.
Strutting into my bedroom he dumps me on the mattress. Lifting his leg, he kicks the door shut and locks it. “Not leaving this room till you catch on to what’s going down. Got something I can tell you now after all these years.”
“What’s that?”
“Shit that Ruthie was holding over my head all these years. It’s over.”
“Ruthie?” I sit up. He has my attention.
“Yeah.” He sits on the edge of the bed and hangs his head. “I should’ve fucking killed her. Put a stop to her bullshit years ago. Fuck.”
“What did she do?”
“She always knew about us. Was blackmailing me. The night I took care of Lion...after Rochelle died, Ruthie threatened you. Both of us. Bitch claimed she had evidence. Our fingerprints, a video...the axe I used in a secure location. If she turned that shit over to the FEDS like she was claiming to do unless I gave her another child...Wylla Mae woulda grown up without a mother. We’d both gone to prison.”
My breath hitches in my throat. I can’t even process this information. “Why would she do that?”
“Fuck if I know. Jealousy. She blamed us both for Rochelle’s death. Said she took one look at Wylla Mae and knew she was mine. Thought I had it under control. But she kept having miscarriages. Loss after fucking loss. I didn’t want them babies, but I still felt that shit.”
“I’m sorry you went through that, but what changed?”
“Knew she hired those dumbfucks who hurt you. Told her I’d let her live if she gave me what she had on you.”
“Jesus.” My stomach does a somersault.
“I did what I thought I had to for you and our girl.”
“What did she have?”
“The axe.” He lets out a sinister laugh from deep within his gut. “Bitch played me. Once she was gone, I had the damn thing checked for my fingerprints. But better than that it wasn’t even the same one. She knew the weapon and too many details though. Someone inside the club fed her information on me.”
“Who would have done that?”
“Maybe Nickel. Can’t ask him now being he’s dead.” He scrubs a hand over his head.
“Thank you for telling me.”
“But?” he stares at me with those dark eyes that have tortured me for years.
“It doesn’t change anything between us. Too much has happened, James.”
He grabs my hand. “Baby, I’ve been in hell all these years. Unable to touch you whenever I want
ed. Unable to raise my daughter. You think I’m just gonna give up after all we been through. I prayed you’d find a better man. I thought that man was gonna be East, so I stepped aside and tried to make peace with the fact that I was gonna be stuck with Ruthie till the day I took my last breath.”
“Let’s not talk about East.” I make a sour expression at him.
“Heard you was pretty rough on him and Wylla Mae.”
“I was. I could see our daughter going down the same path as me, but East is nothing like you. I didn’t want the Old Lady life for her, but she’s happy.”
“Thank God for that.” His lips twitch into a wide smile.
“Yeah. So now I know about Ruthie.”
“You trying to kick me out?”
“What’d you think would happen? That you’d show up and tell me about her betrayal and I’d be relieved? Throw myself at you?”
James shrugs. “A man can hope.”
“I don’t hate you. Sometimes I wish I could. I want you to find happiness. It’s just not going to be with me.”
“You need to go get in the shower and get ready so I can take you to the BBQ at The Devil’s Playground to show you off.”
“Have you lost your fucking mind?”
“Never claimed to have it to start with.” He moves in close, breath fanning over my lips smelling of cigarettes and coffee.
“Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Assume I’m going to kiss you.”
Hands sliding up either side my throat he holds my stare. “Who says I want to kiss you?”
My mouth drops. “You don’t?”
“Do you want me to kiss you?”
“I...”
“Yes or no question, babe.”
“Stop it.”
“Stop what? I’m asking you. Do. You. Want. Me. To. Kiss. You?”
My pulse spikes and my stomach dips. “You’re making me nervous.”
“Since you wanna be all shy I’m gonna make this real simple for you. I’m gonna go start the shower. You’re gonna take these clothes off and clean up. I’m gonna start making some calls about selling this house and mine then see what’s what with a piece of property I’ve had my eye on. Then we’re going to the clubhouse so I can have a beer with my woman. Sound good?”
Tempting The Biker (Royal Bastards MC: Charleston, WV Book 3) Page 18
