Stardust Diaries
Page 17
A vituperative slanging match then ensued with Brownlow trotting out every derogatory homosexual term he could think of and Twinkles countering with the heterosexual equivalent. It was done at enough volume to ensure that curious curtains up and down the street were flicked aside, as people interrupted their morning routines to see what was going on. It's not really the way you want to start the day.
I thrust Twinks back inside the house before Brownlow, who was turning a dangerous shade of puce, made a lunge for him. Of course Twinks had to have the last word by opening the letterbox and yelling at Brownlow to piss off and get a life. Brownlow then gave me a mouthful of vitriol and threatened to call the police about the violation of his privacy. I told him to go ahead as there wasn't actually a law against watching birds nesting in your own garden from your own window and that was all Twinkles had been doing. I added that I would have gladly explained if he'd approached us with civility instead of launching straight into a verbal assault. He lumbered homewards muttering his disbelief about bird watching and I went back indoors.
I was vexed that an unpleasant situation had been made even more unpleasant because of Twinks. He wilfully chooses the path of most conflict at times, because he gets a buzz out of it. He also never knows when to shut up. I get sick of not being able to step outside the house without finding myself in the midst of an undignified tumult. Any pleasurable triumph Twinkles might have felt at the exchange with our neighbour soon disappeared when I unceremoniously turned him over my knee and soundly smacked his bottom for not heeding me and keeping his mouth shut. He decided to pay late homage to my edict about silence. The bad boy didn’t speak a single syllable as I drove him to work. My ears thoroughly enjoyed the holiday.
28th May 2006: Separation Devastation
Twinkles and I have separated at his request. He insisted I move out this morning. I'm staying with my mother and Prissy. I can't say I'm happy about it. In fact I'm utterly devastated.
30th May 2006: Big
Living with my mother is driving me mad. She treats me like Tom Hanks in big i.e. like a thirteen year old trapped in a man's body. She reminds me to brush my teeth both morning and night. She asks if I'm wearing clean underpants. She makes my bed, picks up my clothes and scolds me for leaving the towels in the bathroom crooked.
I came home this evening to find that she'd dug out Croc and placed him on my pillow in case I got lonely and needed something to cuddle in the night. Croc is a mangy old soft toy from my childhood days. I used to have to be surgically removed from him whenever he needed a whirl in the washing machine. I grew out of him when I was about ten or eleven and I had no idea that mum had kept him.
Lulu called this evening to inform me that Twinkles has a date. Apparently he's going to the cinema to see the new X-Men film, and then out for dinner. I know it's awful, but all I can think about is whether he'll have sex with his date afterwards and whether he'll do it in the bed we shared or do it somewhere else.
31st May 2006: Treachery
I have it on good authority that Twinkles did indeed sleep with another in our bed last night and had sex with him. What made the news even harder to take was that it was someone known to me personally. Someone I thought was a friend, someone I thought I could trust. I never imagined Twinkles would treat me so cavalierly. All I want is to go home and be with him, but he's adamant. I'm to stay out of the house and out of his life.
I'm only flesh and blood. I have needs and I have to learn to move on and with that in mind I've got a lunch date today. I've booked seats on the River Princess pleasure cruiser. We’ll have a nice meal and a few drinks while sailing along the Tees enjoying the views. It's warm and sunny so it should be very pleasant and hopefully my date will oblige me in certain areas.
Glamour is something you can't bear to be without once you're used to it (Loretta Young)
Coming soon, more Stardust Diaries: June to December 2006
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Front cover art by Donna Casey | Digital Artist: http://DonnaCasey.com