by Emjay Soren
Huh? “Got what?”
“That I have been lusting after you for the better part of a year.”
“What?” I asked a little too disbelieving. The way he had been flirting these last few weeks had been torture. To think I have been clueless for the last year is depressing. “No you haven’t.”
“I think I would know.” He laughed. If he wasn’t joking I was a little pissed off that he never said anything but was still out fucking anything that would let him.
“And what? You couldn’t see me through that oasis of pussy you’ve been wading through for the last four years?” I didn’t mean to sound so offended, but I never had been good at keeping my emotions hidden. I sucked at cards for that very reason. Now it appeared that I would suck at relationships.
But Chad took my attack with grace and just laughed. “No, it wasn’t the pussy so much as your brother threatening to cut my dick off if I looked at you.”
What the hell? “Noah knew you liked me?” I asked incredulously.
“Liked you is putting it mildly, but yeah Noah has known.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning I didn’t know if you were maybe interested or if you were still with the guy who’s name sounded like a car.”
I laugh. “Brantley?”
He gives a slight cringe and nods. “Brantley. So I never said anything.” He said Brantley with all the enthusiasm of someone who had just stepped in dog poop and I had to stifle my laugh.
“I meant meaning as in ‘like is putting it mildly’?” See there I go laying it all out there.
“Meaning that I wanted more than to fuck you. I liked you and wanted to like you more and Noah was a mean bully and wouldn’t let me.” He was joking but I knew what he was saying.
“Ah I see, the age old adage of ‘bro’s before hoe’s’.” I couldn’t believe we were having this conversation and actually enjoying it. It was heavy and so not appropriate for second date conversation but there it was and he seemed as content as me to go with it.
“Well, yeah. Hoe’s are gross.”
I laughed out loud and smacked his arm. “You’re a hoe.”
He tsked his tongue and pulled my hand back into his and kissed the top. “Was, baby. I was a hoe. Now I’m taken.”
I spent the rest of the ride in silence letting those three little words make my butterfly belly quake in girly giddiness.
‘Now I’m taken.’ He’d said. I just hoped I was enough for him. I wasn’t a virgin, of course, technically. I had been sexually active as far back as I dare or care to remember. Not consensually active though, and not in a way that allowed me to grow sexually like a normal person, exploring and learning about my body and that of the person I’m with.
I felt that sickness roll in like a fog over my mind. I hated my father. In moments like these I was selfish and only thought of what he had done to me and not the shit done to Noah. He’d taken me for years, as a child, a pre teen and then a full blown teenager. I had enough teenage angst going on I didn’t need to add the sexual abuse on top of it. He had told me that he was keeping me safe from other boys’ love and that it was right that the love of my body be given to him. I understand now more than ever how truly sick he was.
He had officially robbed me of the one gift I would give to Chad. Whoa…wait…would I? It only took a fraction of a second for me to realize that yes, I would have given myself to Chad. I can have sex with him, but I will never experience the choice to give my first time to someone who would cherish it. And now he’d found us, possibly to make good on the threats he’d issued all those years ago.
Chad sensed my shift in mood and pulled our joined hand to his lips kissing them. God, I love that. “You okay, baby?” He asked.
I nod and kiss our joined hands in return. “Just thinking is all.”
“About Noah?” He shifted in his seat like he’s uncomfortable, I expect him to remove my hand but he doesn’t. He holds tighter. “I told you that we’ll get him the help baby, we just need to find out what the trigger was.”
Jesus, he guts me. His concern for Noah and for me makes me want to scream and cry and tell my father that he was wrong, we are worthy of good love. “I know why, he told me earlier.”
I didn’t know if Noah had talked to him about our father’s surprise visit and the stress it was causing him, but it was obvious from our conversation that he hadn’t. I was relieved he didn’t know because I didn’t want him to think I was hiding it from him.
“What did he say?”
I took a deep breath and pulled my hand from his. He looked at me, confused, but said nothing. Talking about my dad I could handle, but not while I was being touched. “Noah took off yesterday because he met with our dad, who has been calling him nonstop for weeks. Noah said he showed up at Slave to the Needle and they argued. Noah broke his nose and threatened him within an inch of his life.”
There, like a Band-Aid. Just rip it off.
He cursed a few times and just stared at the streetlights we passed. “And what now, he thinks he’s gonna come after you or something?” I knew Chad would think the obvious so it was my place to inform him otherwise.
“We’ve never told anyone what he did to us. We ran, Chad. Noah was threatening him to prove a point. That point is if he doesn’t leave the minute we sign the trust papers that he will kill him. He was always a manipulative scumbag, so it doesn’t shock me in the least that he was calling Noah and asking about me. He knows how to push his buttons.” It was the hardest thing I had ever done to sit there and act as if it didn’t matter to me when in reality it was completely fucking with my head.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Carrie?” He sounded hurt and I hated that, hated that my dad was able to affect even this small piece of happiness.
I shrug my shoulders in indifference. “You had your practice and then the show.” I felt a blush touch my cheeks. “Then you kissed me and took it all away.”
He smiled and I watched his eyes sparkle like a kid with a secret. “Well, it’s important I do my part.”
I nod while batting my eyes like an airhead. He gets me though and starts laughing. “You’re amazing, baby.”
I look over at him and smile softly. “Why?” I ask with an uncomfortable laugh.
“Because you can laugh even though there’s a nightmare brewing in reality. It’s fucking endearing. You’re strong and it’s sexy as hell.” He isn’t being facetious, he’s dead serious.
I wish he wouldn’t say things like that though. I was a coward, not brave. Noah was brave. “I don’t know what you’re doing with me, Chad, but I’m selfish enough to want you to keep doing it.”
He was quiet and just sat there looking at me. It was then I realized that we were at Gavin’s and probably had been for a while. “Carrie…” He spoke my name like a prayer and waited until I looked him in the eyes. “I have a list of things that draw me to you, I’m still trying to figure out what I did that was so killer to make you finally look my way. Whatever it is, I hope I don’t fuck it up, because I’m seriously way more invested in this than I should be only a week in.”
He didn’t wait for my reply he pulled me in and took my mouth in haste. He licked across my lower lip asking me to open, his tongue mingling with mine when I did. I could feel his breath fan my wet lips and couldn’t contain the groan of want that came from inside.
In the past when I had made out with boyfriends, I hadn’t really felt the desire to take things to the next level. Kissing and making out had been fun and a passing of time, but nothing that did to me what Chad was doing to me now. My skin was sensitive to every touch. His hands were skimming my hip trying to pull me closer, but the gearshift was in the way.
Letting my desires take over, I pulled back and unfastened my seatbelt, Chad watching in silence, confused by my sudden halt. I could see how turned on he was. Even through his jeans, it was hard to miss. Releasing his own seatbelt and turning the car off, he sat back and ran his hands over his face trying to calm d
own.
Not what I expected…..or wanted.
“What are you doing?” I asked not realizing how breathless I was. God he had me on fire and seeing him now, trying to rein in his control, had me trembling wanting him so badly.
“You stopped… I figured I pushed my luck.” He admitted.
I bit my bottom lip and shook my head, smiling as I climbed over the gear shift and into his lap. He cupped my ass immediately and pulled me close. Something between a moan and growl rumbled through his chest. I swear it was the sexiest sound in the world.
“Jesus Carrie, what are you doing?” He was as desperate as I was, just as out of breath and just as turned on. I could feel his erection between the V of my thighs and couldn’t help but rock against it.
“Kissing you, Chad.” I whispered in his ear before nibbling gently on the lobe. He grasped my hips, holding me in place and thrust his hips against me. He hit a spot that felt so amazing I cried out. My eyes locked on his, “Again.” I whispered and dropped my mouth against his.
There was no hesitation from Chad; he kept up that same rhythm, stroking me through my jeans with a denim clad erection that I desperately wanted to set free.
“Fuck, Carrie, I want you so bad baby.” He said the words against my neck as his hands lifted the hem of my top and slipped along my ribs, gently stroking the bottom of my breasts. Every touch made me whimper and ache and cry for more.
His thumb slipped beneath the cup of my bra and stroked back and forth along my erect nipple. “God Carrie, you’re perfect baby. Let me taste.” He didn’t ask. He let me know that’s exactly what he was going to do. I sat back and lifted my top raising my arms above my head so he could strip me of it. Now exposed in my bra, one breast peeking out over the lace, Chad dropped his head between my breasts and started leaving soft kisses along my breast bone. He left one hand cupping my free breast, while the other stroked up and down my back. He stopped at my bra clasp, snapping it free and sliding it from my arms.
He stared at every inch of my exposed flesh with the focus of a dying man in search of God. There was no part of this moment that was unwanted or scary. He wanted me and he wanted me in way I had heard about but never experienced. “You are so fucking beautiful it hurts.” He said as his mouth locked on my nipple and he suckled softly. His tongue did every erotic thing I’d ever imagined being done to a nipple. Every wet flick of his tongue and every hot breath against my fevered flesh brought a new sensation. He released me with a pop before cupping my neck and pulling me in for a kiss. He ravaged my mouth and captured my cries as I rotated my hips against him, working his erection, needing something that I was desperate to find.
“Carrie, baby, I have to stop or I’m gonna make a real prick move here and find any way I can to get inside of you.” He spat the words as if they were acid on his tongue, but I knew he didn’t want to stop. Me neither, so I just rocked harder. “Baby, please.” He begged and lifted me from his lap gasping for air.
My cry was of desperation, frustration and need. “God, please don’t make me stop, Chad. Something was… something was good … I think…” I tried to get back at his mouth and break down his resolve, but he held firm.
To most people I’m sure this would have just been some Levi loving with their man. But to me it was, to date, the best sexual experience of my life. I had never touched myself because too many unwanted memories flooded me every time I tried. I had never wanted to be touched until Chad, and I had never felt intensity so extreme in my body before. Now I never wanted him to stop and that was what he was doing. I wanted him touching me harder, taking this euphoria to the next level. For once I wasn’t having the memories that kept me up at night. What I was having however, were some truly wonderful, filthy thoughts; each and every one of them centering on Chad Blake.
“Baby, look at me.” His voice was firm, but questioning. I had no choice but to look at him, even if it meant I would be reduced to begging. I had been forced to beg in my past, for my safety and Noah’s. I wasn’t proud of that, but here and now I would gladly beg if it meant Chad would take me back to that exhilarating place he’d had me. My gaze fell to his and I gasped at the sight of him. He was just as frazzled as I was, but his eyes held excitement too. We wanted each other, and the Chad I knew, wasn’t the type to stop something like this right in the middle of the good part. It pissed me off that he was stopping with me.
“Carrie, please tell me that you’ve had an orgasm before?” He begged incredulously and scrubbed his face with his hands moaning.
I wanted to act like I didn’t care one or the other whether or not I’d ever had an orgasm before, but my body betrayed me and I felt myself blushing. I slowly shook my head.
“Fuck.” He moaned and pulled me back in, tighter against his erection. “No one has ever had this fine ass in their hands, never touched this pretty spot?” He gripped my butt and pulled me in accentuating his question with every thrust. He dropped his lips just below my ear as he whispered it to me.
I shook my head no and then groaned aloud when his erection hit me perfectly, the seam of my jeans rubbing me just right with the perfect amount of friction.
“Let me get you there baby, let me have it?”
“Please yes… take it, Chad.”
“Give it to me, Carrie girl. Fall into it baby, I have you.”
“I don’t know how, Chad.” I whispered as he fucked himself against me in earnest. I didn’t know my part here, my responsibility and expected follow through. Call me an over achiever but I wanted the best for myself.
“Just relax and enjoy me while I do this and you’ll know what to do baby, I promise.” He put his mouth on mine and I let him thrust against me, but my mind was still bothered by the niggling thought that I had no clue what to expect. Suddenly my body took over; my breath began to hitch and came out in short pants. I couldn’t hold back the yelps of pleasure as he slid me back and forth over him.
“Oh God!” I snapped my head up from his shoulder and watched him as he drove me over the edge with an intensity I would forever crave. My hands gripped his shoulders and my spine went straight and stiff as I felt the most amazing sensation kick me in the back and rocket itself between my thighs. I literally fell apart.
“Holyfuckholyfuckholyfuck!” I cried in a garbled moan as he shifted against me harder.
“That’s right baby.” He moaned and licked a jagged path up my neck. “Fuck … I want in so fucking bad, Carrie, I can feel you throbbing through your jeans.” His words only made the orgasm stronger. He was shaking. I knew he hadn’t had a release because he was hard as stone beneath me. God, that couldn’t be comfortable.
After the final wave released me from its clutches I fell against his chest heaving for breath and trying to regain my bearings. I was so not going to be able to show my face inside.
All I could hear through the blood rushing in my ears was Chad’s breathing as I lay against him in a sexually satisfied heap of girly sex kitten mush. Then came the guilt. I wasn’t a sexually active person, but I knew enough about the effects of sex in the male, that even through my state of rapture I felt guilty as ever. Chad was hard, and while I rested against him I could feel the mild thrusts of his hips he was trying to hold back, even through his erratic breathing. He was desperate for release and though I knew of ways to get him off, I wasn’t exactly sure how to go about it. I wasn’t trying to be a cock tease, but I was sure right now, that’s definitely what I was. I wish he would have gone into orgasmic bliss with me but honestly, it would have ruined his jeans and made our sexcapade seriously obvious. I felt selfish for not getting him to the finish, and stumped because I had no idea what to do next.
I tried sitting back, but Chad only held me closer and I relaxed instantly. “Was I really the first baby?” He asked while rubbing his hand along my exposed back. I nodded into his shoulder and said nothing. “Damn Carrie, I didn’t think you could get any hotter…” He smiled sweetly and cupped my face in his hands forcing me to look at
him. “I’m sorry if I got crazy when you told me you’d never had one before. I just wanted that first one to be mine so bad I lost anything resembling rational thought.” He leaned in and kissed me softly.” Did I scare or hurt you?”
I sat up and then started laughing hysterically. Was he serious? “What? Are you serious, Chad. I give you blue balls while I get the orgasm of a lifetime and your worried you scared or hurt me?!”
He started laughing. “Orgasm of a lifetime? Really?”
I nodded and chuckled. I was glad he didn’t seem mad or intent on making me feel like shit because he didn’t get off. He really was different from the men I’d come across, and definitely different than the stories I’d heard about him. “It is the what all orgasms in my future will be held against.”
“Man, the ego I am growing right now.” He laughed and pulled me in to kiss him. I could feel how hard he still was. I ground my core against him to see just how close he was. He hissed and slapped his grip to my hips to still me. “Stop, baby.” He whispered pleadingly. I rush of guilt washed over me. It wasn’t bad enough that I went beyond exploratory kissing and straight into almost sex, but now I was about to do what so many other women got bad reps over. I’d felt cheap my whole life and what I was about to do wasn’t going to change that feeling. But I felt I owed it to Chad.
I slid my hands from his shoulders and trickled them down his chest until I was at his buckle. The jingle of the buckle sounded like a five alarm fire bell in the pressure of the car, the hiss of his zipper coupled with our panting breaths created an almost erotic melody. Before I could get my hands beneath the denim and fabric his hand gripped mine stopping me.
“Let me babe.” I said, the pet name simply falling off my lips. The ensuing smile he gave me said he liked the way it had sounded.
“What you just gave me was a gift, Carrie girl. I don’t need anything from you.” He grasped both my wrists and pulled them up his chest and around his neck before letting go and wrapping his arms around my waist.
