by Emjay Soren
We hold hands and walk through the pier looking and shopping and just taking all this crazy attraction in and let it absorb us because it feels that amazing. “When is your next show babe?” I ask when I see a vintage concert t shirt that was from a Van Morrison concert in 79’. I think of Noah because next to AIC Van Morrison is his favorite singer.
He is smiling from ear to ear and I know it’s because I called him babe. He is that easy to please. “We have one on Wednesday and Friday. Noah wouldn’t let us book the last Saturday of the month.” I know why but I am not saying anything.
“Don’t be coy baby it’s not doing you any good.” He laughs and grabs my hip pulling me along his side away from the vintage store. “I know it’s your twenty-first birthday.” He looks at me, “Noah said something about tradition and bad music?”
I laugh whole heartedly now because Noah hates my obsession with boy bands. I love music of every kind and prefer it a little harder and darker but I love my boy bands fiercely. “Yeah yeah bad music I know.” I roll my eyes and stop to grab Chad’s hand. “Do you know that if it wasn’t for “bad music” there would be no clubs and without clubs there would be fewer options for your band to play, so it’s really the circle of musical life.”
He shrugs his shoulders in indifference and we continue walking. “I’m fine with singing from rooftops and house parties and out at the pier baby. I’m not in it for the club scene.”
“Nope just the pussy right?” I snap and I have no clue where it came from.
Chad looks shocked and surprised and honestly I am too. “I am so sorry. I don’t know why I said that Chad.”
He shrugs and runs a hand through his hair. “I know what you think of me Carrie and I’m never gonna defend what I’ve done but I can’t be ashamed of it either.” He looks at me and takes my hand and twines our fingers loosely. “I want you to listen to me now and hear me loud and clear so there are no mistakes.” I look around and see that there are no people close by and that we are out on the pier.
“For the last three years I have been with women but all I saw was you. I was partial to blondes who smelled of beer and cheap perfume when all I wanted was cherries and vanilla. Every time I kissed them I closed my eyes and saw your face. The reality of them was always lacking and that’s when a few months back I went cold turkey on the women. I got tested and stayed away. I realized that those women were a pale impression, not even a shadow of your beauty and they lacked your charisma. I know it sounds crazy and more than a little fucked up but there it is. I am not Prince Charming or a shining Knight on a white horse. I’m a dude with over forty tattoos and ten piercings and nowhere near your league. I may never be more than a tattoo artist and I may one day be famous, either way Carrie I’m yours and have been since I met you. It just took me some time to get it right.”
I felt tears filling my eyes and I was so scared to blink and have them fall or worse, wake from a dream. Who says that stuff I mean really? And more importantly what type of woman am I for thinking that was the most romantic thing I have ever heard? I don’t care what anyone thinks or says, when the man of your dreams tells you that he fills the empty space in his life with substitutes for wanting you, you’ll feel what I feel and understand in a totally fucked up way exactly how bad you were missed. If I wasn’t looking at his face to see the clarity and sincerity I could hear it in his voice; the natural inflections of his sarcasm and serious side meeting to sweep me off my feet.
I grabbed him behind the neck and kissed him.
I kissed him for all the nights he used other women trying to forget me. I kissed him for loving cherries and vanilla because I smell like cherries and vanilla. I kissed him because I was sitting in the nosebleed section of the wrong league but he wanted me anyway. I kissed him because he finds beauty in my ugly, happy in my sad and doesn’t make me say why… I kissed him because he is a tattooed, pierced, foul mouthed, horny, drop dead sexy, guitar playing rockstar with a tattoo gun.
I kissed him because he is mine.
“Get me out of here.” I whisper against his lips. He’s holding me so tight that I can feel his erection against my stomach.
“Where do you want to go baby?”
Here it was, the moment that things would never be the same between us. “I don’t care. I just want to be alone with you Chad.”
Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
Linkon Park
Chapter Eleven
The drive back to Gig Harbor was much of the same. We sat side by side and his hand on my thigh as we drove talking about music and movies and stories from shows. Things didn’t heat up until we exited the I405 and drove through town. I still didn’t know where we were going but like I said before it was getting him alone.
“You said you wanted me alone but my gramps is home still.” Chad said as we rolled to a stop at the red light. I knew he lived with his grandfather who had raised Chad since birth. “The gramps is cool but he can cramp my style.” He wiggled his brows and I laughed.
“I actually don’t mind seeing Harvey. I haven’t seen him since Thanksgiving break last year.”
Chad shocked me when he pulled me in for a fast but searing kiss before the light turned green. Not complaining but curious I asked, “What was that for?”
Chad shifted gears and the looped our fingers together to hold my hand in his over the gear shift. I absolutely loved that he always wanted to touch me. “Because.” He says with a shrug. “In the past when girls find out I still live at home with gramps they think it’s weird or that I’m broke or bad credit. They tell me this shit too like it actually mattered to them when in reality they didn’t want me. They wanted the lead singer in TAT or the guy that inked their skin. Not one of them ever asked to meet him, about him or why we were roomies.” He shifted the truck into neutral at a stop sign in his neighborhood. “You get it and you love the old guy. That makes me want to kiss you…” He looks at me and smiles his panty dropping smile. “A lot!” He adds with a wink and I can’t wait to be alone.
“Well Harvey is not your typical grandpa. He’s a horny old wild cat and has a social life that would rival most the college guys I know.”
Chad laughs. “That he is.” I watch the houses pass until we pull into the long driveway of Chad’s house. “I think he has bingo tonight but not till later.” He says and turns off the engine before turning to look at me.
I smile knowing that he wants me alone just as much but I think we both agree that Harvey is the lesser of two evils because Noah is at my house. “It’s fine Chad. I haven’t got plans tonight. Unless you have plans tonight I’m fine just hanging out.”
Chad rolls his eyes. “Stop fishing Carrie. You are my plans, tonight and every night. You said you wanted me alone and this is the opposite of alone. gramps is gonna freak when he see’s you with me. Hell he’s gonna probably cancel bingo so he can hit on you all night.”
We laugh because it’s probably true the man is a total flirt. “Harvey will either go to bingo or at some point go to bed. There’s no rush.”
He looks at me serious for the first time since that awesome talk at the pier. “There is no rush baby. You know that right? I’m fine there’s no pressure here.”
For once I was as blunt as him and Noah. “Well I want to see what we get into when we aint in my Honda.”
Chad just laughs and pulls me in for a quick kiss when Harvey opens the front door and see’s us. “Get the damn girl in here Chad before I smack you in the back of the head.”
Chad laughs even harder and raises his middle finger to the old man and continues to kiss me.
“Smart ass.” I say against his lips and he finally releases me.
“Learned it from him.” He says as we exit the truck. Chad meets me at the front of his truck a
nd pulls my hand to his and we walk together to the door when Harvey catches sight of me.
“Well it’s about damn time that boy of mine hooked you.” Harvey laughs and steps out to meet me on the porch and pulls me in for a hug. He looks nothing like Chad but they act the same. Harvey has a head full of thick black hair with streaks of silver around the edges. He isn’t much taller than Chad maybe an inch or two and his eyes are a deep cobalt blue. I have seen pictures of Chad’s mom on the wall the few times I have been here and you can see her resemblance to her father. He is dressed in his usual jeans and a t shirt. Most of his shirts are printed with fishing items or Harley Davidson but tonight he wears a blue that makes his eyes pop and I can smell the cologne.
“How are you Harvey?” I ask when he releases me to Chad’s relief. I kind of like that even in his grandfathers arms he misses me.
“Better now that I know your keeping Chad company. He said he was dating you but I didn’t believe it. Damn boy’s been pining for you since the day he met ya sweetie. I’m just glad you opened your eyes and noticed him.”
I hung on every word Harvey said when he spoke of Chad’s ongoing desire for me and couldn’t help but blush. “Thanks gramps. Anymore personal shit you want to share with Carrie?” Chad gripes but I can tell he isn’t really angry with Harvey, just a little embarrassed. He should be thankful because each time I hear about Chad pining for me, it makes me fall even harder. I can’t imagine what it was like for him to be so into me and never let me on to the fact.
Harvey smiles and looks at me. “Nope don’t want to scare her off already.” He gives me the same wink that Chad does and though they don’t resemble one another in the slightest, their actions are identical. “Come on in we’ll have a drink before I have to go to bingo. I’m meeting Letty Valdez there tonight and I want to get there early because she likes sitting up close.”
I take the wine Harvey hands me and sit at the kitchen table next to Chad. His hand finds mine in my lap and my stomach flutters when his thumb strokes my knuckles. “Why do you go to bingo Harvey? You seem too young.” I ask and sip from my wine hiding my smile as Chad drops my hand and grasps my thigh just shy of where I can’t wait to feel him again.
“Oh hell girl bingo gets a bad rap. There is some damn fine tail there and its cheap fun, cheap drinks and I win some pretty cool shit.” God he cracks me up this man.
“Well you sold me. Maybe next time me and Chad can tag along, see what the fuss is about.” My voice cracks when Chad’s thumb traces the crease of my thigh.
“It’s a date,” he says and then looks to Chad. They seem to have a wordless conversation and before I can ask or even guess what’s going on Harvey smiles and nods. “Well it’s about that time.” He says looking at the clock and pouring an almost full beer down the sink. He dries his hands and walks over to me dropping a kiss on my cheek. I stand to hug him and he whispers in my ear, “be good to him darlin’ your about the only thing that can break my boy.”
I know Chad couldn’t hear him from where he now stood at the wine rack by the fridge reading the labels all nonchalant. “I would break me before him Harvey.” I say just as quietly.
“Fix each other instead okay Sugar?” He asks and pulls back from me and starts looking for his keys. I know I need fixing but I wonder now about Chad. “I’ll be late so don’t wait up. Might even stay at Letty’s if the night is right.” He winks again and then he’s gone.
Chad is leaned against the counter, a bottle of wine in his hand. I’m still standing by the table but our eyes are locked on one another. Like a track race we both set off for one another at the sound of Harvey’s bike growl as he leaves the house. I don’t know if it was Harvey’s words or just being with Chad all day and last night, but then and there I can’t wait to feel him in my arms.
Our lips meet first but within seconds Chad has us turned and I am now against the counter facing Chad. He pulls me closer as our tongues dual and our teeth tug and nibble one another’s lips. His hands are brazen and they go to my butt and then he is lifting me and setting me on the counter. Without losing the rhythm of our amazing kiss he palms my knees apart and settles his body in between my legs and pulls me close.
“Tell me what you want baby. I can stay right here all night and feast on these lips that drive me fucking nuts.” He proves his point deepening the kiss. This kiss is the kiss that all kisses in the future will be compared to. It’s the pedestal kiss.
“What’s my second option?” I ask playfully hoping for the dirty boy inside him will come out and play. I pull his pierced lip between my lips and suck.
He groans and pulls back from me enough to get the friction he needs and rocks his hips against me. “I could fuck you dry right here and now just like I did last night.” He doesn’t disappoint and I moan out loud when reminds me of the Levi loving in my little Honda but even then I want more.
“Is there a third option?” I love when he gets a little dirty, a little nasty. He says things that make my heart pound and my core go molten.
He fingers the snap of my Capri pants and has it undone and the zipper down in a flash. His finger traces the lace from the top of my panties and I know it’s in question if he can go further. I nod but say nothing. He wastes no time as his entire hands slips beneath the lace and I feel two of his callused fingers sliding against the wet hot slit of me.
His lips slide down my neck as he whispers his intentions. “I could finger you. Make this pretty little body of yours tremble just from my touch.” I nod but I don’t want him to stop touching me. “I love option three but while you’re doing it tell me about four.” I gasp right then because he stops on my clit and starts tapping. It dawns on me then that he is touching me for the first time where my jeans and his are no longer restrictions to his silken touch. Realizing that and the tapping of his fingers has my body shaking in need.
“Fuck your wet baby.” He says but I think it was more a passing thought because he moves right along the list. “Option four has you doing me the same. Hand down my pants and fingers around my dick.”
I can see the glimmer in his eyes when he purposely chooses the nastier words. I bite my lip to keep from begging and go for the heavy buckle of his belt. The sound of the metal jingling makes my stomach drop in memory but I refuse to let the thought fully surface. This is Chad and he is good and safe and comforting. I rip his belt from the loops and it falls to the floor. I don’t even attempt to undo his pants I just slip my hand beneath his jeans and boxers and find him hard and waiting for my touch. The first stroke makes him groan while his tongue is in my mouth and I love knowing he likes my touch.
“I want option five baby.” He says and thrusts those talented digits inside of me with practiced friction and he has me teetering on the brink.
“What’s option five?” I pant, my hand pumping and my hips rocking against him.
He pulls his hand free from me and steps back from my body. I no longer have him in my hand or inside of me but before I can make him come back to me he grabs the waist of my Capri’s and lifts me yanking them down, panties and all.
He pulls them from my now bare feet having lost my flip flops somewhere and he places my bare bottom back on the counter. Oh God this is it. I no longer want to complain at the loss of his fingers because I want this so much more. He drops to his knees before me and I don’t even get a chance to wonder why because the first swipe of his hot tongue against me takes all thought from my brain. Now there is only Chad and I grip the counter with both hands until my knuckles are white.
“Legs over my shoulders baby.” I follow his instruction and then he is back on me, spreading me with his thumbs and tasting the most intimate place on my body. All I can hear are my gasps and the words Chad says against my flesh. “So good Carrie… fucking perfect baby.”
I say nothing because he has taken me to a place that is beyond all thought unless it involves him and what he is doing to my body. I am overwhelmed and so elated because I never thought I cou
ld or would experience such euphoria. I had been terrified and scared for so long, shamed by my abuse. Here and now there was nothing but Chad and I welcomed the way he consumed me.
“So close baby, let me have it.” My body is shaking and I am rocking against his face like a damn maniac and I can’t find it in me to care. I am close and I want this feeling to last forever. I feel that familiar tremble inside and I cry out his name. “That’s my girl.” He slips in two fingers and I shatter around him unable to control myself. “It’s mine, it’s mine.” He chants and finishes me off. Slowly and with enough effort to make me shiver he pulls his fingers back and stands between my legs. His eyes are dark and full of needs and desires that I am welcoming gladly. He watches me, maybe looking for signs of duress or fear but he smiles when all he see’s is a satisfied girl desperate for more. I bring my shaking hands up and run them through his hair before kissing him and tasting myself on his lips.
He pulls back and stares me down, like I am prey. “I want you upstairs in my bed and laid out for me Carrie.” He slips his fingers in his mouth and groans closing his eyes for just a second. They had been inside me just moments before and the sight of him doing that had me gasping. He watches me watch him and I feel feral. “Tell me to stop now Carrie or give me it all. There’s no more options baby that’s it.”
There isn’t even a hesitation in me. For the last three weeks, all of the looks in the beginning, the harmless flirting; all the texts and serenades and kisses and fantastic memories in my Honda lead me to this very instant. “I want it all Chad.” And I mean it so literally that I fear he can see through me to my soul.
*
I don’t take in the sight of Chad’s room. I see his bed and the black and grey pillow cases and matching bedspread and I’m happy. He carried me up the stairs and now he leans over the bed and drops me down beneath him. “Kiss me…” I whisper on a plea and he gives in without thought. He lifts me as if I weigh nothing and slides my back up the bed before pulling back.
