by Emjay Soren
“Fuck baby, you don’t need to tell me this okay?” He is holding me close and I love that he is telling me to stop but I need him to understand.
“I do need to tell you. My father believed he was in love with me and I know as does anyone in my shoes, that he was and is sick. The things he said to me, the way he would ask me to play along… I think I know why I freaked out earlier.”
“Why? And know that if I ever do anything, touch you in a way that scares you just tell me and I will stop no questions asked.”
“I know that baby.” I curl into his chest because I can’t see him or his face while I talk about this. “When you held me against the wall, or the dirty things you say…I like it not because I think I deserve it or that type of thing. I don’t know why I like it but I feel safe when you hold me down, or say things that are filthy and make my toes curl. I like the way you make me feel because it’s new and nothing like him.”
I pull back to see him and he is processing what I am saying. “So you like my kinky ways?” He is so perfect then. He isn’t making this a big deal and he gets it all the same.
“I love your kinky ways.” I nod in agreement.
“Thank God!” He says and spins us until I am on my back on the floor with him above me. His hands slide slowly over my arms until my fingers are locked with his. His eyes are on my face and he is so perfect I could cry. He slowly raises my arms above my head, using one hand he locks my wrists in his grip and slides his free hand down my face, over my neck and down to my hip. “So this is ok?” He asks his head dropping and kissing along my collar bone.
“Very baby.” I say on a gasp when he lightly bites below my ear.
He grinds his erection against my most private place and I welcome the feel of him. “I can’t believe I’m hard again after coming so fucking hard twice already.”
“I want to make you come.” I whisper and twist my neck to follow his perfect face as he nibbles my breasts through my clothes. His hot breath has me reeling before his teeth snap and pinch my nipple. “Show me how Chad.” I whisper wishing like hell I knew all the ways to make him crazy so I could dive in.
“I don’t need to show you or tell you Carrie.” He looks at me and I am lost in the heated pools of green. “I get hard if you look at me, when you bite your bottom lip or blush. Everything about you is erotic as fuck and I can’t wait to get inside you.” He grinds into me again and I yell out in pleasure. “I never knew how perfect you were inside until today so I was able to keep my dick in check. I know how you feel now Carrie and all I want to do every second of every day is get inside your tight little body and rut on you again and again.”
Jesus would I ever be able to match him word for word? “I can’t compete with that so tell me something baby; give me something.”
I see something is there, something he wants from me but he is holding back. “Tell me Chad!” I am panting and squirming my hips against him in hopes of finding a surprise orgasm.
“I can’t!” He groans and rolls off of me to my side and punches into the air hitting nothing. “Fuck!”
Not willing to lose him, lose this freeing feeling between us I roll over demandingly and straddle him, grinding my core against him. “Please Chad.” I beg and slide myself against him and I cry out because it’s so damn good.
His eyes roll back and he gasps like he is in pain, but I know he is in the best kind of pain. “Fuck. Again!” He says and grips my hips. I assume he means to grind against him and so I do it again. He stops me when I go for a third and stills my hips. His green eyes boring into me he curses, “No baby, beg me again.”
I smile fully aware of what he is hiding. He wants a beggar and I am so willing to beg. “Please baby, I need you.” I free myself in saying those words and feeling wanton I strip free of my shirt and bra. “Please!”
“Oh my God Carrie…you’re…fuck baby keep doing that and I’ll come in my pants.”
I laugh and bite my bottom lip knowing what it does to him but unable to stop. He flips me back to the floor and reaches for the button on my Capri’s. I am so wet and still burning from our encounters earlier. I feel his touch like a brand when he opens my pants and slips his fingers just beneath the lace of my panties. He stops for the briefest second and looks at me. He is serious and whatever he is thinking I feel like it will make or break the moment. “All in?” He demands an answer just from his tone.
How could he even think I wasn’t already all in. “All in, always and everything I have Chad! All in baby!” I pant and then my body drenches when he grips my panties and tears them ripping my pants in the process. He doesn’t wait for me to react; he undoes his pants and whips out his cock.
We are aligned in seconds and he is slipping and sliding the head of his erection along the seam of my mound and I could come from just that. “God Dammit!” He roars and stands up tucking his dick back in his jeans, snapping them and storms from the boathouse.
I have no clue what just happened, no clue what set him off and I fear that he hates himself for shredding my clothes. I however have never been more sure of myself in my whole life. I wanted to be fucked and I was ready and desperate and the only cock I wanted was tucked away safely in some sexy sevens jeans and out the door.
“Mother fucker!” I hiss and lay back completely out of control. I am close to pain and one step closer to understanding men and blue balls. I think I have blue vagina because I am so horny that I can’t stop shifting my legs and doing kegal exercises.
Unable to help myself and already to close and far gone I slip my hand between my legs and with a simple touch and the remembrance of me against the door at Chad’s, I explode in a million tiny fragments and bite my lip on a groan. My hand was no substitute to my boy but he left me wanting and I couldn’t take it. As I came down from the explosive release I felt tears rim my eyes. I don’t know why he left me and I was embarrassed by it sure, but his leaving also gave me something I never thought I could have.
I had pleasured myself without thoughts of the past blocking my release, and to me it was worth the humiliation of him leaving me. I swipe myself a few more times and scream closing my legs when I hear an erotic growl from the door. Looking up I am gifted with the sight of my boyfriend, cock in hand and beating himself off.
“Didn’t mean to scare you baby…ah fuck!” He groans and thrusts into his hand still watching me. “Fuck you are so hot, show me your pussy again Carrie.” He says and his voice is strained and raspy out of breath. “Now Carrie do it before I come baby.”
I do as he asks not sure what either of us are doing but I am loving the hell out of it and even more turned on. “Fucking perfect.” He hisses and I watch stunned as he comes right then and there. Pearl drops shoot into his free palm as he groans my name and the word ‘fuck’ repeatedly. I am aware then that my fingers are moving, stroking and I am climbing real close to coming again.
Chad finishes and whips his shirt off and wipes himself off before demanding me to stop. “Let me finish you baby dammit!” He is almost angry and before I can understand his words he is between my legs and his mouth is on me stroking me ferociously with his tongue. He slips two fingers in me and curses again. “My dick is getting in here next, fuck Carrie I’ll slip right in your so fucking wet.”
“I came just a minute ago.” I pant and I think he was watching me come.
“I fucking know it and I swear it was damn near religious baby. Come again now, let me taste it baby!”
I did as he commanded because I was already too far gone. Chad strokes and sucks on me until I am so over sensitized that I have to physically remove him from between my legs.
“What was that?” I ask while coming down from my sexual high. I knew we weren’t done but I was basking in the awesome gift of what we just did. I didn’t even feel like the same person. In the last forty-eight hours I had gone from barely kissing Chad, to masturbating in front of him.
“That was hot.” He says and plants a kiss on my lips. He is still
breathing heavy too and as he lays over me I feel his erection. It’s like he’s a sexual immortal like a read about in my paranormal romances. Those guys are able to go all night and then some. Looks like Chad can too. “Calling it anything, but, is sacrilegious baby.” He laughs breathlessly and kisses me one last time before pushing up off me and kneeling between my legs.
I am suddenly self conscious and waaaay too exposed. Trying to cover myself with my now shredded pants and panties Chad just laughs and completes the tear making it impossible to cover up. “Knock that shit off right now.”
“Where did you go?” I ask avoiding that little quip from him.
He smiles and winks at me as he rubs his hands up and down my now bare calf muscles. His touch is soft and looking at him kneeling between my thighs while stroking me, I feel like I won the sweepstakes the lottery and the Price is Right all at once. “I didn’t have a condom and as much as I would give to feel you wet, hot and bare, I am not ready to be a daddy. Besides I just got you and I don’t want to share you with anyone even my own kid.” He pulls the tattered remains of my Capri pants off and tosses them to the side. “I’ll buy you more of those.” He says looking at the mess of pants he just tossed like he was just now feeling bad about it.
I watched him like he was Chad TV the best show ever. “You’re like an ADHD kid you know that?” I laugh and continue. “You just covered kids, quality time shopping and unprotected sex in like, a run on sentence.”
He laughs and pokes at my sides causing me to laugh. “Just being honest baby.”
I realize then that he never used the condom. “I take it there were no condoms in your truck?”
He is shaking his head no. “Really baby? I left you here all sweet and ready I wasn’t going to my truck. I went in and got one from the guys.”
That was as effective as ice cold water being tossed on me. “Holy fuck you asked Noah for a condom?” I shrieked and slapped his arm a lot harder then I meant to.
He only laughs but I see him rub the spot that was now taking on a mark of my hand. Feeling bad I stroke his arm even though I am still embarrassed. “No I didn’t ask Noah. I’m not a dick. I asked Shame because he is cool and wont tease you like Cal would and I like my dick where it is thanks. No way in hell would I have asked your brother for a rubber.”
I am still mortified but at least Noah is none the wiser. “Good.”
He just laughs and shakes his head again. He has started stroking my legs further up and I want to purr in delight. “That was so fucking hot baby. I thought you never did that?” His voice is husky but soft and it makes my insides all soft.
“I don’t, but I was so uncomfortable the way you left me and after telling me no so many times I thought you ran away from me. I had to finish what you started.”
“Glad you did it?” He asked knowing why I never had before. I also felt like he was asking what I saw when I climaxed.
“Very glad. It almost made me cry, talk about breakthrough.” I laugh without humor. “Only I would cry for giving myself an orgasm.”
“It’s a big deal baby.” I still feel like he is fishing and I want him to know I thought of him.
“All I could think about was you pressing me against the door earlier and the way you took me…” I shiver just remembering and that deep ache is back where it had been all day.
He could hear the way my voice changed, he saw the shiver and I knew my face held all that wanton lady hear me roar thing going on. He fell back in between my thighs and nuzzled in close. “I don’t see any sense in wasting this condom baby.”
He shows me the condom and I am already undoing his jeans. He presses the foil packet to my lips and on instinct alone I tear it with my teeth. He lets the best noise ever escape his perfect mouth and I shiver again feeling how hard he is. “See that baby. You tear a condom open and I am hard enough to burst. Literally everything about you is sexy.”
Remembering something he said earlier I reach for his hand as he pulls back to roll it on. “Teach me to put it on with my mouth?”
Yeah, he taught me and man did I suddenly like learning.
*
I woke the next morning alone. The sun was shining through the curtains and the way the light reflected off the bay made the room seem brighter. I stumbled on still tired legs to the sink and splashed cold water on my face. Last night’s events were a roar in my mind as they flickered like flashes from a camera.
“Want to come yet…” I could still hear my own voice shaky as I asked such a wanton question. He did and he informed me how bad he wanted to. It wasn’t just were a blur outside of my sexual activity.
Being that tomorrow was Monday and also the day we needed to sign Noah’s rights to The Joint, I needed to make an appointment for some intense therapy. I lie awake most of the night trying to sort my thoughts and desires from one another. I don’t have a medical degree so the more I thought on it, tried to make sense of it, the more it left me confused. I wanted answers, needed them to know I wasn’t too messed up.
Scrolling through my phone I pulled up my Google app and started searching therapists who specialized in sexual trauma. Dr. Arvin Greenfield came up first and after a little more digging I found that he was a she and she was the best in the state. I saved the number in my phone and then made my way through the boathouse trying to get it in order. With all of Chad’s belongings, the bed open instead of the couch and all the various other items strewn about I gave up and made my way for the main house and coffee.
Noah was sitting on the porch, mug in hand, as I walked up. “Hey you?” I was cautious and spoke like it was a question. In a way it was, I didn’t know what he was thinking after the guys showed up last night. Noah hated feeling weak and his buddies, no matter how great their intentions were, most likely made him feel small.
“Chad said to tell you he ran to check on Harvey and swing by Slave to the Needle.” He sipped from his mug and avoided looking at me.
“You okay?”
He nodded and then dropped his stare to the inside of his mug. “Yeah just a little overwhelmed.”
It was then I noticed why he was so solemn. Candy’s painting was sitting behind him. “You call Candy yet?” I ask and fold my arms over my chest and lean against the porch railing.
He shakes his head no and then sighs like he has more to say but not sure how to start. I for one cannot do this without my coffee. I dash inside and pour a cup and head back out to the porch. It’s a little chilly today and even in the distance I can see that the sun won’t be hanging around all day.
“What’s the deal Noah?”
“Called her last night but she won’t answer. I texted her today and said I wanted a second chance, but she aint talkin’.” He sounded so defeated and I couldn’t help but feel for him. What he did was bullshit and Candy had every right to run from him. I also knew that Noah never sees himself as worthy. I truly think that he thought Candy was bluffing, that he was unlovable and took the fangirl thinking he was at her level. It is truly sad how low he sees himself.
“Let me talk to her and see where she’s at emotionally. I get why you did what you did, but that’s because I know your past. Candy knows enough but she doesn’t have to be a victim of it either. She wants you though Noah, I don’t think she’s ready to give up yet. Let her stew on it, let her torture you into making a bold move. But do not go fuck some random chick to wash her out of your mind. Come up with some grand gesture and blow her mind but let her be mad for now.”
He was nodding but quiet as I spoke, completely unlike him. “What if she won’t forgive me?” He sounds so much younger than he is and I want to protect him and his heart even though I know I can’t.
“Then you wish her the best, learn from your mistakes and hope like hell you find someone as amazing as her again.”
“Fuck…” He sighed and stared out over the water with a blank look on his face. “Beg her for me sissy.” He said it so quietly I almost didn’t hear him.
“No
worries big bro, if I can sell you to anyone it’s Candy.”
He chuckles and I nudge his shoulder. “Look I made an appointment with a therapist to talk about all this sex shit in my head. I need to sort out the bad from the good and it got me to thinking.” I looked to him and forced his eyes to meet mine so he knew how serious I was. “I think you should talk to someone too Noah, I think it could help you.”
He said nothing and just looked at me. I know he hated the idea of therapy, but seeing him relapse, blow shit with Candy, the stress of our dad being back and my relationship with Chad might be more than he can handle.
Noah smiled and kissed the top of my head before he chuckles light heartedly. “Not gonna happen baby girl.” He said and walked into the house without another word.
At least I tried.
Doctor Doctor
Can’t you see I’m burnin’ burnin’
Doctor Doctor
Is this love I’m feeling
Thompson Twins
Chapter Fifteen
A week later I found myself sitting in Dr. Arvin’s office trying to explain my crazy issues. Chad and I had spent the majority of this last week in bed. It was only getting better between us sexually, it seemed the filthier his mouth got, the harder he restrained me or pulled my hair, the harder I came and wanted more.
“I feel like I am in the twilight zone. I have been terrified of emotion and touch unless it came from Noah. Chad has been my dream guy, the one I would fantasize about and hope for. I never thought he would feel for me what I do for him. I don’t know how to go from absolute terror to complete and utter satisfaction.” I don’t even know if I am making sense but I’m on a roll so I just keep talking.
