by Emjay Soren
“I can’t believe you have been having sex and haven’t told me.” She was obviously still hung up on the fact of Chad and I doing the deed and completely bypassed my telling her about Noah loving her. She sounded hurt by my confession and I wanted to explain.
“I had talked to Noah and I knew that you were dealing with some heavy stuff and I didn’t want to unleash my news and my happiness and my fears on you while you were trying to cope with all the Noah bullshit.”
“Carrie I need to know these things no matter what. Just because I have some shit going on it doesn’t mean I don’t care about your stuff, especially when it involves Chad Blake. This drama with Noah has been brewing for two years now and I knew it would end one of two ways: good or bad. That doesn’t mean that I can’t be there for you when big life altering moments happen. You can’t always be the one in the background smiling and being polite. You had sex Carrie. With Chad fucking Blake, the guy you have been crushing on since the day you met him and that is worthy of some serious girl time and chit chat.”
I loved this girl so much. It was times like these that shined through showing me why Candy was such a good person. “I know I should have called you and I’m sorry if I hurt you by not coming clean sooner. I honestly just wanted to be there for you Candy.”
“You are always there for me Carrie and I am always here for you no matter what the situation calls for we are always there for each other. Was that why you called? You asked if I had heard yet?”
My thoughts came rushing back, the fear momentarily forgotten, was back once again and pressing down on me. “No that wasn’t it. I was however going to beg you to wave a white flag for the night and come over to celebrate. Thick as Thieves were picked to do a Washington state tour for eight days with Sinners of the Slipstream and we are throwing an impromptu party. I know this thing with you and Noah is twisted and painful, but I need you here celebrating Chad’s success with me.” I was totally laying it on thick with my use of the word need but after her speech on ‘Besties 101’ I figured I had it in the bag.
“They got invited to play with Sinners?” She asked, her voice full of awe and wonderment. Sinners of the Slipstream were the biggest alternative rock band to come out since Nickleback, Three Doors Down, Buckcherry or Rise Against came on the scene. The Sinners asking our boys to join the tour in their hometown was a huge break.
“Yeah they leave in two days.” I think to try my luck at pulling her heart strings. “I think that you should talk to Noah and say your piece, tell him how much he hurt you and make him gravel and worry while he’s off being semi-famous for those eight days.”
“Carrie, we both know Noah and he doesn’t gravel or pine for girls. They fall at his feet when he does nothing more than smile at them. I’m positive that he will be well taken care of on the tour.”
“So then come and settle on old fashioned jealousy. Make him pant and keep him on his toes. I really think that if he thought he had an ice cubes shot in hell at getting you back to him he would pass up every chick that looked his way. He’s messed up emotionally for sure but he’s not a pig.”
She scoffs, “Carrie I’m not a random girl that won’t leave so stop playing the ‘it’s not you it’s him’ card to me. I know your job as his wingman and frankly I’m insulted you would try it on me.”
I had been his wingman for so long that it was easy to say the words without thought or consequence, the difference was, this time, I meant them. “I’m not, and I would never play on your emotions for Noah’s sake. Anyone but you Candy so frankly I’m offended by your assumption. I won’t make excuses for him Candy. What he did was wrong on a million different levels but it doesn’t mean he’s not sorry and fully aware of how bad he fucked up. That is worth something Candy, he knows what he’s in jeopardy of losing if he hasn’t lost it already.”
She is silent for so long I fear she hung up on me. “Cans?”
“I’m here.”
“You okay chica?”
“I’m scared to see him Carrie. I want to see him so bad and that terrifies me because I know I’ll let him back in.”
I felt the weight of her admission and wanted to sigh in relief. “Then maybe that’s what you need to do.”
“Would you be so forgiving?” She asks me coldly and the question stops my heart.
I don’t want to think of Chad touching another woman, the thought makes me literally ill and I know that I would never be able to forgive him if he did that, especially if I witnessed it. Chad says he loves me and Noah told Candy the same thing… I feel as though love should have made the decision to walk away all the more easy. I can’t lie to her and I know I’m about to assist in breaking my brothers very fragile heart.
“No Candy, I don’t think I would.”
I hear her gasp at my answer and I know she was wishing that I would have lied to her because the truth is so ugly. “I’ll come to the party Cares but just to congratulate the band and to visit with you.”
That was her telling me to keep her away from Noah at all costs without involving me directly. “Okay. We can go out to the boathouse and have some girl time. By the time you get here I’ll be beyond annoyed by all the drunks.”
We hung up and I stood, making my way to the bay. Candy knew so much about Noah and she knew so little too. She didn’t know about the drugs, or the darkness inside of him. She didn’t know about our dad showing up at the tattoo shop. All of those things played intricate parts in his betraying her with another woman.
I couldn’t get her question from my mind though. Had it been Chad and I in this situation, would I truly be able to let him go…would I be able to forgive him? Fuck me, but I didn’t ever want to know. All of the talk of tours and cheating had only raised my insecurities and managed to make me even more self conscious.
I believed Chad when he spoke about loving me silently for so long, but like Noah, his heart was with me but yet he was sleeping his way through Washington’s supply of easy women. I had even found it sweet in my own fucked up way that he had been with women thinking of me and wishing for me. Looking at it from this new angle had me feeling less than because of it.
I felt arms encircle my waist and smelled his cologne Acqua de Gio mixed with the rockstar wearing it and my stomach fluttered into knots. His affect on me was almost deafening the way he became my focus. “What ya doin’ baby?” He asked me, his voice a soft whisper compared to the sound of the bay.
I placed my hands over his arms and leaned back against his chest feeling small in the best way. I leaned my head to the side, a silent offer of my neck. His lips were on me almost instantly and I loved how well Chad could read me. I groaned as his lips scorched a pattern to just below my ear. I couldn’t contain the groan of pleasure as I shivered loving how he effected me. “I just got off the phone with Candy.”
“Mmm-hmmm.” He hummed, his lips and teeth trailing against my collar bone. I was calculating my steps from where I stood on the bay to how fast I could get him to the bed in the boathouse when I felt his hand slip below the hem of my shirt, his palm flat against the expanse of my tummy.
“I think I convinced her to come by… oh God, Chad” I gasped as he licked a trail down the center of the back of my neck, the wetness of his tongue and the heat of his breath had me shifting my thighs for friction.
“That’s good baby. It’s not a real party without Candy here.” He was full of shit though, his voice said it all with every word. His focus was on me and me alone, he could care less in that moment if Candy came or not.
His fingers continued to graze the band of my jeans, his fingers dipping below the denim and sliding from side to side. He was beneath my jeans sure, but he was too far from where I really wanted him. “Chad…”
“Tell me baby.” He spoke directly in my ear, his fingers lazily stroking back and forth.
“I want you.” I said it. I came right out and told him what I wanted knowing he would deliver to me anything I asked.
“You can have
me baby.” He whispered and I almost came from the feel of him everywhere and nowhere at once. He slipped his hand from my jeans and yanked gently on my arm spinning me so we were now chest to chest. His arms were around me, his hands resting low on my back above my ass. I had no choice but to look at his face or his chest and I chose the better of the two.
The minute our eyes met I could see the same untamed lust in his eyes as what I was feeling in my body. He was so effortlessly sexy it was unfair how effortless it was. His charisma did all the work for him. It wasn’t just his looks, though they only helped in the devastation. It was all charisma and swagger with him. He had two sides, both equally perfect and devastating. When he was with me he was gentle and kind but managed to be forward and commanding all the same. He was honest and passionate and full of love unlike any man I knew. That was Chad the man I loved, Chad my everyday tattooed, pierced sexy boyfriend. In bed though, in bed I had Chad Blake, lead singer of TAT and he knew what he was doing.
Right now I had his eyes on me, for me and I wanted nothing more that to see myself through his eyes. “Chad?”
“Yeah baby?” His voice was still that soft raspy whisper and it made my toes curl and my spine tingle. It was his sex voice, laced in promises to come.
“Why me?” My voice was just above a whisper and I couldn’t look at him when I asked. I needed to know the answer to that loaded question as much as I needed him inside of me. I wasn’t as commanding as him, I didn’t steal the spotlight or command a room full of strangers. I was easily the most confused woman in the world when it came to appearance. I would never be able to pull off a fangirls level of sexy. I didn’t know what it was about me that made him see me or want me and I needed to know why me before he left me to eight days of temptation.
“Why you? Elaborate baby.” His hands were still on me but they had lost the path for their intent and I felt cold without his hands stroking me.
“Why me over all the others? What makes you want me and love me so much when you have your pick of beautiful perfect women?” I bite my lip and look down tempted to leave the safety and warmth of his arms. I try and step back but his arms are like iron casings locking me to him.
“I’ll answer that when you tell me why you’re asking.” His sex voice was gone as he spoke, his eyes frozen on mine.
I try again to step back and this time he lets me. I fall to the sand at my feet and curl my knees against my chest and look out over the bay again. I can hear the music and the laughter coming from inside the house and I feel like a dick for bringing this up now when we were supposed to be celebrating. “Is it because of the tour?” He asks when he sits down beside me and pulls me against his shoulder. His feet are stretched out and he leans back on his hands, looking casual and effortlessly perfect once again. The man exudes sex even when doing the most mundane things, like sitting on the beach.
“Yes but it’s not that big of deal.” I lied.
“Liar,” he whispered as he kissed the cap of my shoulder before whispering against my ear. “A filthy mouth will only get you in trouble later.”
I gasp at the feel of him so close, threatening me with sexual banter. I adore him. He laughs at my reaction to him and tugs me by the arm until I am sitting over him, my thighs spread to straddle him. He pulls me in for a gentle kiss on my lips. “That’s one of the reasons I love you Carrie. You react to everything I say or do, even if it’s bad or we’re fighting. I can always see how you feel for me just by watching you.”
I love hearing him describe me and my reactions, and duh, I’m a girl who loves some compliments, fishing or otherwise. His response however wasn’t what I meant.
“I love when you say stuff like that babe, but I meant what was it about me that made me your exception to the rule, your game changer.”
Chad seemed to ponder my question and I loved him for taking me seriously right now. “I think it wasn’t just one thing baby. I always knew you were beautiful but when we met I was eighteen and you were fourteen and as much as I liked to look at you I wasn’t about to go there. Throughout the years I was always Chad to you, not anything other than that.” He looked at me his eyes sincere and his voice steady. He took my hand in his and kissed our entwined fingers. “I guess the change came a few years back. It was like an alarm went off when Noah said he couldn’t practice because you were turning eighteen and tradition calls for a night of bad music and junk food.” He smiled at me and I knew he was anxious to be part of my bad music birthday celebration this year. I was happy they would be back the night before I turned twenty-one.
“All I heard was him saying you were eighteen and everything else faded away. I came by that night remember?” He asked with a shy smile on his perfect face.
I did remember, he showed up and me and Noah had been listening to all my favorite music and eating white cheddar popcorn and singing and playing along with the music. Chad had shown up with more junk food and a few beers. Noah made sure to shut off the music and headed to the kitchen to put the beers in the fridge and Chad had walked to me and gave me a hug. “Happy birthday Carrie girl.” He said against my ear and I shivered. It was then my crush on Chad Blake formed into something beyond him being attractive. He handed me a small box and told me to open it later when Noah wasn’t around. I had asked why it mattered.
“Because Noah is pretty much a psycho and I don’t need to catch shit for bringing our girl a present on her birthday.” I had cringed when he said ‘our girl’.
“I swore you had put me in the friend zone when you referred to me as ‘our girl’.”I said with a chuckle and leaned forward to kiss his lips. “I still have the bracelet. I wear it all the time when I’m at school. I never showed it to Noah.”
The bracelet was white gold and linked by loops of chain. There was a guitar charm that was small and delicate and it hung from just by the clasp. I loved that fucking bracelet. It was in my list of things to grab in case of a fire I loved it that much.
“I haven’t seen you wear it.” He spoke against my lips and I couldn’t help but open my mouth to his, desperate to taste him.
“I only wear it at school. It’s my thing I guess, my way of always hanging on to you when you weren’t around through the year.”
“Well now Carrie Beckett, did you have a crush on me too?” He was joking around I knew, but I could hear his need for the truth in there.
“Oh yeah, a big one.” I whisper and burry my head against the crook of his shoulder not wanting to look at him.
He stroked his hands down my back, “That’s another reason you are more than any other. I love that you would think of me and wear my bracelet wishing I was with you. All the women I have been with were always forward and demanding. They never played hard to get or made it about more than a title or status. I hated being used baby. You want me for me and nothing more. I don’t think you would give a rats ass if I worked at McDonalds drive thru as long as I came home to you every night.”
“God Chad…” I sighed and pull him as tight to me as I can and twine my fingers into his hair. “You’re so much more than you can ever see babe.” I lean in and kiss him slow and sweet trying to show him how tender he is to me. I feel like the connection we have and the passion and honesty, it’s delicate and can be easily destroyed if we aren’t careful.
“I freaked out when you guys said you were heading out to tour. I hate knowing the temptation will be triple what it is now and that I will be too far away to keep you warm at night.”
Chad groans and lies back on the sand pulling me down with him. He catches my face in his hands and holds me still so that I look at him. “Carrie I don’t know what’s gonna happen with this tour but I need you to know something baby. Every lonely night, every song on stage, every fangirl and every mile we drive, it is all part of the bigger plan to get me back to you. I don’t want a fangirl baby, I have perfection in bed with me at night and the greatest little body I have ever been in at my disposal anytime I want it. I went longer than eight days j
ust waiting to make my move on you. Eight days of work and focus to drive us to gaining more recognition and maybe some fame.”
He leans up and kisses me hard and fast before he continues. “Whatever happens though baby, it’s you I come home to. You’re my Dorothy Carrie.”
Holy Fuck!
I can’t compete with that so I don’t try and I lean into his chest and kiss his throat while grinding my hips against him, feeling him harden immediately.
He groans as I press my core against him and I giggle loving the effect I have on him. “Like that do ya babe?” I use my sweetest tone playing innocent.
“Oh you wanna play baby?” He winks and rolls us so he is now on top of me and between my thighs. He rolls his hips and presses his impressive thickness against me. “Want a little grind play to hold you over until I fuck the shit out of you later tonight?”
He says it all while thrusting himself against me and I am once again floored and sexually stunned speechless by his filthy mouth. “Are you asking to dry hump me again Chad Blake?” I try to make my voice sound offended but he see’s through my act and goes for the jugular.
“Well that or I can eat you out right here and now but this is easier to explain if we get busted.”
I moan and gasp at the idea of him going down on me out in the open and Chad starts laughing. “You like the idea of being seen don’t you my little freak. My baby’s a sexual deviant and God damn I’m a lucky fucker for it.”
“You make me this way Chad. I never even wanted to hold hands with a guy before you. Now I can’t get enough of you and me in bed, or on a kitchen counter, or on the floor of the boathouse.”
“Or on the beach at a party?” He asks me with a huge smile and I lean up to kiss his dimples.
“Most definitely the beach babe.” He laughs again and presses against me, now rocking himself directly against my core where I need him the most.
