by Emjay Soren
I wasn’t built like Chad either. He was so loyal to Carrie, even more so these days after the Trisha fiasco, that Chad partied with bottled water and a bedtime. That life, the after-party life…it wasn’t something I was particularly pumped about. It got old real damn quick, but it was the way of life and I followed the handbook on rock N’ roll to a T.
I hear the lead singer of the band call over the mic’ that it’s time for the couple’s toasts and start to make my way back to the front of the ballroom and take my seat at the wedding parties table right beside Tay.
Seth and Lilly go first in Carrie’s honor, but I tune them out because like always, I am one track minded in the presence of Tayla. I pull out my phone and pull up my text message screen.
Me: what you thinking about right this second?
I hit send and keep my eyes on Uncle Seth who is recanting a tale of Carrie in her teens, but my focus is on my phone as the bombshell beside me replies.
Tayla: your hotel room
I smile to myself and continue to fake attention on the toast.
Me: My hotel room can’t be that entertaining?
Tayla: It’s what I know will take place in it that has me captured.
I feel my dick twitch a little at the thought.
I raise my glass in celebration of all things to come, and smile.
I step from the elevator and catch my breath. Tayla is waiting at my door. The dress that she is wearing is killing me. Her shoulders are bare and its tight fitting around her breasts and goes to the floor with a slit up the side. The tattoo of the pin up on her thigh is visible and it’s making me sweat.
If I described her in one word, it would be flawless.
I wasted no time in pulling her to me the minute I reached my door. I had Tay curled into me on one side, my hand on her ass and my mouth on her neck while my free hand worked the key card to the lock on the door.
The minute I had her inside I had her against the wall and off the floor before the door shut all the way. “Fuck, I can’t get enough Tay.” I say as I slip my hand up the slit of her dress and hook my finger into the crotch of her barely-there thong and tug, snapping it like it was nothing more than a string.
I nibbled her neck, balancing between sweet and sinister just like she liked it. Her moan was the most erotic sound I had ever heard to date. I was rock hard and desperate to get inside. There was no way I was going soft tonight. I knew it was the last time, but like a desperate dying man searching for God I needed her.
“You ready for me baby?” I ask and slip my fingers through the bare lips of her pussy and was met with slippery wet heaven. “Fuck yes you are. You want me don’t you Tay?” I know the answer, but I love hearing her whimper and pant just seconds before she begs.
“Yes!” She cries and bites my neck between her teeth and hisses and I pummel two fingers inside her and press my thumb against her clit. “More Cal, please.” I know how to make her cum within forty-five seconds if I want to, but tonight I want to feel her pussy clench around me and feel it to my bones. So, in this instance I oblige her because I’m ready to shoot off in one hell of an expensive tux.
Her hands are on the button to my pants working me free as I scoop her into my arms and make my way to the bed. I toss her back on the bed and watch as she pulls the dress right up over her head. I stop dead because she takes my mind and scrambles it, pulls the breath from my lungs and leaves me gasping in desperation.
She is that hot.
I take in the sight of her in a black demi bra that mounds her luscious tits like a fucking banquet for me alone. Her skin is tanned a beautiful bronze and glows like she is in the sun. Her skin is more colorful than even Chads. Both her arms are sleeved in the garden of Eden and it’s sinful the way I stare. The cap of her shoulder bares the apple that biblically changed mankind and the way it sits on her skin tempting every man in her presence makes perfect fucking sense. The opposite shoulder shows an array of roses and though it’s not straight from the bible, it’s all Tayla and how she preserves it and it makes her irresistible.
I follow the art down to the juncture of her thighs and watch amazed as she exposes that beautiful bare pussy to me. I can’t help but moan at the sight of her and know that I will regret not taking the time to savor her this final time, but I know now, more than before, that if I savor tonight I won’t let her go. I took the appropriate steps before coming up here to meet her, to ensure she would stay gone forever.
But for now, she was mine and I couldn’t wait anymore.
“Like what you see?” She asks and slowly crosses her knee over the other but does so in a way I see everything she is offering me. I rip at my tie and pull it free before I get my shirt and jacket off next.
“You know I do.”
“Stop fucking around then.” She says and props herself back on her elbows and licks her lips.
I pounce.
The mouth on her tonight… I know she wants me as much because I felt the need on my fingers a few minutes ago. I crawl up her body, stopping every few inches to taste her skin as I make my way to her cunt. I take a few quick swipes at her pussy because I can’t not. Her hand is on top of my head immediately and I want to stay and play a while, but I know I’m running out of time.
I catch the protest in her moan when I continue to move up. “Later Tay. I can’t wait.” I say and place my hand under her knee to lift her leg, so she is fully open to me and I’ll get as deep as I can. I spank my hand on her opposite thigh. “Up on my shoulder.” I say, and she obeys making my dick weep.
I have her wrapped around me and I waste no time slamming inside of her. I can’t breathe at the feel of her. I look down and do the one thing I have never, ever done except for the first night we were together. My mouth falls to hers and I taste her lips and realize I didn’t honor the memory of our last kiss because Tayla tasted so fucking amazing. Her tongue tangles with mine and she nibbles at my bottom lip and I know there is no turning back now.
Like a thief in the night I steal her kiss and she in turn steals my heart and soul. Suddenly the moment changes and I am no longer a greedy man in search of flesh, but a man in love.
I’m terrified…and can’t stop.
Kissing her while inside of her, our tongues mimicking our bodies has me melting above her. I can’t get close enough and every move I make inside of her is to fuse us as one. I know it isn’t possible but fuck I want to be inside her skin. I let my body press fully against her, her thigh falling from my shoulder and her legs are now secured around my waist and her hands pulling me closer. “Tayla.” I whisper like a plea and press my lips back against hers cupping her face in the palm of my hands. I nurture that kiss and touch her like she is fragile glass. I am overwhelmed and so fucking confused. In this moment I know I can’t walk away from her, but that I will force myself to do just that.
My emotions are suddenly at the surface and it is something I avoid at all costs. I feel tears in my eyes and a heavy pressure in my chest. Tay see’s the tears swimming in red rimmed eyes and I watch as her love flashes like mad across her face and she gives me all of herself in that look.
I am back at her mouth, slamming my eyes shut and I can’t hide the wetness that spills from them and collides with her cheek. I feel her thumbs beneath my closed eyes wiping away all the evidence, all the proof that I fucking love her.
“Cal.” She says my name, but I just keep pressing into her and dropping sweet kisses to her lips. “Cal…?” This time it’s like a question and the pain in her voice has me opening my eyes, tears be damned, and looking at the most beautiful woman in the world.
“Yeah baby?” I say and my voice is so quiet I’m not sure she heard me, but she had her eyes on mine so I know without a doubt she did.
She just looks at me, her hands on my back, my ass, my neck as I press, and press, and press. “Don’t stop Cal.” She says, and I get the feeling she is asking me to not stop loving her.
Panic fuels through my body and I snap to the m
oment at hand and what I need to do. I close my eyes again and shake my head no. I’m trying to clear my thoughts but at the same time I’m begging her to set me free because I don’t know if I can walk away undamaged.
I pull back from her kiss, and single mindedly thrust against her body, slamming into her with the purpose of a hopeless man in search of redemption for what he knows he will do next.
Her moaning picks up and I catch her breathless chant of yes, yes, yes, just seconds before her pussy clamps down on me and I freeze, too late to stop it and too fucking insanely good to care. I didn’t put a rubber on and I shoot every drop of my come into her without thought or pause.
I wasn’t terrified of fear that she’d get pregnant. I knew Tay was on birth control… it was fear because something inside of me got off on the fact that I had marked her. Claimed her as my territory like a fucking dog or some shit.
I fall on top of her, panting and seriously to beat to move. I don’t know if it was the emotions, the fucking or the combination of both but I couldn’t move. When I felt Tayla rubbing her nails up and down my back, and the fact I didn’t want her to stop, I finally lifted my head from the crevice of her neck and looked at her. Seeing those violet eyes on me full of love and promise, I jerked out of her body and flew from the bed like a man possessed and I make my way to the bathroom without a word or a look to her.
Once im behind closed doors I lean back against the door and I can finally take a deep breath. I was seconds from confessing my undying love to her.
I walk to the sink and splash my face with water and slap myself across the face a few times hoping to gain some fucking sanity.
“Get it together you pussy.” I reprimand myself, but it does no good. I know the minute I leave the bathroom I will end all fucking, all hope for more and sure as shit ill stop this need for love.
“You keep this shit up with her and when it ends you’ll tank the band.” I say this to myself while looking so closely at my reflection I’m fucking scared of the man that is looking back at me. I can see the fear of losing her as it collides with the fear of staying in my own eyes. I know I’ll cheat or fuck it all up somehow. I know I will. I fucking love the fangirls too damn much and even if I didn’t cheat, I know I would never be able to put her first. She didn’t deserve my shit and my ego. She deserved the world and as bad as it sucked admitting it, I knew that would never be me.
Decision made I stood and forced my emotions down and waited until I was in check before leaving the bathroom.
“What time is it?” I ask when I walk back in the room. I can see from the corner of my eye that she isn’t in the bed, but beside it pulling the gown over her head.
“Um, just after midnight.” She says but I can sense the distance in her voice.
I throw on a pair of basketball shorts and a plain gray t shirt and I pause knowing I need to look at her eventually. She beats me to it though when I feel her hand on my shoulder, her voice just beside me. “Cal?”
I take a deep breath and look to the side and raise my brows. “Yeah?”
“You okay?” She asks and tilts her head to the side and trails her fingers along my neck.
I hate myself in this moment and I will never forgive myself for it. I swipe her hand from my neck and walk toward the kitchenette to pull a mini bottle of Jameson from the shelf.
“Cal – “
I cut her off. “C’mon Tay, don’t be that girl. It doesn’t suit you and it sure as fuck doesn’t work on me.”
I see her violet eyes flash with anger. “What girl is that Cal?” She asks and places her hand on her hip, totally ready to go the rounds with me like we always do lately.
“The type to pretend there was more going on than a hot fuck.” I take a shot and keep my eyes on her, pretending I don’t know I just verbally kicked her ass. “Like a fangirl.” I say adding insult to injury as I set the shot glass down and pour another emptying the mini bottle.
“Oh.” She says it with a sneer and I know I’m pissing her off.
“Yeah, so chill.” I open another mini bottle for my self-destruction line up and take the shot I had just poured.
“Why are you acting like this?” She asks, her voice serious instead of the usual pissy tone she gives me when we argue.
I throw my hands in the air as if defeated. “Jesus Tayla, like what?”
“Like what just happened didn’t fucking happen.” She steps up until we are as close as possible. “Like that.”
I laugh, and it sound arrogant and rude. “And what do you think just happened? I was there, and it was good yeah…” I trail off letting my mouth full of bullshit settle.
“That was just good sex huh?” She asks but I detect the sadness she is trying to hide.
“Tay…” I say and place my hands on her shoulders and look her in the eye. I am sincere in this. “That’s all it ever is.”
“We both know that’s not true.” She says, and I see her eyes fill with unshed tears and I hate it.
“Don’t do this Tay. Don’t ruin what we got going by giving it a label. We both do our thing. We live and breathe music, the band and fun. I love you Tay but you’re my friend. One I fuck often.”
She stares me down, and I mean stares me down. I feel a thousand blades of hatred stabbing me through the heart from just the look she is giving me. Then, like a switch goes off she lets her head fall back and laughs, without humor. “Oh my God Cal. I can’t believe I never saw it before now.”
“Saw what?” I ask, and I am scared shitless, gutless and nutless that she is seeing right through all this bull and knows I’m lying through my teeth.
“What a fucking pussy you are. You’re pathetic Cal.”
The only way to end this is to be brutal, and so I pull out all my guns. “No Tay, pathetic is imagining that we could ever be more than fuck buddies. You are trying to make something out of nothing and I can’t help you find reason in that. I love you absolutely and I am so sorry if I ever made you think that we were more. I don’t love chicks Tay. I don’t do relationships and I don’t promise more than an orgasm. If you’re looking for more from me, knowing damn well who I am, that’s on you. You chose to fuck me, multiple times. I never forced you, you always came to me willingly. I can’t help that you tried making it more than it was.”
She closes her eyes and looks over her shoulder, her pride on the floor where I stomped on it, I watch as she tries to hide the tears that are falling. “So that’s it? You feel nothing more than friendship for me?”
Jesus why won’t she tell me to fuck off and leave already? This is fucking torture for both of us. “Of course, I care Tay, you’re important to me. But it’s never going to be romantic.”
“It just was romantic God damn it!” She yells and her voice cracks as tears fall from her eyes.
It was life altering, but I keep that thought to myself.
“No Tay, it wasn’t romantic, it was intense. And until this fucking second I thought it was the best sex of my life.”
“You kissed me…” She whispers, and I want to hold her so bad right now.
“I always kiss you Tay.” I say, and I pull her against me, so I can hold her, but she pulls from me not allowing it.
“You never have kissed me in bed except for the first night we fucked.” She is back to pissed off once again.
“Jesus Tay, it’s weird as fuck that you know that.” I fucking know it too and I was just as affected by our kissing tonight.
“I kind of hate you right now.” She says it with complete belief that she does, but we both know better.
“For what? Being honest?”
“For lying Cal. You’re a fucking liar and a son of a bitch.”
I let out an exhausted sigh and clasp my hands behind my neck, tell for me that I’m about fucking done arguing. “About what?” I ask exasperated.
“About the fact you don’t feel more than friendship and fuck you for making it out like I’m fucking delusional. I know what I feel Cal and I feel i
t from you in waves.”
I take in every word she says, and I see her stand with pride and a strong belief that what she is saying is true, and oh fuck it is, but I’ll deny until I die. No matter how bad I want her I will never go there on an emotional level. I would destroy her. She may look the part of a bad ass, and in most situations, she is. But we are talking matters of the heart and Tayla is innocent with love. I feel bad for her, knowing she wasn’t prepared for me and she doesn’t deserve the heartache I’m giving her. Even if it’s the best thing for her.
What do you want from me Tay? Huh? You want hearts and flowers and that shit aint in my vocabulary.”
The look of hurt that she gave me was one I don’t think I could ever forget. I knew why I was breaking her now, better now than another year down the road. I could never be like Chad and Shame and Noah. I was a different breed of guy. I love pussy All pussy and I enjoy a buffet of it if you will. I am not a one pussy for the rest of my life type of guy. I’m more the flavor of the week guy. I respected the fuck out of Tay and to know I was hurting her was shredding me. I would be a liar if I said I didn’t care for her. I care a fuck of a lot more than I should.
It’s why I’m ending things now.
I’m ending it in a way I know she won’t ever look back.
I’m a broken fucking record because I can’t stop telling myself, reminding myself why I’m doing this.
“Maybe have a heart for once Cal.” Her voice scratched like an open wound. She was damn near silent saying those words, the cracking in her voice was not unnoticed. “Admit I’m more to you than all the rest were.”
