by Emjay Soren
She nods. "I need you to do something for me? It won't be easy, but if you love him then I need you to trust me. I am not going to hurt you or lie to you, he is so hurt and angry and lost over this, but if you trust me he will listen."
"Carrie I will do anything to prove it to him." I mean it too, I will legit hide a body if I have to.
I hope I don't, but hey I am a woman in love and all women go a little Harley Quinn for their man.
"Go in there and ask him why it matters. Make him tell you." She says and stands to lend me her hand. "Come on, trust me yeah?"
You spend your life in a dream that you can't escape
'Cause you live your life in a coma, you're never awake
If you'd open your eyes then maybe you'd see what's at stake
You're sleeping, you're sleeping
NF~Wake Up
Chapter Twenty-Two
Noah
I watch as everyone but my sister and Bright come in. Raleigh heads to Cassa who is up and excited, but I am letting a slow brew on my anger trying to stay calm. After yesterday, I just wanted my family. Carrie invited everyone over for breakfast and dinner, deciding that Thanksgiving would be an all day event.
I needed to jam though, because my anxiety to skyrocketed and I was on little sleep. I head down the hall on the opposite end of the house, almost slipping in my socks on the wooden floor. I went into the practice room that was soundproof and slammed the door and roared long and hard.
I paced back and forth a minute but knew where my head was and fell down on the couch grabbing my guitar and strumming. I played some Alice and felt the rhythm that always moved me until I went off on my own.
I strummed and let the anger go, breathing deep and thinking shit through. That's what cost ninety thousand in therapy to help me heal. What irritated me was that she didn't get it. I had tried to get her to understand, but she swayed when put to the fire.
I shouldn’t have went alone, I knew that. Hell I was fine on the way in, but the way home I was a wreck. I couldn’t get it together at first. I finally just went to the airport and had Sev get my shit from the bus and he met me there, took his own flight into Gig this morning.
I thought I had the time to recover on the break before I had to face her, wanted to call her later. Damn if she ain't in my face when I don't need it, and too far when I do.
I hear the lock disengage and turn expecting Carrie and Bright, but it was the boys here to play. We jammed for a few hours, I got some writing done, Cal with some killer riffs. I was so road tired, it was gonna turn to tour tired soon because flying, though faster, was rough but we had breaks in the days with shows every few nights. If we went from New York, to New Jersey then Philly, we would drive it, but the majority we would fly and rest. Chad took the hardest beating with playing and singing that the end of the tour got easier for him which made it easier.
I kept playing, stopping to write and on we went until Carrie called on the room's line to tell us to come up if we wanted snacks. I stayed behind though even when Cal wanted me to come up, then threw some of his depth in when I least expect it.
He wanted to read what I wrote before he headed up, or so he told Chad and Shame. I know Chad told them about last night, because they'd been way too chill all day. I knew that they came to play to show me their support, but I was just fucked up over this girl and couldn’t get it out no matter how hard I played or wrote.
"Damn, you write some glorious fuckin songs man." Cal said and handed me the paper back.
I look at him, mid strum and pause with my hand on the strings and smile. "Glorious shit?"
"Well yeah…" I assume he is gonna creep into work mode and ruin Thanksgiving as he sits all pumped up next to me. "I know you're in a funk right now with Bright-"
"I saw my dad yesterday." I blurt it out and feel bad because Cal does not do stuff this ugly. It scares him.
"Holy shit Noah…" He slumps back in the chair and looks at me, true fear in his eyes. I see it, there under the fear. He hates my dad.
"I don't want Carrie to know yet. I think I freaked her out last night the way I showed up all sad and shit."
He nods, confirming Chad told them. "GQ spill the beans?" I ask, honestly just to see if I'm right.
"Chad? A little, but Carrie pulled us all aside when you were showering and told us if we pissed you off today she was kicking ass and that we would starve. Chad kinda broke it down after her rant."
I nod and start strumming again when he stops me. "Talk to me a minute."
Um, not the norm for us.
"The beat to this song is tough, but slower which I dig. Are you talking about life here, the road or something else entirely." Ok so I guess he was mixing business and friendship. Definitely not the norm, but the last few months he's been different. I don't know if it was Axe, T or both but he wasn't too scared to show his heart.
He must have thought I was confused because he clarified. "This line here, 'I have been the world over, saw thousands at once and they’ve seen me at my worst. I'll show them all, the show goes on, I'll still fall down, I'll take it in, it ain't the first.' " He looks at the paper and shakes his head astonished. "Just, I dig it man."
"It's all that and the entirety. I'm not gonna use again Cal. I know you guys think I'm a liar and a junkie, but I been there done it and just need a bit of peace. I think that's what it's about."
He nods, actually seems to get it. "You're tired. I get it. Gotta be hard filling everyone else's shoes when they won't attempt to fill yours."
What, the actual fuck? I can usually joke through anything and I can be serious when it calls for it. Cal, just said some monstrous deep shit and I am kinda scared by it.
"Hey buddy, is Cal inside? I need to talk to him." I say busting his balls and he laughs before flipping me off.
"Dude, I get it. I'm not the most emotional guy. Shit changed with Axe. I saw things different." He looks unsure of what to say, but does anyway. "I know you and Jenny are tight, but I think of Axe and what could have been had…"
I am nodding, fast and sure. "I am tight with Jen, but that's for you and T to handle. I get your fear, I don't think Jen was or could ever have been anything like Cody. Her worst choices, though skewed came from a place of love. Cody's came from hate."
He nods and seems to breathe easy. "So tell me about dear old daddy. Shouldn’t he be dead yet? Thought cops got the shit end in prison?"
I tell him the story and he laughs at the end. "You realize how bad ass you are right? I know you’ve taken some serious shit this tour, but I'm proud of you Noah. I never doubted you, other than the night I left you to figure it out. When Tay told me you went? One of the happiest days of my life. I knew you'd kill it." He drinks from his beer and sighs. "You have been handed some shitty hands, but you play em' to your advantage. It's smart and I commend you for always fighting."
I nod, strum a little and let him chat. He has a point he needs to get to and I am cool waiting him out. "Thanks man, it's nice to hear. I am struggling with that lately."
"You gonna be okay?" He asks, and he sounds like Carrie. Fierce concern.
I smile. "Bro, nothings taken me down yet."
"Wanna go talk to her?"
Whoa, what?
"What?"
"Carrie told her to stay, she's playing peacemaker with Cassa and Jen." He laughs and I feel for Bright on that one.
I set my guitar down, because now I have something to say. "That… Fuck… Ya know…" I don't know where to start.
He laughs. "That bad huh?"
"Alright look, can I be real for a minute?" I can't believe I am gonna admit this shit, but maybe it'll help with the boulder on my chest.
"Yeah, I ain't a talker dude, so this shits cool to stay right here."
I know he is right, and maybe it's why I tumble the words out. "I, fuck I love her. I do. I never told her, don't know how and honestly I kinda just hoped she knew. When she said she didn't trust me, that she couldn’t… I lost it. All t
hat hope love and happiness I went looking for, put myself through hell for? Dude it was like she hit me with a car."
"She say why?" He asks and drinks his beer. I stand and pace again similar to how I did when I got in the room. He hands me my beer and I drink it in deep pulls.
"I ain't typical. That's why. She has the same issues you guys do, no matter what I do or say, you guys see needles and death. She told me my track record was shit, which it is, I made some fucked up choices, but she wasn't there for them." I let him see my frustration and pulled at my hair.
Girl was driving me crazy.
"She thought I was asking her to come with me to get high." I look at him and catch the second beer he throws me. "I wanted to know she trusted in me, so I could take her with me when I faced Cody."
"Fuck." He says.
"Right." I agree.
"By the time I got to the airport I was fried, it all hit. Cody, Bright, all the tour bullshit, all the tension. I just broke."
"Is there a flipside to it all?"
"Fuck if I know, I'm still stuck in the bad place."
He stands and looks around and then to me. "So come on and find the flipside. She's upstairs. Face it and see what you get from it. Best thing I ever did was chase Tay down and stay until she caved. Brights doing that same shit so gave save the poor girl and cave."
Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole
Red~Pieces
Chapter Twenty-Three
Bright
Oh Jesus this was torture. Seriously. Jen and Cassa were being civil. Raleigh was everyone's best friend, the traitor. Carrie had put me to work, which I didn't mind because I loved baking. I couldn’t cook a turkey to save my ass, but I could bake. So I did. Baked my depressed ass off. The whole time thinking of when he played trust me with Carrie yesterday. I was pissed that my nails were fried, my hair looked like ass. I was tired and cranky and nothing to hide behind.
The kids were playing in extra bread dough on the floor making a huge mess she said that Chad and Cal got to clean up. Chad was kissing her and rubbing her belly in private. And I wanted Noah.
As if summoned from my thoughts he came around the corner with Cal, sliding on the wood in his socks. He wore dark grey jeans and a Jack Daniels shirt, but I saw his sadness even through the mask he tried hiding behind.
Looking at the swollen red eyes and dark circles and my heart hurt. If I had part of that, or this is what seeing his dad did… Oh I would be there next time to get that fucker.
He grabbed the kids from behind me and tortured their bellies until they were laughing so hard Noelle threatened to pee. He chatted up Carrie and everyone with small talk, and when I least expected it he struck.
He grabbed my hand and inspected my nails one by one before making a Tsk sound. "As predicted. Manicures fucked girl." He looked at Carrie, "She been bitching about it?"
Carrie smiled, I however started to cry.
"Shit, shit, shit…" He said and came up behind me. "It was a joke girl. Come on now. Come talk to me and calm down yeah?"
I followed with a nod as he lead me down the hall he just came from and entered a room with a serious hinge and lock. I knew once inside it was a studio and sound room.
I took a seat on the red leather couch across from him and looked around the room. It was covered in TAT memorabilia and dark, red couches, dark wood floors and almost black walls The sound room was on the other side of a glass partition with two doors.
It was beautiful, and very much them.
"I don't have a room like this at my house. I play at home and record on my laptop. Shame does the same thing. We lay our tracks here and at Cal's." I can tell he's kinda nervous and not wanting to be.
"You live in Gig Harbor though right?" Holy hell, I know damn well he does, but like I warned Jen and Ral I would fumble this shit.
He laughs. "Yeah, about three blocks from here. I live in the same house I bought at nineteen. When they bought this place I was glad Carrie would be close if I needed to get there. Trust me nights and shit."
"I'm so sorry Noah." I cry and place my hands on my butt, wishing I had pockets to hide some part of me, too exposed to feel this bad and look this raw. "I trust you, I am so scared but I do…"
He comes to me and wraps me into his body and holds me. "I can't stand to see you cry girl. Shit kills me." He kisses my neck, lingers there and breathes me in. I want so bad to be back in that place.
"Tell me you believe me please."
I wait on pins and needles waiting on his answer.
"If you say so, I trust it." He pulls back and kisses me softly on my lips, but too fast he pulls back. "No point lying and saying I wasn't part of this shit. I am just as mind fucked baby, scared shitless and I couldn’t tell you why I needed you there without knowing."
I touch under his eyes, kiss his lips. "Are you okay?" I cry and hold him closer. "It was torture after you left and I didn't know where to find you. I called Tayla to get Jenny's number then she brought me here straight from the airport and you kissed Ral, I swear I fell so much more in l-"
His mouth crushed mine in a rush, I felt him everywhere in that kiss. He broke the kiss when we couldn’t breathe, leaving small kisses along my jaw to my ear. "Me first girl, I told you that." He whispered and trailed his tongue down my neck until he was back to my lips and kissing me again, thrusting himself against me. I shifted enough to lie flat on the couch.
"I love you Bright. Scariest fight of my life was finding my way to you."
I fall apart at his words, and cry with happiness and that fear that I had lost him. I sneak my hands up under his shirt and feel his warm skin, feel the bumps trail his skin at my touch and kiss the 'True Love' tattoo on his neck, remembering the first time he showed me it. "I love you too." I bring his face in my hands and kiss his nose, waiting for his eyes to be on me. I see him, he sees me too and I know his love for me in that moment. "I have never been in love before, but that one day was enough to tell me this is it and I am so sorry I hurt you. I swear to God I won't do it ever again."
He kisses me and grinds against me and I melt. "Good, me too. No more pain, can't take that shit at all feel me?" He asks me and I nod. "Feel you baby."
"Good girl." He grinds harder when he speaks and I sigh wishing he could be inside me again.
He gets off me and stands, adjusting his dick, slowly knowing I watch every shift wanting it. "Let's go." He says and pulls me from the couch kissing me one last time as his hands cup my ass. "I am two seconds from destroying this couch for good."
I laugh and try to calm my nerves. "Where we going?" I ask as he slips on his chucks and opens the door.
"My place, shit is gonna get real intense and real fucking dirty baby. I am done with the fucking tip toe shit. We are going home so I can lay you out and show you how fucking dirty I get down."
I groan and giggle against his neck. "Fuck. That got me baby." I say and he laughs, totally proud and hot, so hot knowing he got me wet.
I hold his hand, momentarily forgetting that everyone was here and this is a walk of shame, well, before the shame. I am trying to prep myself for a good act and how to leave quietly but Noah is Noah and I should have known.
"Bye fuckers, got shit to do."
I burry my face in my free hand. I am beet red and hear Raleigh as he pulls us out the door.
"Make good choices Bright! No man wants a hussy!"
Noah turns and pulls me to the door as he yells back inside. "Raleigh, this guy loves a hussy. Bye fuckers, save us food!"
Noah
The ride to my house was fast. I couldn’t explain in big words what it felt like knowing she came for me. I ain't a big production and scene guy, had too many lately. I just needed her back and in my bed.
This was full circle and now it was time to start fr
esh. In my bed, on my time and my way. I wasn't one for I loves you, I was one for giving myself fully to the woman I love.
Came with a hell of a dirty streak.
I pull her through my house, the place my new life started at nineteen. I pass Carries old bedroom, now my music room and head to my master, the only room in my house that I used my money to make mine. Massive TV built in the wall, big ass soft bed in the center that had a million and one ways I could tie my girl to it and keep her cumming for days.
I lift her once I'm inside and wrap her around me kissing her, owning her mouth tasting every inch until my dick was ready to punch through my jeans with a fuck it.
Down boy, I need time.
I said fuck that about two seconds from watching her strip bare right there on my bed the instant I placed her on it. Yeah, ill play in a minute. Right this second I needed to connect.
I dropped my jeans in a line from the end of the bed to the top where my pillows were, ripping my shirt off the minute I was on top of her.
"You wet babe?" I ask and take a swipe of her with my tongue, biting her clit softly and pulling back. "I am gonna get you to pierce that one day."
"Okay, Noah." She pants and I slip a few fingers in to make sure she can take me. I don't have a gentle bone right now, I need to rut her down and cum before I can chill.
"I need to fuck you. Scared the fuck out of me for two months any minute you were gonna bale due to my bullshit. Last night did me in girl, you couldn’t possibly know, but I gotta feel it and let it out. Feel me?"
She nods and bites her lip. "I feel you. Take me how you need me Noah. I trust you."
That fucking did it. God damn, I punched into her hard and fast and fell back on my haunches, pulling her to ride me sitting up. She knew damn well what I needed, rode me good and deep. "Fuck yeah, that's it baby. Take that fat dick, just like that. The minute I cum I'll take you anyway you need, but I need to bust." Fuck I was close, she leaned back and rolled her hips stroking me so fucking good, and tight. Fuck, she is tight, fits me perfect.
