by Emjay Soren
"How in the fuck are you gonna pit this bullshit on me? I gave you everything you asked for on that fuckin contract!"
"If you hadn't fucked everything up and dealt with her death then none of this would have happened. I wouldn’t have been in meetings fighting him tooth and nail on your behalf." She says and places a hand on her hip and I want to fucking spit on her. Cruel I know, but I was on her side. I cheered her on for making Cal suffer a little to figure his shit out. I was on her side with Hessian and sucked it up.
"Don't blame him T. So help me God, don't stoop that low." Cal was almost whispering, the creaks and cracks in his voice could barely be heard.
"I sure as fuck know that to slip and fall on a dick is impossible." Chad says and we all turn to him. "You knew better Tay... You knew what Carrie and I went through with Trisha. Knew that we suffered for it and it was as simple as my dick was in her, for however brief it was in her. I lost everything for it." You could see the anger coming to a boil on him, he was seething mad. "Don't, don't pretend anyone is to blame but you. You chose to fuck him, chose to destroy your family and us for dick!"
Chad was not, by anyone's standards, an asshole. I was the asshole in your face one of our group. I manipulated, I spoke out of turn or on the spot. I joked, but I had a depth that scared most anyone. Shame was the tender goofball. The one who saw you fucked up emotionally and would stoop in with a comfort only he knew how to give and when he wanted to joke he would prank the outright fuck out of you. Chad was the soul, the art and the rhythm to us all. He was like the dad, the emotionally strong and loyal one. And Cal… Cal was a badass at anything he touched. A natural success. Cal had the ability to put you down however many pegs you needed whether with fists or words. Cal was the physically strong one of us all, the one who lived by reason and logic and should he ever not have the answer? Then, he would beat your ass.
Too see him broken, injured like this… fuck it did something to all of us.
We had all been broken or bent from one time or another and it was a painful thing to go through, but we did, and we did it together. Now the fracture was with two people I loved with everything in me.
Fuck me… I wanted to pick sides.
Fuck that, I had picked sides.
We all watch as Cal leans forward on the hood of his Jeep, face in his hands and roars. Sully, knowing all too well how bad one fight with your woman can change your life for the worst, stepped in and put an end to the whole fight.
"Pet, you need to boot. I mean now."
"Sam…" She says and chokes on a sob knowing he isn't asking her to leave but telling her.
He shakes his head. "No Pet. I am so sorry, I know you hurt, but if you don't want me to pick sides you need to get the fuck gone because I am this close to picking his." He shows a small gap between his fingers. "Keep standing here to dig yourself a hole filled with bullshit, I won't hesitate to cross a line and force you to leave."
"I need to explain- " She cried, and Sam snapped.
"No!" He roared and walked right to her, taking her elbow in his hand and pulling her to her Rover. "No, you won't because anything you say now is either out of fear, resentment or shame. You have fucked up so bad Pet, I doubt there is anything left to save."
She cried harder at the truth in his words. "I can't handle that."
"You don't have a choice Pet. You destroyed him. Destroyed. You have also, destroyed a little boy who will never understand. Any grace you could have had in ending things, disappeared the minute you went to Black. You know it and I know it. Now all that is left is face, so go save it. Go to Black, be damn clear he knows TAT will come for him. I guaren-fuckin-tee that."
The threat was evident and I knew Sully wanted to fuck some shit up majorly.
"Wait!" Cal says and walks to Sully. Shame, Chad and I following. "Wait, one more thing." He rolls his neck on his shoulders and I honest to God, fear he may hit her. Shame must have felt it to, because we both toed up right beside him in case he lunged. He had gone mad long before I got here.
"Bro, let her go." Sully asks, and I can see him begging with his eyes to let her.
"Oh, I don't want her." He says and looks at T with no emotion. A hard thing to do when your heart is breaking. "He can have you, but I need you to understand that as far as TAT, you're fired. As for any relationship with Hessian, it will be dissolved right fuckin quick. As for our son…" His voice cracks and it is only at the mention of Axe that he shows her mercy. "Axe won't understand this, so you make sure he isn't as disposable to you as I am."
Cal left her standing there wailing out for him to please listen, she was so sorry.
He slipped in the front door slamming it behind him and with not even a glance, we all followed him just as he would have done for us.
"What the fuck did I miss?" I ask and sit around the outdoor fire pit in Carries backyard. Cal is sitting there, not saying a word as he gulps a whiskey. I light a joint and start the pass-pass-give to my boys. We can see the tears falling from his eyes. We don't judge, and we say nothing about it because he has every right.
"Axe had her phone. I saw the screen lit up and he was trying to say hello but every time the screen would go black from the face sensor. I finally took it and before I could say hello…" He shakes his head the memory almost too much to continue. But he does. "I saw it was Black, and then his voice. He was tellin' her he was just about to cum and wished she was there to take it."
Shame choked on the toke he just drew in when Cal told us what he said. "Dude, are you sure he knew it was Tay he was calling?" Sully asked and we all looked at him, obviously based on the last hours events… well she wasn't denying it.
"Yeah bro, he called her by name. Asked if she wanted the second dose after she was done playing housewife." He stilled at the words and I could see the absolute disgust at replaying the memory.
"Did you say anything?" I asked, God knows I would have lost my fuckin shit.
"No… I couldn’t. I hit the phone into the fireplace and started to lose my shit on her."
Chad and Shame both nod in unison. "We were all getting ready to sit and eat when shit went fucking sideways."
"He was screaming bloody murder and Raleigh…" Shame starts laughing as does Chad and Cal. "Raleigh came in and grabbed Axe and looked to Cal, in the mix of everything and told him that the blue team had standards that the pink team didn't."
I laugh because Raleigh has no boundaries at all. Before we can get much deeper in it, I watch my little sister and my woman come out the door, both rubbing their arms from the chill. "Hey girl." I say and pull her to my side kissing her temple. Chad hugs Carrie to his side as she speaks.
"So, Cal I know you're hurting sweetie, but I need a huge favor from all of you." She looks to each of us, everyone but Cal who is still looking at the fire with a blank stare.
"Anything babe." Chad says, and she smiles a sad smile. Once again, she is going to lose another girlfriend. Perhaps she and Tay can remain close, but I doubt it. I know Carrie and her loyalty is to us guys. They were all we had long before Tay was in the picture, and Carrie can hold a grudge. It's gonna be a while before Tay can defrost the chill in Carrie right now.
"Noelle and Axe are waiting for Thanksgiving Jam." Cal looked up at the mention of Axe, and I see the father in him take hold, all sadness now hidden as he smiles.
"What is it?" Bright asks me, but Cal answers.
"It's a tradition we started like ten years ago when we were nobody. We would all do the rightful family duty of pigging out, then head to Beckett's to jam and party. We've been getting Axe excited the last few months because he hasn’t ever really watched us all together other than on TV. Once we got the go ahead from his specialist we've been getting him excited."
Axe had been seeing a neurologist and an ear nose and throat for his hearing issues. He was fitted for hearing assistance devices a few months ago and since having them he is talking and comprehending more. We have all been using ASL though, because he may ne
ver hear fully on his own.
"He's never seen you guys play?" Bright asks, I shake my head no taking the last hit off the joint before stubbing it out.
"No, he couldn’t hear and what he did hear scared him because it was so distorted. I figured once we knew he could hear us I would give him a show." Cal says and stands, hugging Carrie tight and kissing her cheek. "Thanks for reminding me sis." He says and makes his way inside to his son.
I nuzzle into Brights neck as he heads in, stealing a few moments of good, since tonight has sucked since coming through the gate. "So, I get an up close and personal concert tonight?" She asks and kisses my nose.
"Girl, if it's an up close and personal show you need, I am all for making that happen." She smiles and rolls her eyes. "In your ass." I say, and she starts laughing and slaps me in the chest playfully.
"Stop." She chuckles, and I admit I love seeing her get all flustered and shit.
"Holy shit, you think it's hot." I say, as she laughs harder proving I'm right. "Oh, it'll happen girl. I'm nothing if not a performer."
I take her hand once I know I have her mind everywhere else but on the drama of the night and pull her inside. We head to the counter in the kitchen, everyone has picked at the food, made small plates but it officially ruined a nice dinner having the blowup. We make it work though, considering we are all stoned now and hungry. Cal pours another whiskey and heads over to Axe.
"You ready to jam son?" He asks but also signs to him and Axe is smiling ear to ear. "Say yes for me." He says, using ASL as well.
"Yes." He says slowly, using ASL back.
"Remember what I taught you?" Cal is looking at us as he signs and speaks to Axe.
Axe nods and uses ASL to respond because he struggles with sentences. Rhythm is the tune you follow, lead is the sweet spot.
Cal laughs and we all start talking shit on what he is teaching him. "My fuckin ass man." Chad says and goes to Axe. "There is no music without rhythm. It's call rhythm because it shows everyone who to follow." He states and signs to him.
"Dude, that is too much for him to follow in sign. Talk slow and sign slow." Cal tells us all and he signs as he does with almost anything to ensure Axe is included. He means it in a kind way knowing we all are learning to communicate with him, even Noelle. It is just the norm for us to communicate in both forms these days.
I know what he says dad. Axe signs and we all see his love for Cal.
Want us to show you? I sign, and he nods emphatically.
"Let's do guitar hero then." Cal says laughing and Axe claps in excitement. Chad puffs his chest out, not scared one bit of battling Cal. Chad can follow most leads Cal plays, but Cal is superior in the lead position, where Chad can maintain a bad ass rhythm where Cal would want to go off and riff all day. "Bring it, pick a song." He says and winks at Axe, who is ecstatic for the showdown.
"Ours?" I say, not so sure it's a battle since we know our shit better than anyone.
Cal shakes his head no and starts signing. "Most of the songs I play are hard because he can feel the vibration and I wanted him to understand. The vibrations all feel different from each of us. I play Avenged Sevenfolds Hail to the King a lot for him because of how hard it is, makes him laugh from the vibration." He looks at Axe, who once he understands what Cal said, starts clapping and nodding, signing yes.
"I figure, there's no other bad ass battle than that. Lead carries nonstop but rhythm holds the song. Sweet spot." Cal says and points to himself. "Meet rhythm." He points at Chad and Axe laughs.
"Uncle…Rhythm." He says and signs for Chad.
He smiles and bends to get Axe. "You got it little dude."
Everything was set up in the great room by the front door, acoustically this house was bad ass and built to hold sound like all the play rooms. Cal didn't want Axe feeling closed in and it would have been a tight fit in there with all of us.
Carrie had Noelle on her lap and Jen was holding Axe, getting him pumped for his first gig. Raleigh was just as excited beside Axe and Jen and Bright came to kiss me. "Are you a part of this guitar off?" She exaggerates playing it off like a fangirl.
Makes me hard.
"Nope. I am a bad ass bassist with an edge remember? I'm too cool for these dipshits."
She pouts, and I want to go right back to my bed with her. "Boo. I wanted a show remember."
"Oh, you'll get a fuckin show girl. Now go sit so I can work."
Shame, being his usual self sticks his tongue out like a psycho and starts playing some solos to get his sound right and both Cass and Ral start screaming. "Take off your shirt!" Raleigh yells and Shame just laughs.
"No, baby take it off. I love that idea." Cass yells and Shame does it tossing it to her, but Raleigh was having none of it as he swooped in and caught it. He started dancing up and down in a circle making us all laugh.
"Fucker that's my favorite shirt, can't have it." Shame says and Ral chucks it at Cassa.
"Bitches gotta ruin my night." He says and Cassa pats his head consolingly.
"We'll have him give you another one okay sweetie."
Ral nods and is back to happy when Cal looks to Chad to count in, his eyes going to Axe who is watching his every move and this moment is huge for them both.
"1…2…3…4…"
Cal starts in alone, riffing on that beast like a mother fucker. Shame comes in next, then Chad and it is exactly how described because I join in next and we all follow Chad, Cal off peeling that fucker on his own. We all are watching Axe who is smiling ear to ear.
Watch your tongue or have it cut from your head
Save your life by keeping whispers unsaid
Children roam the streets now orphans of war
Bodies hanging in the streets to adore
The minute Shame comes in hard on the drums though, Axe lights up as he always does when he plays on Shames drums. Watching him imitate Shame while his dad lights his guitar on fire, we all know he is getting drums somehow.
Cal goes to Axe on his knees as he plays the bridge solo, digging deep inside to pull it off hard for his son. He is a little drunk, a little high and a whole lot destroyed…and still he bangs it out like the rock legend he is.
By the end of the song he grabs his boy and lifts him from Jen, who takes his guitar… and holds him. His eyes are wet with tears and I know he is dying a little. He pulls Axe back and looks at him. I love you. He signs and Axe signs it back before kissing him on the cheek.
We played for hours, until the kids were exhausted, and Carrie told us to stop. Cal was sitting in the kitchen drinking a beer and looking lost. "Hey sweetie, why not head home with the guys and let me keep Axe?" Carrie says and hugs into his shoulder where he is slumped over.
He agrees and Shame and Chad both say goodbye to Carrie and Cass while I have two love sick girls to deal with. I pull Bright and Ral aside and explain what is happening. "You guys head to my house and crash there. Ral there are two rooms down stairs that are guest rooms, take your pick. Help yourself to anything." I look at Bright and kiss her, seeing puppy dog eyes from Ral. "I want to be with you tonight, but I need to be with him. He hasn’t lost his shit yet girl. We need to be there when he does."
They have tears in their eyes and I know they are for Cal. "We get it." Raleigh says, and picks up on my go-the-fuck-away look.
"You gonna be okay with this? No fangirls or parties. He needs to wreck some shit."
"I wouldn’t care if there was Noah. I trust you."
"Shit undoes me babe." I say and kiss her, wishing like fuck I was giving her the one man show all night.
"Well, you undo me so it's fair."
"I'll undo you when I get home." I say and kiss her lips. "Go shower and do whatever it is you do to smell so fucking good for me."
She cringes and hates me reminding her she is still in her all-natural state and smelling like me. "I love you smelling like me, its sexy as fuck smelling like me and knowing what I did to you in that shower is all that's holding me back from takin
g you out to my car or a quickie."
I look at the guys and kiss her quick. "Let's go." I say and leave her standing there shocked and a little turned on.
We get him inside his house and let him tumble to his play room. We all know he is going for more liquor, and if it was anyone but one of us that wanted to keep drinking I would stop it. We aren't the norm though. We are rock stars, we party with rock stars and what we can handle isn't the same for the average broken heart. I have witnessed Cal in this state for a three-day bender before. All of us had been there.
None of us were stopping it, he needed to purge this shit, so he could be a man, a father, tomorrow. Tonight… fuck that tonight he could suffer, and we would be there.
We scatter through the playroom as he shuffles through the liquor at the fully stocked bar. "Nooooah.." He slurs and tosses me a bottle of Skyy, which I catch. "Shad…" He says unable to make the hard 'CH' sound for his name. Chad preps to catch the Whiskey as Cal heads for the fridge, bottle flying over his shoulder. He can't walk a straight line though and his shoulder hits the wall, which in turn sends him falling to the counter. He rights himself and opens the fridge. "Sam…Sam…Sam..." He looks over his shoulder and smiles an evil smile. "Lookie what I found." He grabs both Shame and Sully some beer tossing it to get it out of his way, so he could get what he found in there.
We all see the Moscato as he waves it, the bottle hitting the fridge door as he keeps looking in the fridge. Jars by Chevelle plays from Chad's iPhone he connected to the dock and Cal hit's his head on the roof of the fridge as he tried to stand. He sets six bottles of Moscato on the counter and sings the song along the speakers in a slur.
"Hey Shame, know I can play the drums?" He asks Shame who looks confused, but Cal just laughs and sings the song. "We can't both become the same, Pawn that's made to fall, Oil that tastes like blood, Stole the summer scent, From me to you, You're stabbing me through you, You're stabbing you through him, And betting most of, This world, We'll add enough of the world." He was grabbing bottles of her Moscato and using them as drum sticks, the glass shattering everywhere, wine splashing all of us as he screamed the lyrics. He reached for the wine glasses next and photo's that lined the wall and bar. Pictures of them at events, on the red carpet. He was destroying any proof of a happy life with her.
