by Emjay Soren
"I agree, I just don’t want this shit resting on you again. You went through hell for Tay and she broke a part of you, but I think you are a better man for it honestly. I just don’t want you doing anything where the risk outweighs the reward."
"This feeling I have..." I look at him square in the eye because I need his support and reasoning now more than ever.
"Yeah?"
"It is far more intense than anything I ever felt with Tay. There’s this need that makes me insane. I feel like I am obsessed. Unlike when Tay had me believing she was dating Sully to make me jealous, Jen is actually dating that blue haired dude from the Pit. Actually, dating and she told me point blank that she wants him, the idea of him or some shit, but that I don’t deserve her."
He is silent, most likely processing what I just unloaded.
"I'm crazy for her. Hand to God obsessed."
Chapter Three
Cal
We get to the Aloha House early enough to chat with Tiny and meet with Lexington Cherry before the show. We didn’t know it was a Solo act. And a red headed sinful looking hottie at that. Were the Gods really tempting me? I thought of my threat to Jen that I would fuck only reds until she was out of my system... Could I really though? No. No I couldn’t. I had only been with her since that Christmas after Tayla left me and she had ruined me for life.
Tay couldn’t ruin me, even when we were together and I knew I loved her I was fucking fangirls. I wasn’t loyal until I fought for her.
But with Jen... no option. I want her and only her.
Still though, holy shit this chick was spank bank hot and in that I had no guilt.
We watched from the side of the stage to avoid taking from her show. Whenever we went to the Aloha house pandemonium ensued and within an hour it was at capacity. Tiny loved it, but it made life hard on us when we wanted to relax.
I watch the sexy redhead set up her equipment. She had a small black piano and an old Gibson, the rest of her equipment was electronics, computers and amps. I keep watching her, that red hair the color of a fire truck with tats down her arms to her finger tips. I stop drooling over her when she took a seat on the stool to start the show.
What came out of her was insane. She had this rock edge to her sound, but it was like combined with R&B. I had never heard anything like it or her voice. She was sultry with that soprano detail in her voice, all raspy and shit.
The more she played, I could literally see the errors in her songs, all of which were covers with her spin on them. She was missing the depth though; the tune was there but it wasn’t functional. I played my fingers on my thigh to the tune she was missing hearing my guitar in her songs.
By the time her set was done she came to us to thank us for cheering after each song.
"Hey look, we got to set up, but hang and watch the set. I want to talk to you about some ideas to impact your music to make it deeper and bring that edgy side of you out."
She looks at me with surprise and shock before shaking her head. "The Cal Dorian wants to give me advice?" She says it like she can’t believe it.
"Well yeah, if you’re interested. I'm the one that writes our sheet music and so far, I got to admit I have the cred to back it up." I shrug and look to Chad who yells for me to sound check and tune. "Look stick around and we can chat. If you want to use the advice awesome, if not no harm no foul."
And I left it at that because for now, I needed to focus on my playing and not hers. But, I knew I could fix her sound.
More importantly, I wanted to take the project on.
Cal
Tiny doesn’t announce us once it’s our turn and we all slip to the back of the stage. Our guys know how to set up in minutes and they are buzzing backstage trying to get us set while Tiny takes the stage and talks to the crowd.
"So, I have a surprise for all your rockers out there. As you all know Thick as Thieves made their start here and many other bands as well. One of those guys landed themselves on the list of the top fifty influential guitarists of the twenty-first century and he goes by the name Cal Dorian, lead guitarist of Thick as Thieves."
Chad starts mic check and confirms we are good and you can hear Tiny laughing as Chad screams in the mic.
"So, without further ado, here they are playing some of the best guitar of all time and spotlighting this achievement. Congrats son."
We are doing a set of five songs. Thunderstruck by AC/DC, Hail to the King by Avenged Sevenfold and Nutshell by Alice in Chains with two of ours. The rest of the time I will be solo on stage and my boys cheering me on.
We take the stage in the dark and the crowd starts screaming immediately. I don’t even know if they’re old enough to know the skill in this song, but the screams have me covered in chills the same as always when I take the stage. Then, that beautiful soft beating of the drums that guide me in deeper.
The minute I start the show, the spotlight comes down on me and I riff that mother fucker like it was mine to begin with. By the time Shame comes in on drums at full force, Chad and Noah follow. I let the vibe take over and the world falls away.
I needed to start with this because it is my son’s song, he is my driving force and why I fight anymore. Chad starts screaming the lyrics and the three of us yell that chorus matching him.
Once the solo hits; the light is on me and I high pitch that moan to carry it out longer than the song calls for. I nod to Chad when I lead him back in on rhythm and finish the song while the crowd goes insane.
I see phones lighting up the floor and know that the Hut is about to be at capacity.
I can’t wait.
Chad spends a few minutes talking on my badassery and telling them the set I chose. "This guy’s fingers are on fire when he gets going and there is no script. He is guided by the music! I can’t wait until the spotlight is on him and you see firsthand why he is the shit!" The crowd roars and Chad walks to me for a fist pump.
I riff a few to rile them and wait for Chad to get to his spot on the stage before I completely bring the house down with Thunderstruck by AC/DC and keep time in honor of the greatest guitar player in my eyes.
Angus.
Fucking Angus.
Chad and Noah come in with that moan the song starts on as I smoke the long neck of my Les Paul. Once I hear Shame start though, I almost cry from the excitement of playing this live the first time. Those drums come in hard and Chad and Noah follow. I am anxious to hear Chard rock some Brian Johnson.
He nails anything by AC/DC . Like me, Chad loves Nostalgic Rock and we jam it often.
Once he starts the first verse I see more and more people rushing in, forcing their way to the front, singing and cheering. It was unbelievable and I was honored by the love as they chanted my name.
We met some girls,
Some dancers who gave a good time,
Broke all the rules
played all the fools
Yeah yeah, they, they, they blew our minds
And I was shaken at the knees
Could I come again please,
Yeah, the ladies were too kind.
You’ve been… thunderstruck
I took that solo and played it how only Angus could as the crowd went ape shit for me.
I look up to see a vision in red that makes me stop singing. Chad, Noah and Shame look in my direction, but I play it off and shake my head in tune to the remainder of the song and end it on that fabulous riff.
I step off stage for a minute to grab my water with the rest of the guys. "You looked like you saw a ghost man, everything ok?" Chad asks with concern.
Shame looks at me with a shrug and I know he wants me to explain.
"Just saw Jen come in and I didn’t think she was going to be here." I shrug it off and see Noah eyeballing me. He knows, I am sure and he is waiting for my side of the story.
He can keep waiting. I am not getting in to it tonight. "We fought the other night so I figured she wouldn’t show." I turn my back when Sevyn hands me my acoustic and takes
my Les.
Chad then swaps his out as I make my way back to the stage and wave to the audience. I sit on the stool they brought out and strum a few cords while the guys get in position.
Sevyn is off to the side ready to swap me back my Les when Chad will take over when I do the solo. Nutshell is complex and takes patience on the guitar to build it, but damn I love playing it.
"Hey, so we are going to slow it down a little. I wanted to showcase my favorites tonight as well as my favorites of our own shit. Jerry Cantrell is on that list for the way he owns both acoustic and electric in Nutshell.
I wait a beat before I start and it is so natural to me that I focus on Jen in the audience. Bright and Raleigh go to her and drag her to the side of the stage. Luckily, they are on my left and I can look right to them as I play. I look out over the crowd though knowing that they are gonna’ go crazy when they hear Noah sing, not Chad.
This can only be respected by him.
We all know it.
I look to Carrie in tears and smile knowing that this song affects her and Noah. I glance at Jen and see her watch me with intensity that almost blinds me.
Knowing I need to focus as Chad starts strumming. I count Sev in by tapping my foot right before the chorus so he knows to swap my acoustic for the Les.
He does it right on time and I come in, eyes glued to Jen again. She smiles sweet at me so I wink before closing my eyes knowing my solo is coming up and I can’t get lost in her right now.
I feel the music as it goes through me, my fingers pinching as I climb the solo and jam. “Fuck yeah!” Noah yell’s away from the mic, proud of me for killing it.
The song ends, but we go right into The Fray, then Never Again for one of our slower songs. The solo shreds it though, slow or not. It is one I created just fucking around yet resulted in one of our best.
The words though, they hit me different this round as I watch Jen sing along with the girls, while dancing in circles with Raleigh. She has never looked so carefree and I am blinded by the beauty she radiates.
I recall a show, in a city I can’t recall where I watched her on the side of the stage waving at us, with a bright smile. I was excited, but I didn’t see her.
Not like I should have.
No, I was pumped knowing I was going to have one hell of a night getting rowdy and wasted with her.
Now I see her, and I want to tackle her and lock her in a room until she admits she wants me. After that fight though, it scares me to even think like that. I am past the point of breaking.
Way fuckin past it.
Once I start my solo I riff and rile the crowd and just play what I know while I talk to them like they are my friends. Most are because the House is in Gig and it’s a small ass town. I see so many fans that were once friends and I love the way I control what I do.
I don’t sing to a crowd solo because nobody can sing like Chad. I do backup vocals and only when I chill alone I sing to whatever song I play. I recall Shame after his dad died as he played disarm by the Smashing Pumpkins and I want to pay a tribute to my bandmates, my brothers, the way I did with Nutshell for Noah.
I start the strumming and acoustically I don’t think it was clear until I started to sing to it.
Everyone started singing along with me as I looked to Shame who knew what I was doing with it and nodded before mouthing ‘thank you’, pulling Cassa close and kissing her. The emotion it brought up, clearly visible on his face.
Right before the second chorus I stop and address the audience. "We need something heavy in this, it’s too weak and the jam aint weak so I am asking the boys to finish it with me."
Chad walks over to arrange the set up and after Sev gives him his acoustic he looks to me with a smile. "You gotta sing along with me though." He doesn’t wait for me to agree as he looks to Noah. His acoustic out as well ready to play the base string and Shame…? He just looks ready to nail it.
"From the beginning." Chad says and counts the beat, as he and I come in together. We play back to back and I know he won’t sing until the chorus.
We hit every note perfect as I watch Shame tapping along lightly, face tight with emotion as we come to the chorus. Soon his talent and ability will be a loud presence in the crowd.
Chad steps up to the mic singing alongside me to impact the song with the missing violins, but together... man it blew me away.
By the end of the song I realize I can riff and have fun, but after so long I get bored and I would rather jam with my band. "So, look, I’m on a roll here and I am playing stuff you guys don’t know is personal to me and the guys. Shamus played Disarm a million times and still does for his late father. Noah lives and dies by Alice in Chains. I want to keep going until my fingers bleed, but like all the other music we played tonight, it was influential to me and these guys influence the hell out of me. They are why I am where I am today."
The crowd goes crazy probably more for the whole band coming on instead of me alone and its honestly how it should be. I am just not a solo guy, solo doesn’t inspire me the way life does.
"So, look, you guys will know this shit the minute I start playing, but I am taking it back almost seven years ago on this stage when Chad finally kissed his girl after playing it for her."
I start the beginning tune to Saving Me by Nickleback and Carrie starts screaming with Cassa as Chad laughs missing the entry for vocals. We all stop as they look at me while I look at him. "What the fuck bud, sing that shit to your girl." I say and start playing again as the crowd explodes. Chad does just that pointing at Carrie who is singing along with the girls the minute he starts.
He pulls her from the side of the stage when he hits the chorus and hugs her, dancing with her as he sings to the crowd. He lets her go but not far. He guides her to Noah who sings the backup in this one. She imitates him on the bass, like a spitting image of him.
It gives me an image of her one night at a bonfire on her first date with Chad as she played beside Noah. I close my eyes and imagine Candey beside her, watching them both sing with understanding in the song.
I know we need to play one more and call it a night.
When the song ends I address the crowd and bring Cassa, Bright and Raleigh on stage. I look at Jen, motioning for her to come too. She may have been our biggest fan even back then. "I’m going to go on record that this is for a good cause so I don’t get my ass kicked later."
Everyone laughs, but the ones I pulled on stage look at me with trepidation.
They’ll live.
"So, I’m ordering a round of shots for everyone up here." I turn and count heads before requesting ten shots. I pull Sevyn our Roadie extraordinaire and Brian our tour manager on stage. "Seeing my dear friend Carrie here dance and imitate her brother, I am taken back to a night forever ago when we all watched her sing and play with her brother. What I recall with a saddened clarity though, was a friend we lost who sat beside them. Watching in awe, understanding how deep that song meant to her two-favorite people."
The recognition of Candey in both Carrie and Noah tells me I am not on the shit list, thank fuck.
"She was a part of us, of all of us up here. She impacted our lives and we miss her daily. She should be here, she really should. This is the final song of the night, so those with glasses raise them high."
We all take our shot glasses and look out over the crowd and see hundreds of beers, cocktails and shots held high. "To Candey and knowing she is with us tonight."
"To Candey!" The whole crowd cheers and we drink it in. The loss and the love that will never truly go away. Jen watches me close, I know she doesn’t think she belongs up here with us, but she does. She belongs with me.
"Hey, you wanna sing with us?" I ask Carrie who has tears in her eyes. She nods as she laughs nervously.
"Chad too, I don’t know how long I will be able to hold it. I’m all emotional and shit."
I nod and grab Noah's acoustic guitar for her. She sits on the elevated stage. Shame is on right beside Noah on
the elevated stage he plays on. Chad counts us down and we watch as everyone huddles in close to them both.
I start on cue with Chad and Carrie, overcome by the emotion hitting me so strong when Shame and Noah come in at the same time. Carrie sings along with her husband using Noah's mic, keeping her eyes on him. Noah sees her struggle and joins in, singing along with her and Chad pulls back to let them have at it.
Together, their voices have a soothing kind of beauty that we all feel. The crowd is lit up by cell phones and lighters swaying back and forth as the two people who loved her the most play for her, in honor of her.
Carrie stands to reach the mic better, yet still keeps her eyes trained on Noah who for once doesn’t look tortured.
When the solo comes in, I go at it hard standing to play it as I move to Chad so I can watch the show.
As the last verse comes through and the guitars go quiet… Carrie sings and plays alone. Her cracking voice is a tell to us all that she is crying, but continues on like a true bad ass to the end of the song.
Noah stands handing his guitar to Bright who smiles sweetly at him with total understanding and takes Carrie in his arms. The audience screams in applause to the reaction of the emotion we brought tonight.
He walks her to the front of the stage where we all clap as they bow.
“Hell, of a fuckin night! Let’s party!” I tell the crowd as we exit the stage.
Chapter Four
Jen
Cal walks to me the minute they exit the stage. I had gone to stand in line and get a Diet Coke when he was bombarded with fans congratulating him and asking for selfies. By the time he made it to me I was with my Diet Coke and in no mood for the constant interruption from his fans.
I loved that he was successful doing what he does, but it got frustrating going anywhere in public with him. It never mattered what our conversation was about, he always allowed them to interrupt and he would chit chat with them as long as they wanted.
