by Emjay Soren
He shakes his head no and then sighs like he has more to say but not sure how to start. I for one cannot do this without my coffee. I dash inside and pour a cup and head back out to the porch. It’s a little chilly today and even in the distance I can see that the sun won’t be hanging around all day.
“What’s the deal Noah?”
“Called her last night but she won’t answer. I texted her today and said I wanted a second chance, but she ain’t talkin’.” He sounded so defeated and I couldn’t help but feel for him. What he did was bullshit and Candy had every right to run from him. I also knew that Noah never sees himself as worthy. I honestly think that he thought Candy was bluffing, that he was unlovable and took the fangirl thinking he was at her level. It is terribly sad how low he sees himself.
“Let me talk to her and see where she’s at emotionally. I get why you did what you did, but that’s because I know your past. Candy knows enough but she doesn’t have to be a victim of it either. She wants you though Noah, I don’t think she’s ready to give up yet. Let her stew on it, let her torture you into making a bold move. But do not go fuck some random chick to wash her out of your mind. Come up with some grand gesture and blow her mind but let her be mad for now.”
He was nodding but quiet as I spoke, completely unlike him. “What if she won’t forgive me?” He sounds so much younger than he is, and I want to protect him and his heart even though I know I can’t.
“Then you wish her the best, learn from your mistakes and hope like hell you find someone as amazing as her again.”
“Fuck…” He sighed and stared out over the water with a blank look on his face. “Beg her for me sissy.” He said it so quietly I almost didn’t hear him.
“No worries big bro, if I can sell you to anyone it’s Candy.”
He chuckles and I nudge his shoulder. “Look I made an appointment with a therapist to talk about all this sex shit in my head. I need to sort out the bad from the good and it got me to thinking.” I looked to him and forced his eyes to meet mine, so he knew how serious I was. “I think you should talk to someone too Noah, I think it could help you.”
He said nothing and just looked at me. I know he hated the idea of therapy, but seeing him relapse, blow shit with Candy, the stress of our dad being back and my relationship with Chad might be more than he can handle.
Noah smiled and kissed the top of my head before he chuckles light heartedly. “Not gonna happen baby girl.” He said and walked into the house without another word.
At least I tried.
Chapter Fourteen
Chad
“Holy shitballs.” Cal yells as Shame follows him inside Slave to the needle with a cowbell ringing and scares the shit right out of everyone.
“What the fuck are you boys doing?” Bobby yells, but Cal and Shame just laugh.
“Bobby, it’s a tattoo shop so calm down. Besides, we are big rockstars now so why you bitching?” Cal says as he puts Bobby in a headlock and knuckles his head.
I step back from my client. “Give me a few Tommy.” I say and go out to see what the fuck they’re up to.
“What’s going on?” Noah asks, snapping his gloves off and tossing them in the trash.
“Pack your fuckin bags! We are going on an eight-day tour with Sinners of the Slipstream.”
“What?” I ask confused. “Where did you hear this shit?”
“Corbin himself.” Cal folds his arms, shit eating grin.
“Ryan Corbin? How do you know him?” Noah is referring to the lead singer of Sinners of the Slipstream. His name holds power in our industry, our brand of rock.
Cal is bouncing on his heels and you can tell he is ready to explode with excitement. “What did he say?”
“So, I entered us in an online contest for Seattle bands. They have an eight-day tour in Washington hitting their hometowns. They want a local opener, so I submitted our latest video from The Sue when we did Frail. The rest is history.”
“Fuck me.” Noah fist bumps Cal to the news.
“When do we leave?” I ask and take the papers from Cal that give me all the information I need. “Two days? Fuck I'm booked out two weeks.” I look at Bobby not wanting to fuck him over or his reputation.
“Me too.” Noah adds and I know he feels the same way about Bobby and the Slave crew.
“Hell boy’s, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for you both. We can get em rebooked maybe hook your loyal clients up with twenty off the next session.”
I bite my knuckles to keep from flipping the fuck out. “This is unreal.” I can’t process it yet, maybe it’s shock but I'm freaking out on the inside. I pull my phone out of my pocket and look at Noah. “Wanna tell care together?” I ask, knowing this is huge for the two of them.
“Yeah text her tell her to be ready.”
Me: Holy shit! I can’t wait to get home baby! GOOD NEWS!!!
I got my client list rebooked and finished with my clients for the rest of the day, watching the clock excited to tell Carrie.
Noah knocks on my wall. “You ready?”
“Yep.” I gather my shit and follow him out the door. We make it to our cars, and I hang back while he smokes.
“You believe this shit?”
He shakes his head no, smiling. “I’ve always known we had the stuff to get here, but there’s no preparation for when it happens.”
“You seem kind of off by it?” He was excited, but it was muted, and I couldn’t figure out why.
“I am excited. I just worry about the spotlight for both me and Carrie. I don’t know what he would do.” He admits and I realize that this would be a huge fear for them both.
“We can look into security, Noah. We have some big boys that would go for the experience.” I know none of us can afford the security that bands use, but we had loyal boys, big ones in our corner that were always holding it down for us at our shows.
“Maybe.” He tosses his cigarette and looks at me with a genuine smile. “Let’s go brag!”
I laugh and go to my truck. “See ya there.”
“Carrie?” Noah yells as we walk through the door, Cal, and Shame behind us.
She comes from the kitchen with an excited smile on her face. I pull her to me and kiss her sweet. “Hey babe.”
“Oh, for the love Chad, what is it?” She giggles.
“We just got asked to open up for Sinners of the Slipstream!” Noah says and she looks confused.
I cup her face in my hands, “Sinners of the Slipstream sing ‘Bad Redemption.”
“Seriously?” She is surprised and smiling ear to ear. She looks around to the guys and Noah nods and she starts clapping. I pull her close as Noah comes to her side and Cal and Shame behind us in a group hug as well cheer in excitement.
“We leave in two days though sis.” Noah informs her and she stiffens immediately. I pull her chin to me so I can see her eyes.
“How long?” She asks and I hear her nerves.
“Eight days, it’s just the Washington tour.” Noah says with a shrug of his shoulders and makes his way to the kitchen and starts taking down shot glasses from the top shelf. He pulls down the Skyy Vodka and starts pouring five shots. We want to celebrate together, but I feel like I need to calm her fears.
“Baby what’s got you freaked out?” I ask, close to her ear in hopes I don’t put everyone’s attention on her.
She shakes her head no and walks to the kitchen and I guess I’ll let it go for now. “Damn girl!” Cal says and slams his shot back, Shame and Noah laughing and following suit as Carrie slams her shot. The doorbell rings right after the shot, “that’s Sassy, I called her and told her to meet me here.” Shamus said with a sneaky smile. “I haven’t told her yet.”
I lean against the counter, taking a shot of my own and we all chat together with excitement, but I watch her trying to figure out where her head’s at.
“I would like to make a toast!” She yells out, big ass smile and perfect pink cheeks and it’s all fake. She isn’t h
appy about this. Maybe she is for the recognition, but she isn’t happy we are leaving.
“To my big brother, my man and my other two favorite boys!” She looks at me with that same smile, “Chad,” she calls to me with a quirk of her finger. “You guys deserve this!” She says it with conviction that makes me think I’m taking the wrong cues and maybe she is okay with this.
We all cheer and decide we need to throw a party to set this shit off right. Carrie seems on board as we plot and plan, all of us texting to get the word out.
“Hey…” I pull her into me and kiss her on top of her head. “Where you headed off to?”
She looks up at me and I kiss her quickly, my hands on her ass holding her tight to me. “I'm gonna go outside and call Candy. I don’t know if Noah told her, but I want her to hear it from me not the masses.”
I nod, kiss her real quick and let her go as I go to hang with the boys and celebrate.
Carrie
I stepped outside and called Candy, waiting for her to answer I let my gaze fall on the bay. This was home and my dad couldn’t take from us what was rightfully ours. Noah fought hard for this life, blood, sweat, and tears got us here and no way would I let Noah see my fear, not when he was so close to getting what he wanted most out of life.
I feared our dad knowing I would be staying behind and that terrified me. I had a gun though and my aim was spot on. I wouldn’t hesitate to kill our dad if he came looking for me and that thought only heightened my fear. No way would I let Cody Beckett have my fear. I almost didn’t hear Candy answer because of the rage my thoughts were in.
“Carrie you there?”
“Have you heard the big news?” I ask feeling like I’m walking on eggshells my nerves are that rickety right now.
She sniffed and I could tell she was crying. “Candy what’s the matter Chica?” I feel my heart squeeze when I see her face in my mind’s eye, crying over Noah and I just want to tell her it’s all going to be okay.
“Yeah it’s just been a ton to process you know?” I did know. I was constantly processing something or other when it came to Chad. I had yet to deal with heartache of this magnitude. The fact that I felt like I would deal with this level of heartache…it was alarming.
“Have you tried talking to Noah Candy?” I asked trying my best to stop thinking of all the bad shit that could go wrong between Chad and I, and focus on the bad shit that was going on between my big brother and the sister of my heart.
“Not since I left him the painting. He texts me but I can’t respond.” She is still sniffling, and I hate knowing the strongest woman I know is this shattered inside.
“What do his texts say?” I sit on the bench and look out over the water thinking about the painting and the PS note she left at the bottom.
“Uh…shit really. ‘I miss you,’ or ‘please just meet me so we can talk.’ He told me he meant what he said about loving me and that he needed a second chance.” Her voice broke as she described the pleas and I could hear the confusion and desperation in her cry.
“Have you thought about talking to him?” I ask and I try to be careful and chose my words wisely because I can’t pit myself against either one. I love them both and I hurt for them both.
“How can you ask me that Carrie?” She wails but keeps going. “You and Chad might just be starting out and things aren’t physical yet but imagine giving all of yourself over to him, having him seduce you with promises and touches before destroying it all after he confessed his love.”
I realize that I haven’t spoken to Candy other than through text since she left the party after catching Noah. She had no clue how far I had fallen in this relationship with Chad. I had wanted to see her and tell her all of it in person, but the time seemed to be now and over the phone.
“Well…” I say biting my lip not sure how to say it and decided that blurting it out is best. Why I decide that is beyond me, but I do it anyway. “Chad and I have been having sex. A lot of sex. That doesn’t mean that I know where you’re coming from as far as the betrayal but I know what it means to feel the man you love inside of you doing things that you could only ever let him do.”
“You guys had sex?” She asks me, the shock in her voice wasn’t unnoticed.
“Yes.”
“When?”
I told her about going to the Pier and his confession and my freak-out after we had sex. I then quickly told her about coming home to Noah and seeing the painting and the talk we had. “He told me he loved you that night. He said he knew it was a shit move what he did, and he is terrified that you will never talk to him again.”
“I can’t believe you have been having sex and haven’t told me.” She was obviously still hung up on the fact of Chad and I doing the deed and completely bypassed my telling her about Noah loving her. She sounded hurt by my confession and I wanted to explain.
“I had talked to Noah and I knew that you were dealing with some heavy stuff and I didn’t want to unleash my news and my happiness and my fears on you while you were trying to cope with all the Noah bullshit.”
“Carrie, I need to know these things no matter what. Just because I have some shit going on it doesn’t mean I don’t care about your stuff, especially when it involves Chad Blake. This drama with Noah has been brewing for two years now and I knew it would end one of two ways: good or bad. That doesn’t mean that I can’t be there for you when big life altering moments happen. You can’t always be the one in the background smiling and being polite. You had sex Carrie. With Chad fucking Blake, the guy you have been crushing on since the day you met him and that is worthy of some serious girl time and chit chat.”
I loved this girl so much. It was times like these that shined through showing me why Candy was such a good person. “I know I should have called you and I’m sorry if I hurt you by not coming clean sooner. I honestly just wanted to be there for you Candy.”
“You are always there for me Carrie and I am always here for you no matter what the situation calls for we are always there for each other. Was that why you called? You asked if I had heard yet?”
My thoughts came rushing back, the fear momentarily forgotten, was back once again and pressing down on me. “No that wasn’t it. I was however going to beg you to wave a white flag for the night and come over to celebrate. Thick as Thieves were picked to do a Washington state tour for eight days with Sinners of the Slipstream and we are throwing an impromptu party. I know this thing with you and Noah is twisted and painful, but I need you here celebrating Chad’s success with me.” I was totally laying it on thick with my use of the word need but after her speech on ‘Besties 101’ I figured I had it in the bag.
“They got invited to play with Sinners?” She asked, her voice full of awe and wonderment. Sinners of the Slipstream were the biggest alternative rock band to come out since Nickelback, Three Doors Down, Buckcherry or Rise Against came on the scene. The Sinners asking our boys to join the tour in their hometown was a huge break.
“Yeah they leave in two days.” I think to try my luck at pulling her heart strings. “I think that you should talk to Noah and say your piece, tell him how much he hurt you and make him gravel and worry while he’s off being semi-famous for those eight days.”
“Carrie, we both know Noah and he doesn’t gravel or pine for girls. They fall at his feet when he does nothing more than smile at them. I’m positive that he will be well taken care of on the tour.”
“So then come and settle on old fashioned jealousy. Make him pant and keep him on his toes. I really think that if he thought he had an ice cubes shot in hell at getting you back to him he would pass up every chick that looked his way. He’s messed up emotionally for sure but he’s not a pig.”
She scoffs, “Carrie I’m not a random girl that won’t leave so stop playing the ‘it’s not you it’s him’ card to me. I know your job as his wingman and frankly I’m insulted you would try it on me.”
I had been his wingman for so long that it was easy to say the words wit
hout thought or consequence, the difference was, this time, I meant them. “I’m not, and I would never play on your emotions for Noah’s sake. Anyone but you Candy so frankly I’m offended by your assumption. I won’t make excuses for him Candy. What he did was wrong on a million different levels, but it doesn’t mean he’s not sorry and fully aware of how bad he fucked up. That is worth something Candy, he knows what he’s in jeopardy of losing if he hasn’t lost it already.”
She is silent for so long I fear she hung up on me. “Cans?”
“I’m here.”
“You okay Chica?”
“I’m scared to see him Carrie. I want to see him so bad and that terrifies me because I know I’ll let him back in.”
I felt the weight of her admission and wanted to sigh in relief. “Then maybe that’s what you need to do.”
“Would you be so forgiving?” She asks me coldly and the question stops my heart.
I don’t want to think of Chad touching another woman, the thought makes me literally ill and I know that I would never be able to forgive him if he did that, especially if I witnessed it. Chad says he loves me, and Noah told Candy the same thing… I feel as though love should have made the decision to walk away all the easier. I can’t lie to her and I know I’m about to assist in breaking my brothers very fragile heart.
“No Candy, I don’t think I would.”
I hear her gasp at my answer, and I know she was wishing that I would have lied to her because the truth is so ugly. “I’ll come to the party Cares but just to congratulate the band and to visit with you.”
That was her telling me to keep her away from Noah at all costs without involving me directly. “Okay. We can go out to the boathouse and have some girl time. By the time you get here I’ll be beyond annoyed by all the drunks.”
We hung up and I stood, making my way to the bay. Candy knew so much about Noah and she knew so little too. She didn’t know about the drugs, or the darkness inside of him. She didn’t know about our dad showing up at the tattoo shop. All those things played intricate parts in his betraying her with another woman.
