Her mind could splinter again. She'd been doing so well recently, but with this, Emma could just see her returning how she had been before if not worse.
Emma tried to comfort her, wrapping a hand around her arm while keeping the other hand in Janice's, ignoring her own grief just starting to grow in her chest. Her sister was first priority just then. If she let her mind splinter like before, she would lose both her grandmother and sister on that sidewalk.
"It's okay, Merry, calm down. She loved you no matter what, you know that. Just quiet down, okay? Shh..."
She kept murmuring soothing words, but Merry couldn’t hear for her sobbing. The only thing she refused to say was everything would be all right, because that would be a lie. They'd lost another member of their family, and now it was just the two of them. Things would never be all right again.
Emma didn’t think even she could accept this. She could only be so calm because she was trying to calm her sister down. Her heart beat faster, blood rushing in her ears so she couldn’t hear anything but her sister's cries, as she felt the hand in hers grow colder. It must have just been her imagination, but she could have sworn she could feel every temperature dip.
Out of nowhere, Emma realized everything else had gone too quiet. She glanced up and looked around, but all she could see were their neighbors and bodies of the enemies littering the ground. It was something of a familiar sight, but back then, she hadn't been this devastated.
She could almost laugh at herself. She had felt triumphant, then. Because they had won a fight, that had started with the odds stacked against them. She had felt confident then, like she could take on anyone and anything, after she'd defended and attacked with a knife in a gun fight. She had been so proud of herself then.
There was nothing even close to that, now.
What she did feel, was an emptiness so great, she thought it should physically hurt. She didn't even know what words she was still telling her sister, trying to calm her down, because Emma also felt fear. She was relatively calm, but she feared what came behind that emptiness.
With the fight won, others from the street came to help out. Emma noticed them first, and she could have told them they didn’t have to bother. Their family had always been private, at least Emma and Merry had been, and her sister wouldn't appreciate what she'd see as intrusion. But her lips could only form words by rote, and she watched them get closer. Then her sister noticed them.
Predictably, Merry didn’t appreciate it, glaring at anyone who got too close. She was crouching down over Janice, baring her teeth like some territorial animal guarding something precious. Seeing it almost made Emma crack, before she glossed over it. She did tighten her hand on Merry's arm in warning.
"Go away!" she screamed at the intruders. "All of you step back right now. Go away and leave me to grieve!"
Emma gasped at her words. Well, she hadn't thought her sister was stupid, but she was trying hard not to think about it herself. Still, hearing Merry's word made her heart clench.
So she knew Janice was dead, even though her hands were still held over Janice's wound, trying to staunch the blood flow. Emma wanted to ask whys he was still doing that if she knew, wasn't the blood on her hands uncomfortable? But Merry probably didn’t know she was still doing it, or she might have the same fear Emma did, and she was keeping her hands still over an irrational hope that this was not happening.
No hope could bring back the dead, though, they both knew that. It was just too hard a pill to swallow.
Emma clutched at the cold hand in her, but still restrained herself, worried the fragile fingers would break if she held on too tightly. It took her a minute to realize the almost desperate gasping she could hear was actually coming from her. Then she felt the tears stream down her face, and whatever pretense of calm she'd held fell apart.
Emma put an arm around her sister and they cried together, both of them giving into their grief. If Merry knew, Emma didn’t have to pretend to be strong for her sister's sake, because honestly she wasn’t feeling very strong herself, in that moment. She wanted to scream at the injustice of the world that something like this could happen just when they'd come up with a solution for their recent problem.
But no. It had always been like this, hadn't it? Because the world didn’t have an obligation to cater to them. Anything could happen at any moment, and this was a result of their carelessness. Somehow, they would have to get through this, and Emma wasn’t sure that they both could.
It didn’t occur to her that she could be the one to break this time. She'd forgotten all about her parents' deaths, aside from what she'd been told when she woke up later at the hospital. But she had seen this. And she had some form of responsibility, like Merry had invented for herself when she felt something bad would happen if they went for the trip that got their parents killed.
But Emma did bare a bigger responsibility in this. If she'd just helped Janice and Merry, if she hadn't let their argument go on for so long... if she'd taken the time to talk to both of them, something might have changed. If she hadn't let Merry come out, Janice wouldn’t have followed them and been outside when the attack happened.
Then hatred grew in her chest. They might all have some responsibility in this, but the invaders were the one that cause all of this. If they'd held onto their sanity, not turning to means like these, their town wouldn’t have had to up their guard. Life would have gone on for them, in something resembling normal, and she would still have time to spend with her family. But they attacked them, and one of them shot at her sister, killing her grandmother instead. She buried her face in Merry's shoulder as she sobbed harder, feeling her anger grow in her chest.
They had done this, and Emma would make them all pay if it was the last thing she ever did.
A long while later, Chase helped them take Janice back to the house, not wanting to leave her out on the street for everyone to gawk at. They took her—her body—back to her room and laid her on the bed, covering her with the sheets so they wouldn’t see the blood.
Emma had Merry get changed and wash off the blood. Her crying had slowed down, but she was looking a lot closer to her old self, with her sallow face, puffed up eyes and her hair getting messy from running her hands through it. She made sure her hair was washed, too, to get the blood out, and then she took her sister to her room and sat with her as she cried herself to sleep.
She had calmed down considerably by the time she met back up with Chase in the living room, sitting on the couch beside each other.
"We need to bury her," Emma muttered, feeling empty inside with all the tears gone, her emotions locked away so they wouldn’t drive her crazy.
Chase tried to comfort her, tried to get an arm around her to pull her into his warmth but she resisted, sending him a glare that had him backing off and snapping his mouth shut.
"I don’t want to hear it—I just want to feel the pain of Janice's death and suffer it."
She wasn’t going to hide from this, like she'd done with her parents' deaths. She had forgotten everything, and did her best to put it all out of her mind while she went on with her life, but she was determined to not forget this time. She wasn’t a child, she was a grown woman now, and this was simply a part of life. If she couldn’t get through this on her own, the future to come would break her, and she would leave Merry alone. Emma had no intention to leave her sister alone.
Chase looked torn, but finally relented, getting up and walking away. "I'll give you some space."
Emma watched him go, then clenched her fist, knowing all she could think about right then was revenge.
Chapter Twenty
Emma wasn’t sure how long had passed. She was sure time had gone by, at least, but she felt like she was stuck in limbo.
All Emma knew was that she had to keep moving, just to get food to the both of them instead of leaving it all to Chase to take care of them. It wasn’t his job to take care of the both of them, but she'd given herself the job of taking care of her siste
r, so it was about time she stepped up and did her job.
Merry was definitely worse off than she was. Still, she did keep taking her pills. Emma wasn’t sure if she still had nightmares anymore, because she hardly found her sister awake the times she checked up on her, and when she did, Merry was just lying there and staring off into space or crying. A couple of times, they had fallen asleep together on Merry's bed as Emma hugged her for comfort while she cried herself to sleep. It was so heartbreaking, knowing that their grandmother was gone, and they had a hand in this.
But Emma couldn’t sleep for long. She slept in short bursts, only to jump awake and start moving her body again, even when it was dark. She wasn’t sure just how long she slept for, when she did fall asleep, but it couldn’t have been long because it really didn’t seem like time was passing at all, yet she felt at the same time that it was moving too fast. Not that she paid it much mind. Because the one thing she couldn’t stand to do at the time was staying still. She didn’t want to fall into the same state as her sister, and she would do her best not to.
She was taking it in a different way from her sister. There had been some worry that she would lose herself to this, but Emma was actually past most of the initial grief. Now, she either felt hollow or anger at the reason for her grandmother's death. Because this was nothing like their parents dying at all. Theirs had been an accident that no one could have predicted. No one could have predicted what happened to Janice, either, but her life was taken by another human being.
They had gotten rid of the invaders, but that wasn’t nearly enough. The ones that came, were killed and whatever they had taken from them. But wherever they'd come from, they'd had a plan to come here, and there were others that were a part of this plan probably still there.
Even if there weren’t, Emma thought it was possible that people that knew the plan still existed. She would love to get her hands on one of them and ask why they'd resorted to such tactics. They might have been desperate, but they weren’t the only ones. After all, what they were going through was all over the place, not just in their town. No matter how they justified doing what they did, Emma could never forgive it.
They stayed locked away from the public and well-meaning neighbors that came to offer their condolences, Chase the only one answering the door anymore, but it wouldn't be that way forever. Eventually, they would have to talk to other people. Janice's death had happened in view of a lot of people, most of them people she had known. They would be left alone for the time being, because the people that were there had been witness to their grief.
It was hard to believe that it hadn't even been a whole day.
An officer came to the house some time later in the afternoon. Chase was out, and she wasn’t sure when he would be back, but when the knock came at the door she was the one to answer it, to find a police officer standing on her doorstep. It was the woman that had given her the job when she left the police station.
"Officer, what can I do for you?" she asked politely, even though she really would have rather the officer just left. She wasn’t in the mood to entertain, and she didn’t know why an officer would be coming to her house. She didn’t want it to be what she was thinking.
"I wanted to come by and ask why you haven't shown up for community service."
Ah. So that was what they came for. She had been preparing to send the officer out, but she probably needed to answer the question. It was strange, just a little, thinking of having duties when it felt like her life had ended not that long ago.
Emma had actually forgotten about that. It must have been a while for them to react this way, to actually send someone to her doorstep.
They must have been getting cautious. She'd missed several days before, back when she took time off to look after her sister as she started her medication, and no one had noticed then. Maybe, with how things were, they were keeping a closer rein on the townspeople, and offenders like herself. They must have sent someone to look for her and learned the truth while she was gone, that she had missed a lot of days already, before she took up the position of street guard in her neighborhood.
Well, it wasn’t exactly like she could help it. She did have other responsibilities, and after what happened, she just didn’t feel like dealing with anyone outside of the house.
"I'm sorry, I completely forgot about that."
She could see the disapproval overtaking the woman's face, so she explained about the events of the previous night.
"There was an attack on our street. I was just going out on patrol and my sister and grandmother were outside with me. I was trying to get them inside when we heard a car pull up. A woman ran at us, and I shot her, only she shot my grandmother. Her body is... still in her room. We plan to bury it soon."
She said it all so calmly, she was actually surprised at herself that she could be so calm. Of course, the calm that she felt wasn’t real. There was nothing about the situation she was in that could possibly leave her calm. Her grandmother's body was lying in her bed. If Emma had the strength of will, she would have started on digging a grave for her.
But with how things were, they would have to dig a grave in their back yard and bury their grandmother there. That idea did not appeal to her, though neither did she like just leaving the body alone where it was. She would have to decide on something and soon, because she was already risking some mental scarring by not doing anything.
But she focused back on the officer. This was not the time to be thinking about such things.
The officer's expression had changed to one of sympathy, almost pity, and Emma felt her hands clench at her sides. It was a look she'd hoped to never have pointed in her direction again, but she wasn’t fifteen years old this time, she could handle it because she had to.
"I am so sorry for your loss," the officer said with sincerity. "I'm afraid we haven't gotten the report from last night yet, I'm sorry to disturb you at a time like this. Please take all the time off you need."
"Thank you officer," Emma said, offering a smile that fell almost immediately.
She didn’t have any intention of going into work anyway. She had been juggling her duties to the town and community service, taking fewer hours at the hospital and working the rotations on patrol duties to help her do so. Of course, she'd had to get permission to do that, but she still ended up missing quite a bit of time. It would have been too much, except she thrived under the pressure of it all, because she was so determined to do everything.
That determination was all gone now, though. Just thinking of leaving her sister, her grandmother's body, left her feeling a little sick.
But she would have to, she knew as she said goodbye to the officer at the door.
"We'll also find a replacement for you to lead the street guard, you won't need to worry about that either for a time. Please get some rest, ma'am."
The officer left, leaving Emma standing there staring after her. That was right, she'd forgotten that detail as well, but it wasn’t like she minded. She realized that it would have bothered her a few days ago, being replaced, but now she couldn’t care less.
She was absolving herself of all responsibility to anyone else outside her family, at least for the time being. Whatever had driven her before was quiet.
Really, she must have let her guard down somehow, after they won the last fight without much problem. She'd thought they would all come out okay, despite their opponent being bigger and stronger. That if they all worked together, nothing bad would happen. Well, casualties had been expected either way, on both sides, but she had never imagined it would be someone from her family. And in such a careless way, too. Without knowing it, she'd let herself get relaxed while worrying that others doing the same would be what did them in.
Really, it had been better when she still feared. Because that fear let her act, confidence wasn’t helpful for her if it turned to overconfidence, and that must have been what she felt after they'd defeated their last enemies, why she hadn't minded all that
much that several people died, because none of them were from her side. It wasn’t like that meant they couldn’t lose people, too.
And now, because of that, this had happened.
Emma returned to bed. Merry was fed, and she'd taken a light snack. She didn’t feel like anything, but there was no reason to starve herself. Though she'd eaten it a while ago and it was maybe afternoon then. Well, whatever. She didn’t care. She would just get something more when her body protested not getting fed.
Chase came to check on her in a while, and found her string out of the window. She didn’t even have to check to know who it would be, he was the only one that would come to her room that still stayed around.
She couldn’t sleep. She'd gone long without nightmares, but she was starting to think it had been all luck. Because now when she closed her eyes, all she could see was Janice on the ground, blood pouring out of her chest and soaking Merry's hands ad she cried her heart out.
"Do you want anything to eat or drink?" he asked, getting closer to her on the bed.
"I'm busy." She didn’t even hesitate with her answer, and she could feel his incredulity.
"With what?"
"Coming up with a plan for revenge," she said.
"We don’t know where the people came from, Emma, and whether they acted alone."
But there would have to be some connection she could find, couldn’t there? They seemed to plan out their attacks too well. Emma wondered if they'd scoped them out before, or if the reason they had a specific reason for appearing at her street when they did.
"There is one thing I know. Both attacks on our street came from the west. It's not a lot, but it's a starting point Chase."
Powerless | Book 3 | New Order Page 16
