“When you grow up knowing only one thing, it’s hard to question it. Especially when those questions are framed as something dangerous that will destroy you and everything you love. It wasn’t until…” Adam, “…recently that I even realized just how terrible my life is.”
“Oh, really? And why’s that?” Maura asked.
How did she begin to explain this? “It’s… It’s little things. Reading a book of my choice. Watching TV. Sleeping when I want for as long as I want. And… and it’s Adam, too.” Her cheeks heated as they turned red. “When I was sick, he took care of me. He made me food. He gave me medicine. He didn’t have to care about me, but he did. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like anybody really…”
“Cared?” Maura supplied.
Karey nodded.
“So. That’s it, then? You want to leave the Pack because you haven’t ever known that you could have a life away from them?” Fiona’s voice was soft, gentle. “Is that why you did those things to help us out? Like when we thought Eugene was caught by the Pack and you contacted us to tell us he’d escaped? Or when I had been caught and you used your name and Utopia’s in front of me, even though you were told not to?”
Karey’s head jerked up. She’d noticed that? The one thing about being thought of as stupid and weak was that she could do things like that and have it written off as her just being stupid like usual. But if Fiona had noticed her doing things like that, giving them information about things that were easy to cover as being forgetful, then her father…
“No, that’s not why,” she mumbled even as her heart rate rose. “I… I never liked being a part of that. The experiments. I begged my father to let me go to nursing school because I thought maybe I could be of some use. If there had been a doctor when my mother…” Karey shivered. “She might not have died.”
Or maybe she would have anyway. The bloody knife lying on the floor next to her wasn’t there by accident.
“I thought I could help,” Karey said miserably. “I thought maybe I could stop people from being in pain.”
“And instead you were part of causing people pain.”
Maura frowned heavily. “And the experiments. You’ve participated in eugenics. And that is a morally repugnant thing. How can you justify yourself?”
Karey flinched. “I can’t. I can only say that my father told me things since I was a child about what it means to be strong and what it means to strengthen others. Things that have been repeated to me by almost everybody I’ve been around for my entire life. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to think. Shifters don’t get the same sorts of illnesses that humans get. There are so many diseases that could be eradicated by this gene-splicing technology. But I don’t want to be a Nazi! I don’t want to say that shifters are genetically better than humans. I don’t want to be part of genocides, and I don’t want anybody to be turned into something they’re not or be killed for what they are. I…”
She realized she was rambling and stopped herself.
Maura and Fiona both frowned at her. They were silent, as though expecting her to continue. But what else was she supposed to say?
“I don’t want to be part of that anymore,” Karey managed to mumble again. “And I don’t want anybody else to be hurt like that. I want to help stop it. I want to try to be a better person. Nobody should be forced into that, and I know that I hurt people. I don’t know if it’s possible to atone for that, but I want to try.”
“Why?” Fiona pressed, moving a little closer, entering her personal space. “Is it because of Adam?”
“Yes. He’s shown me what a good person really looks like.”
“And you want to be his mate.”
Karey’s jaw dropped. She squeaked as denial washed through her. No! She might have wanted to have that sexual encounter with him, and she might be imagining what her life with him would look like, but she wasn’t stupid enough to ever think that he’d want her for his mate. Her eyes burned with humiliation as she shrank in on herself.
“It’s not a question,” Fiona continued. “I saw the way you looked at him. You want to be his mate, Karey. And I think that’s the biggest reason you’re fighting against the way you were raised.”
“Which brings us to another question,” Maura put in. She looked a little bewildered, but it didn’t lessen the aura of authority around her. “Which is, if you are really genuine about wanting to leave the Pack, why haven’t you tried to do so before now?”
“I didn’t think I could.”
Maura narrowed her eyes. “No? Not even when you were at the Academy? You were with us for several months, and yet you still went back to the Pack.”
Karey leaned her head back, tears starting to trickle down her cheeks even though she fought them. This was all too confusing, all too much for her to understand and explain. Slowly, she shook her head. She had no answers for that. Everything she could say, that she was too afraid of what they’d do to her if she stayed, what her father would do to her when he got his hands on her again, that she didn’t want her father to die and had left because she was certain he’d die if she didn’t… Why would they care about any of that?
Why would they listen to her?
They were still waiting for an answer, so she said the only thing she could. “What else was I supposed to do?”
“There were plenty of things you could have done.” Maura shook her head. “But that is neither here nor there, is it? This isn’t about not being able to trust you. It’s about Adam. It’s about not being able to trust him.”
Karey felt a ball of shame shrivel up her insides. “Because of me. Because I convinced him to…”
“Because he’s been compromised, yes.” Maura studied her for a moment longer before she shook her head. “Go back downstairs. We’ll let you know what it is we decide to do with you. As we’ve said… it might be beyond any of us to keep you from being returned to the Pack. Civilian lives come first, after all.”
Karey nodded. She didn’t know what she felt, but she knew it didn’t feel good. She set her pen on the table and headed back downstairs to the cold, isolated loneliness. And she wished that it could just be her and Adam again. Just the two of them, alone in the world.
But that was just a dream. One she knew was never going to come true.
Chapter Fourteen
Not having his fires felt like a piece of him was missing. Even after Stephen brought him a winter coat, he was still cold. Even after he came back into the cabin with the rest of the Blaze Ops and stood right next to the fire, he was still cold. He didn’t know how it was possible to feel so damn cold without freezing to death. He shivered in a thick sweater, as close to the stove as he dared.
It was only after he noticed everyone looking at him uncomfortably that he remembered the other part of his punishment. He wasn’t allowed to be part of any of the discussions from here on out. Wasn’t allowed to hear them, even.
He sighed. “The bedroom isn’t soundproof. Should I go out to the lean-to and work, or would you rather I go downstairs?”
“You aren’t going downstairs,” Maura replied, a mild edge to her voice.
Adam grimaced. So that he and Karey couldn’t collaborate or plot an escape. “I’ll head out to the lean-to then.”
Stephen stepped forward. “Are you going to be warm enough?”
Adam glared at him. Where was that concern when Maura put him on the blockers? He didn’t hear Stephen or any of them protesting. Stephen had no right to be concerned about him being cold now! He growled, even the sound weak without his fires.
“I’ll be fine,” he spat.
“Adam,” Patrick rumbled warningly. “Don’t start. I understand you’re upset about being on the blockers, but what other choice did you give us? You didn’t protest, either.”
“Can you read my mind now?” Adam grumbled but let out a sigh all the same. He was right. He really shouldn’t be snapping at Stephen or any of the others when it was his own fault for getting himself in
this situation.
And the truth was, as angry as he was about being on the blockers and as weak as he felt not having his fires, that wasn’t what was truly upsetting him. No, it was because he didn’t want to be cut out of the discussion about what was going to happen to Karey. He wanted to be able to tell them they could trust her. He wanted to tell them that if they handed her back over to the Pack, they were condemning someone who wanted genuine change.
But just because he had grown to care about her more didn’t mean that the core of what they were doing had changed. The life of one person couldn’t be more important than the lives of many. Karey wasn’t innocent in all of this, as much as Adam wished she was.
He understood now why Liam had gone off the rails for Utopia, though, and why Eugene had risked everything for Clementine.
The cold deepened to his bones as he entered the lean-to. Was this surge of protectiveness because he had started to see Karey for who she really was, the story behind her actions? Or was there something even deeper happening. Could it be that she was…?
No. No, that couldn’t be it. It was just because he was getting to know her. That’s all it was. All it could be. Anything more would mean that he was more compromised than he thought and should volunteer to put himself in custody.
So, no. It wasn’t more than just getting to know her and seeing what she could offer the Academy. It was the fruition of his plan. Hadn’t he thought she was the key to taking down the Pack? They couldn’t take the Pack down if they gave the Alpha back the key to doing that!
Maybe they’d listen to him if he went back in there. He doubted it, though… More than likely, they’d just march him back out here and lock the door behind him.
Was he as strong without his fires?
Adam tried to distract himself from the unsettling questions by working on his projects. As soon as the door opened, though, he dropped what he was doing and looked at Stephen eagerly.
“It’s been decided. Karey is going back to the Pack.”
Disappointment, anger, fear, and despair hit him all at once. Adam turned away, clenching his hands. He wanted to hit something so bad he nearly punched the saw blade right there but remembered just in time that he was on blockers and so would do serious damage to himself if he tried. So, he settled for slamming his closed fist on the top of the table. How could they do this? They hadn’t even heard anything back from the Alpha yet! He could very well be up for negotiating. They didn’t have to hand Karey back to the person she feared so much so easily.
“Why?” he snarled as Stephen closed the door.
“Because we can’t risk innocent lives. You know that.”
“And giving into him now is just going to embolden him. What’s next? He demands we hand Maura over to him or else he’ll go after the students? Or what if he wants a dragon again? We don’t know exactly how far the serum’s gone, if they are going to need more dragon genetic material or if what they’ve got is enough for them.”
“And as much as I would love to be able to reassure you, the decision has been made.”
“It’s wrong!” Adam punched the wall. Pain jarred up his arm, but it felt good at the same time. Like he was actually doing something besides just sitting here, being angry and weak and helpless. He punched the wall again. “It’s wrong to do this! She doesn’t want to go back. She could help us.”
“Adam—”
He whirled on Stephen, wishing he could feel the fires in his belly that would have helped him to judge just how angry he was. Without them, all he had was this tightness in his chest, this narrowing of his vision. The furious thoughts racing through his brain.
“Maura is making a mistake,” he said flatly. “It’s a huge mistake that’s going to come back to bite us in the ass. Do you know how hard it was to get Karey to trust me?”
“You aren’t thinking clearly.”
“I’m thinking just fine! She knows the inner workings of the Pack. She knows how the Alpha thinks. She doesn’t want to go back, and she’s begging us not to send her back.”
Stephen shook his head and looked away, but Adam was certain he saw a spark of regret and perhaps shame in his eyes.
“We are giving up so much knowledge by sending her back. You realize that, right? Or is it that you don’t care because—”
“She went back,” Stephen snarled at him. “You’re forgetting that. She has had plenty of chances to leave, but she always went back. If she really wanted to get away, she wouldn’t have gone back.”
Hadn’t Adam thought the same thing? He ground his teeth together. “You don’t understand. When someone is abused like that, it doesn’t feel like they have a choice. The world is too scary; they don’t know how they can survive outside of what they know. If you had someone telling you every second of your life that you’re worthless and helpless without them, how easy do you think it would be for you to gain the confidence you’d need to tell them they were wrong?”
“Maura knows what she’s doing. You need to accept that.”
Adam shook his head. Maura might think she knew what she was doing, but she didn’t. She wasn’t looking at the big picture. It wasn’t just about Karey, it was about taking down the entire organization. Yes, people might get hurt. Innocent people. And he hated the thought that it might end that way.
But even a dozen lives weren’t worth a hundred others. This wasn’t about the immediate consequences. It was about the end result.
And it was all too clear that Maura didn’t believe that Karey would be useful enough to justify that. Whether it was because she didn’t trust Karey to be telling the truth or she was just downplaying her importance, Adam didn’t know. The fact was, though, that they were going to hand Karey back over to the Alpha.
Was there anything he could do to stop it?
“And you’re going to be put under house arrest until the exchange is made,” Stephen continued, sounding reluctant. “With the blockers still.”
Adam snarled.
“We don’t want you to do anything stupid. We don’t want you acting like Liam and Eugene did.”
“If they hadn’t done what they did, Utopia and Clementine would be dead, and we’d be still struggling for any victories against the Pack. Why can’t you guys just listen to me on this? Yeah, I’m close to the matter, but that’s a good thing. It’s why I was stationed here!”
“You weren’t stationed here to start having sex with her!” Stephen roared.
Adam was too shocked by him losing it like that to have a comeback.
“You were stationed here because Fiona, Patrick, and Maura thought you’d do a good job. They thought you’d be able to win her trust and get information. You screwed up. You never should have had sex with that woman, and you should never have let yourself start falling for her.”
“I’m not—"
“And what else are we supposed to think, Adam? We come in, and she’s got total freedom of the cabin. We hear that you let her off the blockers long enough that she got some of her shifting back. And then you tell us that you had sex.” Stephen threw his hands into the air. “What else are we supposed to think? Are we supposed to think that this is normal?”
Adam’s shoulders sagged. He did know where they were coming from. He just wished that he could make them see it from his perspective. “But we can trust her. She wants to change.”
“Maybe we can trust her, but we sure as hell can’t trust your judgment. So just… stop. Stop trying to justify yourself, and stop trying to convince us that this is about anything other than you being obsessed with sex.”
Adam wanted to tell him that it wasn’t about sex, it was about strategy. He really did. He even thought that was what he was going to say when he opened his mouth. But it wasn’t. Instead, he spat out, “You’re one to talk about being obsessed with sex. Who left all that porn here? Who left a fucking blowup doll? And who stares at Maura Rizzoli’s ass every chance he gets? Do you really think that she’s making the right choice, or do you ju
st want her panties around her ankles while you—”
A fist lashed out, catching his jaw. The blow knocked him over, and he hit his head on the table leg as he went down. The crack reverberated in his skull, causing a throbbing ache. Stephen’s face transformed into horror as he grabbed Adam around the shoulders.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean… Are you okay?”
Adam rubbed his sore jaw as stars danced around his head. “No,” he grunted. “No, I don’t think I am.”
“Shit. I’m sorry.” Stephen helped him to his feet. “Let’s get you some help.”
“I don’t need help,” Adam grumbled, even though it was a big, fat lie. “I need Karey to be safe. I need… okay, maybe I do need help.”
His vision tunneled, and Stephen’s voice sounded like it came from far, far away. Then blackness overtook him, and he knew no more.
Chapter Fifteen
Karey hoped that Adam would come tell her what the Blaze Ops decided. She didn’t expect him to, of course, but she hoped they’d let him be the one who told her. She wasn’t holding out hope that it would be in her favor at all. She already knew that she was going to be handed back over to her father. And from there, she had no idea what to expect.
When Stephen came down, his face pulled into a grimace and worry in his eyes, Karey got to her feet. Her heart jumped to her throat even as her eyes filled with tears. She wanted to kick herself for getting so weepy, but she couldn’t exactly stop either.
“Well?” she asked, trying to make her voice sound stronger than she felt.
“Adam’s hurt, and we need you to take a look at him.”
Karey’s eyes widened. What had happened to Adam? Had the ax slipped while he was chopping wood? Images of severed limbs and gushing wounds filled her mind. She raced up the stairs, taking them two at a time, while her heart raced in her chest. Two of the dragons moved to either stop her or direct her where to go, she didn’t know—she didn’t care.
Dragon's Prisoner: A Curvy Girl Military Romance (Dragon Blaze Ops Book 4) Page 9
