by Leigh Riker
“Fine.” And grinning, she mashed a snowball into his face.
By the time they finished the fight—and building the fort and the snowman—everyone was out of breath from laughing. Noah had needed the release from the strain of ending a two-year relationship with hard feelings on both sides.
“Hot cocoa,” Kate called out, moving toward the house. “I’ll get a fire going.”
Teddie didn’t go with her. “I want to try out my fort.”
Kate exchanged a look with Noah. “He must be cold, his snow pants are soaked...”
“I’ll watch him. We won’t be long.”
They waited until Kate had gone through the kitchen door with only a brief glimpse behind her. Then Noah looked down, and Teddie was there, reaching for his hand. Inside the icy fort, they crawled along the tunnels, sat for a few moments in the main chamber before Noah finally led the way outside. They emerged encrusted with snow, but again Teddie didn’t start for the house. The wintry sky looked hazy, and in the snow that came even harder, Teddie flopped down, sweeping his arms and legs back and forth to create an angel.
Noah watched him finish with a smile. “Your angel is magnificent.”
“What’s magni-fi-suh—”
“It means perfect. Beautiful. I know you like dragons and knights and cowboy books, but I never guessed you were an angel artist.” And suddenly, Noah knew what his answer for Kate would be. Teddie’s angel had been his creation but also organic like his suggestion to build a fort. He had touched on the subject himself first, and that was key to the message Noah would try to deliver now. Just let it happen. “Do you know much about angels—except how to make one?”
“I never made one before.”
“Well, you did a fine job.”
“I know there are angels in heaven,” Teddie said.
Noah cleared his throat. “And sometimes, when people are old or sick, they become angels too.”
Teddie looked skeptical. “In heaven?”
“Yeah, I think so. For instance, my dad—”
“The real Mr. Bodine? I knew him a little. He was kind of scary.”
True, yet Noah still regretted the fact that he’d never reconciled with his father. Over the years, would Teddie’s sorrow subside or grow until it threatened to consume him? Would he always feel the same loss Noah did to this day? He couldn’t change that for himself, would never gain his dad’s approval, but what if he could change the outcome for Teddie?
“My father could be scary,” Noah agreed. “But when he was older and I was grown up, he...couldn’t stay here any longer.”
“Where did he go?”
Noah couldn’t speak. He pointed at the sky. Snow sifted down around them, blanketed their already-snowy shoulders and began to fill in the angel shape Teddie had made.
His eyes were wide behind his glasses. “Did he fly a plane? By himself?”
Noah laid a hand on his head. “No, Teddie. He didn’t. He...well, as folks say, like that puppy your mom reminded you about, my dad...got sick and couldn’t get better. He passed away too.” And on one level, despite their differences, Noah missed him.
“But people don’t.” Teddie looked wary now. “Did my mom tell you that?”
Noah wouldn’t forget how smart the boy was. He really needed a therapist, a psychologist, not a temporary cowboy like Noah, who hoped he hadn’t said the wrong thing. He wouldn’t lie to Kate’s son. “She mentioned it, yes.”
Teddie’s mouth set. “She’s wrong. My daddy didn’t go up to the sky. He’s in New York.”
“No, he isn’t, Teddie.” Noah’s voice caught on the words. “I wish he was, because your dad was my best friend, and I miss him too—just like you do.” His throat tightened. His vision blurred. “I miss him every day. I remember him every night.”
“Do you cry?”
Noah swallowed hard. “Yeah, sometimes I do.” He’d even cried in the past over Kate, who would never forgive him. “That’s okay, you know. We, um, men can cry just like anyone else. It means you love him. You always will.”
Teddie looked at him and broke Noah’s heart, his tone hushed to ask, “He’s never coming back?”
“No,” was all he could say. Teddie deserved the raw truth. Noah only prayed that, no matter how painful the loss, Teddie could, at last, accept it. He prayed he hadn’t ruined Kate’s son and their fragile friendship.
Teddie threw himself against Noah there in the still-falling snow, wrapped his arms around Noah and cried. “It’ll be okay,” Noah said. “I promise.” He wiped a tear from his eye too. He wondered that the droplet hadn’t frozen on contact with his skin. He could feel Teddie begin to shiver. “We should go to the house,” he began, but Teddie hadn’t finished.
His voice sounded small. “Is my daddy an angel now?”
“Yes.”
“Like your dad and the puppy?”
“Yes,” he said, holding Teddie closer.
“A real one, not like the angel I made.”
“For real,” Noah assured him. “And you know what else?” He swallowed again. “He’s watching over you right now. Even when we can’t see him, he’s always there. He’ll be your guardian angel for the rest of your life.”
“Mommy’s angel too?”
“Your mommy’s too,” he all but whispered.
“And yours,” Teddie added, nodding against Noah’s coat. For another long moment, he stayed silent. Then he said, “Because he loves us all.”
* * *
KATE HAD WONDERED what was taking Noah and Teddie so long until they came in the kitchen door and she saw their faces. Had something happened? “You’re both blocks of ice, turning blue,” she said. “Teddie Bear, get out of those wet clothes and into something warm.”
Bandit danced around his legs. “My pajamas?”
“If you like—your robe and slippers too. We’re having breakfast for dinner tonight.”
“Yay! Eggs and bacon?”
The simple meal was one of his favorites, often made when Kate and Meg were too busy to cook or when Kate’s spirits were low and her appetite gone.
She took a closer look at Noah. As he left his sodden boots by the door, then hung up his wet parka, he appeared shaken, and for once, Teddie didn’t keep jumping up and down or chattering about the snow fort they’d made. Without another word, he brushed past her to the hall, then up the stairs. Kate’s heart was in her throat as her gaze met Noah’s eyes. Obviously, he and her son had talked.
“Later,” Noah said as if he didn’t trust himself to tell her right now.
“Stay for dinner, then.” From the look on his face, Kate wasn’t sure she wanted to hear what he would have to say. Still, she needed to know. “You didn’t spend as much time with the foal as you usually do, which can be done after we eat, and you need fresh clothes first too.”
After Meg offered to finish cooking, Kate led Noah to the second floor then the spare room. If Noah hadn’t reached Teddie, she didn’t know what else to do. Try to find that new, more effective counselor, she supposed. Which wasn’t Noah’s fault.
“Thank you for giving Teddie such a nice day. Even Meg and Gabe enjoyed themselves.”
Earlier, Kate had noticed the clear awareness between them, but, at least on Gabe’s part, that wasn’t new. They’d even spoken to each other without Meg’s usual stiffness. At one point she’d seen him come closer to Meg, and for an instant, Kate had thought he might kiss her. Then Meg had lifted one hand and smashed the snowball into his face. Had she simply defused the moment? Or was there truly something there?
Kate opened the closet door. Inside, hung a few men’s shirts and down vests. Unmoving, Noah stood behind her. She could hear his quiet, steady breathing. “These are Dad’s things. I donated the rest long ago, but I couldn’t let every piece of his clothing go.”
“This isn’t necess
ary, Kate. I should go home.”
“No, please stay. I appreciate what you must have tried to do with Teddie. He’s such a hard case, though. Maybe no one can get through to him.”
Noah shifted his weight. Although they weren’t touching, Kate could feel the cold emanating from him. “I think I did, actually,” he said. “That kid of yours, the insights, the things that come out of his mouth...”
Kate’s heartbeat quickened. “He talked about Rob?” She turned and found Noah standing too close. The pallor faded from his face as he told her what they’d discussed. When he reached the last, about Rob watching over all of them with love, she put a hand to her throat. “Oh, Noah.”
“I couldn’t speak after he said that until you and I got upstairs here. It’s amazing what he does understand. We even talked about my dad, a little, which ironically seemed to help Teddie about Rob. I think he’ll be okay—if not all at once.”
Now it was Kate who felt shaken. Quick tears had welled in her eyes. “I can’t thank you enough.” Blindly, she pivoted again to rummage through the closet. He and Kate’s father had been of a similar height, although Noah was a bit heavier, more muscled, which Kate had tried not to notice.
But this man, this budding tycoon whom she’d also tried to tar with the brush of her resentment about Rob, her blame, had been the person to finally show Teddie his way to the truth. How could she ever repay him?
“Kate.” Noah’s hand fell on her shoulder before he snatched it back.
She reached for a blue plaid flannel shirt. In those first days after Rob died, she’d taken one of his to bed with her, held it close and soaked it with tears until Meg had told her she was making things worse for herself. She needed to begin letting go. Kate had scooped up everything of Rob’s in the master bedroom closet, then carried it all to the attic, wanting to dare Meg to object.
She turned once more, thrust the shirt at Noah then a down vest, but her dad’s Wranglers looked too small for him. “I doubt these jeans will fit but...” Then she ran out of air and had to start over. “At least they’re dry. You can change in here or the bathroom.” She gestured at the adjoining space. “If you put your clothes in the hall, I’ll stick them in the dryer for you.”
But she soon learned it wasn’t her dad he was thinking about. “Kate, he’s always on my mind. Rob, I mean.”
“Please,” was all she said. Don’t.
With a sigh, Noah took the clothes. And Kate stood there again like a statue.
He went into the bathroom, and she heard a rustle as he struggled to remove his clothes. She heard Teddie across and down the hall in his room, the patter of his slippers as he plodded downstairs. And still, she didn’t move. Then Noah stripped off his white thermal undershirt. And through the half-open door before he reached to close it, she saw his bare back.
Kate froze. An angry, still-red scar angled from his left shoulder across his spine, then down the right side of his torso. Had the same attack that killed her husband grievously wounded Noah too? Oh, dear God. In an instant, she had pushed the door open.
“Not a pretty sight, is it?” he asked, meeting her shocked eyes in the mirror.
“I didn’t know,” she said. “I thought... But this is from that same night.”
“Kate, it doesn’t matter.”
Yet, to her, it did. It mattered more than any words could say.
* * *
UNTIL HE HEARD her gasp, Noah thought Kate had gone downstairs. He wished she had, or he would never have taken off his shirt before he shut the door. Even his mother hadn’t seen the grisly sight. Noah was already living on an edge. His talk with Teddie had gutted him, and her view of his wound had brought back that night in New York, the sudden attack from nowhere, the knife flashing, finding flesh...finding bone.
When she stepped closer now, slipped her arms around his waist from behind and pressed her cheek against his ruined back, he had to fight himself not to turn and run. “Kate,” he said again, his body rigid.
“Your mother called, of course, the day after...this happened. She said you’d been hurt but didn’t give me any details—because of Rob, so soon after he—people protected me, no one told me, but, Noah, you nearly died too...”
“I wasn’t the one to worry about.”
“But you were. And I...blamed you for not saving him.”
He looked away. “You had every right.”
“While you were bleeding too? Could you even stay conscious after a wound like that?”
“Until they loaded me in the ambulance. Then I’m told I passed out.” Noah paused. “I kept waking up in the hospital, asking about him, then drifting off, but nobody would say how he was. It wasn’t until a few days later I learned he was gone.” Noah took a breath. “I would have given my life for him if I could. He had you and Teddie and your whole lives ahead of you. He loved you so much. In a few brief minutes, that guy took all that away, and I couldn’t...”
“Of course you couldn’t stop him. I was wrong.” Kate traced a finger over the long line of the scar. “Tell me more about this.”
“I’d rather not.”
“Please. I need to know.”
Noah’s voice quavered. “The guy got Rob first. Just exploded out of a short alley near the restaurant where we’d eaten dinner. We’d had a great time that night. Rob was more relaxed than he’d been in months. He said the pasta was the best he’d ever had, and we’d killed a good bottle of wine. Talked about the company, about you... We talked so long we closed the place. Who would have ever thought we’d take a few steps down a normally busy street in the middle of Manhattan and in those few seconds, it would be over for him? For the two of you—and Teddie without his dad?”
Kate waited for him to speak again, her finger retracing his scar.
Noah shivered. “I don’t pretend to be a brave man. I had one chance to grab that knife—but missed. Rob was on the ground and I didn’t think. I just moved. I was whipping off my belt to make a tourniquet when that jerk hit me from behind. The knife punctured my right lung. It was touch and go for a while, the doctors said, but here I am.” He shook his head. “And Rob’s not. I’ll be sorry for that the rest of my life.”
She’d once accused him of still being alive while Rob was dead. He heard her take a trembling breath. Then, without warning, like another, gentler assault, she pressed her lips to his spine. “Please don’t feel guilty. It’s me who’s sorry. I had no right to blame you, to resent you for what that person did. You tried, Noah. You did try to save Rob. I’ll never forget that.”
Noah decided he must be crazy. But the warmth of her mouth on his sensitive skin—which reminded him every day of that attack, of Rob—was his undoing. Slowly, Noah eased away, then turned, and Kate was in his arms.
He’d lost her years ago to his best friend. He’d never told her how he felt. He wouldn’t tell her now, even when it seemed she might forgive him after all. It was too much. Too soon, despite the years he’d spent alone or with other women, including Margot, who’d never quite measured up to Kate’s standard for Noah.
In this one moment, she was his dream come true.
He held her gaze, speaking without words, before he drew her closer, lowered his head and, for the first—and possibly last—time, kissed her.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
FOR ONE BRIEF SECOND, Kate couldn’t react to his kiss. Noah had taken her by surprise, and her emotions were too fresh, too new to make sense of them just now. She knew only one thing: he hadn’t left her husband lying on the pavement, bleeding to death. He’d nearly sacrificed his own life to help Rob. He’d cared about her and Teddie. He wasn’t guilty.
Yet even those thoughts would have to wait for later.
Kate didn’t pull away. She looped her arms around his neck and held on, opening to him as Noah deepened the kiss. She gave herself up to this unexpected moment, savored the sensation o
f his lips on hers, his strong arms holding her until, finally, Noah began to ease back. “I shouldn’t have done that,” he said.
She gazed up at him, remembering the press of her lips to the scar that must still pain him. It was she who should feel guilty.
Kate took a step backward. “You’re right. We shouldn’t have. Noah, I’m a widow. A single mom, not someone like your friend Margot—with whom,” Kate reminded him, “you’re already in a relationship.”
“We broke up. Last night.”
Kate blinked. “Oh. I hope that had nothing to do with her visit to my barn. It was obvious she considered me to be some kind of threat.”
“No, that had been coming for some time, really, and because she had an agenda I disagreed with, and...I didn’t love her enough to make things work.”
“But where does that leave me?” She shouldn’t have initiated that kiss, even in sympathy. “I don’t want you to assume I’m looking for...what? A quick fling until you leave the WB?” But, no. She’d also felt that zing of awareness with Noah that she’d thought she’d seen earlier in Meg with Gabe, and that did indeed complicate matters.
“I would never assume that, but I like you, Kate—I always have.” Then Noah clamped his mouth shut as if he shouldn’t say more. Neither should she, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself.
“Even if I wanted to start something with you, how could that possibly end?”
His mouth tightened. “We don’t need to figure everything out tonight.”
“Maybe you don’t, but I have Teddie to consider.”
At that instant, he called up the stairs. “Mom! Mr. Bodine! We’re eating.”
“See what I mean?” But she had to laugh a little, and when Noah did, too, the crinkles at the corners of his eyes made him just too appealing. “It’s hard to even get a moment to myself, much less for us to become...what?”
