by Nicola Gill
Oli was walking towards them, but when he saw Laura and Amy, he immediately turned and went off in the other direction. Which is when it suddenly dawned on Laura that he hadn’t forgotten something earlier when he was on his way to the kitchen, he was just trying to avoid her. Not that she could blame him exactly – given the choice, she’d want to avoid her too.
In the meeting room, Chloe the fashion editor adopted her caring face and said that although she was Laura’s colleague, she was also her friend and she was there for her. Laura mumbled her thanks. ‘I lost my grandmother a few years ago,’ Chloe said. ‘So I know just how you’re feeling.’
Laura loathed people telling her they knew just how she was feeling – she didn’t even really know how she was bloody feeling – and she also bristled a bit about the loss of Chloe’s grandmother being likened to the loss of her mum. Which was a bit shitty of her if she was honest because firstly, she and her mum had had what one might generously describe as a complicated relationship, and secondly, grief one-upmanship was a huge bore.
‘Right, folks,’ Dani said as she sat, ‘what have you got for me today? Laura, shall we start with you?’
‘I’ve got a “When plastic surgery goes horribly wrong” story,’ Laura said.
Dani leaned forward in her chair and put her mobile down. ‘Go on.’
‘This woman had lip fillers but it was a botched job—’
Dani interrupted her. ‘What? A trout pout? Nah.’
‘No,’ Laura said. ‘Not just a trout pout. This woman had no pulse in her top lip. She almost lost it altogether.’
Dani shrugged. It’s pretty difficult for your heart to bleed when you don’t have a heart in the first place. ‘What else have you got?’
Amy gave Laura a sympathetic look across the table.
‘Umm,’ Laura though her mind going blank. ‘A woman who ended up in a wheelchair after getting bitten by a tic.’
‘Great!’ Dani said. ‘Love it, love it, love it!’ She turned to Amy. ‘Now what fabulous home and garden ideas have you got for me, Amy?’ Amy was just about to start speaking when Dani cut in. ‘Oh wait, Laura, I forgot to say, when you were away Lisa had a nice idea for a box-out on the agony page. A sort of issue-of-the-week-type affair.’
So, during the three weeks Laura had been away, Lisa had come up with an idea for Laura’s page and managed to get the go ahead on it. Was she after her job? ‘I’m not too sure about a box-out – it would take up quite a lot of space on the page. I’d only have room to answer two problems or two problems and a problem-ette.’
‘I’m sure you’ll make it work,’ Dani said, closing down the conversation. ‘Lisa will write the box-out copy.’
She was definitely after Laura’s job.
‘But I need your eye on it,’ Dani said.
Laura had a sudden image of a disembodied eye tapping away at a computer. ‘Great.’
‘Oh, and could you help that annoying intern girl with the piece she’s supposed to be pulling together on incontinence. Marketing are all over me because they’ve sold lots of pages to some range of incontinence pads.’
‘Yup,’ Laura said, wondering what on earth had happened to HR’s promise to ease her back in.
Chapter Thirty
On Friday evening, Laura met Jon and Billy in town after she’d finished work. The two of them had been in the Lego store spending the birthday money that Jon’s parents had sent Billy and they were both very eager to tell Laura all about it.
‘We got the Green Ninja Dragon, Mummy,’ Billy said, jumping up and down on the spot. ‘And he is so cool!’
‘Snapping jaws and a swishing tail,’ Jon said. He looked almost as excited as Billy did and Laura’s heart swelled. Jon may not have planned to become a dad but he adored Billy utterly and completely.
Suddenly a man in a bright orange shirt flicked on a boom box, Bruno Mars’ ‘Marry Me’ started and he and several other people from the ‘crowd’ broke into a dance routine.
Billy, who’d already been pretty excited to have spent the afternoon in the Lego store and be in the middle of the bright lights of Piccadilly Circus when it was nearing his bedtime, was wide-eyed. ‘Look!’ he exclaimed as yet another ‘onlooker’ joined in.
Even though Laura had only been back at Natter for three days, it felt like much longer and she was weary to her bones. Despite this, it was Jon and not her who seemed to be very keen to drag Billy away from watching the ever-increasing troupe of dancers. ‘C’mon,’ he said, ‘if we jump on the tube now, we’ll have time to build the dragon and read a story before bed.’
Billy stayed rooted to the spot.
‘Let him watch,’ Laura said, yawning.
Jon rolled his eyes.
At that moment, a man wearing a suit dropped to one knee in front of his girlfriend and produced a small box from his pocket. The crowd erupted.
‘Oh, God!’ Jon said.
‘What’s happening?’ Billy asked.
Laura couldn’t take her eyes off the woman who had tears running down her cheeks and didn’t seem to be able to speak but was nodding so hard it looked as if her head might fall off.
More cheering from the crowd.
One of the dancers handed the couple two glasses of champagne.
‘They’re having a drink, Mummy!’
Laura nodded, blinking back the tears that had appeared in her own eyes. She didn’t want to have to explain those tears to Billy (she didn’t want to explain them to Jon, either). She told herself she was just tired from work.
‘Bloody ridiculous!’ Jon said. ‘What if she’d wanted to say no?’
Laura swallowed a surge of irritation. ‘She didn’t want to say no.’
‘Yeah, but what if she had? She’d have felt like a right cow when he’d gone to all that fuss. Horrible. A proposal should be a private thing.’
Or a non-existent thing. Wait, why was she thinking like this? She’d had a huge row with her mother once when Evie had suggested that Laura had only really become anti-marriage when she’d found out Jon was.
The dancers had now gone into a new routine to ‘She Said Yes’.
‘I hope he had a back-up in case she said no,’ Jon said.
Laura scowled at him.
‘Oh, by the way,’ he said, scratching the back of his head. ‘I quit the restaurant.’
Laura must have misheard. It was very loud what with all the music and the whooping. ‘What?’
‘I QUIT THE RESTAURANT.’
She hadn’t misheard. She shook her head. ‘You walked out on your job?’
‘Can I do dancing with them, Mummy?’
‘Umm, not really, sweetheart.’
Billy’s small brow furrowed. ‘Everyone else is.’
‘Maybe just have a little dance right here.’ Laura turned back to Jon. ‘So?’
‘What’s the big deal? You know I’ve been fed up there for ages and that Greg is the world’s worst boss. We had a row and I told him to stick his job. It felt good.’
The newly engaged couple were locked in an embrace in the middle of the dance troupe. They were swaying gently from side to side as they gazed into each other’s eyes.
Laura’s brain was struggling to process. It felt good. Being able to pay the rent felt good. Having money to buy food felt good. ‘You didn’t think to ask me first?’
Jon looked genuinely confused. ‘No. I knew you’d be supportive. Why would you want me to stay there and be treated like shit?’
Laura thought about Jess telling her she let Jon get away with murder.
‘Plus, now I can really concentrate on my novel.’
Yeah, great! Maybe you’ll get to four whole pages.
The couple kissed and the crowd started clapping and cheering.
‘Everyone is very happy, Mummy!’
Laura tried to smile.
Chapter Thirty-One
Then
Laura hadn’t really liked any of her mum’s boyfriends, but Mickey was definitely the worst.
Come back creepy bank manager or bad-breathed maths teacher, all is forgiven. Mickey just made himself so at home when he was over and he thought nothing of telling Laura what to do. Plus, there were all his jokes that weren’t really jokes. Laura was a ‘lazy little madam’ for not washing up her mug straight away. Was that a skirt or a pelmet? And then tonight as Laura was clearing the plates away after supper: Wasn’t it a shame she hadn’t inherited her mother’s looks?
Laura stared at him, sitting there in her dad’s chair at the table, a horrible grin pasted to his face and she felt a flash of pure hatred.
‘Oh, come on,’ Mickey said. ‘It was only a joke. Don’t have a sense of humour failure on me.’
Laura said nothing and took the plates into the kitchen. It hadn’t been a joke. Well, it certainly hadn’t been funny. She could feel tears pricking the back of her eyes. She had thought she was looking a bit better recently. She’d lost a bit of weight (for all her mother’s apparent diplomacy with her ‘fat ladies’ at work, she was very quick to point out if Laura put on so much as a pound), she’d had a better haircut. At Auntie Jen’s wedding lots of people had complimented her and she’d thought her mum would be pleased. After all, she was the one who had spent years telling Laura to stop eating so much, do something with that hair and make an effort. But Mum was in a funny mood that day. She kept looking as if she’d just eaten something bitter. And she’d really snapped at Mickey when he said she should stop being a ‘lazy daisy and come and dance’. Of course, Mickey responded with a snipe at Laura. Something about closing her mouth before she caught flies.
Evie came into the kitchen. ‘Don’t be so over sensitive all the time, Laura. Mickey was only teasing.’
‘Teasing?’ Laura said incredulously. ‘He’s horrible to me.’ What she wanted more than anything was her mum to take her side. But, of course, Mickey was charm itself to Evie. Constantly telling her she was beautiful, turning up with armfuls of flowers, chocolate, perfume, promises of trips to far-flung places. And if there was one thing Laura had learned since her dad had died, it was that her mother could not survive without male attention. It would be like asking a flower to grow in the dark.
‘It was a joke,’ her mother said, rolling her eyes. ‘J-O-K-E.’
‘It wasn’t a joke,’ Laura said, her voice going up an octave.
Evie shut the kitchen door and told Laura to keep her voice down, that Mickey would hear her.
‘I don’t care if he hears me!’ Laura was shocked at herself, actually. She never spoke to her mother like this. She was so jealous of Jess being away at university. Roll on next year when she could get away too (well, if she got the grades, which as her mum constantly reminded her was anything but a given).
Evie’s eyes narrowed. ‘You know what I think? I reckon you’re jealous and you’re just trying to ruin this for me.’
Laura scraped congealed scraps of roast beef and potato into the bin, feeling faintly nauseous. It seemed like a long time ago since she’d been cooking this dinner, and she didn’t know how to get back to the safe waters of her mother’s good books. ‘I’m not trying to ruin anything.’
The sound of chirrupy sitcom music came from the living room. Mickey had put on the TV and Laura could picture him in her dad’s big, dark green armchair, a glass of wine in his hand and not a care in the world.
Evie had started to cry now. ‘I just feel like you don’t want me to be happy.’
Laura felt hot with shame. She went over and put her arms around her mother. ‘Oh, Mum, you know that’s not true.’
‘Do I?’
Laura hugged her mother’s rigid body tighter. ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry.’
Chapter Thirty-Two
As they walked through the heavy wooden doors to the day spa, Laura and Jess were bickering about when they should sort through their mother’s things.
‘Next weekend doesn’t suit me,’ Laura said. She hated the way Jess always expected to just snap her fingers and watch everyone else fall into line. And she was wearing the necklace again.
‘Good morning and welcome to the Sabai Day Spa,’ the receptionist said, smiling. ‘An oasis of calm and tranquillity far from the stresses of everyday life.’
Today had been Jess’ idea. In fact, it was her treat. She’d just got a big new paid partnership apparently. Laura had resisted at first, said she couldn’t possibly accept, but Jess had kept on about it, saying that they’d both had a rough few weeks and that they could do with some pampering. Anyway, she said, when was the last time they’d done something together, just the two of them?
Now Laura was remembering why they didn’t see each other more often.
The relaxation area was stunning. All dark wood, orchids and low lighting. And whoever had been responsible for the sound-proofing ought to get a medal – it was impossible to believe you were seconds away from the hubbub of Oxford Street (and less than ten minutes from where she, Billy and Jon had watched the flash mob last night).
Jess picked up a glossy magazine (no copies of Natter here) and started flicking through it. ‘So when would suit you to go through Mum’s stuff?’
Laura lay back on the recliner with her eyes closed. ‘I don’t know. Soon.’ She knew it would annoy Jess to not be given a definite date but too bad. But then she opened her eyes, looked around her and felt a sudden stab of guilt – it was nice of Jess to do this. ‘I’ll look at my diary when I get home.’
Jess nodded. ‘By the way, I’m reading this book on grief that I’m finding really helpful.’
Laura knew it was going to be Good Grief. That the box-ticking approach that irritated her would hold great appeal for her sister.
‘It’s called Good Grief.’
Laura willed herself not to say that she was also reading the book but often had to fight the urge to send it twirling across the room.
‘I’d really recommend it,’ Jess said.
A softly spoken woman approached and asked them if she could fetch them some ginger tea.
Enjoy the day, Laura told herself. Make an effort with Jess.
The two of them sipped their tea and chatted. Laura asked Jess more about the paid partnership, tried to push away any negative feelings. It was crazy to feel jealous of your big sister when you were thirty-seven. And anyway, maybe she and Jess would be like the tortoise and the hare – although with a hare like Jess, you’d have to be one hell of a tortoise.
They decided to have a swim. As Jess shrugged off the big, fluffy white robe, the necklace glinted at Laura.
‘Didn’t Dad give Mum that necklace?’
‘I think so. Pretty, isn’t it?’
Too pretty for me, Laura thought bitterly. Stop it, she told herself. She watched Jess lower herself into the pool. Her body was lithe and gym-toned and Laura suddenly didn’t want to take off her robe.
‘Come on,’ Jess said from the pool. ‘The water’s lovely.’
Laura got into the pool as quickly as she could. She felt like a big, wobbly elephant. Sometimes it was hard to believe that she and Jess were sisters.
Jess was doing a front crawl, her strokes long and effortless.
After their swim they went to the steam room.
‘I still miss Dad,’ Laura said.
‘Me too.’
‘Hmm.’
Jess’ head swivelled around. ‘What does “hmm” mean?’
‘It’s just I was such a daddy’s girl.’ Laura knew she shouldn’t really say this. But she had been a daddy’s girl. And Jess couldn’t have Mum and Dad; it wasn’t fair.
‘I did quite like Dad too, you know.’
Laura felt cheap and nasty suddenly. ‘I know.’
Back in the relaxation area, Laura flicked through a copy of Inlustris. She wondered vaguely if the heath and wellbeing editor role had been filled yet. Almost certainly. In fact, it had probably already been promised to an internal candidate before they put out the job ad. (Don’t worry, darling, the job is yours. We’ve just got to be seen to be doing the ri
ght thing.)
Laura closed her eyes and rubbed the bridge of her nose. Whatever was the matter with her today? She did things like come to a spa once in a blue moon – she should be making the most of it. And she should be nicer to Jess. Even if that necklace did keep glinting at her. ‘That woman on that lounger over there hasn’t moved the whole time we’ve been in here. Do you think she’s dead?’
‘Probably,’ Jess said, giggling. ‘How’s being back at work?’
‘Exhausting – and it’s only been three days. I’m already kind of swamped, work-wise. Also, other people can be so wearing. They keep treating me like I’m made of glass. And there’s this one guy who just avoids me completely. Yesterday I saw him on the tube platform and I thought he might actually throw himself under the train just to get away from me!’
Jess smiled. ‘I know what you mean. There’s this mum with a daughter in Hannah’s class who noticed me behind her in the queue in Sainsbury’s and just left the shop. Goodness knows what they had for supper that night!’
‘Weird,’ Laura said. She gestured towards the immobile woman on the lounger. ‘Seriously, she is very still.’
Jess laughed. ‘How’s Jon?’
‘Fine. Good. He’s given up his job at the restaurant, actually.’ Why oh why had she volunteered this? She knew all too well what Jess thought of Jon, so it was crazy to feed her more ammunition.
‘Oh. And how do you feel about that?’
‘I mean now I’m an heiress …’ Perhaps she could joke her way out of this?
Jess didn’t laugh. ‘It puts even more pressure on you.’
Laura shrugged. ‘When he’s a best-selling novelist, I’ll be a kept woman.’ She wished she believed either part of that statement.
‘You could tell him it’s not okay,’ Jess said. ‘That he has to get another job.’
‘You sound like Mum.’
Jess puffed out her cheeks. ‘She wasn’t wrong about everything, Laura.’
‘She hated Jon.’ She waited for Jess to say: well, I don’t. But Jess said nothing.
