Living the Afterlife, a Death and Chronos flash fiction collection

by River Fairchild

have some fun, mortal-style? I want to go dancing with people who know how to boogie.”

  Chronos smiled. “That’s fine by me. Lead the way.”

  Bad Timing

  “What’s the meaning of this? I can’t have this kind of disorder going on.”

  Chronos held onto his robe as Gaia’s temper threatened to whip it off his body. The gale-force winds strengthened as she awaited his answer.

  “I’ve been gone for a week,” Chronos said, stumbling in an effort to stay upright. “What happened?”

  “That volcano in Iceland—the one with the unpronounceable name—has opened a time vortex beneath it. My flora is mixing into unlikely combinations and the seeds are sprouting over Europe. If the sheep eat it…”

  “I’ll get right on it.” Chronos backed away from her wrath and left in a hurry, stopping only long enough to collect Death on the way.

  “I guess we left at a bad time?” Death peered down through the volcano, the spinning maelstrom far below mesmerizing him as it churned.

  “Apparently.” Chronos dropped a grain of sand down the funnel and the vortex closed.

  “That was easy. What was Gaia so mad about?”

  “This was the simple part.” Chronos wiped the ash from his brow. “The real trouble is over in Ireland. The present-day flora mixed with some prehistoric flora.”

  “Oh…you mean like the time—”

  “I don’t even want to think about it.” Chronos felt a sudden chill, even standing in a base of lava.

  “Cheer up, my friend.” Death dropped his jaw in a smile. “It can’t be that bad. We’ll just pop over and have a look around.”

  The field in Galway looked peaceful, a gentle rain misting the unusual hybrid grass. Not a sheep in sight.

  “I wonder where they all are?” Chronos scanned the horizon but didn’t see any animals at all. “We’ll have to walk over to the next valley. Maybe they didn’t eat this grass after all.”

  Death turned toward the gentle slope and fell flat on his skull.

  “I think I found your missing sheep,” he said, picking blades of grass out of his eye sockets.

  Chronos patted the air with his hands and felt wads of cotton fluff.

  “Oh no, they’re invisible. Gaia’s going to have my head.”

  “Cheer up, my friend.” Death shuffled around the hidden obstacles to put his arm around his distraught sidekick. “It’s still better than the time you turned the goats into satyrs.”

  “Not really.” Chronos gave a shrug, looking morosely at the empty field. “At least you could see them.”

  Friends

  An eerie buzz woke Chronos out of a light doze. The sitcom on TV had been a re-run and he’d fallen asleep in the middle of it.

  “Dude, your hourglass just turned blue,” Death said between peanut tosses.

  “What?” That snapped him awake. The noise grew louder as the sand turned a deeper color. An emergency at the infirmary. He brushed stray peanuts off his lap and stood.

  “I’ll come with you,” Death said and shut the TV off. “I already know who dies in this episode.”

  A harried nurse at the Immortal Hospital ushered them into the surgical bay. Eros stood inside, his face redder than Lucien’s horns and contorted in pain.

  “This is all your fault, you blooming clock!”

  Chronos took a step back. The cherub’s normal countenance looked more like an evil gnome at the moment.

  “What happened?”

  “If you paid attention you’d already bloody well know.”

  Eros turned purple as he gasped for breath after his outburst. The doctor plunged a needle into the little guy’s arm and he stopped hyperventilating. A moment later a smile took over his face but the angry words still spewed.

  “I shot an arrow at two of my clients and turned to leave when your infernal timekeeping sputtered again. The arrow backtracked and hit me instead, you stupid timepiece.”

  Death’s jaw dropped in a laugh, which he smothered with his metacarpus.

  “You won’t find it funny, you bag of rotten bones, when deaths are reversed.”

  The doctor intervened before a fight broke out.

  “I need to perform the surgery now, gentlemen. If you’d climb up on the table, Eros, we’ll have you fixed in no time.”

  Eros turned his back on Death and Chronos in a huff, his hospital gown pitching open as if caught in a gust of wind. They walked out the door, dissolving into fits of laughter when they reached the hallway. Chronos wiped tears from his eyes as he struggled to speak.

  “I never knew that one of his arrows could embed itself so deeply.”

  “Me either. It’s a good thing he has such chubby cheeks.” Death howled until a stern-looking nurse bore down on them.

  “We’d better go see what he’s blathering about.” Chronos shifted them to the mortal plane.

  They landed on a busy sidewalk, gaping at the people walking backward, unraveling their earlier movements.

  “That’s disgusting.” Death watched a man depositing bites of donut out of his mouth, the soggy crumbs re-solidifying into his hand.

  “My hourglass isn’t registering this.” Chronos tapped the sand, its flow normal even when he shook it.

  “I think I see why. Look over there.” Death pointed to a still figure standing across the street.

  “Lucien.” Chronos marched through the traffic, Death just a step behind him. Concentrating on the pedestrians, Evil didn’t notice them until Chronos tapped him on the shoulder.

  “Oh, good morning. Fascinating, isn’t it?”

  “Not really. Do you mind telling me what you’re doing?”

  “Sorry. I was going to fix it as soon as I find who I’m looking for.”

  “Lucien, you can’t screw up time this way. That’s my job.”

  “I know and I really am sorry. Just another minute, please? I’m looking for an escapee. Then I’ll reverse it, I swear.”

  Death gazed at Lucien with interest. “How could someone escape?”

  Fire sparked from Lucien’s eyes. “With help from Branthos.”

  “Your demon bartender?” Death shook his skull. “Pity. He mixed perfect drinks.”

  “Thirty seconds, Lucien.” Chronos tapped the hourglass.

  “There they are.” Time slowed to a stop as Branthos and a pretty woman rounded the corner, their hurried strides frozen in place. Lucien grabbed both by the collar, a satisfied grin poking around the cigar he chomped on. A flaming hole opened in the sidewalk just as time resumed its normal course. Passersby screamed in panic as they tried to avoid the pit. Lucien dusted his hands off as he walked back over.

  “Couldn’t you have waited to reset time until after you’d closed the pit?” Chronos grumbled. He watched the small knot of hysteria move down the street, running into the path of traffic. Horns blared and tires screeched.

  Lucien shrugged. “You’re so persnickety. Besides, Death looked bored. I just gave him something to do.”

  Evil smiled as they both turned to watch Death jump into the melee. He put his arm around Chronos.

  “That’s what friends are for, right?”

  Death By Chocolate

  Lights glowed through shop windows around the Grand Place as people strolled in the warm Brussels night air.

  “I’ve heard that Godiva chocolate is to die for.” Chloe glanced sideways at her companion, a smile on her face. “Would you buy me some?”

  “Of course, my sweet.” Lucien chuckled at her enthusiasm and led her toward the famous shop. “If, as you say, it’s worth dying for, then how could I possibly refuse?”

  “Look! They have chocolate covered marshmallows.” Chloe dragged Lucien over to the counter in the tiny store, her eyes shining with delight.

  “Fancy meeting you here, my friend.” The voice at Lucien’s back fairly dripped with irony. He straightened, trying for nonchalance as he turned around to confront the speaker.

  “Death, Chronos. What a pleasant surprise. What b
rings you to Belgium?”

  “I have a craving for chocolate covered peanuts tonight,” Death said, his jaw dropped in a laugh.

  “Actually, Michael sent us.” Chronos watched Lucien’s face turn a dull red as the import of that statement sank in. “You can’t have her. She has other plans for Chloe.”

  Lucien struggled with that information for a moment before relaxing.

  “Well, I already have the girl. Why doesn’t She come here Herself and take her? Why send messengers?”

  “Come on, Evil. Let’s not stand here arguing forever.” Chronos froze time to make his point.

  Death wandered behind the counter and helped himself to the peanuts, tossing them into an eye socket as he savored their gooey richness.

  “You know Time won’t work in your favor on this one, Lucien.”

  “All right,” he muttered. “But you take her home.”

  “Agreed. But be a gentleman and pay for her chocolate first.”

  Chronos hid a smirk as Lucien snarled and slapped some Euros on the counter. He sank through the floor in a fiery huff.

  “Are we ready to leave?” Death popped the last of the peanuts in the air.

  “Uh, not quite. You have chocolate…” Chronos motioned circles around his eyes with his fingers and handed Death a napkin.

  “Thanks, dude. Guess they melted faster than I thought. How do you want to handle her?” Death pointed at Chloe, frozen mid-bite in a chocolate marshmallow ecstasy.

  Chronos shrugged and tipped his hourglass. Chloe disappeared.

  “She’ll think she was sleepwalking and raided the refrigerator. Hand me a piece of that orange chocolate, will you?”

  We’re Baaaaack!

  “That vacation was great, but it’s good to be back.” Chronos propped his feet up on the coffee table and passed the bowl of peanuts over to Death.

  “Lovely