by W. W. Jacobs
CHAPTER VI--_Lamb Chops and Tomato Sauce_
Thomas Parrott was treating himself to half an hour's seriousmeditation, selecting for his purpose the big armchair in Mrs. Carey'ssitting-room. It was only on Wednesdays that the sitting-room wasdeserted, because then the two other lodgers were detained at business,and Parrott was free to have his dinner in solitude. With Mrs. Carey'spermission, he took his dinner on Wednesdays in the company of MissLucy Perkins, the future Mrs. Parrott.
It was nearly seven now, and Miss Perkins was due in half an hour. Thehead clerk had intended to take advantage of the comfortable legacyleft him by setting up an establishment of his own. It had been hisintention to fix the wedding day the week before, and thus bring to aclose his forty years of bachelorhood; but he had put it off; under thecircumstances he was uncertain how to act.
The cause of the disquiet was the pecuniary demands of George Early,who had developed a habit of borrowing that had become alarming. Thefirst half-crown had lengthened into five shillings, which in turnbecame ten; the previous day had seen a rise to a sovereign. Parrotthad remonstrated, but remonstrance was lost upon the imperturbableGeorge, who remarked that it was only out of kindness he had beenpersuaded to cut the sum so low. He said that he hoped the small loanwould not be refused, as it would give him pain to have to report thematter to the lawyers, who evidently wanted rousing up. He then pointedout to Parrott that he was really doing him a service, by helping himto break his beastly habit of meanness.
"I could get him the sack," thought the head clerk. "That would be oneway to get rid of him."
He strangled the idea a moment afterwards. George Early out of workwould be an even greater danger. He thought out various plans ofbribery, intimidation, kidnapping, and even garrotting, but none ofthese suggested a possible solution. In the midst of his meditationsthe front-door bell rang.
"That's Lucy," said the head clerk, rising and smoothing down his hairbefore the glass. "I mustn't say anything to-night. It'll have to bepostponed till I can be sure the money is my own."
He brushed a speck off his well-preserved dress-suit and flicked overhis shoes. Then he stirred the fire and went to meet his _fiancee_.
As he opened the door a well-known voice caught his ear. It was notLucy's; it was a man's voice. He knew it well; it was George Early'svoice.
"Damn him!" said Parrott, savagely. "What the deuce does he want now?I'll wring his neck if he tries to borrow more money already!"
George was speaking most affably to Mrs. Carey.
"I'll just tell Mr. Parrott that you're here," said the fussy old lady.
"Thank you," said George; "and I'll come with you. It's most fortunatethat he's at home. I know he wouldn't like to have missed me."
The head clerk looked around him frantically. There was no escape; hewas caught like a rat in a trap. He felt that he would sooner havebrained the relentless George than lend him a single sixpence. Herushed to the window; it was too high to jump from, and already Georgewas on the landing. A sudden idea struck him, and he picked up hispatent boots and dived into the great clothes-cupboard that opened intothe sitting-room.
Mrs. Carey knocked and entered, followed by George.
"A gentleman to see----"
The landlady stopped and looked round.
"Not here?" said George.
"Well, now," said Mrs. Carey, "bless my soul, I could have bet apenny-piece I heard the poker rattle five minutes ago!"
"I heard a rattling noise," said George.
In the minute or two that Mrs. Carey occupied in ascending a furtherflight of stairs to the bedroom Parrott debated whether he shouldspring out and throttle his enemy or await events. At any rate, Georgemust go when he found the man he wanted was not at home. He decided tostay awhile in the cupboard.
Mrs. Carey returned from a fruitless search. She thought her lodgermust have run out to post a letter.
"I'll wait a bit," said George.
He placed his silk hat carefully on the side table, and took a seat inthe armchair vacated by the head clerk. Parrott fumed as he took noteof George Early's dress through a crack of the door. His patent bootswere new, and he wore an expensive tie; sprays of flowers worked insilk adorned his waistcoat; his gloves were a fashionable grey, and onthe little finger of his left hand a ring glittered.
These articles of dress were not lost upon Mrs. Carey, who tookadvantage of George's affability to stand a moment and comment on theweather. Their pleasant chat was interrupted by another ring at thefront-door bell.
"Hang it!" muttered the wretched Parrott. "That's Lucy, and I can't getout of this beastly hole!"
Instead of Mrs. Carey descending to show up the young lady, she allowedSusan, the maid-of-all-work, to do that service, and explained to MissPerkins the reason of her presence with the gentleman visitor.
Miss Perkins thought it funny that Mr. Parrott should not be there tomeet her, and by the toss of her head George guessed that she was not alittle piqued. Mrs. Carey left them together till the return of theabsent _fiance_.
Miss Perkins was a milliner by trade, but not in trade at present.Fortune had smiled upon her mamma a year previously to the tune of twothousand pounds, and with this comfortable sum Mrs. Perkins lived in avilla at Paddington until such time as Thomas Parrott should rob her ofher child. Both mother and daughter considered the match a desirableone, though they would have liked to know with more certainty theextent of the head clerk's fortune.
"Do you find it very warm here?" said George, making himself agreeable."Let me open the window just a little."
"It might be cooler," said Miss Perkins, dabbing her face with ahandkerchief.
"That's the worst of these old houses," said the young man,magnificently; "they're so pokey. The rooms are like rabbit hutches."
"Give me Kensington for a decent house," said Miss Perkins, trying tolook as though she lived there.
"Or Bayswater," said George.
"I couldn't bear to live in a part like this," said Miss Perkins. "Ialways did 'ate 'Ammersmith."
From unhealthy houses they drifted into more personal topics, andGeorge told Miss Perkins that he was a member of the firm ofFairbrothers. They discussed the ornaments and the furniture, examinedthe pictures, and laughed together at the family likenesses. And to allappearances they didn't seem to mind much if Parrott came back or not.
Then, for decency's sake, George said, "He's a long time posting thatletter," to which Miss Perkins agreed without appearing to be muchdisturbed.
And while they were both chattering and laughing Mrs. Carey came up andvowed upon her life that the lamb chops would be ruined. There wastomato sauce too, and a pudding, specially prepared to the order of thehead clerk. It was a shame to have it spoilt, Mrs. Carey said, and bothMiss Perkins and George Early agreed.
Unfortunately, Thomas Parrott had left lying on the side table aninvitation to dinner that he had declined the day before. Georgepounced upon it and read it out.
"That's where he's gone," said Miss Perkins, viciously.
"It's a shame," cried Mrs. Carey.
"I'm surprised," said George, "that any man should so far forgethimself as to leave a lady in this awkward position. If it wasn't thatI'm a stranger here I should feel inclined to ask Mrs. Carey to allowme to do the honour of----"
He hesitated and looked at Miss Perkins, who began to toy with asalt-spoon.
"Of course," said Mrs. Carey, accepting the situation graciously,though a little uneasily. "If Mr. Parrott wouldn't mind, I'm sure I----It does seem a pity to have the dinner wasted."
"It would be a sin," said George.
He looked at his watch and began to brush his hat, and perform thoselittle preparations that preface departure, maintaining in the meantime an indifference likely to settle quickly the doubts of Mrs. Carey.
"I'll bring it up," said the landlady, suddenly opening the door."Don't go till you've had a bit of dinner, sir. I'll explain it to Mr.Parrott."
Mrs. Carey bustled downstairs, a
nd George and Miss Perkins preparedthemselves for a pleasant evening.
The dinner was an immense success. The only thing that saved it fromdisaster was the horror that Parrott had of bringing ridicule uponhimself. But for this the irate prisoner would have burst the door ofhis prison-house and brought confusion on the diners.
George filled Miss Perkins' glass and his own to the brim. He haddiscovered a full bottle of claret in the cupboard, and brought it outin honour of the lady. Together they emptied the bottle, and enjoyedit; the lamb chops disappeared, and Mrs. Carey's puddings followedthem, and throughout the evening they seasoned each course with anatural good humour.
George was in the best of spirits. He praised the cooking, compared thesparkling wine to Miss Perkins' eyes, and attacked the food with arelish that only comes to a man when he is feasting at another man'sexpense.
"You may smoke," said Miss Perkins, graciously, settling herself in anarmchair.
George did so, borrowing for the time one of the head clerk's cigars,with the permission of that gentleman's _fiancee_.
The sight of his beloved on one side of the fire and his enemy on theother was too much for Parrott. Already his cramped position hadexhausted him, he began to scheme for some means of escape.
George now shifted his position, so as to put his back to the light, atthe same time putting his back to the cupboard. If only Lucy would dothe same, he might slip out and down the stairs, the cupboard beingnear the door.
The next moment she did so, and, quick as lightning, Parrott opened thedoor noiselessly, and put one foot out. Unfortunately for him, Georgewas standing before the looking-glass, and this movement caught hiseye. In the excitement of the moment he dropped the china dog he wasexamining, which so startled Miss Perkins that Parrott was forced todraw back for fear of being observed.
George gathered up the pieces, and began to laugh. The idea of Parrottbeing in the cupboard while the lamb chops were being eaten was toogood to be passed over lightly, it gave a new zest to theentertainment.
"What are you laughing at?" asked Miss Perkins, still suffering fromthe shock.
George laughed louder. "I was thinking," he said, "how your _fiance_will laugh when he comes home and asks for the lamb chops for supper,and finds they're eaten."
This tickled Miss Perkins immensely, and she and George laughed againin unison.
"Serve him right," said Miss Perkins.
"What does it matter?" said George, throwing away his cigar, and takinga fresh one.
"What does what matter?" asked Miss Perkins.
"About the chops, when he's got you."
To this embarrassing question Miss Perkins vouchsafed no reply, merelyadopting an air of superiority, and tapping the toes of her shoestogether.
"If I were in his position," said George, loud enough for the man inthe cupboard to hear, "I'd get married to-morrow."
Miss Perkins blushed, and laughed. "You wouldn't be so silly," shesaid.
"Anyhow, I'd marry you at once," said George, "just to makesure"--slowly--"that I didn't lose you."
Miss Perkins, who was now in an excellent temper, changed theconversation by wondering what time Mr. Parrott would return.
"He'd be back sharp enough if he knew you were here," said George.
"With you," added Miss Perkins, with pretty wit.
This made them both laugh.
"I wonder what he'd think if he'd been hidden away here all the time,"said George, audaciously.
Miss Perkins turned pale, and looked round the room.
"It's all right," said George; "it's only my fun."
The little milliner tossed her head. "I shouldn't care," she saiddefiantly.
"I don't believe you would," said George, with admiring eyes. "But Iknow what you would say. You'd just say this."
He leaned forward, and whispered.
Miss Perkins shrieked with laughter, and George's loud guffaw shook theornaments. It was as much as Parrott could do to keep his feelingsunder control. Even now he had notions of dashing from hishiding-place. Early would go too far one of these times; he was doingthis purposely.
"I say," said George, suddenly, "when is the wedding coming off? Isuppose you've got the house all ready."
"Not quite," said Miss Perkins, with some reticence.
"Oh," said George, "I thought it would be all right, seeing that hisluck at the office had changed."
Miss Perkins pricked up her ears.
"You know all about that, of course," said George, warming up to thesubject, and watching the door of the cupboard out of the tail of hiseye.
"No," said Miss Perkins astonished, "what was that?"
"Why, you see," said George, "it was this way."
He paused to relight his cigar, and carefully noted the brawny fistthat came slowly out of the cupboard and shook in his direction.
"When Old Fairbrother died----" began George.
The cupboard door creaked. Miss Perkins heard it, but was too excitedto take any notice.
George began again. "When Old Fairbrother died, he left----"
An audible rustling now came from the cupboard.
"What's that?" said Miss Perkins. "I heard something."
"So did I," said George. "Whatever can it be?"
"Perhaps it's a cat," ventured Miss Perkins.
"Sounded just like a cat to me," said George.
Miss Perkins lifted up a corner of the tablecloth, and knelt on thefloor to peer under the table. George lifted up another corner, andknelt beside her. Together they looked underneath, and all that Parrottheard were muffled voices and a little giggle from his _fiancee_.
When they both rose, very red in the face, Miss Perkins cried "oh!" andit was then seen that George's watch chain had become entangled in thelace of her sleeve. When Miss Perkins tried to undo it her head camevery near to George Early's, and Parrott gnashed his teeth. Only thethoughts of absolute disgrace kept him in his narrow cell.
"What a good thing he isn't here to see this!" breathed George.
"It was your fault," said Miss Perkins, stifling a laugh; "your----"
"Listen," said George. "I heard it again."
They listened, but there was no sound.
"Perhaps it's under the table, after all," said the young man artfully."I only looked in one corner."
The brawny fist again appeared from the cupboard door.
"I think I'll go now," said Miss Perkins, apparently aware at last thata flirtation was in progress, and that the landlady had ears.
"If there is anybody concealed here," said George, lifting up a cornerof the tablecloth again, "I pity him when Mr. Parrott comes in. Ifthere's one thing that he can't bear, it's deception of any sort.Goodness knows what he'd do to anybody who deceived him! I believe he'dkill him."
Miss Perkins put on her hat in silence, and with some haste. If herlover came in, matters might be awkward.
"You are going to Paddington, I think," said George; "we'd better havea cab."
"No, thank you," said the little milliner, doubtful how to act; "I'mnot quite sure if Thomas would like it."
"Ah," said George, with a catch in his voice, "you don't know him aswell as I do. It's the very thing he'd suggest. We're just likebrothers, the two of us; we lend each other money, wear each other'sclothes, go to each other's houses, and do everything we can for eachother. If he wanted my girl, I----"
"What!" said Miss Perkins, sharply.
"If he wanted anything--anything----" said George.
"You said a girl," said Miss Perkins.
"Ah, I only said 'if'!" replied George, "But you may be sure that if hewere here now, he'd say, 'George, my old friend, take Lucy home in acab. You're my comrade, and I'd trust you anywhere.'"
Miss Perkins said no more, but led the way downstairs, and as Georgefollowed, he heard the door of the cupboard creak, and knew that theprisoner was at last free.
An hour later he returned, and inquired for the head clerk again.
"I don't think he's in ye
t," said the landlady; "I haven't heard him."
"I think you'll find he's in," said George.
Mrs. Carey found the head clerk in, much to her astonishment, andushered George up, after having hastily explained the lamb-chopincident.
"Hallo, old man!" said George, closing the door carefully, and choosingan armchair. "Hard luck for you being shut up there, wasn't it?"
Parrott rose slowly, and deliberately took off his coat.
"Now," he said, facing his junior, "what have you got to say about it?"
George Early lit a cigarette, threw the match away, and then looked up.
"What I have got to say," he said slowly, leaning forward, and lookingthe head clerk in the eyes, "is that if you don't put on that coat atonce and sit down, I'll--I'll borrow ten pounds!"
"What!" said Parrott, in a hoarse whisper.
"I mean it," said George.
