The waves were large and tumultuous. They swept up under the boat, rocking it and crashing over her.
She fought to remain topside, but she was getting tossed about in the waves. She looked back toward shore but couldn’t even see the bay. They were a long way out. She reached back for the boat and tried to haul herself up. But he kicked her hand away and she yelped.
“Sorry,” he called. “I tried to save you, but I couldn’t get my damn metal leg off in time before you went under.”
Jesus. He’d planned this. Why hadn’t she seen this coming?
He leaned closer, mocking her.
“You shouldn’t have insisted on swimming with dolphins. They’re wild animals, you know. And how was I supposed to know you could barely swim?”
Jil sputtered and kicked as another wave carried her up and over its crest. At least it hadn’t crashed over her. Maybe if she faced out and saw them coming, she could ride them instead of drown in them.
The motor revved and he took off, sending a giant wake up and over her. She felt panic setting in. How the hell was she going to get back to shore? With no life vest, no direction, and an injured arm, she would definitely die.
Her breathing got shallow, rapid.
What am I going to do? What am I going to do?
She fought the sea as it tried to drag her to its bottom. Her arm was sore from where she’d bashed it against the boat, and the fingers on the other hand were crushed from Leonard’s stomp. The pain alone would be enough to keep her awake, but she needed to swim.
Why bother? She’d never make it. She was going to die.
No, you will not.
Her shoes were pulling her under. All it would take was a few good kicks to get them off. She shoved them off her feet, and once they fell away, it got easier to stay afloat. She remembered Max’s words and went a little more horizontal, thanking God the waves weren’t worse. Her arms felt like pins and needles from the wrist to the shoulder.
Suddenly, something bumped her from the side.
A shark. A shark had found her already. She was going to be eaten.
The water beside her splashed, and a dome head with bright eyes popped up out of the water, chittering.
“Koko?”
Another splash to her left made her whip around. There was Relay.
Jil wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. Captive dolphins, out on the open ocean, and her, stranded.
Koko bobbed her head and swam in a circle around Jil. Had they come back for her, or come back to drown her? She didn’t know much about dolphins, but she knew they were wild animals, despite being domesticated. Still, she reached out and touched Koko’s smooth back. Koko stopped and waited. She lined up next to Jil like she’d done at the tank.
“No way. I can’t,” Jil said.
The dolphin lifted her head and nosed Jil in the shoulder.
How else did she expect to get back in? There wasn’t exactly a fleet of lifeboats out here.
Tentatively, Jil put her hands on Koko’s dorsal fin, and the dolphin took off.
She got five meters before she went under.
Relay bumped her back to the surface and Koko tried again. This time, Jil was ready for the forward lurch and managed to hold on a little longer—not bad for a beginner, and certainly better than she’d done in the lagoon. She couldn’t believe she was riding a dolphin. Her arm hurt like a bitch, but riding a dolphin ranked right up there with the coolest experiences in her life.
Koko surfaced and swam around her, doing her Zeus move. Jil was still fighting to stay afloat in the waves, but having the dolphins for company was making her panic a lot less.
She caught hold of Koko’s dorsal fin and put her head down, preparing for the lightning bolt of the takeoff. Koko streaked through the water, riding the waves as Jil did her best not to drown and not to let go. The pain in her arm was excruciating, but she held on, and held on, until finally she was riding the waves and not fighting them.
Koko came up for air, and Jil rode with her.
And then she fell off again.
But this time, when she looked up, she could see the sea aquarium in the distance.
“Look at that, girl,” Jil sputtered. Her arms were aching. Her body was cold and heavy. But seeing the sea aquarium gave her renewed hope.
“Okay, let’s go again.”
But suddenly, Koko took off, swimming in the opposite direction from the sea aquarium.
“Hey! Come back!”
Jil was sapped. She could barely keep afloat. The open water swimming and the strength it had taken to keep holding on had taken its toll on her, and she coughed, feeling herself going under more with each wave. Relay swam around Jil, pushing her arm up toward the surface. Jil tried to go horizontal and Relay prodded her—in encouragement or out of training, Jil couldn’t tell.
When a large wave almost took her under, Relay pushed her up on his back, chittering.
She thought about trying to swim for shore, but she could barely tread water.
Then she heard the thunder. A fork of lightning flashed out in the direction Koko had swum and her heart skipped.
When had the sky gotten so dark?
A low rumbling across the water grew closer and closer.
“Hey! Hey! Jil!”
Someone was yelling. She looked around, but another wave got her and she went under. Relay pushed her up and she coughed, and gasped.
When she popped up again, she saw Max leaning over the side of a motorboat, led by Koko, who swam around them, chittering and rolling over.
Strong hands yanked Jil out of the water and into the boat. She landed on the hull and puked up sea water and what was left of her lunch.
“Nice. What the hell happened?” said Max. He threw a towel over her and she took it, shivering. “Leonard said you dove in after the dolphins and wouldn’t come in. Then you started drowning. What the fuck?”
Jil puked again and put her head down between her legs. “Fake news,” she managed.
Max helped her up onto a seat.
“He pushed me in.”
“What?” Rebecca said from the back of the boat. “He pushed you in? Why would he do that?”
In the water, the two dolphins popped their heads up, looking over the side of the boat.
“Your guess is as good as mine,” Jil said. “I’m pretty sure I’ve never done anything to piss him off. So maybe he figured out who I was and has something to hide. That’s my best guess.”
“Good work, guys,” Max called.
“You got a fish?” Jil asked.
Max laughed. “I always have fish.”
He dug into the side cooler.
“Make it a big one.”
He gave her two of the choicest offerings, and she turned to the open water to hand-feed them to the dolphins. She could barely see the animals through her tears. “You’re the best,” she choked.
Max patted her arm. “Made some new friends, I see. Did you catch a ride?”
Jil smiled, swiping her nose with the back of her hand. “Oh, you’d have been so proud of the way I fell off, and fell off, and fell off.”
“I’m just impressed they came back for you. Must be one special girl.”
Rebecca revved the motor, getting ready to steer them back to shore. “Let’s get in. There’s a storm coming. And I want to hear everything on the way.”
The gray clouds were rolling in with alarming speed, and the wind had definitely picked up.
Koko gave her that same smiling look and dove back down, leading the way home.
Back at the sea aquarium, people had assembled on the breakers. Someone ran up to the highest point and waved. The people farther up were waiting at the gates to let in the dolphins and the boats that were spread out on the water. Rebecca had radioed in that they’d found Jil and now everyone could head on home.
Koko and Relay dove down and through the passage to their lagoon as Rebecca docked their craft.
Jil was met with a thermos of hot
chocolate and another set of towels.
“We’ve set up the electric blanket inside,” Tait said, jumping into the boat to help Jil get out. She was surprised to find she could barely stand up. Her head felt woozy, and the strength was gone from her legs. Just as she was about to go down, Max grabbed her from behind and scooped her up.
“C’mon, rookie. Let’s go.”
Chapter Twenty-four
“What’s happening?”
Jess burst through the door, and the whine of the machines caught her ear.
“Everyone clear.”
A whine and a crack. Mitch’s torso jumped off the bed.
“Oh, God.”
A nurse took her by the elbow and moved her out of the way. “He’s gone into cardiac arrest. They’re trying to resuscitate him.”
Jess looked up to see Myra pacing the hallway.
She fled out the door. “Myra, we have to tell them to stop.”
“Sinus.”
She looked through the door. The machine was counting out his heartbeats.
Myra looked stricken. Her face had gone pale. Like she was about to faint. She hovered on the doorstep while the doctor waited at the bedside with his paddles in the air. But the monitor kept beating.
“Go for a walk,” the nurse said. “You don’t want to see this. Go now.”
Myra stumbled away from the door and Jess did her best to keep up with her down the hallway.
“Myra? Where are you going?”
“The chapel.”
Without another word, Jess followed Myra, who moved with extraordinary speed for a woman her age. But when Myra outstripped her down the hall and had to turn around, she looked surprised.
“Are you not well, Jessica?”
Jess shook her head. “No.”
“They’ll set him right. He’ll be fine. He’s always fine.” Myra’s hands on the wall railing were shaking.
“It’s not that. It’s me. Sorry.”
“What’s the matter, dear?”
“Rheumatoid arthritis.”
Myra’s eyebrows shot up.
“Shall I slow down a bit?”
Jess kept walking. “Thanks.”
They were nearly there. She could see the glow of the blue stained glass windows down the hall.
And, as usual, the chapel was empty.
Myra sank down into the nearest pew. Jess reached into her purse and found a mint at the bottom. “Here. Might help.”
“Thank you. That was terrible. I had no idea…what I was asking. What I was putting him through.”
Jess sat beside her. “We don’t have to. We can make it stop.”
Myra took a rosary from the back of the bench and started moving it between her fingers, almost like a worry stone. She didn’t say anything for a long moment.
“I’ve been thinking. About what you said. About Mitch being able to see us and hear us. About being in pain.” She pressed her hanky to her nose. She was the only woman Jess knew who carried one, and it was always with her.
“I shouldn’t have said those things—”
“No. You were right.”
“So harshly,” Jess finished.
Myra nodded. “Yes, well…I’m beginning to think that maybe I haven’t been listening to anybody lately. Even the Lord himself. My ears have been clogged. And I’m sorry, Jessica. It’s a terrible thing to watch your child…”
“Yeah. I can see that.”
“But I haven’t been alone on the journey, as you have been. And I know we haven’t always agreed, but I should have reached out to you instead of making you my enemy. It was unchristian of me. It was…it was wrong. I had my people and you didn’t, and I’m sorry.”
“I’m glad for you. That you had your prayer group.”
“They’ve been with me through some very difficult times. Even the ones who didn’t know Mitch.”
Jess looked at her. “Didn’t know Mitch? Don’t they all know him?”
Myra frowned. “Most of them, yes. They’re mostly members of my church. But a few joined over the years. One, I met here. She’s a volunteer.”
“And you’re worried about how they would take it? If we decided…”
Myra breathed out heavily. “Yes, if we decided to let him go. I’d have to explain it to them. I’m afraid that’s what I’ve been dithering over more than anything else. Seeming to lose faith. Though I don’t even know why I’m worried about it. It’s that Mary-Ann, mostly. The one who joined a few years ago.”
“The one who doesn’t know Mitch?”
Myra looked at her. “Yes.”
Jess nodded. Something niggled at the back of her mind, but she couldn’t focus on it. The sound of her own thoughts whirling in her brain was overwhelming. She felt like she was going to faint.
The whine and the thud. The crack of his chest.
Myra took a breath. “It’s time. You’re right. We’re letting him suffer and it’s not fair. If you’re ready, and if we pray about it, I think it’s time now.”
Jess felt the weight of her word land like rocks.
Time to let him go.
Yes. It was time.
Jess went blindly down the hall, searching out a nurse.
“Can I help?”
“Yes. I need Dr. Rabinovitch. And we need those papers.” She didn’t recognize her own voice. Quiet. Sure.
“Yes. Of course. I’ll find him.” She quickly headed off down the hall.
A few moments later, the doctor met them in Mitch’s room.
“You’re sure?” he said.
And it was Myra who answered. “I should have listened a long time ago, Doctor. We’re sure.”
Jess sat and read over the folder for what felt like the one hundredth time. Signing the papers was painful. Physically, in her hands and the way they cramped, but also in her chest, her stomach, her lungs. It felt like everything was pressing on her, suffocating her.
She handed the folder back.
“Okay. I’ll file this.”
“Can we do it this afternoon, Doctor? I want Myra’s prayer group to have a chance to get here.”
Myra squeezed her shoulder.
“Yes, by all means.”
Her legs were shaking as she got up, but Myra took hold of her elbow. “Steady, dear.”
Jess held Mitch’s hand for another moment before she kissed his forehead and left. She badly needed to get outside, into the fresh air, and take a few breaths before she screamed.
The wind was back, rushing through the courtyard, but she was glad about it. It was bracing enough to whip her in the face and dry the tears that wouldn’t stop falling. Yes, it was the right thing to do. Yes, it was time. But God, what an ending.
She wandered through the gardens, stopping to look at the crocuses that had just started to bloom. Little buds of spring, shoving their way up to the sunlight.
She fingered the ferns, smelled the cedar trees, anything to ground her into this time and place.
And then she turned and went back inside.
When she arrived at the door to Mitch’s room, a group of women stood in the hallway.
Myra came out and was immediately surrounded.
“Thank you for coming.”
“Of course we came.”
“Myra, I know it’s not my business to interfere…”
Jess stopped and looked as a smaller woman with white hair led Myra a short distance from the group. When Jess looked closer, she realized that the woman wasn’t as old as she looked. Her hair was white as swan’s feathers, but her skin was smooth, and she wore thick glasses.
She couldn’t hear what they were whispering, but she could guess from the way Myra’s shoulders were tightening.
Another member of the group approached and took Myra back.
“C’mon, now.”
They led her inside.
Jess watched the other woman closely. She turned around, saw Jess, and came toward her and smiled. Sort of.
“Hi, I’m Mary-Ann.”
Oh. Mary-Ann. The career prayer.
“Jessica.”
“You’re Mitch’s wife?”
Whatever she might have said next was cut off as Dr. Rabinovitch walked toward her down the hall. “The priest is on his way. I called him myself.”
“Thank you.”
When she looked up next, Mary-Ann had slipped away.
She watched from the doorway as the rest of the women stood in a circle in the corner. Myra beckoned to her and she slipped in, sank into her rocking chair in the corner, and waited for the incense and oil, the last rites, and the final blessings.
“How long will it take?” she whispered to Dr. Rabinovitch.
He shrugged. “Hours or days. Depending.”
Jess sank into a chair. She didn’t have the energy in her for days.
The nurses came in and removed the IV from Mitch’s arm, then disconnected his feeding tube. They took the pads off his chest, turned off the machines, and wheeled out the pole. They dimmed the lights on their way out, and he was left looking as peaceful as if he were only sleeping. Amazing what a difference it made, all the equipment, and how normal he looked now without it.
For a second, Jess was gripped by a horrible feeling that she was letting a healthy man die. That stripped of all this hospital gear, he was just dreaming, about to wake up any moment.
But then the group of women started praying softly. The Hail Mary. The Lord’s Prayer. She fell into the chant of the familiar words, which still held more comfort in them, more routine and certainty, than she would ever have imagined.
When the last prayer was over, one of the women began to sing a hymn. One she recognized from every summer Mass she’d ever attended. A reminder that spring would come again, one day.
She looked over and saw Myra gripping the hands of the women next to her in the circle.
Singing Mitch home.
* * *
It was past two o’clock in the morning and the phone was buzzing.
Before Jess even answered, she knew what news it would bring. Nobody else would call at this hour. And the heaviness in her body had been warning her all night.
Two seventeen a.m.
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