by Lucia Franco
"Absolutely not. I want you to stay in bed. You have a fever and you look awfully pale. You need rest, Ria," he urged.
Last night I vomited, and now I felt like I had the flu. My body was completely worn down and I felt sluggish. I blinked my dry eyes rapidly. Fear consumed me.
"Kova?" My voice cracked, my throat tight and in need of water. "What's wrong with me?"
Was I having a flare up again?
He leaned down and kissed my forehead. Immediately I wrapped my arms around his neck and squeezed him. He pulled me to sit on his lap and I burrowed my face in his neck as he comforted me. I was still naked, but it didn't bother either one of us.
"Nothing is wrong with you, Adrianna. You are just extremely exhausted and need uninterrupted, deep sleep. You have a fever and your cheeks are red."
I nodded. "But I can't miss practice and you promised not to treat me any differently."
He pulled back and gave me a warm smile. "I was selfish and had you many times last night. You barely slept." He looked so pleased. "And"—he held up a finger—"I told you I would not treat you differently so long as you were feeling okay. You cannot push your body or your body will completely shut down. Missing practice will be out of our hands. Stay here and sleep. Hopefully that rash will go away. I will see you tonight."
Hope filled my chest. "You're coming back?"
He nodded.
"Take my keys so you can let yourself back in. What about Katja?"
Kova gave me a look that said don't go there. So I didn't. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask if he could bring me my medicine bottles and a glass of water, but when he kissed the top of my head and whispered, "Ty ma-yo sak-ro-vee-sche," it wasn't long until I was drifting off to sleep, forgetting about my pills.
It was déjà vu all over again. Kova trying to rouse me. His hand on my back, his voice far away.
I sat up, swiping my hair from my face. I was certain I hadn't moved in hours.
"God… What time is it?" I asked, looking around in confusion. My eyes were swollen, my body aching even more.
Kova tilted his head, and his eyes narrowed. "Have you been sleeping all day?"
"I don't know?" I responded softly.
"It is eight o'clock…at night."
My brows shot up and my jaw dropped. "You're kidding me. I slept for fourteen hours straight?"
Kova reached out and pressed the back of his knuckles to my forehead. His palm cupped my jaw in concern. "Are you okay? You still feel warm."
"Yeah, I'm fine. At least I think I'm fine. Apparently, I was much more tired than I thought I was… Wow."
"Your body must have needed rest more than we both thought."
I agreed and moved to the edge of the bed, dropping my legs over the side to sit next to him. I needed to find some clothes.
"I don't think I moved at all after you left."
I was sure I could sleep another ten hours. I clenched my eyes shut then opened them, still feeling so tired.
"How do you feel?" he asked.
"Honestly? I hated that I missed practice, but I feel much better." I paused, my lips forming a thin, flat line. I didn't want to speak my next set of words, but he needed to hear them. "Thanks for making me skip today. You were right, I needed it badly. If you hadn't insisted, I would've been there and who knows what would've happened."
He shrugged shamelessly. "Good thing the gym is closed tomorrow, because I do expect you at the gym bright and early Monday morning."
My heart bloomed with happiness. He was sensitive yet stern. I kind of loved it.
"I'll be there with bells on."
"Coach knows best."
A chuckle escaped me. I laid back down and cuddled under the blanket. "Don't go getting cocky on me, Coach." I paused, somberness overtaking me. "Can you stay?"
Kova looked at me for a long moment like he was contemplating his answer, then nodded.
"Can you do me a favor? Can you get my medicine bottles and a glass of water for me?"
"Of course."
Kova came back and placed a glass on my nightstand then lined up the bottles so I could read the labels. "Your father called me."
I froze, panic heaving through me. I sat up. "What'd you say?"
"He was concerned about you and said your phone was off. I told him I would check on you and let him know."
"Shit. My phone is in the car. I forgot all about it." He must've been so worried he couldn’t get ahold of me, especially during the hurricane.
Kova opened a can of ginger ale and placed it next to the water, then he reached into his bag and revealed a sleeve of crackers. One by one I poured the pills into a pile on the comforter. A groan vibrated in the back of my throat. I hated having to take so many a day.
"Do you have your phone? I'll call him now."
He grimaced. "You broke it."
My brows shot up, remorse staining my cheeks. "I did?"
"When you slammed it down, you cracked the screen. It still works, but be careful not to touch the glass. I do not want you cutting yourself."
"I'm sorry," I said, my voice low. I did get a little heated when he was talking to his wife on the phone.
One side of his mouth tugged up. He reached into his pocket and pulled the phone out. "It is okay. Nothing that cannot be replaced." He handed it to me.
I dialed my dad.
"Konstantin?"
"No, it's me, Dad."
"Adrianna? Are you okay? Of all times you don't answer, and during a hurricane?" he roared. I clenched my eyes shut, shame filling me that I’d worried him so badly.
"I'm so sorry, Dad. My phone died and I've just been so tired and sick that I came home and went right to sleep. I think I was having a bad flare up... I don't know. I didn't mean to make you panic."
His voice morphed from angry and panic stricken to distressed and concerned. "Sick? What's wrong?"
Kova stepped out of the room to give us privacy. I opened up to my dad about how I'd been feeling lately and what's been going on, and how I forgot to take my medicine. I even went as far as to say that I'd been working myself to the bone just to take my mind off the diseases.
"Sweetie, you can't be so hard on yourself. If you need someone to talk to, I can find you the best therapist on that side of the coast."
I contemplated it for a moment and glanced down at the pile of pills I hadn't swallowed yet. "It might not be a bad idea, but let me see if I can work on it first."
My front door closed and Kova walked back into my room. Holding his phone to the side, I asked him, "Where did you go?"
"To your car to get your phone." He held it up, waving it toward me. I smiled and mouthed thank you.
"What happened?" Dad asked. I relayed the events of last night, only telling him about Kova helping me during my vomit session and not the other fifty times we had sex. "He's such a good man. I don't know what I'd do without him being there for you. He's helped ease all my apprehensions I had about you going there in the first place."
I glanced at Kova. My stomach churned…
"Now that I know you're okay, put Konstantin back on the phone, please. I have something I want to ask him. Oh! And take your medicine now, young lady."
A sad smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. "Sorry to worry you, Dad. Love you."
I handed the phone back to Kova and he stepped out of the room.
Scooping up the assortment of pills into my palm, I stared at them with utter disdain. Taking Motrin was one thing, but these? I hated them with a passion I never knew one could have for medicine.
Reaching for the glass of water, I exhaled and then threw all of them back at once. Some of them were small, and some the size of horse tranquilizers. Of course that messed with my head. They lodged in my throat and I panicked for a split second, then I closed my eyes and forced them back. I drank half the contents of the glass.
Kova strode back in. He placed his hands on his hips and looked down at me. "I brought chicken noodle soup for you. I want you t
o eat it."
I grimaced. I knew I should eat, I just didn't want to. "I really don't want to eat after what happened yesterday. Can I just eat these crackers?"
"I really think you need to eat, Ria, even if you just sip it. How about we talk while you eat?"
I chewed the inside of my lip. Tempting, but I had a better idea.
"We as in you?" I suggested, hopeful.
"Fine. If that is what it takes, then yes."
I beamed up at him, happy he was making a compromise. I shifted the blankets off me and tried to stand, but Kova stopped me. I glanced up at him in confusion.
"What are you doing? I'm going to get the soup."
"Stay here. I will get it for you."
"I don't want to be babied, Kova. I can get it."
Kova's lowered his eyes like I’d insulted him. "I am not babying you, Adrianna. I just…" He paused. "Do you not know by now that I care for you deeply? This is for your own good. Please, let me take care of you," he pleaded.
I got the vibe he truly wanted to wait on me. I conceded and agreed, and his entire face lit up.
"Wait—What did my dad say?"
He shook his head, his eyes filled with pure shock and excitement. "You will never guess."
I tilted my head to the side. "What do you mean?"
"He asked if I could stay the night to watch over you. I almost told him I already was."
My jaw dropped. "You're kidding me."
"I wish I was."
My gaze wandered away, shame eating away at the lining in my stomach. I was going to give myself an ulcer at this rate. I placed the half-eaten cracker on my nightstand and then brushed away the imaginary crumbs on my blanket.
"Kova?" I asked softly, now picking lint.
"Yes?"
"What do you think would happen if my dad found out about us? We know Joy knows, and why she hasn't told my dad is beyond me. I feel like she's holding onto the information for some reason, I just don't know why. Katja is aware and knows everything. But my dad? He thinks you're staying here as a favor to watch over me, because you're his friend…"
My voice trailed off and the guilt I’d felt before multiplied by ten.
Thirty-Four
"I honestly do not have an answer for you." Kova sat on the edge of my bed. His face was drawn, and he appeared as horrible as I felt. "I wish I did, but I do not. Even if I was not Frank's friend, I do not believe it would go over well."
"How would you feel if the roles were reversed?"
His eyes sharpened. "I would be in jail. If I ever have a daughter, she will be on lockdown until she is thirty-five. No cell phone. No television. No friends." Kova raised a pointed brow, then said, "No friends who like to—how do you say—smush other friends."
A sad smile tugged at my lips and I laughed. "Did you just say smush?"
"I did. I am not too old to not know what that word means, and do not tell me a boy can fuck like a man at seventeen. They only just discovered their cock."
I smiled bigger. "You're terrible."
Kova shrugged without care. "I am who I am."
Reality faced me again. Guilt was chewing me up. "This is so wrong, Kova. I feel bad for my dad. I never realize how wrong it is until it's looking me in the face."
Kova sighed deeply. "Believe me. Every day when I look at you, when I think about us and the things I want, it will never be right. But here, Ria," he said and placed his hand over his heart, "I do not care what is right or wrong. All I care about is you. So if I have to sneak behind your father’s back, then so be it."
"And you're okay with that?"
"What other choice do I have? Give you up? Never. I have tried and it did not work. Could you cut ties with me completely?"
I looked into his eyes. I knew the answer without having to say it. He did too.
Our love and pain were entwined, curling around us whenever we breathed the same air. We were stuck in a cycle. A painful, endless cycle that had no light at the end of the tunnel.
We were going to destroy so many relationships, but hopefully not ruin our own in the process.
I tossed and turned all night.
Glancing at the clock, annoyance steamrolled through me. It had only been a few hours since I’d fallen back to sleep. So not really all night, but it sure felt like it. I turned on my side and watched Kova sleeping in the dark. The only light streamed in from the blinds. His arms were folded behind his head, the carved vascularity of his biceps accentuated at this angle. Kova was a brawny man, physically beautiful with immense strength and a surprising softness to him.
His naked chest expanded and contracted with each pull of air. I reached out, wanting so badly to touch him, to trace the tattoo on his ribs. But I didn't. I rolled over back onto my other side and closed my eyes, praying for sleep. After I’d had a large mug of soup, I curled up next to Kova with the intention of talking, but my eyes drifted shut before I could stop them and I fell back asleep, only to wake up every few hours or so.
"What are you thinking about," he asked softly, spooning me. Kova wrapped an arm around my waist and fitted me to him like a puzzle piece. His body was so warm and inviting. I sank back into him and sighed. My butt burrowed into his hips and I pulled up the covers over us.
My fingers laced his and I pulled them to my chest. "I didn't mean to wake you."
Kova kissed the back of my neck and asked me again as he cupped his legs to the back of mine. "What are you thinking about?"
"Nothing. Everything. I have a hard time staying asleep some nights. I'm so physically tired I can barely move, but my mind doesn't stop."
"Do you take anything to help you sleep?"
I shook my head. "No. I figured with all the other medications I take it wasn't a good idea to add more to the mix."
"Tell me something that is on your mind."
I picked a simple topic to start with. The darkness made it easy to expose myself without reservations.
"Remember my best friend, Avery, who you met when she came to watch me at practice? She's coming to visit me soon and I'm nervous about it. I've been friends with her since we were babies. Our fathers are business partners, our families live next door to each other. We tell each other everything, but she kept a huge secret and lied to me." I paused and thought about how Kova had done the same thing to me. I tried to not let that harden my heart again. "I've been so hurt over it. She was sleeping with my brother for well over a year and kept it from me. She got pregnant and had an abortion. I found out by accident, and I can't help but wonder if she ever planned to tell me."
Kova whistled. "What were her reasons for keeping it from you?"
"I don't know. She really didn't have a good one other than she thought I'd be mad. And I was. I was fuming. This was at the same time I found out other shit that just completely destroyed me. And then to hear she got pregnant? I kind of blew up on her. She cried hysterically, saying she needed me more than ever, that she was hurting in ways I couldn't fathom, but I just left her there." I shook my head. "I shouldn't have left her."
"If she told you from the beginning she was interested in your brother, would you still have objected to it?"
I pondered his question. "I probably would've tried to sway her from being with him."
"Why is that?"
"Because Xavier is a player. He's a one and done kind of guy. He doesn't care about girls, or feelings, or emotions. He cares about himself and money. How much he can drink in one night. Nothing else. I love Avery, and I wouldn’t want her to be another notch on his bedpost, and I probably would've tried everything in my power to make sure that didn't happen."
"So, you would've objected regardless of what she wanted," he stated.
I chewed my lip. I hadn't thought of it like that, and putting it that way made me feel kind of bad.
"I guess so." I sighed. "God. That makes me such a shitty friend."
"Have you spoken to her?"
"I've only recently finally decided to talk to her and it almo
st broke me inside when I heard her voice. I felt so bad to hear how happy she was to talk to me and apologize. Before that, she’d called me numerous times, but I never picked up. I never responded to her texts."
Kova snuggled closer and sandwiched his leg between mine. The warmth of his body triggered me to fall deeper into him and absorb what he was giving me.
He kissed the back of my neck. "When did this happen?"
"Right before I found out you were married."
Kova groaned in the back of his throat. "We both did a number on you, yes?"
I ignored that because he knew he did.
"Does that make me a bad person that I shut her out? She never would've done that to me."
"No, you are young. It is normal to react that way. You were hurting so you reacted out of emotion, but I think you should talk to her. Explain where you are coming from and listen to her. Just listen. Do not shame her for her choices. No one is perfect."
I laughed lightly. "I know. I just don't even know how I'm going to start the conversation. I miss her so much. I miss her sarcastic humor, her laugh, the sound of her voice. I miss talking bullshit with her. I miss my friend. It's going to be that awkward silence and all because I'm an idiot and lashed out. I'm such a fool."
"You are not a fool. It will only be awkward if you make it awkward. If you guys are as close as you claim, the hardest part is the actual part where you admit you are sorry and apologize for your behavior the way she did to you. After that, it will go back to how it always was. Just have a little faith."
Slipping my hand from Kova's, I turned around so we were chest to chest and flung my leg over his hip. He nestled his thick thigh against my sex until our bodies were completely joined together. I released a sigh, wondering how I could ever live without him. Kova settled the anxieties in my heart and calmed my soul when it was just us. In moments like this, I wish it was always just us. We were in an extremely intimate position. Personal. The kind where two people held a link to salvation.
My hand searched for his and I laced our fingers together, bringing them to rest between our chests. I could fall asleep like this. There was a comfort and security I found in his touch that warmed me. I had to wonder if I did the same for him too.
