by Lucia Franco
There was nothing left for me to say. I knew in my gut she'd come back ten times harder if I did. I couldn't handle that. Not when she went for the jugular.
Turning on my heels, I walked toward the door. Her snicker crawled over my delicate state, but I ignored it, reaching for the knob as the door flew open and Kova walked in.
I froze, anger replacing my heartache. Here he was in all his glory knowing his wife was in here. He’d sent me into the lion's den. I was strong, but I wasn't that strong. We all had our limits.
Troubled eyes scanned my face until he looked over my shoulder. His gaze lowered to slits and the glare he gave Katja said everything.
He had no idea she was here. And he sure as hell wasn't happy to see her.
I glanced at the floor. "I'll see you tomorrow," I said quietly.
I tried to step around him, but he put his hand on the crest of my elbow. "Wait."
My heart dropped. Kova was touching me in front of Katja.
I looked up at him and he dropped his hand. He was trying to convey something through his eyes, and even though I didn't want to listen because I was upset, I gave him a subtle nod.
Stay.
He had no plausible reason for me to stay here instead of his wife. I turned around and crossed my arms in front of my chest. Chewing the inside of my lip, I averted my gaze to the floor. This was uncomfortable.
"Katja." Kova said her name so differently than I did. "When did you get here?"
"A little while ago. I came in through the back entrance."
He placed his hands on his hips. Resentment flowed from him, circling around us.
"Is there something wrong? Are you okay?"
"Everything is just fantastic, my love. I missed you."
She stood and walked around his desk to stand in front of him. I could smell the perfume I once commented on only to learn it was her body wash Kova had shipped from Russia. It really did smell incredibly alluring, and I hated that she wore it.
"Why are you here?"
"Is that any way to greet your wife?"
Her seductive tone didn't go unnoticed. Katja leaned in to kiss Kova, but he stopped her. She pulled back and gave him an icy glare. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I couldn't stop staring at the heavy mascara that made her eyelashes resemble tarantula legs.
"I am busy with work and trying to finish up. Can this wait? Go home and I will see you there," he said firmly.
"If you are only doing a blading session, then I will wait for you. It will not take long," she said, a suggestive smile reaching her eyes. "I have a surprise for you that you are going to be so happy about. We are going to be happy. I wanted to give it to you here since this place is your second love."
"I'm… I'm gonna go," I said quietly.
"No," Kova barked with his eyes still on Katja, then switched to his native tongue.
Heat flushed through me and I clenched my eyes shut trying to swallow back the knot that was stuck in my throat. This wasn't good. The back of my neck was clammy from the embarrassment I felt being in this office. The tips of my fingers tingled and my palms were damp. I hated when they switched to Russian. Not because I was nosy—I most definitely was—but because it was uncomfortable and made me feel like they were speaking about me. Their voices were growing louder. I stood there feeling like the third wheel that I was.
I stepped backwards, thinking they wouldn’t notice my departure, but I was wrong.
Kova reached behind him and latched on to me. My wide eyes dropped to his vice grip on my forearm. I held my breath and stood stone still.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
My heart was going to explode from my chest. I might as well just shoot myself to end the misery.
The intense argument reduced to an alarming silence. I looked at them. Katja scowled at Kova’s hand on my arm before moving her focus up to my face. Her beautiful, crystal blue eyes were sharper than a knife and aiming for me. I had a feeling if she could choke me out right now, she would.
But then, then she stunned me.
Katja straightened her back and inhaled, collecting herself. I frowned, watching as she tugged the hem of her shirt straight down, then brushed a few loose platinum blonde strands of hair behind her ears adorned with massive diamond studs I’m sure Kova bought her.
She reached into her purse and pulled out a white envelope. She shoved it against his chest. Kova placed his fingers over hers, his brows bunched together as he glanced down then took it from her. Katja said something in Russian, then stalked out of his office, seemingly trying to remain dignified.
Kova frowned as he unfolded the sealed envelope and looked at it. There was a printed return address at the top, but the rest was left blank. He flipped it over between his fingers, looked at the back, then threw it onto his desk without a care. He dragged both his hands down his face, and for a split second I felt bad for the exhaustion he exposed when he dropped his hands.
"I should go, Kova. We can talk tomorrow."
"No," he said, his tone defeated, "please do not go yet."
I shifted on my feet. "But do you think it's a good idea that your wife, who knows about us, left instead of me? I'm worried she may do something stupid."
He shook his head. "Trust me. There is nothing else she can do that would be any worse than what she has already done."
Dropping his hips to the edge of his desk, Kova dragged his weary eyes up and down the length of my body. A small, needy smile curved on one side of his mouth. Reaching forward, he tugged the strap of my duffle bag toward him, pulling me with it. He removed it from my shoulder so it fell to the floor, then he grabbed my hips and pulled me between his spread thighs.
Kova wrapped his arms around me like I was his lifeline, sighing like he was finally home. I leaned into his chest and allowed him to soak up whatever he needed from me. He inhaled deep and held on to me like he was afraid to let go. His fingers pressed into me and I could feel in his touch, the way he leaned harder into me, the way his heart pounded against his chest, that he was sinking into a dark hole.
This was us. Everything that was wrong and everything that was right. It was like this subliminal feeling that couldn’t be explained. When one of us needed the other, we were there. It could only be felt. We did what we had to do without question, because he loved me, and even though I never told him, I loved him too.
"I needed this," he said very quietly, breaking the silence.
"Needed what?"
"You. I just needed to hold you. I have missed you these few days. I never realized how much I do not like to go a day without seeing you."
Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it.
"Kova?" I said hesitantly, staring at his chest. "Where were you?"
"Dealing with Kat."
I lifted my gaze and waited for him to elaborate. Kova held a pensive stare as he looked at me like he was considering his words. He waited a good couple of minutes, then gave my hand a little squeeze and kissed my knuckles, leaving his lips pressed there for a moment.
"I suspect Katja is lying to me about something. She is not herself and has been too distant. I am not complaining that she is, but something is off, and I do not know what. It is bothering me. She used to fight me at night to be home, now she seems relieved when I have to stay in the gym, which I find peculiar given what she knows about us. I have a feeling she is trying to plan something big. I just do not know what it is yet."
Thirty-Seven
A deflated laugh escaped me.
He couldn't be serious. The thought provoked me with a pull of jealousy so deep it startled me. I wasn't typically a jealous girl, but I was glad his wife was refusing him. Jealously meant I was fragile, and I didn't like to think of myself like that. The last word I'd use to describe myself was envious. But when it came to Kova, that was a different story. I didn't want to share him. He was mine, just like I was his.
Still, I couldn’t let it go.
I scoffed. "Wait a minute. You are not telling me
you try to touch her, to have sex with her, and she isn't having it, are you?"
"I am trying to placate her so she does not go to the police, Adrianna." He sounded offended. "I have to use my body to protect us. I am disgusted, but that is the truth."
I ground the my teeth so hard I heard the enamel crushing. Every time we took one step forward, we always took ten steps back. Always.
"Do you have any idea what would happen if we got out?" he continued. "I will go to jail, and you will not go to the Olympics. The committee would never allow it, you can count on that. I had to make deals with her to not speak to Frank, and for her to pacify Joy."
The committee would never allow it.
Breathe in, breathe out.
I hadn't even thought about that.
Kova was right. They wouldn’t brush this under the rug. He’d be stripped and shoved behind bars, and I would be forced to retire due to an "injury," and that was that.
"I hadn't even thought of that," I whispered. I was scared now.
Was it crazy of me to tell him to keep placating her? Because if that was going to be what it took, then he should do whatever he needed to. I just didn't want to hear how he did it.
"She is arranging something. I just cannot figure out what it is."
"So what's your plan in the meantime? Fuck her into oblivion to silence her and then dig around when she's sleeping?" I stepped back and threw my hands up in the air. I was instantly angry again. "Why are men so stupid?"
Kova stood. Much to my surprise, he didn't jump down my throat. He remained calm. "I have to play her game for us to come out on top until I can find out what she is up to, then I can use it against her."
I exhaled a heavy sigh. This was so messed up. "For how long, Kova? How long do you have to play her game and pretend you love her?"
"For however long it takes until we are both in the clear.”
My jaw dropped. "So that's where you were the last few days? Placating your wife when you were supposed to be coaching me? Listen, I'm all for you trying to make her happy for the time being since she's clearly a loose cannon, I just think I shouldn't hear about it anymore."
His face paled. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him, but it physically hurt me to hear things like this even if I said I wanted to. I was not as strong as I thought I was, I guess.
"I had to be the doting husband and put her first to let her think she still had control over me. If I am going to play her game, I have to play it a few steps ahead of her."
Breathing heavily, I could feel tears climbing, but I forced them down. I pointed to my chest. "I tell you about my stupid disease and open up about the most heartbreaking moments of my life, and you respond with this stuff?" My voice broke. "You have to be kidding me. Why do you hate me? Do you get off on hurting me?"
Kova's face fell. He reached for me and I stepped back. His hand dropped helplessly to his side. "Do not do this, Adrianna, please. I am begging you. It is not like that, I swear on my life and everything I have to give it is not like that. I am just trying to talk to you and tell you what really has happened."
I exhaled a heavy breath trying to take control of the situation. "You're right. I did ask for this, and you're just telling me the truth. It doesn't mean I have to like it though." I paused, my jaw wobbling. "It just really hurts, Kova. Okay? I didn't mean to overreact. I'm sorry."
"Do you think I liked hearing you that had sex with Hayden multiple times? Or when you talk about your future that clearly does not involve me? We have to be able to talk about everything, is that not what you always say to me? Sometimes it sickens me to hear the things you say, but I try to not hold on to them and keep moving. We both do things we do not like right now, but think about it—if it were just me and you, would we do any of this crazy stupid shit we do? No."
He shook his head, his eyes so full of anguish it gripped my heart. He was right. I swallowed, surprised by how civil he was acting and not being defensive, and here I was letting my emotions get to me.
Softly, I said, "It's hardly the same thing and you know it."
He put his hands up and surrendered. "You are right. It is not. But I would never sleep with Kat, and you would have not been with Hayden. We would never have talked about this shit, and we would never fight because we are good together without any of that, and you know it is the truth. It would just be us and that would be it, but we are both stuck in situations we cannot get out of just yet, and probably not for a while. So we do what we have to and will continue doing it and talking shit out, whether we like it or not, because I never want there to be a secret between us again."
My heart pounded harder. "What do you mean a while?"
"Think about it. We cannot openly be together until you are at least eighteen. Even then it will be risky, but at least you would be of age. Even if I divorced Katja tomorrow, we would still have to hide behind closed doors."
He was right again and here I was basically acting my age. That embarrassed me. I grimaced, wishing I thought ahead before I spoke. Here we were, just two people trying to find a way to each other only for real life—people and the law—to get in the way.
I looked at Kova, really looked at him. His eyes bore into mine like he was pleading with me to see his reasons, to agree with him that they made sense. I hated to admit they did. I was about to turn seventeen, and that left us one more year. But then what happened to us after that? Would I go to college? Would we be together officially? Would we have a long-distance relationship? I shook my head and let go of the resentment I held and tried to focus on the now and not worry about the future.
"I'm sorry," I said again, my voice dropping. This was so hard.
"I am sorry too."
"This isn't normal," I stated softly. "I wish we didn't have to deal with this."
"As do I."
I'd give him that.
Propping my hands on my hips, I faked an attitude to lighten the dreary mood.
"You’re needy and controlling and overbearing every day, but sometimes you're right and I don't like adding that to the mix. Your head gets big."
His eyes lit up. "I am always right."
I puckered my lips together to mask my smile. Kova reached for me again as he sat back on his desk. I stood between his legs and looked at him, then wrapped my arms around his shoulders.
"I like you," I said playfully.
"I love you," he said seriously.
Kova kissed my forehead and glided his palms up my thighs and over my butt. He scooped me up and I spread my knees to straddle him. I snuggled up closer to him, unable to ever get close enough, and basked in that feeling.
"Listen to me," he said, hardly moving his lips. "Only we matter to each other and that is that. Right now, things are not how we may want them, but I hope one day they will be. Until then…" He leaned in and dropped a kiss to my lips. "I want you, all of you. We are good together, Ria. I cannot help being addicted to you. We both feed each other what we desire, and that is what makes us us. Fuck what everyone else thinks. I know I am demanding and controlling, but I think you like that. Just how I like when you confront me and argue, going from sweet and innocent to angry and fired up and just want to fight in three seconds flat. I will always want you, Adrianna, always. I wake up in the morning thinking about you. I go to bed thinking about you. When I am buying groceries I am thinking about you. I make coffee, I think about you. I drink vodka, I think about you. I stroke my cock thinking about you. You are always on my mind because I only ever want you."
I shied away. "Kova…" I said, slightly embarrassed. My head dropped to his collarbone. "Why do you always have to find a way to be crude?"
"I am who I am. Now give me a kiss."
No thought needed, I kissed him with everything I had to give. We lost ourselves in the sensual tangle of our lips. Time stood still as our hearts beat against one another. There was no judgment, it was just us falling deeper and deeper in the seclusion of his office. If one paid attention, a kiss reveal
ed truth, and his told me everything I worried he didn't feel but actually did. I wondered if he knew I felt the same way for him.
Kova cupped the back of my head and kissed me like he hadn't kissed me in months. Like I was his world and no matter what I would always be. His length hardened beneath me and I automatically circled my hips. I wound my arms tighter around his neck and nestled closer, returning that same affection, showing him just what he meant to me.
"Tell me what else is on your mind," I said, breaking the kiss. It was so natural for us to lose ourselves in the moment.
He kissed me one last time. "I am sorry for bringing her up. I never should have."
"No," I said, stopping him.
He was truly apologetic and making the effort I had asked of him. It wasn't fair of me to ridicule him for that. My heart beat faster for this man I never should've had the chance to be with. He'd been putting in the time these last couple of months and I had to not only show I respected that, but that I saw it too.
"I could tell something was on your mind when I asked you. I need to be asking you hard questions like this, and I shouldn't get upset when your response isn't the one I want to hear."
"I do not deserve you," he said.
I chuckled. I'd never heard anyone say that before. "I don't think it's about deserving someone. Does anyone deserve anyone? I think it's more about finding someone who understands you and accepts all your flaws but also helps you work through them. It's so easy to shut the door and keep walking, but it takes strength to hold it open, to see what that person is going to walk in with, and if it's worth it or not. The risk has to be greater than the chance, and I think you're worth it, Kova."
Kova's Adam's apple bobbed. His green eyes were rich with affection as they pierced the center of my chest. I held my breath from his deep stare.
