by Lucia Franco
"Malysh," he whispered on a groan.
Pulling back, Kova looked down at me and licked his lips. We were nose to nose and breathing heavily. His gaze swept over my face. Sweat trickled the sides of his temples and I wiped it away. The way he looked at me made my heart ache for him with so much affection it was difficult to put into words. We were both sticky and hot. I threaded my hands through his wet hair and locked my fingers behind his head.
"You know that I love you, right?"
Swallowing thickly, I nodded. He was waiting for me to respond. I wanted so bad to tell him I loved him too, because I did. I wished I could give that to him, but something warned me to hold back.
"Ya vlyubilsya f tyebya s pyervava fsglyada."
I waited for him to translate it for me, but this time he didn't. Instead, he smiled, a little sad, but covered it up with a quick kiss.
Cradling me to him, he slid out and stood, taking me with him. I laid my head on his shoulder, a peaceful air settling around us as he walked toward the sliding glass door and stepped inside. I was ready to go to sleep, even though the sun hadn't set completely yet.
"I can walk, you know."
Kova leaned in and kissed my neck. "But I like having you in my arms. I never want to let you go."
"Who knew you could be so sweet."
He chuckled and said, "I am not sweet."
"It's okay to admit you're soft sometimes," I said, egging him on.
He paused right in front of my bathroom. I looked up, waiting. "Soft?" he responded with a confused grin. His hand skimmed over my hip and down my backside and settled over my leaking sex. He inserted two fingers and I clenched around them, drawing in a breath as he pushed his semen back inside me. "This is not from me being soft, moya lyubov." He glanced at my lips. "My love," he translated, his voice low.
I blushed. My teeth dug into my bottom lip and I melted a little. I clenched again and his eyes flashed.
"Whatever you say, big boy. Now put me down so I can get cleaned up."
"I will clean you up."
I sighed loudly, faking annoyance. "Why do you have to act like a cave man all the time?"
"Why do you have to be so outspoken? Let me do what I want and we will have no issues," he responded.
I laughed. "You like my mouth."
He raised his brows, his eyes glittering with hunger. "I do love your mouth, especially when your lips are—"
I slapped his chest playfully. "Kova! Shut up!" I laughed, squirming in his arms as he walked into my bathroom and turned the shower on. "I need to wash my hair."
"I can wash it."
"You think you can wash it and hold me at the same time? You do realize you need two hands, right?"
He slapped one of his thighs and it echoed against the tile walls. "You underestimate me."
I chewed on my bottom lip. "I need to shave my legs."
"I will shave them for you."
I raised a brow. "Fine. If you can shave my legs, I can shave your balls."
Kova's eyes popped open wide in shock and his jaw dropped in horror. A fit of laughter burst from my lips at his expression.
"Never, ever going to happen," he said clearly.
"That's what I thought," I said. "Now let me down."
"Fine. But I want you back in my arms again right after."
Joining me under the warm spray, his soft tone raised a few flags. "Hey, what's going on?"
He shook his head, unable to meet my gaze.
"Tell me," I pressed, "please."
Kova let out a long sigh and his fingers danced along my shoulder. We stood a few inches apart and I could feel his emotions as if they were my own. We washed up quickly.
"Nothing is going on. I just want you back where you belong. We do not get much time like this together and I want to make the most of it while we can."
Be still my fucking heart. I made Kova meet my gaze and drew in a quiet breath. He was unguarded, water trickling down is face, but it was the pain in his eyes that sucker punched me. There was so much anguish it tore me up. I always thought I would never win with him, but now I wondered if he actually felt that way with me. He was trying and I was holding back.
Blood rushing through my chest, I was trying to stay strong and not cave and admit my love for him, but when it was so rare for him to be this candid with his feelings, I wanted to let go of that last wall I'd put up and run to him.
"We will not be able to have moments like this often," he said, like reality had dawned on him.
A half smile tugged at my lips. Kova picked up the shampoo and lathered up my hair. "I know. Maybe one day, though." I swallowed and decided to finally give a little piece of me that I knew he needed to hear. "I'm yours." I put emphasis into my words, hoping he'd see I meant it.
Without hesitation, he leaned down and wrapped his strong arms around me, pressing his lips to mine. His tongue swept along the seam, requesting access. I gave in willingly, falling into his emotional embrace.
Pulling back, he exhaled a heavy breath and pressed his forehead to mine. "God. How am I supposed to stay away from you when all I want is to be touching you, holding you, just fucking being next to you breathing the same air? I am going out of my mind trying to make this work and I do not know how without fucking it up. I am obsessed with every part of you and never want to let you go."
Breathless, I knew I needed to reassure him as much as I needed the reassurance for myself. "I wish I had an answer for you that was right. For us, nothing is supposed to be right. We just have to take each day as it comes. Always remember I feel the same way as you."
He nodded. "I know. You are correct. It fucking sucks," he said, almost angrily, but not toward me.
I felt bad. "Nothing worth having ever comes easy, remember? That's what makes it so much better." Just then my stomach grumbled embarrassingly loud. "You worked up an appetite in me."
He pinched my hip. "You could stand to lose a few pounds." My jaw dropped. "I am only joking." He chuckled. "Let us finish up and I will cook you something."
I held up my fingers and said, "I’m getting all pruney anyway."
Kova kissed my fingers and laughed. I turned off the shower and he slid open the curtain to step out. "You Americans and your strange descriptions. Where are your towels?"
I stared, riveted with his body the way water trickled over the dips and curves of his natural muscle. It was when he turned to the side that my lips parted and a sigh worked through me. He was physically perfect with a firm, round ass and hot-as-hell hips that led to powerful thighs. But it was the sexy V at his lower abdomen that twisted a need in me to reach out and touch. What this man did to me…
Kova snapped his fingers and my eyes shot up to him. I blushed, and he was grinning like a fool. He loved it.
"Towels?"
I had to think about it for a minute. "Ah, they're in the closet on the shelf."
I stood in the stall shivering as Kova stepped out and opened my linen closet. I glanced at his reflection in the mirror taking in his magnificent backside down to the floor when something caught my eye.
Sticking out of the garbage were the pregnancy test boxes and the four sticks I'd peed on.
Sixty-Nine
I tried to figure out how I could hide those when it hit me that the closet Kova was opening up contained the last box I'd yet to use.
Oh God.
My heart was beating harder than it ever had before. There was a pounding in my ears, a ringing that shot a shrill of anxiety through me. I felt my emotions rising to the top threatening to break the barrier I’d carefully put up. I felt the tears forming before the words were ever spoken. I felt it all coming, the heated words, the pain that would follow, the accusations. I had no idea what to do. It was all happening in slow motion and I couldn’t stop it no matter how badly I wanted to.
Taking deep breaths, I was trying not to choke, but my chest burned, and I couldn't find the words to stop him from going in there. I'd had my chance to tell him a
nd I hadn't. I'd been a coward, too scared to tell him I was pregnant. My hands shook, and my jaw bobbed. I felt my lunch in my stomach slosh around.
I'd forgotten I'd stuffed the box between the towels. I’d been so upset that day I didn't want to look at it or think about the positive tests, so I’d hid it.
I held my stomach, fear crippling me as Kova handed me a towel, then took in my face. His eyes were suddenly filled with concern and he opened his beautiful mouth to speak when I heard the box hit the floor.
Blood drained from my face. I was going to be sick. The room started to spin, the chill filling my veins, making me shake.
I watched him turn back to look at the closet, then down at the floor. His brows furrowed and he bent down to retrieve the box. I pressed the towel to my face, still unable to speak while he picked it up and turned it over.
Kova froze and I felt his confusion pulsating around us. The silence was earsplitting as he stared in shock at the pregnancy test box. I couldn't even hear him breathing.
Droplets of water surrounded his feet. He still hadn't grabbed his towel.
"When were you going to tell me?" he asked so quietly, not looking at me.
Words were lost on me. Oh God, I was going to be sick. My stomach was clutched with pressure and my heart was about to explode.
"When?" His voice was grave, low.
He turned his head to look at me and I still couldn't say anything. His eyes were huge. Color drained from his face too and I felt a tremor of blame in his gaze. My lips parted but nothing came out, because I knew there was nothing I could say that could fix this or justify not telling him.
"When, Adrianna?" Tears filled my eyes. His voice, so severely hurt that I was rooted in place. "Or were you not going to?" I was so guilty, and he knew it. "When?" he asked again, this time his voice rose. His beautiful green eyes were heartbroken.
Somehow, I was able to wrap the towel around my body and rush to my room. I shifted through my drawers and grabbed a pair of bikini panties and a tank top. Dropping the towel, I slipped on my clothes just as Kova walked in wearing a pair of shorts, water still dripping down his body, and the box firm in his hand. He hadn't even dried off.
My heart was racing so hard and fast. I took a step back, scared of how he would react. There was only one way this could go, and that was south.
"I asked you a question, Adrianna."
I glanced at the now crushed box in his hand. That was all it took for me to break down. I started crying profusely, my breathing erratic. I was trying to catch my breath, knowing this was going to kill us both. We'd come so far and now everything was ruined.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I cried. I didn't know what else to say.
"How long?"
"I don't know."
"What do you mean you do not know?"
I jumped at his harsh tone. "I mean I don't know how far along I am."
I reached blindly behind me for my bed. I was going to fall if I didn't lean on something. I dropped my hips to sit, the sight of my carpet blurry from my tears. Shame filled me. I couldn't even look at him.
"Take the test."
I shook my head, my lips pressed tightly together. Fat tears flowed down my face. "Take it, Adrianna."
I glanced up and a gush of air rushed from me. "I already did."
Eyes hurt, he said, "When?"
"Last week."
Understanding resonated within him and he turned ash white. His eyes dropped to my stomach then met mine again.
"You are pregnant."
It wasn't a question but an assessment. Covering my mouth with my hand, I nodded silently. A strangled cry burst from my lips and I gasped, drawing in a loud breath. The dense air singed my lungs. The pain wracking my heart was unbearable, but it didn't compare to the torture I could see burning inside Kova. I felt it, God, did I feel it, and it was overwhelming. Like a black cloud of smoke slowly killing me. He didn't seem angry. He looked downright devastated, and I didn't know if it was because I didn't tell him sooner, or because I was pregnant. His entire face was that of grief and regret and it was suffocating me. He stared at me like he was reaching out, searching for an answer I was incapable of giving. His emotions were on display for me, so prevalent that I could barely stand to explain myself.
Inhaling a heavy breath, I finally spoke. My voice was very low. "I took four tests. They're in the garbage in my bathroom."
Kova spun around before I’d finished my sentence and I found the will in me to rush after him.
He picked up my garbage pail and turned it over, shaking it so all the contents fell out. One stick was turned up and I could see the two pink lines from where I was standing, so I knew he could too.
"I'm sorry," I said again. "I know I should've told you but I was scared and I didn't want you to blame me and think I planned it. I tried to tell you a few times but I just couldn't do it. I was too scared. Then you started talking about Katja's pregnancy and I didn't want you to think I was lying too."
Kova fell to his knees and picked up the tests, flipping them over. He didn't say anything, just studied them, reading the two that clearly showed I was pregnant.
"I know you probably hate me for this, but I really did try. I don't know what happened… I took the pills like I was supposed to. I didn't even know I was pregnant until we came back from the meet."
Holding the tests, he turned to face me. He squeezed his eyes shut, remorse filling his face. "I could never hate you," he said.
Another sob burst from me and I ran to where he was kneeling. I got down and looked into his eyes. "I'm so sorry."
"You were pregnant at the meet," he said.
"Yes, I just didn't know it."
His face fell. "What made you take the test?"
"Avery. I was so sick, and it was her idea. I just thought I was sick because of traveling and my stupid kidney issues and how it took so much out of me. It never occurred to me I could be pregnant."
He looked down at the tests, staring hard at them like he was looking for an answer.
"You have to be a few months. Two, close to three."
"No," I wept, my jaw quivering. "That means the heart is beating." Fresh, warm tears fell.
Kova looked up, but before he could say anything, I told him what I had already decided.
"I can't have a baby, Kova. I'm sorry but I just can't. I'm going to have an abortion. I've already made up my mind. It's my body and you can't force me to have a kid, not that I think you want one, but I'm not changing my mind. I'm sorry but it's what I have to do."
I don’t think I even breathed through that.
"Were you even going to tell me?"
I blinked. I went for the truth because at this point I had nothing left to lose. "I honestly don't know. I was going to, then I didn't know how to tell you. I really don't know. I want to say yes, but I've been a mess and I couldn't find the words. There was never a right time." Exhaling, I said, "No, I know I would've told you. I just don't know when I would have."
Recognition dawned on him. He held the stick up. "This is why you kept pushing me away?"
I nodded.
Kova grabbed all the sticks, then carried me to my room where he sat me down, then placed the throw blanket I had at the end of my bed around my shoulders. He rubbed my arms, trying to warm me up and sat down next to me.
This wasn't what I’d expected. I’d expected rage. I’d expected yelling. I’d expected the worst and yet there was nothing. But he wasn't saying anything, and that terrified me.
“How was I supposed to tell you I’m pregnant?”
Silence.
“I knew you would be mad. I knew it.”
Silence.
“An abortion is the only option for us. I’m only seventeen. I can’t have a baby.”
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
“Say something!” I yelled, breathing heavily.
I could deal with Kova’s anger. I could handle Kova’s pain. W
hat I couldn’t handle was his heartbroken silence. My stomach was a pit of rocks and the fact that he was sitting there in utter silence did nothing to ease the stress I was under.
His eyes flared and he glared at me. "What do you want me to say, Adrianna!" he yelled. "You have already made up your mind. What is done is done," he spat. "That is it. There is nothing left for me to say."
I pulled back and gasped. "You're mad," I whispered, shocked. "You expected me to have this baby, didn't you?"
"No, I did not. If you wanted to, then I would have supported your decision. I would never force you to have a child or get rid of one. I am hurt that you did not come to me," he said, and I got fired up real quick from that. "But I know I have no right to be upset after what I have done to you, so I am dealing with this the best way I can right now." He was quiet for a moment and I started to cry again. "I just wish you would have told me sooner so I did not have to find out this way."
"I'm sorry," was all I could think of saying. I didn't know what to say.
He frowned, looking at the tests again then back to me. His eyes searched mine. There was nothing but sorrow in them.
"I am devastated for more reasons than one. I am mad because I did not ever want a child, but finding out you are pregnant, looking at you and imaging you with my child, it makes me think differently. It makes me want that with you now and it fucking kills me that you will have an abortion…" Kova trailed off and started mumbling in Russian. "What I am, is sorry that I got you pregnant." He looked down, almost as if he couldn't bear to say his next words. "And now you have to terminate our child."
He couldn’t even finish the heartbreaking words. We were both paying the price and I wondered how we would ever persevere from this.
"Honestly, it kills me too," I whispered. I'd spoken those words from my heart. "This is going to ruin everything, isn't it?"
"It definitely changes things." He paused, and I held my breath. "If anything, it makes me love you even more than I thought was possible."
