“And?”
She wasn’t planning to tell him anything. False hope and all that. So why did she hear herself say, “I talked to a collegiate swimmer today. Elizabeth Maney. She’s also got Long QT Syndrome and she has an ICD.” Carly could feel two pairs of eyes on her. “And she’s still competing.”
“Seriously?” Jaden’s eyes brightened.
“You didn’t tell me that,” Josh said.
“You weren’t here.” Carly snapped the response without thinking.
Josh looked away.
“So, what did she say?” Jaden asked.
Carly filled them in on the details of her conversation with Elizabeth, ending with, “I have the name of her doctor. I already called and left him a message.”
“Even if I can still compete, they start training next week,” Jaden said. “I’m already behind.”
“So, you’ll have a little extra work to do,” Josh said. “The season doesn’t start for months. Isn’t that better than not being able to compete at all?”
God, please. Don’t take this away from him.
She wasn’t sure who her son would be if he couldn’t ski.
“I just want to sleep for a while.” Jaden closed his eyes, dismissing them.
After about twenty minutes, he was in a medically assisted slumber, and she was in the room alone, with Josh.
“You went and talked to the coach?” she whispered over the beeping of one of Jaden’s monitors.
“Yeah.” Josh sat down in a shiny leather chair on the opposite side of the bed. “It’s why I was late getting back here.”
The protective wall around her heart cracked, causing a tiny web of fissures.
“You saw his face,” Josh said. “I had to do something.” He looked at her. “You talked to the swimmer?”
“Yeah. Really nice girl. I was so grateful she got back to me.”
Her eyes fell to her sleeping son, looking a little like the toddler she’d sung to sleep so many times, and she prayed—earnestly and fervently—that this whole thing would be a setback but not a roadblock.
Carly looked uncomfortable on the makeshift sleeper sofa, but that didn’t stop him from wondering how soft her skin would feel underneath his fingers.
Nurses were in and out of Jaden’s room, checking his vitals, giving him pain medication and making sure their son was recovering as he was supposed to.
Carly understood everything happening in front of them. It wasn’t a surprise to her when Jaden woke up feeling nauseous again and they had to give him more Zofran.
Josh, on the other hand, understood nothing.
He spent the night half-sleeping upright in the chair while Carly dozed softly on the uncomfortable sofa.
Around three in the morning, she rolled over and found him, eyes open, blankly staring at the muted TV screen. He wouldn’t tell her he’d also found himself blankly staring at her off and on throughout the night, and every time he did, he begged God to help him figure out a way to make up for his broken promises.
He had changed—he knew he had. So why was he still finding ways to mess everything up?
“You’re still here,” she whispered.
He adjusted the thin hospital blanket on his lap. The light of the television flickered, spilling a faint blue over the room. “Yeah.”
“You should go home and get some sleep,” she said.
He found her eyes, faintly illuminated, and said, “I’m not leaving again.”
A world of weight hung behind those words, and he knew she felt it too.
“One of us should be awake tomorrow,” she said.
“Are you having trouble sleeping?”
She inched up on the nearly flat pillow and nodded. “I wake up every time they come in.”
“Darn nurses,” he said, hoping to lighten the heaviness between them.
Her mouth quirked up in the slightest smile.
He went back to flipping through the channels, loathing cable television and longing for Netflix or Hulu.
Infomercial. Infomercial. A dubbed-in-English foreign Kung Fu movie (that, let’s be honest, he would’ve watched if Carly were still sleeping).
She gasped. “No way.”
His thumb hovered over the button on the remote as the familiar image of old Converse sneakers walking across a run-down baseball diamond rolled across the screen.
His eyes darted to hers.
She looked at him and smiled. “What are the odds?”
“All we need is the popcorn.”
With the sound off, he could only imagine the song that played under this particular scene. He remembered it well because he’d looked it up as a kid and added it to the playlist on his iPod.
The room went quiet as a posse of baseball players, decked out in real baseball uniforms, rode their bikes onto the shabby field. How many times had they watched The Sandlot in Carly’s living room as kids?
They’d spent so many years loving each other without even realizing it.
Carly giggled, then whispered the exact insult Porter yelled across the field.
Josh responded with the insult hurled back by the ball-playing bully.
“You play ball like a GIRL!” Carly hissed, then they both erupted in laughter.
They finished out the scene, then the screen blackened and a commercial came on. It felt good to joke around with her, and he wished every drop of tension between them would disappear.
He glanced at her, photographing her smile in his mind. He’d missed it.
She found his eyes and it faded, gone as quickly as it came, as if she’d only just remembered she didn’t like him, as if there was no way she was letting go of her anger toward him.
Two steps forward, three steps back.
She looked away.
The light from the TV flickered.
The hum of the machines surrounding Jaden’s bed was the only disruption to the silence in the room.
“I’m really sorry, Carly,” he whispered. “For not being here.”
Slowly, her eyes found his.
He wanted to confide in her. To tell her it messed him up to be back here, to see his parents still stuck in this same holding pattern he’d lived in for so many years. He wanted to tell her he was terrified of something happening to Jaden—to her—something he couldn’t control. He wanted to tell her all the real reasons he’d left sixteen years ago, to make her understand why he had to go.
He wanted to, but he didn’t. He wouldn’t make any excuses for breaking that promise. He’d put his feelings above it, and he knew that was really what stood between them now.
And when Carly rolled over and laid back down, he was pretty sure he’d never get a second chance.
24
The following morning, Carly awoke to the sound of Dr. Roby’s voice.
The light filtered in through the blinds. What time was it?
Josh stood next to Jaden’s bed, showered and in clean clothes. Had he even had an hour of sleep?
After his apology—too heartfelt for her heart to bear—she’d lain awake for at least another hour, reminding herself of how it felt when he broke his promises.
At some point, she’d drifted back to sleep, and now she was late waking up and Josh was here looking like Super-Dad.
He glanced at her. “You’re awake.”
I’m still mad at you. The Sandlot changes nothing.
Jaden lifted a hand to wave at her.
She stood, wishing she’d showered and changed already.
Dr. Roby was examining Jaden’s incision, something Josh, she noticed, wouldn’t look at. He’d always been squeamish around blood. Seeing the stitches holding their son’s skin together was probably a step above what he could handle.
Carly, on the other hand, had seen these kinds of wounds hundreds of times. She just didn’t like seeing one on her own son.
“How are you feeling?” she asked.
He gave her a thumbs-up, but his eyes were still sagged with grogginess.
“Everything looks good.” Dr. Roby reaffixed the bandage to Jaden’s chest. “I think you’re going to get to go home today.”
Jaden gave another thumbs-up.
“What does his recovery look like?” Josh asked.
Carly decided not to point out that if Josh had been there yesterday, he would have at least a small idea of the recovery process, and instead chose to let the doctor talk. Truth was, she’d researched every detail of this procedure and in that moment, she’d forgotten everything she’d learned.
“You might have some soreness and bruising today,” Dr. Roby said. “We’ll give you something for that.”
Jaden nodded.
“I know we already discussed this, but it bears repeating,” the doctor continued. “No strenuous exercise for four weeks. You’re going to want to avoid even lifting your hands over your head for a couple of weeks. You’ve got to give yourself time to heal.”
Jaden blew out a frustrated breath, undoubtedly thinking about the ski team, the coach and a newspaper article he hadn’t even read yet.
“I don’t want you lifting anything heavy for a few weeks either, so that’ll get you out of helping around the house.” The doctor’s joke fell flat. “Will he have someone to help while he recovers?”
She looked at Josh, trying to ignore the overwhelming feeling of gratitude that he was supporting them for the month so she could be there for Jaden. She didn’t like feeling indebted to him, and she easily could’ve argued that he owed them at least that much, but she knew he didn’t have to do that, and she was grateful.
She couldn’t imagine going off to work while her son was at home recovering.
“Yes,” Carly said. “I’m going to take some time off of work.”
“And I’m sticking around,” Josh said. “I’ll get back to Chicago once Jaden’s recovered.”
“Great. Get him outside. Go on short walks this week. Wait a day or two before showering, and cover the wound completely. He’ll be back to normal in no time.”
“And then we’ll hit the slopes,” Jaden said.
Dr. Roby raised a brow. “Son, we’ve been over this. I’m afraid skiing is not in your future.”
“I spoke with a doctor in East Lansing this morning.” Josh looked at Carly. “Sorry, he called back when you were sleeping so I answered.”
“Oh?” Dr. Roby clicked his pen and stuck it in the chest pocket on his white coat.
“He said it’s outdated thinking that ICDs prevent athletes from participating in sports. We’ve got an appointment with him in a couple of weeks.”
“Josh—” Carly could feel her promotion slipping straight through her fingers.
“Very good,” Dr. Roby said. “I’ll be in touch to check in, and you let me know if you have any other questions.”
He seemed to force a smile before leaving the room.
The door opened seconds later and David, dressed in a pair of khakis, a button-down, tie and white coat, walked in. She imagined David standing in front of the mirror at the gym, carefully combing and gelling every hair neatly in place.
Carly ran her hands through her own hair as if that could somehow make her seem more put together and not at all like a person who’d just woken up five minutes ago.
David’s eyes jumped from Jaden to Josh to Carly, and then he turned awkward. “Good morning. I came to check on the patient.”
Jaden said nothing. Josh said nothing. Carly quickly stood and moved toward him, while Josh took her spot on the opposite side of Jaden’s bed.
“That was nice of you,” she said. She looked at her own attire, a pair of flannel Christmas pajama pants and an old gray T-shirt. “I look like a mess.”
He smiled at her. “You look cute.”
She could practically feel her son and his father rolling their eyes.
“Do you want to step out into the hallway?” she asked.
He nodded toward Josh and Jaden, then turned and led Carly out of the room, but once they were out there, she realized she didn’t have much to say.
“Heard things went well,” he said. “I would’ve been by sooner, but I worked late.”
“Oh, that’s okay. It’s nice of you to come by,” she said.
David nodded, seeming to search for another conversation topic, and she didn’t fault him for coming up empty. The situation was strange, what with Josh in the next room and her attention now solely on her son’s recovery.
“I should probably get back,” she said.
“Of course.” He took a step away from her. “Should I call you?”
She pressed her lips together and looked up at him. She’d been lamenting Josh’s inability to follow through, and she had a feeling that would never be an issue with a man like David. He was, now that she thought about it, the exact opposite of Josh. He was focused and driven and reliable. He could bring much-needed stability to her life, and she couldn’t deny she’d been craving that.
Josh, on the other hand, couldn’t keep a simple promise and show up when he said he would.
Though, an argument could be made that his reasons were well intentioned. But that wouldn’t justify the anger she was so desperately trying to hold on to.
“I’d like that,” she said.
He reached out and put a hand on her arm, patted it twice, nodded and walked away, leaving Carly feeling like she’d just been dismissed by a rich uncle.
25
Text message from Dara Dempsey to Carly:
I’m so sorry, Carly. I’m not supposed to say anything, but I guess they’ve hired my replacement. They went with someone external. I don’t know what happened. I really thought you were a shoo-in.
The smell of coffee lured Josh from slumber.
His eyes fluttered open and it took him a minute to piece together the events of the night before. He hadn’t slept at all in the hospital, so when they got Jaden home and settled in the recliner with a fresh dose of pain meds, it took almost no time at all for Josh to nod off on the couch.
Someone had covered him with a knitted afghan and he couldn’t be sure, but he thought he might’ve fallen asleep with his shoes on. They were now on the floor next to the couch.
He sat up and ran his hands over his face, then saw Jaden, still sleeping peacefully in the chair. At this point, sleep was probably the best thing for him.
He stood and shuffled into the kitchen, where Carly stood in pajamas, hair in a bun on top of her head, her perfect skin practically glowing.
She gave him a once-over. “You look rough.”
He nodded toward the coffee. “Did you make enough for me?”
She hesitated, then opened the cupboard and took out a second mug. The coffeemaker beeped, and she poured two cups. “Can you grab the cream from the fridge?”
He opened the refrigerator door and found three casserole dishes, something that looked like a dessert, two Tupperwares and a cake. “What’s all this?”
“The neighbors and Beverly,” she said.
He had to shift things around to find the creamer, but he pulled it out and handed it to her. “That was nice.”
“Your mom brought muffins.”
Had he slept through that? “When?”
She shrugged. “It was all in the refrigerator when we got home. I’m thinking Quinn must’ve organized it.”
“Ah.”
She stirred cream into both cups of coffee and handed one to him.
“Have you called your mom?” she asked.
He took a sip of the hot drink and wished she hadn’t asked that question. Maybe he should’ve called them, but he hadn’t. He shook his head.
“You should call her, Josh.”
He inhaled and leaned back on the counter. “Probably.”
“Was it hard seeing them yesterday?”
He shrugged. They weren’t doing this now. He wasn’t going to talk about his parents.
“They show up to things sometimes. Birthday parties, that sort of thing.”
“As long as you ne
ver leave him alone with my dad.”
“I would never,” she said. “I promised you that.”
There was that word again—promise. She’d kept her promises. He hadn’t. Was that what she was thinking too?
Josh stared at the mocha-colored drink in his mug. “Does Jaden know?”
He could feel Carly go still across the room. “No.”
He looked at her. “Does anyone?”
She shook her head.
After a beat, she picked up her mug and took a sip. “Do you think it’s still going on?”
Josh hoped not. All these years he’d been gone, he’d done his best to make sure his mom knew she always had a way out—he’d be her escape. But maybe his father had outgrown his temper? Or maybe his mother had learned how to keep the man from getting too riled?
Maybe Josh had been the source of all their problems to begin with?
Carly had never wanted to keep his family’s secret. She’d begged him to come talk to her father, or at least to Beverly, but Josh had refused. He knew nothing would come of it—his father would talk his way around the truth, and then take his anger out on his mom and Josh. It wasn’t worth it.
But now, he wondered if he should’ve told someone.
Of course he should’ve. Hindsight is always 20/20.
Was it too late for that? Could he convince his mom to leave now? Circumstances had changed—Josh could find her a house or an apartment or let her come stay with him for a while.
“Thanks for letting me crash on your couch,” he said, anxious to change the subject.
She looked away. “Thank Jaden. It was his idea.”
Josh felt like a tire that had just been slashed, all the air oozing out in a hot, hissy stream. “Well, thanks for not overriding him.”
“Maybe you should leave and come back,” she said. “Before my neighbors wake up and get the wrong idea.”
He smiled. “You want me to sneak out like I’m doing the walk of shame?”
She tossed him a skeptical look, and for a split second he swore he saw amusement dancing behind her eyes.
Just One Kiss: A Harbor Pointe Novel Page 19
