“He hurt you?”
“I thought he might’ve hurt Josh,” Gloria said. “I was so panicked, so worried that Jim had taken his anger out on my baby.”
“Did he?” Carly carefully affixed Steri-strips over the wound.
She shook her head. “No. Not that time anyway.”
“Gloria, why do you stay?” Carly sat down across from her. “I know Josh has asked you to leave.”
Gloria nodded, turning away, shame clear on her face. “I was afraid.”
“More afraid to leave than to stay and risk getting seriously injured?”
She shook her head. “You don’t understand. I’m not strong like you are. I’ve only got a high school diploma, and I’ve never had a real job in my life. Where would I go? What would I do? I can’t live so freely on my own.”
Carly reached over and covered the woman’s hands with her own. “Yes, you can. And you wouldn’t be alone. You’ve got me and Jaden and Josh.”
Gloria’s eyes found hers. “The night Josh left, something was wrong with Jaden.”
Back to this. Why was Gloria so interested in ancient history? “Yes. He had a fever. A bad one.”
“And Josh didn’t realize it?”
She shook her head.
Gloria stilled. “Carly, how much do you know about Josh’s little brother, Dylan?”
Carly had never known Dylan, so sometimes it was easy to forget Josh had ever had a sibling at all. “I know he passed away before you moved to Harbor Pointe.”
“Is that all?”
Carly folded her hands in her lap. “Josh never liked to talk about Dylan.”
Gloria covered her mouth with her hands and looked away, eyes welling with fresh tears.
Carly sometimes wondered if Dylan’s death was the reason Jim was the way he was. Surely the death of a child took a terrible toll on parents.
“I think I understand it all now,” Gloria said.
Carly stilled. “Understand what?”
“Why Josh left.”
Carly had been waiting for an answer to that question for sixteen years. She’d been waiting, but the other night, Josh had made it clear—his reasons were thin. He had no regret over leaving. “He left because he couldn’t handle it,” she said simply. He’d done the cowardly thing and left her alone to pick up the pieces.
“Carly, Josh left because he was scared,” Gloria said. “And that was our fault.”
“Isn’t everyone scared when they have a child?” Carly asked, certain the answer was yes. “At some point, you have to grow up. Josh just wasn’t ready. He took the easy way out.”
“And you’ve never forgiven him.”
“No, I have,” Carly said.
Gloria’s brow furrowed.
“You don’t believe me?”
“Why aren’t you together?” she asked.
The memory of Josh’s kisses invaded her mind.
“It’s obvious you love each other,” she said. “So, what’s holding you back?”
After a long beat, Carly saw no sense in pretending. “I’m afraid he’ll leave again.”
“He didn’t leave because he wanted to. He left because he thought he was protecting you.”
Carly frowned. “He said something like that, but it makes no sense. Protecting me from what?”
“It’s true, Carly,” Gloria said. “Look at me. He had good reason to fear something like this would happen to you.”
“But Jim would never hurt me.”
“Not Jim, sweetheart. Josh.” Tears spilled from Gloria’s eyes.
Carly shook her head. “Josh has a temper, but nothing like this—he was never violent or even physical.”
“But he was scared he would be.” Gloria paused. “I need to tell you something, Carly. And you’re not going to like it.”
The dark feeling of dread nagged her from the inside out. “Okay.”
Gloria’s eyes fell to her folded hands in her lap. “Josh has always blamed himself for Dylan’s death.”
Carly frowned. “Why would he do that? I thought it was an accident.”
“Because we made him believe it was his fault.” Her lower lip trembled, and her eyes fluttered shut, a shaky dam struggling to hold back the floodwaters.
“What do you mean?”
“Dylan died as a result of a hemorrhage in his brain. The kind you get when there’s trauma to the head.” Gloria wouldn’t look at Carly.
Dozens of questions raced through Carly’s mind.
“It was an accident,” Gloria said. “Dylan was trying to protect me and got caught in the crossfire.” She pulled a tissue from her pocket and dabbed the corners of her eyes. “Jim was so worried someone would find out what had happened, he told the police Dylan had fallen while he and Josh were rough-housing at the park.”
Carly’s heart sank.
“I think we told the story so many times we all believed it—Josh especially. I had no idea he was carrying around that kind of pain all these years. We told ourselves we did what we had to, to keep our family together, but today I realized the price we paid for our own comfort.” She inhaled. “The price Josh paid.”
Carly’s mind spun. Josh had spent all these years believing he was the cause of his brother’s death? How had she never known this before? How had he kept that secret from her of all people—she thought she knew everything about him.
“He came by this afternoon, Carly. He asked me to go with him. When Jim heard him, they fought and—”
“And what?”
“I watched my son remember what really happened. Not the version of events we told him, but the truth. He’d been bearing the weight of his father’s sins all these years and it cost him everything. It cost him you and Jaden.”
Carly’s pulse quickened. She’d been so quick to write Josh off when he left. She’d been so angry, so bitter, that she wouldn’t even entertain the idea that maybe Josh had a reason for running.
He didn’t want to be the cause of any more pain. When he held his sick, screaming baby, did he see his brother’s face? Did that moment close space and time in his mind, becoming the moment his brother died?
Carly had met Josh not long after Dylan’s death—she could still picture his eight-year-old face, and now the line of worry that always laced his brow made so much more sense.
“He didn’t leave because he didn’t love you, or even because he didn’t want to deal with having a child,” Gloria said, interrupting Carly’s thoughts. “He left because you and Jaden mean everything to him—and because he was afraid if he stayed he would subject you to the same kind of life he’d had. He was protecting you—from what he feared he might become.”
The words nicked the edges of Carly’s heart. Her eyes filled with tears and she shook her head. It couldn’t be true. Josh never would’ve hurt her or Jaden—he was one of the kindest people she knew.
“Carly, if you love him at all, go find him. I don’t think he’s okay.”
No, how could he be? How would he ever be?
“And you?”
“What about me?”
“What are you going to do now?”
Gloria’s face fell. “Pray that he changes his mind and agrees to talk to me again.” She pressed her lips together. “There is one thing I can do for Josh, if you’ll help me?”
Carly stilled. “Name it.”
“Would you mind calling your father and having him come over here?” Gloria drew in a long breath. “I think it’s time to press charges against my husband.”
36
If the frantic knocking on the cabin door was any indication, Carly wasn’t going to leave him alone. Her timing was terrible. She probably wanted to yell at him about last night. Carly had a way of going home and stewing, thinking of all the arguments she should’ve made.
Had she come to tell him what a terrible mistake she’d made in letting him kiss her? Had she come to reiterate that he’d abandoned them when they needed them most—a fact he was most certainly aware of?
A fact that had become his life’s greatest regret.
He’d been carrying around the guilt of a lie—it had altered the course of his life and there was no turning back. His mistakes were his own, regardless of why he’d made them, and he didn’t need Carly to point them out.
The knocking continued. Nobody could ever accuse her of not being persistent.
He opened the door but refused to look at her. How could he, knowing the truth? It should exonerate him, make him feel vindicated—but instead, it had paralyzed him—it had made his choices that much clearer. That much more painful.
“Are you okay?”
He met her eyes. What did she know? Why was she asking? “Not great, Carly.”
A nervous ripple washed across her face. “Your mom came by my house.”
Josh scoffed. “She’s got a lot of nerve.”
Carly studied him through a long pause. “She’s with my dad right now.”
He frowned. “Why?”
“She was in bad shape, Josh. He really hurt her this time.”
Anger rose like a fire in his belly, and it took everything inside him not to rush out and find his father—put an end to him once and for all.
“My dad was getting an arrest warrant when I left.”
Josh’s breathing turned quick and labored at the thought of his father finally—finally—paying for his sins, sins Josh and his mom had been paying for all these years. Sins that had led to Dylan’s death.
He struggled for oxygen, and his stomach turned hollow. “Are you sure?” His eyes clouded and he gripped the door to keep from collapsing.
“I’m sure.” She reached for him, but he moved away. Her touch on his skin would send his mind reeling. He couldn’t get used to it again, the way it felt to hold her, to have a right to her.
And yet, it was the thing he wanted most of all.
He turned toward the living room, aware that she followed, the memory of his lips on hers still so fresh in his mind.
“I hate him, Carly. I hate them both.”
She didn’t respond.
He sank onto the couch. “There’s a lot you don’t know—”
She sat on the other end of the couch. “Your mom told me,” she said quietly.
His eyes darted to hers. “She did?”
Carly nodded.
“About Dylan?”
Her eyes fell. She knew. She knew the truth—all of it—a truth he’d only just learned himself. He was no longer alone in carrying it. But what did she think of him—of his family—now?
Josh buried his face in his hands and let the sobs come. He’d refused them for years, but they were too strong now.
Seconds later, she was at his side, her hands on him, comforting and kind.
“I left you,” he said. “I’m so sorry I left you.”
“I think I understand now,” she said.
He looked at her. “You do?”
She turned into him. “Dylan’s death wasn’t your fault, Josh.”
The words hung in the air, their gravity pulling them to the ground, unheard.
She took his face in her hands. “Did you hear what I said?”
He closed his eyes.
“Do you believe me?”
He clung to her, pulling her closer. “I want to.” But how did he forget what he’d always believed to be true?
He opened his eyes and found concern on her face. “That night—with Jaden. Carly, I was so angry. I was beside myself. I couldn’t call you, and I—” He nearly choked on the words. “I wanted to shake him, to do anything to make him stop screaming.”
She swallowed, her gaze intent on him.
“I had no idea something was actually wrong with him, but when the doctor said it was serious—” He broke, willing away the feelings of guilt and powerlessness. “All I could think of was Dylan. How it was my fault he was gone. I can still imagine his face, holding his body after he collapsed on the ground.”
She wiped his cheeks dry.
“They told me I blacked out. They said it was a fit of rage.” He pulled away from her. “I thought I was a monster, just like him.”
She moved to the ground, on her knees in front of him so their faces were level, forcing his gaze. “Look at me.”
He didn’t want to. He didn’t want her to see him like this.
“Do you agree that I know you better than most people know you?”
He nodded.
“Then my opinion matters more than most people’s, right?”
Another nod.
“In all the years I knew you, I never, ever once thought you were anything like your dad. He’s vicious and mean and you’ve always been tender and good and kind. That’s why it hurt so much when you left, because we were meant to be together, Josh. You and me.”
He reached up and touched her cheek, cupping her face with his hand. “I don’t deserve you.”
She shook her head. “You’re not your dad. You’re nothing like your dad.”
“Then how do you explain the anger I felt that night?”
Carly let out a wry laugh. “I explain that as being human.”
“You would’ve never felt that way.”
“Are you kidding? Josh, a baby crying has got to be one of the worst sounds on the planet. I think it could be considered torture. What you felt was normal. The difference is, you protected Jaden that night. You laid him down and walked away.”
He shook his head, unsure how to reconcile the person he’d always believed himself to be with the person Carly was telling him he was.
Josh held her hands in his own, drawing them to his lips then his forehead, where he quietly willed away the pain of the past.
“What’s going to happen to my dad?” he asked.
Carly straightened. “I think they’ll arrest him.”
“It won’t stick,” Josh said. “She’ll never go through with it.”
“She might, with our help. She’s going to stay with me for a few weeks, just until she can figure things out.”
He shook his head, pulling away. “No, this is not your problem. You’ve got enough to deal with. You don’t need this too.”
“What if I want to deal with it?” she asked softly. “What if I want to be here for you while you sort it out?”
He stood and moved across the room, staring out the window at the lake. He didn’t belong here—how could he when everything had turned upside down? He couldn’t stand by and watch his mom lose her nerve or his father smugly get away with what he’d done—again.
He couldn’t stomach it. And he didn’t want Carly or Jaden anywhere near it either.
Jaden—oh no.
“Does Jaden know?”
Carly shook her head. “No. Not yet anyway.”
Josh rubbed his temples. He never wanted his son to know any of this—where he’d come from, the kind of life his own father had lived. He didn’t want Jaden exposed to it or embarrassed by it. It was humiliating. It was why they’d all kept it a secret all these years.
Some shame is simply too heavy to speak out loud.
Carly was at his side, in the exact place he’d been longing for her to be for years, but it all felt wrong. She deserved to be free of this dysfunction.
She slipped her hand into his. “He’ll be okay, Josh. He’s a strong kid with a strong faith.”
Josh shook his head. “I don’t want him to know any of this.”
She faced him. “Josh—”
“I have to go.” He spun around, suddenly needing space and air.
“Where are you going?”
“I just need to do something,” he said, unsure what that was exactly. Knowing only that he needed to be by himself, away from her. She confused him. She made him feel like he was better than he was, like he was stronger than he was. Carly made him wish for things he could never have, and the pain of acknowledging the truth would be too great to bear.
He’d spent most of his life on his own, and while he regretted it more than a
nything, maybe it had been for the best. He’d only ever brought Carly shame—ruining her reputation, getting her pregnant, leaving her with a newborn baby and now this? Didn’t she deserve better?
He’d hoped he was good enough for her. He’d hoped he could become the kind of man who deserved her, but he wasn’t sure he’d even scratched the surface on who he needed to be for that to happen. Especially now, with the bombshell of abuse about to explode.
Would his mother tell the police everything? Would she go back all those years? And even if she did, could they ever prove what his father had done? It had been too long. The man would get off scot-free—again.
But not before dragging them all down with him.
How was Josh supposed to stand by and watch that happen?
“Josh, wait.” Carly followed him out onto the porch.
He spun around and faced her. “You should go.”
Her expression faltered. “What?”
“I know you were talking about moving away. You should do that.”
Her eyes turned glassy, and Josh wanted so badly to pull her close, to take it back, to tell her to stay with him forever, that he’d never leave again.
But he couldn’t make that promise. He couldn’t bring more shame to her, and that’s all his family had to offer.
“What do you mean?” Her voice broke.
“Take Jaden and get out of here.”
“You don’t mean that.”
He looked away. “I think it would be better for everyone if you weren’t here.”
“Stop doing that, Josh.” She raised her voice.
“Doing what?”
“Thinking you’re protecting me by pushing me away.”
He touched her face. “Carly, you mean everything to me. You always have. If you care about me at all—you need to get out of here. It’s about to get really bad, and I don’t want you anywhere near this.”
A tear slid down her cheek. “It’s funny, your mom said I’m the strongest person she knows. You obviously disagree.” She pulled away from him.
“The doctor will give you a good life.” His eyes dipped to her mouth—full lips that tasted sweeter than anything else in the world. He’d never know that taste again if he pushed her out of his life now. “I have something to take care of.”
Just One Kiss: A Harbor Pointe Novel Page 28
