“Where is this coming from?” Tess shook her head in disbelief. “I thought I….”
My heart twinged with guilt. “Tess.” I tipped my head to the side. “I love you. You’ve raised me all on your own when you were barely an adult yourself. We… raised each other. But twelve years of home school, living in a town with, like, three other people my age, being at least an hour away from any sign of modern life.” I could feel my emotions flooding across my cheeks. “I’m afraid I’m missing out.”
“But… I let you go to the city with Julie sometimes,” she reasoned weakly.
Let me? I took another deep breath, this time to prevent words I knew I’d regret. “You mean those rare times I could venture to the city during the day, with her parents, and only for a few hours?” My aunt had no reply. “Tess, I’m not a child anymore. I–it’s time for me to go.”
Her face had gone expressionless. “Where will you live?”
“Julie’s dad opened another coffee shop right downtown. Within walking distance to both our schools. He’s letting us rent the space above it if we work a few shifts each week in the café.”
She crossed her arms tightly. “What about everything else? Tuition? Books? Food?”
I took a deep breath. I’d been avoiding this conversation for months. “I received several small art scholarships that should more than cover my books and supplies. And I’ve saved nearly every dollar I’ve made in my Etsy shop over the last two years. I’ve done every odd job imaginable around this tiny town. Mowing lawns, painting houses, babysitting. I’m pretty much set. I…” I sucked my bottom lip inside my mouth to keep it from trembling. “You don’t have to pay for anything, Tess.”
My aunt’s ghostly expression quickly melted into a look of concern. “Oh, Av’, it’s not about the money. I’d pay for whatever you truly wanted to do. I’m just….” she shook her head as she came closer and gripped the back of a chair firmly. “You’re just throwing me for a loop here. This is the first I’m hearing of it. I can’t believe you waited until now–” Her back went straight. “Wait. When do you go?”
I counted my heartbeats. “Monday.”
Tess’s big green eyes bulged from their sockets. “Monday?”
I stood from my chair. “I was afraid that if I told you any earlier that you’d… talk me out of it.” The flicker of hurt that crossed her face made me look at the floor. “That you’d do something to stop me from going. Because, trust me,” I let a shaky guffaw escape, “this wasn’t an easy decision.” I dared a glance upward and cringed at the wetness I saw pooling in her too-young eyes. Too young to have been weighed down with the responsibility of motherhood. “You think I want to upset you? Do you think I want to leave behind all this comfort? This world, the only world, I know?” We let a painful pause hold the moment. I took a step closer, my voice barely above a whisper. “Tess, we both know the real reason you won’t–”
Her hand shot up, and tears spilled over, covering her pale cheeks. I could see the words she wanted to say but couldn’t. For the same reason I couldn’t. Guilt riddled me, filled every corner of my insides. And when Tess grabbed her purse from the table and stormed out the front door, I didn’t even try to stop her. I stared out the wide picture window that faced the vastness outside and watched as my aunt disappeared down the gravel driveway in her old red Mustang, a thick cloud of dust billowing in her wake.
***
“Tom’s making a trip into the city tomorrow if you’ve got anything else left to go to the apartment,” Julie said as she wrangled her long golden hair into a messy knot and added another old book to her ever-growing pile. One last purchase with her employee discount, no doubt.
I’d stopped correcting her about calling her dad by his first name years ago. As much as she loved them, I knew Julie never truly considered them parents. At ten years old, they’d just adopted her too late in life. But there was mutual respect the three of them shared, and I admired it. Wished for years that Tess would show the same to me instead of coddling me like an infant.
“Yeah, I’ve got a couple large duffels that won’t fit on my bike,” I replied as I thumbed through a musty edition of Bram Stoker’s Dracula. I closed the leather-bound cover and waggled it at her. “I’m getting this.”
“I’ll get him to swing by.” She took the book and smiled as she added some notes to papers on a clipboard. When she caught me eying her inventory list, she said, “Birthday present.”
A groan turned over in my throat. “I don’t want to do my birthday this year.”
Julie intently held my stare as she dramatically crossed something off her paper. “Funny thing about birthdays, Av’, they tend to happen whether or not you want them to.” She shrugged and added yet another book to her pile. “Besides, my birthday is gonna be shit, as usual. Stupid snow. We need to celebrate yours, you lucky summer child.”
It was true. We were the same age, but her birthday wasn’t until February, and living in the Maritimes almost always equated to some sort of blizzard.
I just chuckled quietly and let her get back to work, which involved me ruffling through well-loved texts while she added to her personal collection. The last time I’d snuck up to the city to help get the apartment ready, she’d been assembling a large bookshelf for the living room. I had no doubt Julie intended to fill it immediately.
We sat in a dank corner of the tiny used bookstore that doubled as a pawnshop. In our modest town, they use lots of businesses for multiple fronts. The burger joint was also the post office, with a tanning salon in the back.
“So….” Julie side-eyed me knowingly. Too much time had passed with me not mentioning Tess. “She totally freaked, didn’t she?”
I stretched my legs out on the worn gray carpet where we sat between the stacks. “You guessed it.”
Julie rolled her eyes. So blue they could pass as contacts. “Doesn’t take a genius to guess how Tess would react to you leaving her.”
“I’m not leaving her,” I quickly amended. The guilt still sat heavy in my gut. “God, you make it sound like I’m running away.”
“In Tess’s eyes, you pretty much are.” When I was too quiet for too long, Julie added a deep sigh. “Av’, you’re an adult now. You can make adult choices. You don’t need your aunt to dictate every part of your life.” I knew she was right. So why couldn’t I shake this terrible grief? “I mean, unless you want to stay in Nowhereville and paint pictures of birds for the rest of your life.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. I relaxed and pressed my back against the overfilled bookshelf behind me. “So, you don’t think I’m making a mistake?”
Julie gave a look that said, for heaven’s sake. “A mistake? How is growing up and going to college a mistake? God, Av’, you applied, got accepted, arranged housing, and paid for everything yourself. If that doesn’t scream mature and able, then I don’t know what will.”
The back of my head touched a row of books. “I don’t know, I just feel….”
“What?” Julie replied and began gathering up her hoard into more manageable piles. “What’s really the matter?”
I thought for a moment. I didn’t want to disappoint my best friend. Through everything, Julie had always been there for me. Showing me what life was like outside of Tess’s reign. Not that my aunt was a horrible person, she just… cared too much. The paranoia with which Tess moved through life, she kept me close to it. But there was no turning back now. Julie was right. Everything was ready and waiting for us to start our new lives in the city. She’d dreamed of this moment for years. Talked about it every day. I let a smile spread across my face for her.
“Nothing. I’m just nervous, is all.”
She pushed to stand up and stared down at me with an outstretched hand. “Well, get over those nerves, sister,” she replied with a cheeky grin and hauled me to my feet. “Because as of Monday, we’re free.”
I held on to the smile. Had to. Because inside…I was wrought with nerves. This was what I wanted. What I
’d fantasized about for years. What I worked so, so hard for.
So… why couldn’t I shake this feeling of dread?
***
The sun had just gone down, and I inhaled deeply the cool twilight air that floated in from the open patio door. The burr of frozen margaritas pulsing in the blender muffled the sounds of music as I prepped one of my last orders for shipping. My art wasn’t spectacular, but people seemed to love my whimsical style, and the online print sales were pretty steady. Julie popped off the lid and gave a taste, frowned, and fetched the bottle of tequila to pour more into the mix.
My best friend and the stars above, having drinks and food on the patio with good music. It was shaping up to be a great night. But…Tess still hadn’t returned. Nor did she answer her phone. I pushed the worry from my mind and finished wrapping the large print of gold metallic flowers in brown packing paper.
Julie skirted around the rustic dining table that divided the open space and handed me one of the margaritas she held. “Etsy shop still going strong?”
I sighed happily and smoothed the shipping label sticker over the top corner. “Yeah, surprisingly.”
“Surprisingly?” she mock-scoffed. “Av’, you’re talented as hell. Embrace it.”
I took a long sip with the straw and cringed through the cold sensation that stuck in my throat. “Paintings of pixies and flowers isn’t exactly what I want to be known for.”
Julie shrugged and plucked a piece of cheese off a snack tray. “What do you want to be known for, then?”
I thought for a moment. I loved my art, my style. I’d curated it and honed it over the years, and now I was known online as the whimsical artist. I’d worked hard to build my platform, promote my little shop. And people genuinely seemed to love my stuff. But…I wanted more. I wanted to see other artists, work with them. Immerse myself in a world of different perspectives and talent.
“I want….” I took a deep breath. “I want to own a gallery someday. Where I can surround myself with all kinds of art.”
Julie beamed proudly with a straw in her mouth.
Just then, the front door swung open, and Tess strolled in with a large bag in hand. My heart sped up as I caught her tired stare. What had she been doing all day? When my aunt hung her coat on the rack and headed over to where we stood, Julie cleared her throat loudly.
“Oh, look,” she said over-enthusiastically and threw me a wink as she turned toward the patio doors. “Stars.”
When my best friend disappeared outside, I turned to Tess, who stood near the old floor model stereo system we’d salvaged from a yard sale years ago. She turned the music down to a comfortable tempo. I didn’t want to be the first to speak, but her silence was scratching at my nerves.
“Where have you been all day?” I asked.
She still didn’t answer, and I watched as my aunt walked over and fetched the shopping bag she’d entered with and set it on the table.
I took a deep breath. “Tess, I just wanted to say I’m sorry–”
“Don’t,” she spoke. She stared at me for a long moment before heaving a defeated sigh. “Look, I know I haven’t exactly handled what happened to your parents… well.” Her throat bobbed with a nervous swallow.
We hardly ever spoke of them. It was too hard for her. And me, well… I never knew them. A random stranger with a gun and a plan made sure of that. It was their unfair deaths that had kept me tucked tightly under Tess’s wing. My mother was her only sister, her only family. As much as Julie and I made fun of her overprotective ways… we both knew why Tess did it.
“It… changed me. In one fell swoop, I’d lost my everything and with it… a whole world. And then parenthood was thrust upon me.” Her hand flung up to stop the protest that already filled my mouth. “A responsibility I was more than happy to take on. But I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.” She rubbed her hands over her tired face. “I guess what I’m trying to say is… you’re my everything, Avery. And maybe I held on a bit too tight.”
“A bit?” I edged jokingly.
Tess shot me a look that said, don’t push it, I’m trying here. “I spent the day with Mr. Ryan. I went to the city, he showed me where you guys will be living. I drove up and down the area, checked out your school.” When I gave a puzzled look, she continued. “I just had to see it all, visualize where you’d be living.”
Something like hope blossomed in my chest, and a smile forced its way across my face. “So, does that mean you’re cool with it?”
“Cool with the focus of my life moving to a dangerous city where I can’t protect her anymore?” she threw the sarcastic reply at me. “No, not really.” Tess shook her head and glanced at the bag on the table. “But you’re not a kid anymore. You’re an adult. A woman. And I can’t keep you close with promises of cupcakes and cozy blankets.” Her pale, slender hands reached inside the bag and hauled out a large, unmarked brown box. She pushed it toward me and motioned for me to open it. “Happy birthday.”
Emotions bubbled up, overwhelming me. I’d expected so many outcomes from today. For Tess to demand I stay home, do online school. I even entertained the possibility that she might insist on moving in with us. That was the best-case scenario in my mind all day. I’d combed over all sorts of options all day long.
But I never expected this.
My fingertips pried at the neatly tucked flaps on the box and opened the lid to find a beautiful deep brown leather bag nestled in green paper. My eyes tingled from the wetness that suddenly pooled there. I couldn’t stop staring. The antiqued brass fixings, the hand-stitched seams. I traced my fingers over the two letters branded on the front. AQ.
“It’s a travel bag,” Tess said from over my shoulder. “For artists.”
“Tess….” My throat refused to release the words. My aunt wasn’t a rich woman by any means. We’d always had everything we needed to be comfortable and happy. But nothing more. The bag… it must have cost her a fortune.
Her hand gently wrapped over the back of mine, and I looked into her glistening green eyes. Almost as green as the tissue paper that held my new bag. “So, you can bring your art supplies back and forth.” She fixed her stare, but I could see the grin she hid. “For when you come home every weekend.”
“Every weekend?” I balked.
Tess let out a laugh. “Fine, every second weekend.”
“Once a month,” I reasoned.
She paused, making a show of considering it, then gave me a side glance. “Deal.”
And in that moment, I knew… something had changed between us. An untying of sorts. A loosening of some knot.
Things would never be the same.
Julie appeared from the patio, an empty glass in hand. Her cheeks were already flushed. “You hens done pecking, or can I join the party?”
Tess pulled us both close and, with a hand on either of our shoulders, she pressed her lips together before saying, “You two take care of each other, okay? Be one another’s person. You two have a bond that’s so rare. You have no idea. Don’t let it go.”
“Geez, Tess,” Julie scoffed drastically. “We’re going to college, not heading off to war.”
My aunt let out a laugh, and I saw her visibly relax. She motioned to Julie’s empty glass. “Is there one of those for me?”
“Of course!” Julie spun around, the hem of her oversized white t-shirt flapping outward, and fetched the pitcher and another glass before filling all three of them.
We clinked our frozen drinks together, and I knew that was the end of it. No more worry. No more doubts. Everything was going according to plan, and, in a matter of days, I’d be starting my new life in the city. The three of us drank together on the ground-level patio that looked out over Tess’s magnificent backyard.
With twilight long gone, the night sky covered us in a blanket of navy silk, speckled with endless stars. In the never-ending thick of trees and bushes, solar-powered twinkle lights came to life and illuminated the lush garden that wove in and out and ar
ound everything. Stones, statues, lawn gnomes, birdbaths. You name it. Tess’s garden had it.
When the chill of late-night began to creep in, Tess wrapped herself in a wool throw blanket and stood up on wobbly feet. “Well, ladies, I bid you goodnight.” A slight hiccup burped from her throat. “I’m all margarita-d out.”
“Night, Tess,” I called as she slipped inside the patio door.
Julie and I leaned back on the oversized rattan chair, wide enough for two, and sipped on the last of our once-frozen drinks. Low music notes played from my phone on the coffee table at our feet and danced in the air. The moon, a massive silver medallion in the sky, shone down on us so brightly we hardly needed the torch lamps that burned on either end of the patio.
Julie mindlessly picked at the rips in her jeans as she stared out at the vastness of Tess’s garden with a strange and distant look. “God, it’s something fit for a fantasy, isn’t it?”
I stared admiringly with her. “Yeah, it’s definitely something. I’m just glad she had a hobby to focus on besides me.”
Julie chuckled quietly and leaned back. “Yeah, can you imagine if Tess didn’t have gardening as a release? I’d be saving you from some high-up tower deep in the woods right about now.”
“No handsome prince?” I kidded.
“You don’t need a prince, Av’.” She rolled her neck to the side and turned her gaze to me. Her head rested up against the back of the chair. In the moonlight, she was even more beautiful than during the day. Her creamy skin seemed to absorb it; her long yellow hair sparkled with it. “Neither of us do. We’re going to be queens of our own lives. Starting on Monday.”
I shoved at her with a laugh. “Always with the dramatic.”
Julie stood up, wavered for a moment while she found her legs through the weight of tequila that filled her, and offered me a hand. “Let’s walk.”
We strolled through the garden, smelling flowers, guessing the names of one’s we’d never bothered to learn over the years. We’d always just made-up silly terms for them, different ones each time we walked through. Piddly wagons and trunk flutes.
A Kingdom of Iron & Wine : New Adult Fantasy Romance (The Ironworld Series Book 1) Page 2
