“But it will still be affecting Xanth,” Kody said, “making lovely landscapes seem ugly to the people.”
“Yes, but that’s minor. They will get used to it. What counts is how you will benefit.”
“Benefit?”
“You can come here with your paramour,” Fornax said, glancing at Zosi. “Who can be given the power to generate zombies by the mere touch of her hands, immediately solving the problem of the current shortage. Between times you can make continuous love, your every need attended to. Or if you tire of her, I will accommodate you myself, and guarantee your rapture.” She glowed, her dress melting away to reveal a matchless female form.
Kody didn’t need to glance at Zosi. “No thanks. I prefer to remain with my friends.”
“They are welcome too.” Fornax made a gesture, and a large serpent slithered forward. Then he transformed into an impressively endowed man. “Nolan Naga is eager for compatible company, having been long away from his own kind.”
Naomi looked at Nolan, and it was plain she was impressed.
Fornax made another gesture, and a male griffin appeared. “Germane Griffin is also lonely, isolated from his own kind by the inadvertent acquisition of a soul. He thinks you are a very fine-looking griffiness and he would like to know you better, Zap.”
Zap was also visibly impressed.
“And the pair of you, Ivan and Yukay, can have your own kingdom here, in every manner the equal of anything you might ever achieve in Xanth.”
“You’re a Demoness,” Yukay said. “With powers such as we can’t even dream of. You already have all the kingdoms and powers you want. Why are you bothering with us? We are no more than gnats on your horizon.”
Fornax smiled indulgently. “Gnats? You flatter yourself. You are a thousand times less than that. But I will answer. I am doing it to win a full Demon point. There is nothing you are equipped to imagine that can approach the value of that to me. All this that I offer you is inconsequential to me. All that matters is that invaluable status point.”
“Oh, I see,” Yukay said. “Status is the only currency that Demons value.”
“Correct, apart from a few foolish relationships, such as marriage to royal mortals. So I am offering this package of benefits, in return for one simple thing: bury the Bomb and depart. Are you interested, Kody Mundane?”
“Intrigued,” Kody agreed. “And I hate to deny such gifts for my companions. But no, I do not accept this deal.”
“I will enhance it. You can have an entire harem of exquisitely beautiful and highly obliging young women.”
Kody smiled. “There may be one or two things you don’t know about me. I’m not particularly susceptible to bribes, and in any event I will not be remaining in the fantasy realm. I am here only in a dream, and soon I will wake and it will be over. So there is nothing you can offer me for the longer term; I would be unable to accept it even if I wanted it.”
Fornax considered him thoughtfully. “I see you were an artful choice for this Quest.”
“So it seems,” Kody agreed. “The other Demons must have known you would try to corrupt me.”
“Of course. But there are ways and ways. For instance, have you considered the welfare of your friends? If you detonate the Bomb, all of them will be blown up too, unless they are far away from you. Is that your desire?”
“No! But we’re looking for a safe place to do it. I can go there alone.”
“And if you do, and destroy yourself in the process, what of Zosi? She does not wish to live without you.”
That was his problem. Kody knew he could do what he had to do. But to torment Zosi in the process? That was beyond him.
“Here is an option you may not have considered,” Fornax continued. “You do not need to keep the Bomb yourself. It belongs to whoever is holding it. You can give it to any one of your friends, or to an enemy, and be done with it. You could give it to Zap, and it could make her the queen of griffins, with any male of her choice. You could give it to Yukay, and exploring its ramifications could give meaning to the rest of her life.” She paused. “Or you could give it to Zosi, and it could make her happy as she completes her own Quest. There is a setting for that.”
Zosi was on that. “It can reverse happiness? So that I would become happy with life, while happy folk become miserable?”
“That would not bother you,” Fornax said. “You would still be happy.”
Zosi shuddered. “It’s not the kind of happiness I care for.”
“You are a foolish girl.”
Kody reached out, took Zosi’s hand, and squeezed it, signaling his approval of her attitude.
“So your choices are three,” Fornax concluded, speaking to Kody. “You can blow yourself and your friends to smithereens. You can give the Bomb to someone else. Or you can bury it where it will not be found. In due course you will wake in Mundania, and at that point the Demon game will be over and a victor decided, depending on your decision. You will never know which Demon wins, so it is of no concern to you. Do you understand?”
“Oh, yes,” Kody said grimly. “I’m a tiny ant, or a mere germ on an ant, and the bet is which way I will turn. None of you Demons really cares about the welfare of mortal folk like us.”
“Nicely put,” Fornax agreed. “Now are there any further temptations I can ply you with, or are we done here?”
“We’re done here,” Kody said.
And they were back in Xanth, where they had been, gazing at the chessboard. Kody felt the Bomb in his pocket, where it had been. It seemed that no time had passed. Demons were good at freezing time.
Kody folded the board. “I think we have some things to consider,” he said.
“No, we don’t,” Yukay said.
“But those other options—”
“We don’t need them,” Naomi said.
“But—”
“We know you’ll do the right thing, whatever it is,” Ivan said.
“But—”
“Squawk.”
“Beep.” Sniffer emitted an agreeing puff of smoke.
Kody looked helplessly at the only one who had not spoken.
“I love you,” Zosi said.
“That’s beside the point.”
“No, it isn’t,” Yukay said. “You love her. You’ll do what’s best for her. That will be what’s best for Xanth. Then you’ll go home.”
“Bleep!” Kody swore. “I need better advice than that. What good are the lot of you if you won’t help me think?”
“You need it in words of one syllable?” Yukay asked.
“Yes!”
Yukay looked at each of the others in turn.
“Get by your self,” Naomi said.
“Blow the Bomb,” Ivan said.
“Hope you can come back,” Zosi said.
“Squawk.” SOON
And there it was. If destroying the Bomb completed his Quest, he would wake in Mundania, with the dream pass that would enable him to visit the land of Xanth again. To see all of them. Especially Zosi. If it did not, he would be dead, but Xanth would still be saved.
They were right. There was nothing to discuss.
Kody shook his head. “I thought maybe there would be a huge dramatic crisis, dragons charging, empires clashing, magic running riot, scary wizards invoking hell-fire. You know, fantasy adventure climax. This is sort of anticlimactic.”
“You have to do it,” Yukay said. “Because none of the rest of us can. We would lack the courage, even if we were dreaming.”
“We still have to find a suitable place,” Kody said. “Soon.”
Then a bulb flashed over his head. “I’ll be bleeped! It’s obvious.”
“That’s nice,” Yukay said.
Kody lifted his arm as if hailing a passing taxi. “Caprice Castle! We need you.”
And there before them the castle formed, quietly filling the space.
They walked up to the front gate. It opened and two little skeletons dashed out, accompanied by two puppies: Piton an
d Data. Wolfe and Rowena. In half a moment the visitors were getting hugged, licked, and nose-sniffed. It was as if they had been expected.
“Tell your folks we’d like to stay the night, then have a little ceremony of termination tomorrow morning, attended by anyone interested,” Kody said. “Caprice will know where.”
“Caprice does,” Data said. “We were waiting.”
“We knew when Mommy got pretty again,” Piton said.
That did seem to explain it. Of course all Xanth had been immediately affected. They knew the Bomb had been possessed, if not turned completely off.
They were ushered inside, where they were royally feted. The hosts, Picka and Dawn, were interested to learn all of their adventures, and impressed with news of the appearances of four Demons, and then a fifth.
“We are in doubt about how much damage the Bomb will do when destroyed,” Kody concluded. “So I will do that alone, in a safe place.”
“Where is that?” Picka asked.
“In the Void. It is where I first arrived in Xanth. I was merely slow to take the hint.”
“Perfect,” Picka agreed. “Nothing that crosses that boundary returns, except in extremely rare and peculiar circumstances.”
“I will invite my sister here, so she can check the Bomb,” Dawn said.
“Thank you, Dawn,” Eve said, appearing from a shadow. Kody realized that the sisters had close rapport, and they were Sorceresses with special powers. Eve probably had a magic pass that took her straight to Caprice Castle.
Plato was along too. He ran to join Zosi, one of the few adults he seemed to like; her zombie heritage really counted. That and the fact that he knew she would let him animate any dead things he wanted to.
Eve came to Kody and took the Bomb. “This is not just any old bomb,” she said. “This is a New, Clear Bomb, with enormous energy. Detonating it will release all that energy at once, and that will vaporize everything within a hundred paces. Indeed, it should be handled carefully.” She dropped it into Kody’s lap, making him jump. That was her way of teasing him; she was not really being careless.
“I thought it might be something like that,” Kody said, putting the Bomb away.
“Thank you for resetting it,” Eve said. “Now when I visit Xanth I don’t look like a hag.”
“You never looked like a hag to me.”
Eve smiled. “Of course.”
Zosi was with him for the night. She was very soft and warm and close. “Oh, Kody, I’m so afraid!”
“You know I can’t stay,” he reminded her. “But if I win, you also know I will return to visit you.”
“That will give me reason to live,” she said seriously. “And to governess Plato and guide him into making new zombies. I know Princess Rhythm is satisfied to visit Cyrus intermittently, and Princess Harmony spends some time away from Bryce Mundane. If they can do it, I can do it with you. But if you lose—”
“Then you will be free to do what you choose.”
“I hope you win,” she said fervently. “Even if it means you have Mundane girlfriends.”
“There will be no girlfriends in Mundania,” he said firmly. “You are the only woman I will ever love.” It was the absolute truth.
“Oh, Kody!” Little hearts radiated from her.
Then the Adult Conspiracy closed in to censor out the rest of their interaction, as there were three naughty children trying to sneak a peek under the closed door. There was a muffled “Peep!” which was as close as a child could get to a bad word.
In the morning they exited Caprice Castle, which was parked not far from the event horizon of the Void. The scenery was gruesome, but if all went according to plan, that would not be the case much longer.
They all lined up before that dread shimmering line of no return. The others looked at Kody. He was evidently expected to say something. He turned just before the line and faced them.
As it turned out, he did have something to say. “Whatever happens to me, I want you members of my Quest to know that I sincerely appreciate your support and friendship, and hope to see you again. Meanwhile, there are two items I can’t take with me to Mundania. Ivan, I want you to have my sword; call it a return for the way you helped me to get Sniffer and locate the Bomb.”
“Uh, thank you,” Ivan said, taken aback.
“And Yukay, I’d like you to have the chessboard. I know you like to travel, and this will help.”
“Why, thank you, Kody,” she said, and kissed him.
“I know some of you Companions agreed to join my Quest out of simple good-heartedness, and because you had nothing better to do at the moment. You can of course go your separate ways now. But I want to remind you that Caprice Castle is in need of pun collectors, and I’m sure you will be welcome there if you wish to stay.”
“Oh yes,” Dawn said. “Hunting puns is considered hard labor, and few can continue long before their minds rot. But we’ll sincerely appreciate any time any of you can give us.”
Yukay and Ivan exchanged a glance, and so did Zap and Naomi. They were seriously considering it. Zap was good at puns; this was ideal for her. Naomi would be well positioned to meet many new people, both human and animal. Zosi of course would be at Castle Windswept governessing Plato, who was already possessively holding her hand.
“And you, Sniffer,” Kody said. “Cyrus Cyborg should be able to adjust your setting so you can sniff out puns. I’m sure Zap and the others will be glad to be sure you always have plenty of wood to burn.”
“And if Sniffer gets tired of that,” Eve said, “then welcome to come play with Plato in Hades.”
Plato looked at the doglike machine, interested. Sniffer puffed out an agreeable ball of smoke. They would get along.
Kody was ready to turn and step across the line. But he paused. There was an urgency infusing him, something else he had to do. He had to—to give Zosi the Bomb.
What?
Give Zosi the Bomb. It will make her happy.
That could not be his thought! He had already decided to make Zosi happy by returning to visit her, using the Night Stallion’s pass. If he possibly could. He knew she did not want the Bomb, but would not be able to destroy it if she had it. She was depending on him to take it forever out of her reach.
Give Zosi the Bomb. The urgency was intense.
Kody fought it. But slowly his mouth was opening to say the words he did not want to say, and his hand was reaching into his pocket to fetch out the Bomb. It was as though some other power was controlling his body, making him a marionette. He was trying to resist it, but it was slowly gaining.
“Squawk!”
“You’re right, Zap!” Naomi said. “He’s being attacked by an evil ghost!”
The griffin and the woman came to Kody. “Squawk!”
“Right again! That’s NoAmi, my sinister alter ego! I’d know her anywhere.”
Kody, still forced, brought out the Bomb and started to speak. “Zosi—”
“Squawk!” Zap said, drowning him out while Naomi grabbed his arm.
“Look at that!” Ivan cried. “On Zap!”
“It says Fornax!” Yukay exclaimed. “She’s acting through NoAmi Ghost to make Kody give Zosi the Bomb!”
“That will mess up the Quest,” Ivan said.
“Pluto.” That was Eve’s voice, not loud, but in the tone her husband heeded.
And the Dwarf Demon Pluto was there. Suddenly Kody froze, unable to move or speak. In fact the whole assembly was in stasis.
“Demoness Fornax influence verified,” Pluto said. “Earth, Xanth, your turn.”
The two other Demons appeared. Only the Demoness Eris was missing.
“I am here, Kody,” Eris murmured in his ear. “My friends are affected too. But I can only observe, this time.”
“Pluto, we return your partial status points,” Xanth said. “You secured our coming victory.” Then all four Demons vanished.
Suddenly Kody was free again, along with the others, and the ghost attack was gone. Th
ey had handled it, Demon fashion. His Quest was done.
Then why was he still here? He realized that the Demons had not said he was finished, only that their victory had been secured. Maybe the outcome depended on his deciding that for himself. After all, he still held the Bomb, and the landscape still looked wretched to the others. It was his Quest to win or lose.
So Kody’s role was not yet finished. Not quite. He still had to dispose of the Bomb. He saw the others waiting as if watching a play. He saw the tear in Zosi’s eye. She knew he had to do it, yet feared the outcome, as he did.
“I will return, Zosi,” he murmured, and knew that she heard him, because her mouth formed a third of a brave smile.
Kody turned around, holding the Bomb, and stepped quickly across the event horizon. There was no shock, no flash of light, no horrendous fall into a yawning chasm. Merely an uneventful crossing of the line.
He stood in an unremarkable landscape, neither better nor worse than the one he had left. Behind him the line shimmered. He knew he could not pass it again; crossing was strictly one way.
He walked forward, feeling the increasing pull of the Void, the Region from which nothing returned. When he felt he had enough distance, just in case the Bomb was even more powerful than they had thought, he lifted it, slid aside the back panel, and gazed at the bright red button.
Did he really want to do this? Was he about to commit suicide? That fifty-fifty chance of survival suddenly seemed excruciatingly weak. Was it to be Esrever, the reversal, or Doom?
The bleep with it! This was his fantasy destiny. He would meet it with seeming courage. He punched the button.
* * *
Kody woke in the Mundane hospital bed. “It’s Esrever!” he exclaimed gladly.
Immediately an alarm sounded. “He’s coming out of the coma!” a nurse said. Kody recognized her as the one who had first told him of his accident. “But he’s still incoherent.”
That was what she thought. He had in his fashion won the gamble. His future was settling into place, here in Mundania and there in the dream realm of Xanth. Glorious!
A doctor appeared, the same one who had sent him into supposed oblivion. “All is well, Mr. Kody,” he said. “You have been out for several days, completely unconscious. But the operation was a success and you’ll be fine.” He walked away before Kody could comment.
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