Tonight is the night that I let Dex in. Fully and completely.
I’m going to show him my scars.
All of them.
I’m sitting on the bed in my room instead of my sanctuary room. It’s the first time I’ve been in here and now I’m fidgeting with the hem of my robe, nervous energy flowing through me while I wait for Dex.
When I hear the front door open and close in a split second, my hear kicks up a beat. Without missing a beat, I hear Dex start running up the stairs to get to me. He knows I’m up here since the living room light is off.
It takes him a moment to find me since I know he went to my sanctuary room first. Other than the bathroom and the kitchen, it’s the only other room I’ve been in since I moved in.
I hit play on the music, setting the tone, letting him know where I am. When he walks into the room, I greet him at the door, taking his bags from his hands and placing them on top of the dresser.
“Sit.” I instruct.
“What’s going on, Breezie?”
Zayn’s voice fills the room, and I inhale a deep breath, gathering the courage to bare my heart, soul, and demons to him.
“I saw how you looked at my scars when you were washing my arm, and I know it’s hurting you that I’ve been keeping them from you. I know you think it’s the equivalent of me running, but I never intended for it to be like that. I just… I wasn’t ready to face them. How could I let someone else see them if I hadn’t even seen them myself until today? I haven’t been running or hiding from you, Dex. I’ve been running and hiding from myself. But I don’t want to do that anymore.”
With his eyes on mine, I bring my hands to the tie holding my silk robe closed. It’s now or never.
“I trust that you’ll still love me after you see them. I believe what you said was true, that you’ll think of me differently, but not in a bad way. So… here it goes.”
With shaky fingers, I stumble on the knot a few times before I manage to untie it, my nerves getting the best of me. When Dex lays his hands in his lap, I open the robe and let it fall to the ground at my feet. As soon as I do, the music chimes in with words that perfectly compliment the moment. Granted, it’s a man singing to about a woman, but Dex knows it’s meant as me singing to him.
‘Honestly, she’s the only one that’s watching over me. Gives me oxygen when it gets hard to breathe. And if I’m wrong or right, she’s always on my side. And if I lose the fight, I know she’ll bring me back, bring me back to life.’
For the first time in my life, I stand naked in front of the man I’ve been in love with for half of my life. I’m showing him the good, the bad, and the ugly, just like he wanted. I’m trusting him with every single part of me. Something I’ve never given to anyone else but Dex. It’s always been Dex.
He stands slowly, my breath caught in my chest, waiting on him to do something.
Say something.
Anything.
He walks slow circles around me, taking in every scar, ever rigid line, every imperfection that I put on display for him. No running. No hiding. I’m giving him my heart and soul with the lights on, nothing blocking him from me, or me from him.
He stops in front of me and drops to his knees. His raises his hand up and slowly traces the scar I’m the most self-conscious about, barely grazing the skin with his fingertips.
This scar is by far the largest, and most rigid. Starting at the curve of my waist and ending at my belly button. The serrated blade dug in the deepest, and the punch to the open wound right after ripped the skin even more. It was one of the first injuries I encountered in that warehouse, meaning it had more time to get infected. It has the worst discoloration and is the one that has made me ultimately feel like a monster living in human skin.
“Breezie baby… I had no idea.”
The air released with his words tickles my scar and I shiver against his touch. This scar has made me feel so broken, so damaged, the reason I felt dead inside. The fact that I can feel something as simple and light as Dex’s breath across my skin… It’s rejuvenating.
“Do you still love me?” I ask, terrified that it’s too much for him. That’s it more than he bargained for.
“More than I did five minutes ago. Something that I didn’t even think was possible until now.”
I sink to my knees, joining him on the floor. I should have let him in before now. I shouldn’t have bottled all of this up, refusing to let anyone help me. I should have trusted that he could help me through this. And I will spend the rest of my life trying to make that up to him.
Taking his hands in my own, I place our joined hands over my heart so he can feel it beating fiercely against my chest and I kiss him. I kiss him like I’ve never kissed him before. There’s meaning and implication behind this kiss.
A promise.
A plea.
“Stay with me tonight. Not in the sanctuary and not on the floor. I mean in my real bed. With me. I need you.” I whisper against his lips.
“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear you say those words.” He whispers back.
That’s all the invitation I need. I climb into his lap and wrap my arms and legs around his torso. Molding myself to him, showing him everything I want from him.
He stands, carrying me with him, his strong arms making it to where my body never even shifts. He holds me so tightly, I could swear we become one person right then and there.
He walks us over to the bed and lays me down on my back, hovering above me for a few moments, his eyes dancing over every exposed inch. Where I was worried to see unwanted emotions lingering there, I beam from the inside out when the only two he exudes is love… And hunger.
“You look hungry.” I smile up at him.
“I am.” He tells me, muscles coiled tightly.
“But we already ate dinner.” I joke.
“But not dessert.”
With more confidence than I actually feel, I hear myself ask “Then what are you waiting for?”
Without another word he sinks to his knees once more, gently pulling my body to the edge of the bed. He spreads my legs and my hands instinctively cover my most sacred parts.
“No more hiding, Breezie. Not now, not ever again. I will always take care of you.”
I nod my head, removing my hands, slowly giving him everything I so desperately want him to take.
His hands massage my thighs sensually, igniting every cell in my body. My back arches into his touch as his tongue traces the inside of my thighs, back and forth, left to right, never touching where I’m craving him most. His teeth gently graze my skin, and I break out in goosebumps from head to toe.
Just as I’m about to cry out and beg him to put me out my misery, his tongue lands on my seam, causing me to break out in shivers. A gasp escapes my lips, causing him to suck my clit into his mouth and roll it against his teeth.
“Hoooolly shiiitt.” I moan.
I can feel him smile against my slit as he inserts a single tattooed finger, gently pushing in and out as he continues to lick and suck my clit and my lips.
I’m already panting, already sweating, and already on the verge of release. If he’s this talented with his hands and his mouth, I’m almost scared to see what else he’s capable of. I don’t know if I can keep up.
His finger hooks on the inside, hitting that magical spot just as he gently bites down on my clit. Without any warning, my entire body tightens and begins to pulsate. My vision goes spotty and I hear myself moaning his name like a prayer for the damned.
He removes his finger, and pulls me closer to his face, hooking his arms around my thighs. Seeing his tattooed hands resting against my skin has me coming yet again. As I’m pulsating against his mouth, he laps up my juices like a man who found water in a drought. He sucks my lips into his mouth and spears me with his tongue like he’s begging and fighting to taste every drop that pours out of me.
Refusing to give me a moment to breathe
, he pushes his face further into me, smearing my juices all over his face, and I swear, it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.
“Dex please…”
His mouth releases from my pussy with an audible pop!
He looks up to see what I’m begging for and inserts two fingers this time, looking at me with a coy smile on his face. The moment both of fingers are all the way inside of me, I moan so loud, I swear, my neighbors hear me.
With his signature smirk, he dares me without words, all the while pumping his fingers in and out of me. I can’t think, I can’t speak, I can’t do anything besides lay there and enjoy the way any part of him feels inside of me. I push my hips down to meet his fingers, needing more.
“What did you need, beautiful?” He asks, feigning innocence.
“You.”
“You have me, Breezie, I’m right here with you.”
“Dex, please. Make me yours in every way.”
I watch as his eyes dilate with my words, his pupils growing so large that his irises damn near disappear. He removes his fingers and once again laps at my seam, refusing to miss a single drop. I watch with rapt attention as he strips out of his clothes and stands naked before me.
I sit up on my elbows to take in the full view. This is the first time I’m seeing Dex stripped bare, and I’ll be damned if I don’t ogle every single inch of him, searing every second into my memory.
With my perusal, he begins to stroke his cock, the only inch of flesh that isn’t tattooed on him from the neck down, and I feel the need to recant my previous statement about the sexiest vision of my life. Seeing this gorgeous, tattooed, muscular, man stroke his cock to me lying naked before him…
That is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.
“Do you know how many times I’ve dreamt of this moment?” I ask him.
“If it’s nearly as many as I have them we’re talking figures that are easily in the millions.” He retorts, climbing on top of me, caging me in with an arm on either side of my head.
“Sounds accurate.” I tell him, losing all other words that have ever been in my vocabulary.
“I’ll try and go slow.” He tells me, understanding that although I’ve taken a lot of steps today, I’m still a work in progress.
I raise my hand to his cheek, and he leans into my palm, his hair falling in his eyes.
“I love you, Dex.”
“I love you forever, Breezie.”
And with that, he bends down to seal his words with a kiss as he slowly pushes his way inside of me at the same time. The feel of him inside me is powerful enough to make my eyes roll in the back of my head. It’s like coming up for air after bailing on a big wave. I feel him in every fiber of my being.
“Fuuucking hell.” He moans. “You feel like nirvana.”
He thrusts into me again, deeper than before, causing my body to jolt upward slightly. I moan my appreciation as he takes one leg and props it up on his side, allowing him access to go even deeper.
He’s not rough with me in any way, he never takes it further than I can go. But he brings me to the edge, and then right back down, time and time again. He goes deeper each time, thrusting passionately into me, making love to me in a way that I didn’t know was even humanly possible. He doesn’t go too fast, he doesn’t go too slow, but he drags every ounce of pleasure out of me that one body is capable of experiencing.
With Zayn still playing in the background, I’m lulled into a place I’ve never been before. It’s like he’s thrusting me into a different dimension, allowing me to experience things that should defy reality. Our bodies dance together, feeding off of the other’s pleasure. Every time our bodies connect, I see stars.
He removes my leg from his side, and places it on his shoulder, intensifying every stroke.
“Come with me, baby. I can’t hold on much longer.” He grits out.
I can’t form words so I just moan my consent. As he delivers one last hard and full thrust, I shatter beneath him for the third time tonight. My body feels like I’m free-falling without a net. It’s the most intense feeling I’ve ever experienced.
A split second later I hear Dex’s voice, although it sounds far away.
“I’m gonna come.” He pulls out just in time to coat my stomach in his hot, sticky seed.
Without even thinking, I stick my finger in it and lick it off, needing as much of him as I can get, not ready to come back down from the place he just sent me to.
“That might be the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen you do.” His gruff voice sounds in my ear. He takes my lobe in between his teeth and it sends shockwaves throughout my body, causing me to convulse beneath him.
I open my eyes long enough to see him smiling down at me. Adoration and love pouring off of him in waves, coating us in a bubble of perfection and bliss.
“Well stay tuned for a special event next time then.” I tell him, already looking forward to his taste running down my throat.
“Talking like that, I’m likely to explode all over you again.”
I laugh as he bends down to kiss my forehead.
“Let me get something to wipe us up with and I’ll be right back.”
As the bed moves beneath his weight, I stretch my arms above my head, basking in the afterglow of making love to the man of my dreams.
He comes back moments later, warm wet washcloth in hand. He gently wipes me up then tosses the rag in the hamper. He turns off the light and the crawls into bed and then pulls me under the covers with him.
We let the music continue to play on a loop around us, just enjoying being in each other’s arms. I lay on his chest, my fingers skating across the lyrics he has tattooed above his heart.
‘You are the antidote that got me by’
”That one’s about you.” He tells me. “It’s always been you.”
I kiss his chest in response as his fingers move up and down, caressing my back and shoulder. And I know right here, right now, that there’s no other way I would rather end every single day of the rest of my life than exactly like this. I want to be with this man, until the day I die.
As my eyes start to close, and I surrender to sleep, I hear his voice call out to me one last time.
“You’re my forever Breezie.”
I don’t have any nightmares for the first time since I woke up in the hospital all those weeks ago. It turns out letting go of the past means I can’t be held hostage in it anymore.
Instead, I dream of unicorns and boxes of donuts. Replacing something ugly with something beautiful.
Which is how I plan to live every day from here on out.
Chapter Twenty
DEX
A Day To Remember blasts through the speakers in my station as I finish the suspension on a customer’s bike that he brought in yesterday. It was supposed to be a simple fix that should have taken a few hours, but once I got inside the bike, I found out just how neglected it’s been. A three-hour fix turned into a seven-hour project in the blink of an eye.
Normally that wouldn’t be an issue. In fact, on any other day, that would be a mechanics dream. It’s our version of a jackpot. Not because it increases the cost of the repair, contrary to popular opinion. But because I could get lost in the repairs and rebuilds, time dwindling away from me without conscious thought, fulfilling my passion.
But today is the first family gathering we’ve had since Bree came home and I want it to be perfect for her. She called everyone the day after she got her tattoo, to set everything in motion. It took two weeks for everyone’s schedules to align, but hey… That’s better than nothing right?
She knows we’re all meeting up to have dinner, but that’s it. She has no idea everything that I have planned for the night. She left all the other details up to me, focusing more on her appointments with Darrell and Dr. Nichol’s. For which, I am beyond proud of her for.
For the first two weeks she was home, I couldn’t get
her out of the house and out of my old hoodie from high school that she’s always loved. But now, she’s on the go every day, keeping true to her vow to both herself, and to me, that she was done running and hiding.
And I burned that fucking hoodie the very next day.
At first, I was driving her, or she was taking an Uber when I was at work, taking a hold of her independence all over again. I can’t say that I was super thrilled with the Uber, entrusting a stranger with her safety after everything that’s happened. But, if I wanted her to move forward that meant I had to do the same.
Knowing how I am when it comes to her safety, she set up my phone number to get text notifications on her journey so that I wouldn’t have to worry. It may seem crazy or overbearing to some, but to me, it was the only thing that set me at ease. The moment I would get that text telling me she arrived at her destination, I could breathe again. It kept me from driving myself crazy with thoughts of ‘worst-case scenario’s’ over and over again.
Thankfully her Uber excursions were short-lived. Earlier this week she was given the go-ahead by her doctors and her therapist to start driving again and return to work. She confessed that although she loved DRAB and working with all of us guys, she wanted to be more than a receptionist for the rest of her life.
I laugh to myself as I remember the conversation we had on Monday after she dropped her truth bomb.
“So on a scale from one to ten, how upset would you be if I told you I didn’t want to go back to working at DRAB?”
“I mean that honestly depends on why you wouldn’t want to go back, babe. You know I don’t form an opinion until I have the whole story.” I tell her honestly.
I just want to make sure she isn’t running from something. I don’t care where she works as long as she’s truly happy with what she’s doing.
“I just… I don’t want to be a receptionist and a bookkeeper for my whole life.”
Revival Page 26
