Naomi frowned, she simply didn’t understand. ‘But she came to the hospital to visit Ava, you’re going to the Devereux ball together...’ she pointed out, recalling Merida’s words.
‘It’s for appearances’ sake,’ Abe said. ‘The ball is just work and I have to take someone.’
‘So it’s just an act?’
He nodded, but that wasn’t enough for Naomi.
‘Are you saying that you’ve never been in a relationship and that you’ve never slept with her?’
‘No. We were together for a while. What I’m saying is that lately we haven’t been. We don’t...’
‘And she doesn’t have feelings for you?’ Naomi did look at him then, and she watched his jaw clamp down. ‘If you offered her more, she wouldn’t take it?’
‘It’s not like that,’ he insisted. ‘We have an agreement.’
But Naomi had heard enough. ‘Abe,’ she said, ‘can we not do this?’
‘But I want to tell you how it is.’
‘Well, I really don’t want to hear it.’
‘Naomi...’
‘Please, Abe, we’re both very different. Thank you for trying to explain things to me, and I’m glad that you don’t think you were cheating.’
‘I wasn’t.’
Her eyes told him she believed otherwise.
‘Look, I believe you when you say that you have arrangements in place and all sorts, but it sounds like a recipe for hurt to me. And I would never knowingly hurt someone. It’s a promise I made to myself a long time ago.’ She looked right at him. ‘I could have so easily gone the other way, Abe.’ She never did the woe is me with her childhood, but she opened a tiny window on it then.
‘I was moved from pillar to post and some of those pillars and posts weren’t very nice. I was so close to sticking my fingers up at the world. I was so close to going off the rails but instead of being nasty, I chose to be kind. And, as much as I want to, I can’t really believe that Candice is okay with it all.’
‘Naomi, she is. I pay for her apartment and—’
‘Abe, I don’t want to hear it. We had a wonderful day out and we shared a kiss at the end...’ She tried to downplay it, to somehow neatly file it away. ‘Let’s not make it any more complicated than that.’
‘It doesn’t have to be.’ His voice dropped to huskiness and his eyes were as black and as enticing as treacle. A personal preference perhaps, but treacle was up there with her favourite things. Yet more dangerous than a sugar hit was the pull of Abe, and how she had to fight not to lean into him.
To forgive and forget, or at least pretend to.
Thank goodness for Ava, Naomi thought, for without her she might just have given in, but instead she gave a slight shake of her head, as if to clear the spell. ‘Please, Abe.’ She just came out and said it. ‘It might be completely straightforward to you but it’s all just too sordid for me.’
He just sat there as, without malice, she gave her verdict.
She was close to tears and didn’t want him to see them, or to resume this conversation, so she chose to make a rapid escape. ‘Could you hold Ava for me, please?’
‘Sorry?’ Abe said, his mind miles away.
Her words had been like a punch to the gut, but he didn’t show that, of course.
‘I need the loo and if I put her down now she’ll just start crying.’
He hadn’t held Ava.
Not once.
He held out his arms and when Naomi handed her over, she was so tiny and light that it felt as if he was catching air.
And Naomi disappeared and left him, literally, holding the baby.
Such a new baby.
And he knew that Ava would be okay.
Abe had spent his early years looking out for his brother, and the later years protecting Ethan’s false image of his mother.
He must have got something right, Abe decided, for it would seem Ethan was far more capable of love than he.
Naomi’s summing up hung in the air.
Sordid.
Abe had never looked at his life from the outside before and until then he had never really cared what others thought.
Yet he found himself caring what Naomi thought.
If she’d just let him explain...
He and Candice had come to an arrangement a long time ago, when they had first broken up.
Or rather when he had ended things.
He thought back to Candice’s pleading and pointing out the anger emanating from the board about his reckless ways. It had been Candice who had suggested that they lie and pretend that they were back together. If she could appear to have forgiven him, then surely the rest would follow?
It had worked.
For eighteen months there had been a veneer of respectability.
Sure, he had been caught at times, but with each passing affair Candice had provided an air of stability.
Yes, despite his attempts to justify things, Abe looked down at his niece and thought about Naomi’s question on the night she’d been born.
What sort of uncle do you want to be?
Not this one.
And as Abe searched the depths of his soul, Naomi looked into the bathroom mirror and asked a similar question of herself, about the type of woman she was.
Oh, she wanted to believe Abe—that it was all neat and straightforward and that there was really nothing untoward about the kiss they had shared. Yes, Naomi wanted to believe him because, quite simply, she would like more time in his arms.
She would like to go back in there now and say that she had the night off on Friday. That perhaps they could go and see the Christmas lights. That they could possibly continue from where they had left off.
But she’d meant what she’d said—his arrangement with Candice was too sordid for her.
So she splashed water on her face and then dried off and blew out a long breath before heading back to the drawing room, where she paused at the door. Little Ava was finally asleep in Abe’s arms and when she approached, Abe looked up, gave a small smile and with his free hand put a finger to his lips.
‘You got her to sleep.’
‘Isn’t that what babies do?’ Abe asked.
‘Not this one. I thought she’d be awake till two. I might even get an hour’s sleep.’
‘Are you taking her up to Merida?’
‘No, Ava’s in with me tonight.’ She held out her arms but as Abe went to pass her across little Ava’s little face frowned at the intrusion.
‘I’ll carry her up.’
They headed up the stairs and into Naomi’s suite, where there was a crib set up for little Ava. He placed her in it very tenderly and pulled the little sheet over her with great care.
And then he turned and faced Naomi.
She wanted to fall into his arms. It felt as if there was an iron bar attempting to unbuckle her knees so she might just topple onto him.
And if she did, he would catch her.
He would hold her and he would kiss her and it wasn’t some sense of professionalism that stopped her, for he would take her from here and lead her to the bedroom.
They wanted each other.
As inexperienced as she was, that much she knew.
And it wasn’t just the thought of Candice that held her back.
He melted her with his eyes, he turned her world and spun it gold, and she could not fathom untangling herself from him.
There could be no dusting herself off and carrying on when he inevitably ended things.
And it would be he who ended them, Naomi was sure. And if his internet history was anything to go by, she’d be nursing a broken heart this side of the New Year, and she was supposed to be in New York until the end of January.
Oh, get out now, she told herself.
With one kiss, she was already
in way too deep.
And so, instead of leaning into him, as her body instructed, she gave him a smile.
‘Thanks,’ she said in an upbeat voice, as if he was Barb and had just popped into her room and dropped off a pile of Ava’s washing.
‘No problem,’ he said, as if he’d done the same. ‘’Night, then.’
‘’Night, Abe.’
It was better this way.
Surely?
CHAPTER SIX
THERE WERE NO further sightings of Abe.
Ava woke at two, and she could see the light coming from a room down the hall.
When she woke at six and she carried little Ava toward the stairs, Naomi caught a hit of his cologne, the clear, sharp scent of bergamot, and she knew, simply knew, he had showered and left.
And she knew, just knew, he would not be staying tonight.
She should be relieved, Naomi told herself, yet she felt anything but as she lay the next night, awaiting a creak on the stairs that might indicate he’d come home.
It never came.
Friday dawned.
Her official day off, and when she came down to the kitchen Barb told her she should have stayed in bed. ‘I was going to bring you up breakfast. I used to do it in the old days on the nanny’s day off.’
‘I don’t eat breakfast,’ Naomi reminded Barb, at the very same time that she selected a pastry and they shared a smile. They both knew she’d lied.
‘You can have breakfast in bed for your birthday,’ Barb said, refusing to be put off. ‘Merida said it’s coming up. I’ll make you my special.’
‘What’s your special?’ Naomi asked, licking her lips. ‘I am dying to try lox.’
‘Do you value your kidneys?’ Barb checked, and Naomi laughed.
‘I love salt.’
‘Hmm.’ Barb wasn’t so sure. ‘You’ll have to get yourself dinner tonight, given it’s the staff Christmas party. You should come,’ Barb pushed, for she’d asked her before. ‘It’s at Barnaby’s. Jobe takes his household staff there every year. Usually he’s with us, of course.’ She cast an anxious look at Naomi. ‘Have you heard how he is?’
‘Not really,’ Naomi fudged, and she truly felt torn. Abe had told her that Jobe had stopped all treatment, though that had been a very personal conversation. It was one of the reasons she had declined the offer to go tonight. She knew they might press her for more information and she didn’t think it was her place to share information. ‘I know he’s been off his food.’
‘We all know that!’ Uncharacteristically Barb snapped. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said quickly. ‘It’s just hell, not knowing. I pick up snatches of conversation but, of course, no one thinks to tell us.’
Merida came in then, her red hair freshly washed and looking a whole lot more like her old self. Barb snapped back into housekeeper mode, asking what time their luggage would be ready to take to the hotel.
‘Ethan’s going to meet me at the hotel,’ Merida said. ‘I should be ready to leave by five. Does that give you time to get ready for your party?’
‘Of course.’ Barb nodded but, Naomi noted, she didn’t ask Merida if there was any news on Jobe.
* * *
It was a lovely day, cold and brisk. They bundled Ava up and headed out to a café and had spiced Christmas coffees, just two friends sharing a gorgeous day out.
‘I thought you wanted to do the river cruise on your day off,’ Merida checked.
‘I’m going to do it after Christmas,’ Naomi said, slathering butter on a slab of warm gingerbread. ‘Are you looking forward to going away tonight?’
‘I am.’ Merida grinned. ‘Though I’m not so sure that Ethan is, given that he’s got to deal with the daggers flying between Abe and Khalid.’
‘Oh, is Abe going?’ Naomi asked, oh, so casually.
‘Apparently. They’re meeting at the office beforehand and then heading from there to dinner. I’m so glad that I’m not expected to join them. Ava and I shall be watching the movie channel.’
Naomi laughed.
From all Naomi could glean, Abe had stood firm and refused to give in to demands, although construction had not ceased, as had been threatened by Khalid.
‘You can leave her with me,’ Naomi reminded Merida, while mentally crossing her fingers that Merida wouldn’t because, determined not to dwell on Abe, she had made plans for tonight. Still, she would cancel her plans if need be, but thankfully Merida declined.
‘I know you’ll have her, but I really want to see how I go without back-up,’ Merida said with a smile. ‘You’re welcome to come. Ethan can book you a room...’
‘I am not coming on your date night,’ Naomi said.
‘It’s hardly a date night. I just hope Ethan can smooth things over with Khalid. Abe’s just about jeopardised the whole project,’ Merida said. ‘He should have discussed this with Ethan at the time rather than shutting down talks.’
‘Oh, so he should have popped his head around the door while you were giving birth?’ Naomi didn’t really have a clue what the issues were but she couldn’t help but jump to Abe’s defence.
‘I guess.’ Merida rolled her eyes. ‘You won’t come?’
‘No.’
‘So, what are you going to do tonight? You’ll have the place to yourself as it’s the staff Christmas dinner.’
‘I know...’ Naomi hesitated, wondering if she should broach the subject of just how worried the staff all were about Jobe, but she knew it didn’t come down to Merida to tell them, and so she carried on chatting instead. ‘Barb asked if I wanted to go with them, but I thought I might take in a Broadway show.’
‘Do you know what you want to see? I can sort out tickets...’
As an actress and a Devereux, no doubt Merida wouldn’t have a problem securing plum seats even this close to Christmas, but Naomi had already sorted it out, though she was hesitant to admit it, worried that it might upset Merida. ‘I’ve already got a ticket.’
‘For what?’ Merida asked, then must have seen Naomi blush. ‘You’re going to see Night Forest, aren’t you?’
‘Yes, it’s just I’ve heard so much from you about it that I wanted to see it for myself. I didn’t think I had a hope of getting a ticket, but it would seem one ticket is easier to get at the last minute. You’re not upset?’ Naomi checked, because she knew it had broken Merida’s heart to step away from playing Belladonna.
‘I would have been upset a short while ago,’ Merida admitted. ‘Not that you were going, more at the very mention of its name. But not now.’ She did up the last of the poppers on Ava’s outfit and scooped her up for a kiss. ‘Ava more than makes up for it. And, anyway, it doesn’t have to spell the end of my career. Ethan and I have spoken and I’m going to see if I can go back when Ava’s a little bit older. Maybe as an understudy.’
‘Part time?’
Merida nodded. ‘It’s far too soon to be thinking of it now, but it’s nice that Ethan’s been so encouraging.’
It was odd, but it was at moments like this that Naomi felt lonely.
And it wasn’t about Merida and Ethan being happy, or pining for Abe—in fact, it had nothing to do with coupledom. It was about families, and having support and someone completely in your corner.
It was all the things that Naomi had missed.
Not that she showed it, or said anything. Instead, it was Merida who spoke. ‘I’m actually pleased that you’re going to see it. Sabine, my old understudy, is now Belladonna. I’d love to hear what you think. Ethan has been twice and so far only gotten to see one half of it...’ The first time Ethan had gone had been opening night when, thanks to her absence on stage, he had found out that Merida was pregnant.
The second time had been when he’d taken Merida and she had gone into labour.
‘Well,’ Naomi said, ‘I intend to see the whole thing and I’ll let y
ou know what I think tomorrow.’
* * *
The day passed in a blur and if Naomi had been in any doubt as to the status of Ethan and Merida’s relationship when she’d first arrived, it was completely put to rest when Ethan unexpectedly arrived home to take his wife and daughter on their first night out.
He was so gorgeous to both Merida and little Ava that it made Naomi’s heart twist to see the little family so happy as they headed off for their first trip away.
Even though Naomi wasn’t a new mother, she ran on the same timeline as one. Worse, because she’d spent most of the afternoon helping Merida get ready, there was little time to do the same for herself. So by the time Merida had gone there wasn’t time for Naomi to wash her hair so she just had a quick shower and then tackled her limited wardrobe.
For the most part her clothes were practical for work and, given the transitory nature of her work, there wasn’t much going out at night. She had two nice dresses. One that she usually wore for christenings and things but it was far too summery. The other was black and gorgeous but she had put on even more weight since she’d last worn it and her cleavage spilled out.
It would just have to do, she decided. She’d be wearing her new red coat there and for inside the theatre she had a lovely silver scarf.
Naomi applied her make-up carefully, put on her not so little black dress and told herself to smile when she looked in the mirror. After all, on her night off she was going to see Night Forest on Broadway!
And, of course, she was excited.
Well, not really.
But she didn’t want, even to herself, to admit that.
There had been a dull ache, or rather a space in her chest, since the other night. A space that Naomi did not want to examine because if she did she might break down and cry.
It was just a kiss.
She kept saying that like a mantra.
But Abe’s was the only kiss she had ever known, and worse, far worse, was the feeling she had let both of them down the other night. He’d tried to talk but she’d felt unable to listen.
As she headed downstairs the staff were all getting ready to pile into the cars lined up in the drive for them.
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