by Aki_kaze
The boy turned his face towards his uncle, his eyes though remained on Sam. The spirit nodded in approval, so the boy said yes.
“Fantastic,” Hector said with a satisfied smile.
Everyone’s face glowed with happiness and joy. Sam looked at Keith who was laughing with Alice. His blue eyes flashed a glimpse of worry.
Chapter Twenty Nine
Nightmare
The Sunday’s sky was clear, perfect for going outside. It was Keith’s first time seeing the actual baseball field. He got even more excited as he saw large crowds of people cheering for their favorite team on the grandstands. Hector led them to their seats. John held a bag of snack while Alice, a drink.
Keith didn’t bring the camera with him, so he used his phone to take pictures instead. He talked with Sam last night and learnt that Sam, too, had never been to a baseball game before, any sport game, actually. But his father used to take him to an outdoor concert and a music show in the city.
Everyone was having a lively chattering at first. But as soon as the game commenced, their attention was all drawn to the field. Keith tried to understand the scoring system with the help of Alice. The girl seemed to grasp it better than him and could enjoy watching the sport more than others.
“Hector got a new friend now.” Diane teased as she noticed her daughter’s enthusiasm.
His cousins had to switch their seats because Alice was more than eager to talk with her father. At last, the father and the daughter found something they were mutually interested in. John now sat next to him. The male cousin held out the popcorn bucket.
They looked at each other without saying anything. Keith grabbed some pieces from the bucket. The relationship between the two had been getting much better. They didn’t become intimate or anything. It was John who had mellowed. Someday, when he got back home after the practice, he even shared his snack with Keith. It was as if what happened when they first met never occurred. Even Sam was amazed by a change for the better of his cousin.
A loud cheer emerged as the home team hit a homerun, pulling Keith’s attention back to the game. The stadium was brimming with liveliness and a shouting crowd of more than thousand. Still, he felt something was missing. He could pretend he blended in with these people, even though he did not really. He had fun coming to the game, enjoying the vibes. But, at the same time, he would want to be in his room and stay with Sam.
“Take lots of photos. And you have to tell me everything when you’re back.”
Sam’s words rang in his head. Keith told himself he’d be alright.
“Everyone, look this way!”
Diane shouted, holding out the smartphone in an attempt to take a group selfie. The five appeared on the screen; Diane’s face was the most noticeable.
“Alice and Hector push your faces a bit forward,” she said and then counted to three. A snap. “Fabulous!”
She held out her phone to Keith so that he could get a view of the photo. He was surprised by a smile on that boy’s face, as if he’d never seen it before. Everyone in the picture wore the same smile. As far as he could remember, this one was the first photo of him with the Underwoods.
After the match, they stopped by a buffet restaurant. Even inside the building, Alice still wore a baseball cap Hector bought for her from the game. She asked Keith to go get food with her.
While Alice was busy making herself salad, Keith moved to the main bar which offered meat and the like. He saw John pondering over his choice of food.
“Why aren’t you getting some?” he asked.
“I have to count calories,” John replied. He seemed determined to become the school sport player.
Keith couldn’t do that. He was picky enough already and to also take into account the calorie intake would definitely mean starvation.
“How’s it going, dear? Did you have fun?” Diane said when Keith returned to the table. She chose salad as her dinner.
“Yes. It’s my first time to the game. I never knew it’d be that crowded.”
“Hector loves to go to the game. He used to take me there a lot.” She smiled softly at those memories. “Anyway, I like your new hairdo. You got to use the hair spray I bought you, finally.”
Keith only gave her a smile.
She rested her head on her hand, still looking at Keith, and said.
“I’m glad you’re getting better. You can try new things in school break. They might help with your condition.”
The boy doubted that though. He still had to take his meds to make himself cheerful and repel the nightmare. Perhaps it really had become part of his normal life. Still, it was worth it. To see that everyone was happy with him. To see a family be a family.
During the ride home, both John and Alice fell asleep. Hector played songs on the radio as they got stuck in the traffic jam. Keith’s head was leaned upon the window, gazing out of the car absentmindedly. Then, he felt a change in atmosphere. The music had become quiet. The weight of Alice’s head on his shoulder was lifted. He blinked, and the couple in the front seats weren’t Diane and Hector anymore.
His dad was driving the car while his mom was chattering with him. Suddenly, the braking noise emerged. The car turned with so great a force that Keith couldn’t move a part; he was pressed back into the seat. When he regained his sense, he found himself crawling out through the broken window. All the smoke, burning scent, and blood smell made it hard to breathe. He rose up with difficulty. Then, the street he was standing on changed. He was now in his room. Behind him was the bed.
His heart pounded erratically. He knew he shouldn’t turn around, but he couldn’t control his body. He could view the bed from where he stood. But his focus fell on those feet hanging over it. He told himself not to look up, but again his body moved on its own. His eyes traveled from the feet up to the body. Before he could see the face, he jolted awake.
His scream turned everyone’s eyes on him. Alice who was the nearest grasped his arm tight.
“What happened?” she asked, panic.
The boy couldn’t yet reply anything. He was gasping for air. Even though he didn’t get to see that guy’s face, he knew who that was. He wiped the sweat on the forehead and the neck. He rubbed the back of his head, trying to soothe himself, as Alice and Diane eyed him with concern.
“I just had a nightmare. It’s nothing.” He managed an answer at last. “I went to bed late last night. That’s all.”
Alice stroked his arm for comfort before letting go. The boy turned to look outside the window once again. He tried not to think of what he’d seen in his dream, but it kept coming back.
Twenty minutes later they arrived home. John got off and stretched himself before taking the key from Diane to unlock the door. Still worried, Alice checked on him again. He assured her he was alright then left for his room.
Sam wasn’t there. Perhaps he was in the attic. Keith ‘s eyes raised up to view the ceiling, focusing on the area above the bed. The image from the nightmare was brought back to his mind, and it was now appearing before his eyes. He quickly shook his head. He put away the wallet and the phone, then undressed himself. He hoped the coolness from the water could wash away all his panic and refresh his body and mind.
Keith washed his hair. His front hair drooped down covering his forehead. As soon as he closed his eyes, the image would show up. He tried to erase it from his mind but to no avail. It was not just the image which affected him, but also Sam’s agony accumulated to the extent that it drove him to that point. Had he met Sam earlier, maybe he… he…
“You’re in there?” Sam’s leaned in half of his body through the bathroom door. When he saw that Keith was taking a shower, he added, “I’m waiting outside then.”
He was left astonished, his eyes still trained at the door. He turned off the shower and let out a long sigh. He grabbed the towel to dry himself and went before the mirror.
If he could choose again, he would rather not know about Sam’s past. It was hard to act around him like you
didn’t know a thing, to pretend you hadn’t learnt what was hidden behind that smile. He wanted Sam to share with him his trouble the way the spirit did for him. But… what for? The other was no longer alive anyway…
Keith looked into mirror. He gave himself a smile, albeit an exhausted one.
When Keith walked back to his room, Sam was on the desk spinning a pen. A smile bloomed on Keith’s face just by seeing the other.
“Why didn’t you dry your hair well?” The spirit scolded. “You’re dripping. The floor’s getting wet.”
He rolled his eyes before heading to the closet to get dressed. He was about to go to the bathroom to hang the towel when it vanished from his hand. He turned around and his vision was obstructed by the blue towel covering his face. He realized what was going on when he felt some pressure on his head. His heart picked up speed.
“You’re drying my hair for me?”
“You’ll get cold if you sleep like this.”
“Care for me that much?” Perhaps because his head was under the towel and he didn’t see the other’s face, so he dared speak something like that.
Sam uttered a soft laugh.
“Of course, I do.”
Before Keith could register what Sam had said, his forehead was pushed back with force.
“Now, go hang up your towel.”
“Do you really need to do that?” the boy grumbled.
Keith turned back, pulled the towel off his head, and walked towards the bathroom. His face flushed with heat. He spent time hanging up the cloth longer than usual. He tried to regulate his breathing. Take a deep breath. Let out a deep breath. He repeated it several times before reentering the bedroom.
Keith opened the nightstand drawer to get his pill. But before he could open the bottle cap, Sam’s hand intervened. The other’s face was serious.
“Before you take the meds, can I ask you something?”
“What is it?”
“What happened to you?”
He opened his mouth to argue, but Sam cut in, his voice even firmer.
“Don’t lie to me, Derringer. What happened?”
Keith looked at Sam, his hand putting down the pill bottle. He might have fooled everybody else, but not this spirit.
Chapter Thirty
Will You Go Out With Me?
“Don’t lie to me, Derringer. What happened?” Sam repeated his question with a firmer voice, his eyes staring at Keith intendedly.
Keith looked back at him before putting the pill bottle down.
“I don’t want to have a nightmare. The meds help me.” He didn’t lie; he just left out some parts. How could he tell Sam everything? That would only bring back Sam’s agony from the past.
“You always have a nightmare, but you didn’t take them. Something must have happened. Keith, what changed your mind?” Sam pressed further. He stood so close to him it gave the boy goosebumps.
“Everyone says I’m getting better.”
“You’re not.” Sam’s word stopped him dead in his tracks. “And you shouldn’t get better because of it. You’re running away from something. Meds are used for treatment, not an escape.”
“Sam…” He said, his voice begging the spirit to stop before it became too much.
The moment he was with the spirit’s parents in that café returned to his mind. Keith wanted to forget everything he’d learnt on that day. He wanted to go back to the way things were before, when he was simply a naïve boy who was just curious what happened to the spirit.
“It’s okay. I can bear it.” Sam’s voice softened, as if trying to comfort him.
Keith turned to confront Sam, his eyes burning hot without him knowing why. He couldn’t run away from it anymore. He threw his arms around Sam’s neck. He knew he couldn’t touch the other. But he didn’t care.
“Why are you hugging me?” Sam asked. The question went unanswered. And, in that moment, it dawned on him. His hand hanged still, hovering over Keith’s back. “You know.”
The spirit’s voice didn’t convey any surprise or anger. If anything, it was rather a relief, as if he’d been awaiting this moment.
“I ran into your parents a week ago in the cemetery,” Keith explained.
“The day you went to get the photo printed.”
He was surprised that Sam even figured that out. But the other was always perceptive about everything, including him.
“Yes.”
Sam let the boy hug him, saying nothing further.
“I’m sorry,” Keith said at last, “I’m sorry you have to suffer something like that. Nobody should. I’m sorry… I leave you in pain, all alone.”
“What could you…”
“If only we’ve met sooner…” The boy ignored the interruption from the spirit in his arms. He tightened the hug. His eyes were burning hot; his voice was pleading. “Maybe you… Maybe we…”
“You can’t change the past,” Sam said straightforwardly. Resignation was evident in his voice.
“I know no one can take away your pain. But if only I was here… at that time. If only I could listen to you like you always do for me, I… I believe… At least… Perhaps you might…”
“…You are two years late!...”
It was his first time hearing Sam’s unpretentious voice, the voice which was filled with anguish and despair, a cry for help nobody heard. That brief sentence adequately conveyed his pain.
The listener’s heart broke to pieces as the truth was laid bare before him, that he couldn’t save the other. Nothing he could do; no word could tend Sam’s wound.
All the smiles and laughter were but a play mask, a deceptive device the spirit employed to make people not worry.
“I’m sorry. I’m here now.” This too was his first time he got to console Sam.
He yearned to touch the boy before him. He was imagining so, that he was holding Sam tight in his arms and would never let go. Keith wanted Sam to know he would always be there. It was a blessing he got to know the spirit, and he wanted the spirit to think the same as well.
The two said nothing more, indulging in the comfort they offered to each other. Sam was first to break the silence with a trembling voice.
“I’ve never regretted taking my own life, Keith. If anything, it gave me peace. But you… you make me feel like I’m the most stupid of fool. You make me ask why I didn’t hold on a little longer, so that I could meet you. Why?!”
They both stayed like that for a while. They couldn’t touch each other, only feeling the embrace. Their minds imagined countless regretful what-ifs in an attempt to alleviate their pain.
“You’re the best thing that ever happened in my life,” Keith whispered, his words laced with the feeling he didn’t and needn’t convey explicitly.
“You’re the best thing that ever happened in my afterlife.”
Sam was now back to his usual, cheery self, the boy who could plant smile on other people’s face.
They lay face up on the bed, their heads tilted to rest on each other’s. Keith’s gaze was on the ceiling. It was hard to imagine that was Sam’s last place.
“Can I ask you something?” After a long hesitation, Keith decided to say it.
