“What?” I asked. Nausea roiled in my stomach and I couldn’t breathe as I searched the room for something I might have missed. Details were my thing, they’d saved my ass on more than one occasion. Walter taught me always to be on my A-game. “Is he here? Did he come here? Oh my God, you have him in chains somewhere, don’t you?”
My husband was a sick and twisted bastard, but Major had never let anyone get the best of him. Shadow proved he didn’t leave scores unsettled, either. I gasped for air, thinking of what they could’ve done to him. What that meant for all of us. There was no halfway with Walter. Only all the way.
Major brushed the tear-soaked hair away from my face. “Sweetheart, Walter’s dead.”
Everything stopped. My brain, my heart. Time. I couldn’t make sense of the words. I fell against Major, sending us both to the floor, crying even harder. Please don’t let Emma come in right now, I thought, I’m not ready for that.
I’d wanted Walter out of my life for so long, but the guilt of being happy he was gone mixed with having to tell my baby girl her father was dead had me sobbing harder. How the fuck was I supposed to do that? As much as I had wanted my freedom, my heart ached for the man I never loved.
And nothing was ever going to be the same again.
I felt so many things at once that none of them stuck. I was just numb.
I came up for air, all eyes in the room on me. I don’t think they knew what to do, either. I took a deep breath, gazing back to Major. He looked out of place in his own kitchen. All our lives, we’d lived with certainties. They were gone.
We could be together. Forever. No more sneaking around, denying what we really felt. It didn’t seem real.
“What did you do to him?” I asked.
Major shook his head, but Shadow spoke. “Nothing. He did it to himself.”
I squinted in confusion. “I don’t understand.”
“We challenged him to fight on the full moon. His guys wouldn’t back him up. They didn’t want to fight the guys from his father’s property. They’ve been working with us. Anyway, he made a run for it, and wound up at the bottom of a cliff,” Shadow said.
“Leave it to Walter to run from a fight, when all he’s done is caused heartache for years.” I shook my head sadly. The dizzy feeling was back. “I can’t believe he’s gone.”
Shea stood up, grabbing X’s shoulder. “Let’s leave you two alone. Go get a drink at The Stepchild or something.” Everyone stood, murmuring that it was good to see me or something equally awkward. What the hell was anyone supposed to say in this situation?
My whole body quaked, I rested my head on Major’s shoulder, needing the center only he could provide. We stayed on the kitchen floor, listening to vehicles roll away over gravel, then to the silence.
Now there was nothing to keep us apart.
Major cupped my chin in his hand and brought his lips to mine. Slow and sweet, I wanted this kiss to last forever. In his arms, on this awful night, I felt safe.
“I love you,” he said, brushing his thumb along my bottom lip. “I always have, and I always will.”
“I love you, too.” The tears were back, this time bittersweet. “Now you always can.”
Chapter Eleven
MAJOR
I didn’t expect to wake up like this after spending my first night with Cass, but it was still pretty damn cool.
“Mommy, where are we?” Emma’s little voice carried from the bed. I slept on the floor. Cass and I both agreed Emma shouldn’t wake up to find me in bed with them.
I lay with my eyelids heavy, not quite ready to wake up from this dream.
“We’re at my friend Major’s house. You fell asleep before we got here, silly girl,” Cass said.
I heard movement, but didn’t sit up.
“Where is he?” Emma asked.
“On the floor,” Cass replied.
Emma popped over the edge of the bed, curls wild from sleep, and gave me a baby-toothed grin. “Why are you on the floor?”
I propped my arms behind my head. “Because a little girl named Emma is sleeping in my bed.”
Still sleepy, she looked back at her mom, and giggled. Damn, I was falling for her harder than I fell for her mother. “But you shouldn’t have slept on the floor.”
“Next time you sleep over, we’ll have to get you your own bed.” Fuck, I hoped I didn’t say too much. Nothing got resolved last night. Both Cass and I were in too much shock for much of anything. “You look pretty hungry. Want some breakfast?”
“Yes.” Emma tumbled out of bed, landing on top of me with another giggle, and headed for the door. She put her hand on it before she realized she didn’t know where she was going. “Mommy, come with me.”
Cass sat up and stretched. She pulled her hair back so it wasn’t wild like her daughter’s, but still mussed. Her eyes were rimmed with forgotten mascara. I could stare at her like that for the rest of my life. She looked down, startling like she forgot she had company even though Emma had just talked to me. A slow smile spread across her face. She crawled toward the edge of the bed. My entire body went haywire.
“Good morning,” she said, giving me the grown-up version of Emma’s grin.
“Hi.”
Cass lowered her voice. “I really want to kiss you right now, but you know....”
Her gaze flicked up to Emma, who had found my hockey stick, rattling it. I kept it on a rack near the door, and my brothers and I would be out on the lake as soon as the ice thickened. Our Christmas Day tradition. I couldn’t wait to show Emma how to play.
“What am I going to tell her?” she whispered.
I stood, taking Cass’ hand and pulling her off the bed. Still didn’t kiss her. Damn, it was tempting. Those puffy morning lips begged for a nip. Emma fidgeted at the door.
“We’ll have breakfast, then talk to her. Then we’ll take care of things as they come. If that’s what you want,” I said.
All our lives we’d been each other’s forbidden fruit. I was no fool to assume that Cass would come running to me. She wanted freedom. I had to be careful, let things happen on her terms. But the urge to take care of everything for her was so strong. This time it wasn’t a hostage situation.
She gave me a wobbly smile. “I couldn’t do this without you.”
“You don’t have to.” I squeezed her hand.
No big surprise that Emma and Shea ate the same kind of cereal. She had a field day with him, asking about all his tattoos, shrieking with laughter at his ridiculous answers. He fucking loved it.
“First day at Forever Home. Wish me luck.” Shea left his bowl on the table when he headed out, tugging on Emma’s hair. “See you later, sweetie pie.”
Emma waved, and watched him go. Cass sighed heavily, looking over to me. I nodded, knowing how much she didn’t want to do this. But it was never going to get any easier.
“Honey, I have to talk to you.” Cass swallowed hard. “About Daddy.”
Emma put down her spoon, squinting in confusion. She had to know something was up. “What about Daddy?”
Another deep breath. She patted Emma’s hair, not wanting to let go when she got to the bottom of the curls. “He‘s gone, baby. He went to—to Heaven.”
That was a stretch, but I would never point that out.
“Isn’t that where angels live?” Emma asked.
“It is.” Cass sighed deeply. I put my hand on her knee and squeezed.
“Can we go visit him?”
Cass shook her head.
Emma raised an eyebrow, but the gravity of the news was starting to sink in. Her frown wobbled before she asked, “Is he coming back?”
Cass couldn’t answer, dissolving into tears.
I picked up where she couldn’t. “He’s not, honey.”
Emma slumped in her chair, eyes glossing over with tears. Like we were last night, she was in shock. She narrowed her eyes at me. “Go away! I want my daddy! Not you.” She scrambled away from the table without giving me a chance to answer, b
ut then dropped to her knees when she realized she wasn’t in her own home, and broke down.
Fuck.
STAYING AWAY FROM CASS while she laid Walter to rest was torture. She needed me now more than ever, but there were some things she had to do herself. I couldn’t stand beside her at the memorial, or deal with his family.
She wasn’t alone. The people of the forest, the working class wolves that she’d grown up with, came to support her. And much to my surprise, me too. They knew what we meant to each other. So many of them told me how good it was to see Cass in the forest again.
In death, there were new beginnings. And the wolves around us saw hope.
“I want to move back to the forest,” Cass said, looking around the living room of the house she’d shared with Walter like she didn’t know where she was. Everything was disheveled from having so many people pass through, and Cass either didn’t have the energy or care enough to put it back together. “What everyone did for me this week, after I abandoned them—“
“You didn’t abandon anyone.” I sat behind her, sliding my hand around her back to pull her in to me. Cass sighed, resting her head on my shoulder. “You were taken away. We barely have contact with any of the women, unless they’re our mothers or sisters.”
“That’s the hardest part for me. Seeing the big picture. What the arranged marriages are actually doing to the forest. Every night this week, I’ve dreamed about my old house. It wasn’t perfect there, but nothing ever is. That’s what I want Emma to learn.”
“You’re a good mom.” I kissed her forehead.
“I’m trying,” she said. We both watched Emma, playing with a train set on the floor. She’d taken the track apart and was in the process of reconstructing it. “I’m going to talk to our lawyer. He’s Walter’s lawyer, so I don’t know how it will go, but I want to buy Emma out of her contract.”
I pulled her into me. “That’s the bravest thing any woman I know has ever done.”
“Or stupidest.” She shuddered against me. “I’m scared for her, Major. If I do this, there’s a chance she could be alone forever. There aren’t many unpromised boys her age, and I don’t want her to be ostracized for my decision. I’m not sure what the right answer is.”
Emma, hearing her name, crawled between us on the couch. She looked up at me, suspect.
“Giving her a choice is the right answer.” I held my hand out to Emma. She hesitated, but wrapped her fingers around mine. I wiggled my fingers, and she giggled. “Hey, it’s almost bedtime. What do you say about letting me read you a story?”
She looked to her mother for confirmation. A glimmer of fear flickered on Cass’ face. She still expected her daughter to reject her, to choose her father over her. But Emma wouldn’t do that, now that no one was actively trying to steer her away from her mother. Cass nodded, her smile wobbly.
“Okay,” Emma said.
I kissed Cass before following Emma up to her bedroom. “I know exactly which one I’m going to read her. The one that my parents read to me, when the wolf finds her mate.”
Chapter Twelve
CASS
It wasn’t Walter’s bed anymore. I had to keep reminding myself that. And we never really shared it, or anything else for that matter.
“I’m afraid Emma doesn’t like me.” Major stripped off his shirt as soon as he came in the room, distracted. He couldn’t have felt very comfortable in Walter’s house either. This wouldn’t be our home. I planned on selling this place as soon as I could.
I had a completely fresh start and I wasn’t going to waste any of it.
“She would’ve never let you read to her if she didn’t like you. Believe me, she’s not shy with her opinions. She’s testing you.”
Major smirked. “Wonder where she learned that from. Smart girl.”
“She is. Think of how confused we feel. Imagine what’s going through her head.” She still asked about Walter, and Connie. I had to figure out what I was going to do about the nanny. It wasn’t fair for Emma to lose everything all at once. Maybe Connie wouldn’t be so insufferable without Walter. And she did love Emma, even if she had a terrible way of showing it.
“I don’t want her to resent me, thinking of me as an absence of her father. Or that I took something away from her. It’s important to me, Cass. I want Emma’s respect.”
I couldn’t fall any more in love with this man if I tried.
Major continued to search the room.
“What are you doing?” I asked. I got out of bed, running my hand over his bare arm. I loved the way his muscles felt. Always a little tense, ready to pounce.
Now I had his attention. Major turned into me, moaning when he saw my outfit. Or lack thereof. I’d stripped down to my bra and panties. I loved good lingerie. It was one of the only things I could always do for myself, no matter what. Tonight I wore a black lace balconette bra with red satin trim, and always matching panties. I liked boy shorts best. With an ass like mine, thongs were out of the question.
“I like this.” He wound the end of the ribbon around his pinky finger. “I was looking for a lighter. And some candles.”
I pushed against his shoulder. “I never quite pegged you as a romantic. Top drawer. Emma likes things that go boom, so I hide the explosives.”
Major laughed. “No wonder she likes Shea so much. As for the romantic thing, hardly. I’ve had a lot of time to think about fucking you, Cass. I like the idea of your skin bathed in firelight. Letting our animals run wild together.”
It was the most romantic thing I’d ever heard. My body throbbed at his words, and the only thing that would quell the sensation was to have his lips everywhere on my skin. “Is that a threat or a promise?”
“It’s a certainty.”
I hooked my fingers into the waistband of his jeans and jerked him toward me. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about fucking you, too.”
“Yeah?” The heat of Major’s body seared my skin. His hair hung in my face, beard moving against my cheek as he spoke. “Tell me about it.”
I never was very good at doing what I was told. Instead I ran my tongue along Major’s bottom lip, pulling back to see if he’d chase. He held his breath but didn’t move. I liked that even better. Going back in for more, I caught his lip between my teeth and pulled. A low sound vibrated from his throat, not quite a growl, that made my knees weak. This time he kissed me back, his tongue tangling with mine, fighting for dominance. He explored every bit of me, running his tongue hard along the inside of my lip. I melted in his arms, and not just from being so close to him. Being in this room, having someone so hungry for me, was overwhelming. This was a place I associated with shame and humiliation. With one kiss, Major erased every bad memory I had of this space, replacing them with a promise of the future.
I’d been so conflicted about saying goodbye to my old life. Walter always insisted I owed him something, and after twelve years, I started to believe him.
I would never be glad anyone was dead, but I was thankful Walter was gone. I walked a tightrope between the two, trying to balance my emotions.
Major sank to his knees, his eyes glowing with a fire that we needed no candlelight for. I followed him down but he shook his head. “No. I want you just like this.”
Couldn’t argue with that. I straightened my stance. That firelight gaze bathed my skin as he tugged my boy shorts down my thighs. He kissed my bare hip, breathing deep before moving inward. He closed his eyes, lashes shadowing his cheekbones. There was a reverence about the way he moved. Major hadn’t been kidding—he’d thought this through. He tapped my thigh, signaling me to open for him. I could only go so far with lace restraining my calves.
I balanced myself on his shoulders, digging my fingernails into Major’s flesh when his tongue hit my clit. He had to work for it at this angle, but this wasn’t a man who was used to having things come easy to him. Long, slow strokes sent electricity up my spine. I was embarrassed to admit that Walter had never done this to me. Even more embarr
assed that he told me it was because I was dirty.
Major did not agree. His tongue curled around my clit. Little explosions rocketed through my body at the strange, welcome sensation. He moved with my body, licking, nipping, and sucking. I was spread as wide as I could go. He held me by the hips, keeping me steady but giving me no escape. Not that I was going anywhere. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. My top half was limp, my hair fell over his head, mixing with his.
He let go of my hip and I swayed. Major would never let me fall. He gave me a moment of rest, kissing the line along my pubic bone. He picked up where he left off, his finger brushing the sensitive, swollen skin between my legs. I writhed under his touch, moving with him, guiding him. He rolled his thumb over my clit, hard and fast, not giving me a chance to build up to the sensation, he went straight for the explosive. I bit down hard on my bottom lip, wishing I could connect with his skin. I couldn’t scream, I’d wake Emma. But I needed some sort of release from this sensation.
My orgasm was a slow, magnificent build. Major already knew my body better than I knew my own, chasing me as I writhed under his touch. He slipped two fingers inside me, and my inner walls clamped down on him, pulsing, welcoming him home. My knees gave out as I reached my climax. Major led me to the floor, positioning me in his lap, all while thrusting his fingers inside me.
I needed his mouth. So many emotions flowed through me as I came down from the ecstasy of the orgasm and I needed all that Major had to give me. He was ready to rise to any challenge that I had for him, lips on mine, his fingers still inside me. The rhythm built back to a frenzy, Major’s fingers moving easily, slick from my release. My body barely had a chance to recover from its climax, and something slow and sinister was already building in my core.
This was amazing. How it was supposed to be. Two souls connecting in the flesh. Knowing what the other wanted without having to say a word, moving together in perfect fluidity.
I felt empty when Major let me go, but not for long. He brought his fingers to my mouth, and I sucked the taste of myself off of him. My head swam. Like everything else about us, it felt so wrong but yet so right.
Her Renegade Wolf (Sawtooth Shifters Book 3) Page 7
