The demon knew my secret.
And the scariest thing was, at this very moment, that was the least of my problems.
Chapter 18
Cassandra knocked quietly on my bedroom door at one o’clock when she got back to the house. “Samantha, are you still awake?”
I pulled my sheets up to my neck and tried to be quiet.
Go away, I thought. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to talk to anyone.
After a minute, my ruse worked. I listened as she padded down the hall toward the guest room.
I wasn’t a huge fan of hiding from the world and my problems, but tonight I would do just that.
Sleep was elusive, as it usually was lately. I drifted from one nightmare to the next, tossing and turning until I finally woke up just before six o’clock, twisted in my sheets so much it took effort to unravel myself.
I didn’t try to sleep again. Instead, I got up, showered and got dressed.
I choked down a large breakfast in the hope that it would ease my hunger this morning. I didn’t know how it was possible, but I was more hungry after I’d finished than I’d been to start with.
Increased hunger. Increased cold.
Both signs of oncoming stasis.
I wanted to hate Stephen, figuring somehow that might make everything easier, but the fear I’d seen in his eyes last night had quickly worked its way under my skin. I wished he would have let me try to help him. Instead, he’d run in the opposite direction as fast as he could.
We all choose our path to walk. Even by not choosing, we’re still making a choice that will affect our lives for better or worse.
I left the house before Cassandra got up, hoping to avoid any discussions with the angel that might involve what happened last night and the topic of Bishop—because thinking about him right now wasn’t going to help.
It was still bright and early when I got to school—my sanctuary. The place where I felt the most in control of my life. I might not be the most popular kid, not even close, but I knew what to expect. I got good grades, my teachers liked me; I felt like I belonged. Just the sight of the lockers, shiny linoleum floors and the faint hum of the fluorescent lights gave me a welcome sense of calm. At least, a small piece of it.
I stared at Carly’s abandoned locker for a full minute before opening my own next to it.
“Why do you always worry so much?” she’d say when I was down or overwhelmed about something. Pick a topic, there was always something on my mind causing me angst. “Worrying doesn’t change anything. And it’s a complete waste of energy.”
“Plus, it causes wrinkles,” I’d add drily.
“Exactly!”
Don’t worry, be happy. Yeah, easier said than done.
I slid down to the ground, pulling my legs in to hug them to my chest. Today I wore black opaque tights and a skirt that fell to my knees. Much easier access to the dagger if I needed it. I touched the reassuring outline of the gold knife through the garment. Just to be annoying, my mind immediately delivered an image of Bishop kneeling in front of me, his warm hands brushing against my skin.
I squeezed my eyes shut, tried to breathe normally and attempted to focus on what I was going to do next. Thinking about Bishop was a distraction, even on good days, and right now I didn’t need to be more distracted than I already was. I told him I’d find the answers on my own. I’d meant it.
Last night, however, I’d been way more confident. Today...well, today just seemed hopeless.
Then again, Tuesdays had never been my favorite day of the week.
Someone nearby made a sound of disgust, an “ugh” that made me crack one eye open to see who was at school as early as I was.
Jordan stood in front of me with her arms crossed over her chest.
“What are you doing here?” she demanded.
“Free country, last time I checked. You?”
“I have stuff to do.”
I couldn’t help notice the dark circles around her eyes. Since I was certain they were from sleepless nights thinking about Julie’s suicide, I chose not to mention them. I didn’t like Jordan, but I wasn’t that cruel.
“Stuff to do at seven in the morning?” I asked.
“I wanted to get an assignment done early.”
“Good for you. Don’t let me stop you.”
Jordan rummaged through her purse and something fell and hit my leg. I reached for the business card and pack of gum.
“Give that to me.” She thrust her hand out to me impatiently.
It was the card to the modeling agency—the one the scout had given to Julie. “Why do you still have this?”
She snatched it away from me. “Because I’m going there. I just need to drop my assignment off at first period, then I’m out of here. I’m going to find out if I’m right—that there was something strange about that woman.”
I pushed myself up to my feet and looked at her warily. “Not a good idea.”
Her expression only became more determined. “There’s something strange going on in Trinity.”
She worried me when she said stuff like this. Knowledge was power—but it could also be dangerous. And in some cases, deadly. “It’s a big city. There’s always strange stuff going on.”
“Stranger than normal.” She let out a shaky sigh and rubbed her eyes, which made me realize she wasn’t wearing any makeup today. Not a stitch. For an aspiring model who prized her beauty more than her brains, this was more surprising than anything else. “It’s like...I don’t know, it’s like I’m the only one who can see it. Everyone else goes about their days normally, like they don’t realize there’s something horribly wrong. But I see it. I feel it. And what happened to Julie, it—it just made everything more real. I can’t ignore it anymore. I need to figure out the truth.”
What Seth was rambling about last night, about the girl who fell—I was sure he meant Julie. But then he confused me, as he tended to do, and I’d mostly forgotten it. But still, why would he mention her if there wasn’t something truly wrong about her death?
“I know you’re in pain,” I said evenly. “But you should calm down.”
“I’m not going to calm down. Julie... She wasn’t suicidal. Not at all. I keep going over and over and over it in my head. She was fine. And then something changed.” Her face was etched in confusion and despair as her green eyes tracked to me. “Do you know there’ve been twenty suicides in less than a week? And none of them were clinically depressed.”
My chest clenched at the news. “How do you know this?”
“When I want to find things out, I find things out. Nothing stops me. I talked to the police—I told them about Eva, but they don’t think it’s anything worth investigating.” She let out a strangled cry of frustration. “So annoying! They think Julie was some kid depressed over a guy who decided she was finished living. But it’s not true. I lost her. And I—I lost Stephen. I’m losing everyone I love.”
Hearing her pain so acutely, with no filters, made my own heart start to ache. And she didn’t even know the truth about Stephen. To her, he was just a jerk who’d dumped her with no explanation, not a guy who’d broken up with her to try to save her life. “I’m so sorry. Really. Maybe you should see the guidance counselor again. She might be able to help you.”
She composed herself, rubbing her eyes, and stroking her red hair back from her face to tuck it behind her ears. “I don’t need help. I need answers.”
We h
ad that much in common. The sheer determination I saw on her face worked to nudge mine back into consciousness this morning, like downing three espressos in a row.
But I worried that she was chasing her tail, and all she’d get from her frenzied search for the truth was more disappointment. “You honestly think that modeling scout did something to Julie? Like...she took away her will to live? With, like, a single touch?”
“Yeah.” Jordan fixed me with a bleak, scared look that betrayed her usual calm, cool bitchiness. “That’s exactly what I think she did.”
Then she was gone.
I watched her walk away, part of me wanting to stop her. If I tried, I knew I’d fail. She was bound and determined to play Nancy Drew over this mystery.
If Julie had been kissed by a gray, then I might be able to wrap my head around an outside influence changing her personality. But it wouldn’t have happened that fast.
Jordan had her own path to follow, and nothing I said would have stopped her.
Part of me wanted to worry about her—the other part knew I had enough to deal with without adding this to my list. What I really needed was to find balance in my life again, even if it was only for a few hours of school. Here I was normal. Out there...I wasn’t.
Bishop always talked about balance and how important it was to the universe. Well, the balance of me being a perfect student with me being the daughter of a demon and an angel, as well as a gray with the dark hunger I dealt with daily...
Yeah. I desperately needed to restore my balance. Maybe then I could figure everything else out.
Over the next two hours, the halls slowly began to fill with kids, moving to their lockers, heading for first period. Outside my English class, Kelly caught up with me, grabbing my arm before I went into the room.
“You going to Noah’s party tomorrow night?” she asked, her face flushed. She was rarely early for any class, and I knew she always peeled into the parking lot with literally minutes to spare.
“Oh, right. The Halloween thing at his house?” I asked.
She nodded excitedly. “But it’s not at his house anymore. He’s found an even better place for it. It’s going to be amazing.”
“Sounds...amazing,” I forced out.
“I’ll email you the deets when I get them. There’s literally going to be, like, two hundred people there. I’m going as Aphrodite. Sabrina’s going as a witch, which is so expected, really.” She rolled her eyes, but her smile didn’t fade. “You should be a cat. Like, a sexy cat.”
A sexy cat. Right. Kelly knew me so well. “Great. I’ll, um, think about it. Okay?”
Halloween costumes and parties...not on my priority list this week.
Kelly sped away down the hall toward her Trig class, and I entered my English class. My eyes were drawn immediately to Colin, slouched in his seat behind my desk. I approached cautiously, trying as hard as I could to ignore the hunger that grew with each step. I clutched my books and binder tight to my chest.
He looked upset, pale. I hoped he wasn’t still blaming himself for Julie’s suicide. He’d made some dumb choices, but he hadn’t been the one to push her. She’d jumped of her own free will.
At least, I thought she had. Jordan had other ideas about that.
Jordan was right about one very important thing—there were weird things going on in Trinity right now. That was the reason Bishop and the others had been sent here in the first place. And it only made me more certain that getting him to focus on that instead of me had been the right decision. They didn’t need or want my help—unless I spotted another searchlight. If that happened, I’d let them know immediately. Beyond that? I needed to stay out of their hair.
And that was exactly what I would do. Here in class.
“You okay?” I couldn’t help but ask, glancing over my shoulder at Colin when I sat down.
“Never better,” he replied through clenched teeth.
“Somehow I just don’t believe you.”
His eyes were narrowed, mean. “Oh, Sam. You always could read me like a book. You’re so awesome.”
“Whatever.” I turned back around, my heart sinking. So I guess he’d decided to start hating me again.
It should make me happy that he’d finally learned his lesson. Stay away from Samantha Day. Still, his unexpected sarcasm felt like a slap.
He groaned a few moments later. “I’m sorry. I’m having a lousy day, okay?”
“Yeah, okay. Like I said, whatever.”
I didn’t want him to change his mind. I wanted him to hate me. That would make everything much easier.
Mr. Saunders walked into class right on time and glanced at the thirty students. He pushed his glasses up on his nose. “I finished grading your tests from yesterday. Congrats to those with the highest scores. For the rest of you...well, better luck next time.”
Right. Our test on Catcher in the Rye. Part of me relaxed at hearing he’d been grading. Grades. School. And especially English, my favorite subject. They calmed me. I read everything I could get my hands on—novels, new and old, trashy and high literature. I devoured words like I devoured...
Well, not a good comparison, really.
But I loved to read. I loved how authors put words together on the page to invoke images and feelings. While I hadn’t totally decided what I wanted to major in once I got to university—and I still hadn’t given up hope of this possibility, no matter how bleak things got—I felt strongly that I wanted to be a writer of some kind. I’d always journaled. I’d always written short stories and poems to entertain myself.
They say to do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.
For me, English Lit was what I loved. By far, my best subject in school.
“Ms. Day?” Mr. Saunders called my name and I rose from my desk to go to the front to claim my test. He held it out to me. “Have to say, I was disappointed.”
I looked down at it.
A bright red “F” stared back at me.
There wasn’t even a plus sign involved.
There had to be a mistake. “I got a—an F?”
“Maybe next time you should read your assignment. Just a suggestion.” He looked past me. “Mr. Edwards?”
With that, I was dismissed. With the first F I’d ever gotten in my life. For an essay on a book I’d already read. And loved.
This couldn’t be happening. I tried to rationalize it, but failed.
Yeah, failed. I failed. Big time.
I sat down heavily in my seat, still staring at the mark.
“It’s only one stupid test,” Colin offered from behind me. Of course he’d seen the grade. It was impossible to miss. An airplane would be able to spot an F that big and red.
But it wasn’t just a test, it was a sign. The balance I’d hoped to regain by coming to school today, to get back to where I belonged and felt like I fit in...
Fail.
I tried to concentrate, but it wasn’t an easy task. With Colin behind me, almost in the orbit of hunger. With others moving past my desk. With the bitter taste of the bad grade in my mouth...it all fell apart.
At nine forty-five, my hunger ramped up from a low and controllable level to a burst right off the charts.
It closed in all around me, stealing my breath, clenching my stomach.
It was no longer a question of “if” I’d feed, but “when.”
I needed to get out of there as fast as I could.
Scrambling to grab my books
and my leather bag, I rushed out of my seat toward the front of class, toward the door, toward escape.
“Ms. Day?” Mr. Saunders looked at me as I zipped past him. “Where are you going? There’s still fifteen minutes left in class.”
“Cramps!” I announced shakily. “Horrible, nasty menstrual cramps! I need to go!”
He grimaced and waved a hand, while some of the kids in the front row snickered. “Then go.”
I escaped to the bliss of the empty hallway, headed toward my locker, no longer tormented by the thirty souls pressing in on me. I needed a few minutes to get my head back together. To think clearly again.
“Samantha!” Colin called after me.
Oh, crap!
I searched the long hallway, looking for the best route to make my escape. My heels clicked against the shiny linoleum. I needed air. I needed to get out of there completely. I needed to finally accept that my life was not what it used to be while I tried to pretend that it was, even for a couple of fleeting hours here today.
I’d been fooling myself.
I didn’t belong here in my so-called “normal” life. And I didn’t belong with Bishop and the others.
I was an outcast.
I wiped the tears from my eyes and kept walking toward the nearest exit.
“Sam!” Colin grabbed my arm to bring me to a halt. “What’s wrong?”
I turned to face him and shoved him hard against his chest to push him away from me. “Stay back.”
He had the nerve to look at me with concern. And here I thought he hated me. I wished that were true. “The look on your face when you left class... I was worried.”
“I have cramps,” I offered weakly.
“Which is really gross, but I don’t think it’s the truth. You’re upset about something.”
I hissed out a breath, studying his face as he, again, was stupid enough to come closer to me. My hunger swirled, a raging tornado inside of me ready to take down trailer parks and wreak havoc with anything that got in its path.
Wicked Kiss Page 20
