I pull my hand away from hers and pick up my glass, taking a long swallow of the wine. It was selfish of me to assume she’d be all-in with me when she still has her whole life ahead of her. She has big dreams and plans to change the world. She’s right—I can’t hold her back from that.
“You’re right. I’m sorry I didn’t think about that. Hails, I don’t know if I can be just friends with you now though, not after…”
“I know. I want to be with you more than anything, but committing to someone right now can’t be an option for me. I’m sorry for that.” She takes a swig of her wine and dabs at her mouth with a napkin. Her swallow is thick, as if she’s not only swallowing the wine but also drowning her emotions with it.
The waiter chooses this moment to come back and take our order. Neither one of us seems eager to spend the rest of this dinner together, but we’re stuck. I hope we can make the best of it somehow.
“But… I have a proposition for you.” Her eyes are sparkling again and I’m eager to find out what evil plan she’s concocted this time.
“Maybe we could still be together, but no strings attached. We’ve already slept together once, and it was the most incredible and fun night of my life.” I rub a hand over my face. She’s not getting it.
“I already have strings, Hailey. I can’t just cut them because you want to use me to get laid.” I don’t mean to come off aggressive, but I’m a little pissed she thinks she can just use me for sex when I’m busy falling in love with her.
She winces and now I feel bad for snapping at her. This dinner was supposed to solidify our future, but we’re getting nowhere.
I pinch the bridge of my nose and exhale. My thoughts run wild because I can’t decide what to do. A large part of me wants to take any part of her I can get, and the selfish part of me considers the possibility if I start a sex-only relationship with her, she’ll still fall for me.
But that would be me tricking her into being with me, and that’s not fair to her either.
“Take time to think about it. Please. This is all I can offer you right now, but I don’t want to stop seeing you either.”
I understand where she’s coming from and what the hell kind of guy am I to be turning down sex with a hot woman?
“Follow up question,” I wait until she looks me in the eye. “If we keep seeing each other, will you tell Kenzie about us?”
“Yeah, of course. Eventually, anyway. She’s like, super busy too and has a lot on her plate. I wouldn’t want to overwhelm her with this information.” She swirls her glass in the air as if this information is extraordinarily unthinkable.
Our food arrives, and she spears a piece of asparagus, nibbling on the end. How is she keeping cool when my insides are ready to turn out?
I take a bite of my steak, allowing it to melt in my mouth while I consider her offer. What’s so bad about it? What could go wrong?
13
Hailey
“Hails, are you home?” My eyes snap open and I bolt upright in bed. I press the home button on my phone, which reads 2:53 in the morning.
Kenzie told me she was going out tonight and I assumed that meant she wasn’t coming home. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
“Just tell her I’m here. Now’s the perfect opportunity.” I slap the man lying in bed naked beside me.
“Shh, be quiet. She could hear you!” The doorknob rattles and then turns because I didn’t lock my freaking door.
I shove Chase under the covers as the door swings open. “Oh, shit.” My roommate stands in the open doorway, her jaw hanging slack and eyes wide.
Please tell me she didn’t see who is beside me. “Dude, Kenz, little privacy, please?”
She covers her eyes with one hand, but spreads them to peek through, the nosy little wench. “Mackenzie!”
“Sorry, sorry. But good for you! We’ll talk tomorrow.”
God dammit.
I drag back the blanket, uncovering Chase and his not-so-amused expression. “Knee-jerk reaction?” It’s more of a question than a statement. He wants me to be open about us, but I’m not ready for that.
Telling Kenzie about my newfound arrangement with Chase would make things real and I need things to stay simple between us. Throwing in complications and telling people would make it seem like we’re a couple and in a relationship, but he doesn’t get that. He thinks I’m hiding him for some unknown reason, when in reality I’m scared to get attached. I’m scared to get my heart broken.
“I’m sorry. You don’t understand—”
“You’re right, I don’t. Maybe I can’t do this after all. I mean, what’s so bad about me, Hails? What are you so afraid of?”
“I’m terrified of you. Of the way you make me feel. If I tell my best friend about us, then it’s like we’re together and being in a relationship gives you the power to hurt me. We’re traveling down a dead-end road already. It will hurt less if I don’t get attached to the idea of us.”
It’s not like we have some huge, drawn out, on-again, off-again history, but that’s what is even scarier. We’ve spent next to no real time together and I’m already in over my head with him. These feelings scare the hell out of me.
“I’m scared too, okay? These feelings are new to me too, but I’ll be damned if I keep you hidden away from the world. I don’t want to think about you with other guys or going out on dates.”
“If I can’t even handle things with you what makes you think I could juggle more than one guy?” He doesn’t find my joke humorous. “In all seriousness, I want to be exclusive. I don’t want to think about my safety if you’re sleeping around either. I can’t commit to anything more serious right now. Take it or leave it.”
“I have to think about it.” He hops over me and off the bed, finding his pants on the floor. The belt rattles as he pulls them up, and he goes to the door. When his hand grabs the knob, I stop him, grabbing my robe off the edge of the bed.
“Chase, wait.” He spins around, exasperation dripping off of him in waves. “Why is this such a big deal for you? Why can’t you understand where I’m coming from? If you can’t give me a little slack, we’re doomed from the get-go.”
He sighs, running a hand through his sex-tousled hair. “I don’t know. You’re in my head and I’m not thinking clearly.” He pauses, considering his next words with careful attention. “I’ll do this your way for now, but don’t think I won’t be fighting for you every single day.” He walks toward me with the fierceness of a hungry tiger and takes my face between his hands.
His eyes gaze into my soul and I lick my lips, my anticipation for his kiss building. He leans close; I can smell the stale sex from our previous romp permeating off his skin.
My eyes flutter closed and my lips part. He chuckles, the deep rumble filling the room and taking me by surprise.
“You want me as bad as I want you. It’s going to be so much fun dragging the admission out of you.” His lips meet mine before I can argue with him.
I tug on his jeans since he never got a chance to clasp his belt. As the button pops open, I push them over his hips as he walks me back toward the bed. He trips over his pants and we go careening backwards; well, I fall back onto the bed as Chase catches himself, hovering over me before his head crashes into mine.
A giggle bursts out of me and he looks up at me with a devious sneer. “Something funny?”
“I hope you’re smoother on the ice than you are on my bedroom floor.”
“Oh, I’ll show you how smooth I can be.”
◊◊◊
The ruffling of clothes and limbs pulls me from my stupor. “What in God’s name are you doing?” I don’t check the time. I already know in my gut it’s ass o’clock.
Gentle lips caress my forehead. “Go back to sleep. I have to get home for work.” Having a naked sleepover on a school night is one thing for me, a college student in her one night stand prime, but it's a different story for Chase. He’s a teacher, a professional. He can’t show up to work late wearing last ni
ght's crumpled attire.
The door clicks with his exit and I fall back into a deep, sated sleep.
When I wake up again, it’s before my alarm even sounds. I don’t need the upbeat EDM music to wake me up and put me in a good mood today. Chase did that for me last night.
Shit. I wonder what time he left this morning. Please God, tell me Kenzie didn’t run into him. Although I’m sure that would tickle his nuts halfway to heaven if that’s how she found out.
Jumping out of bed like the energizer bunny on crack, I waltz into my en-suite bathroom and turn on the shower hot enough the flames of hell would be jealous. The stale stench of sex from last night isn’t my most flattering perfume. It’s gotta go.
An hour later when I’m clean, exfoliated, and dressed in my chem-lab approved attire, I exit my room, ready for a large thermos of coffee.
The coffee pot is more than half-empty which isn’t surprising since my roommate would use a caffeine IV if it were possible.
I grab my Lilly Pulitzer thermos, ready to fill it to the brim with liquid heaven. “Morning, roomie.” The coffee spills over my hand when I jump and miss my mug. Thank god it’s not scalding hot, but it still hurts.
“Fuck.” I run cold water over the surface burn and glare at Kenzie. “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in class?”
“I can afford to skip one class. I couldn’t wait until the end of the day to talk to you. Give me all. The. Deets. What’s his name? Where’d you meet him? Was it a one night stand or should I bring out the wedding album? More importantly, was it good? Was he ya know?” She holds her hands about a foot apart and wiggles her brows.
Dammit. I thought I’d have more time to prepare. On the plus side, it’s obvious she didn’t see him leave this morning. “You can skip a class but I can’t skip my lab.” I shrug. “It’ll have to wait until later.”
“Ugh. I’ll walk you to class. Give me the basics at least.”
I eye my book bag sitting by the front door and grab it as I’m exiting the apartment with my best friend on my heels.
“All I’ll tell you is yes, the sex is incredible. He’s bigger than anyone else I’ve had. And I hope to see him again but it’s just sex. No strings, no relationship. I can’t afford to lose my head right now.”
“Except his head getting lost in your vag.”
I smack her and grimace. “Gross.” Though she has a point.
“You really won’t tell me anything else? Not even a name?” Shaking my head, I divert my gaze. I hate lying to her and keeping secrets from her.
“Oh my God.” My head snaps back to hers at her tone. She stares at me, her eyes squinty as she scrutinizes me. “You really like this guy don’t you?”
The problem with lying to your best friend is they know all of your tells. “I can’t like him right now.”
“I know that. Tell that to yourself.” She links her arm with mine and walks beside me for the rest of the way through campus.
As we part ways when we get to my building, she pulls back on my arm, stopping me. “It’ll be okay. Whatever it is and whatever happens, Hails, it’ll be okay. Trust that. I’ll see you later.” She struts away, leaving my mind spinning.
14
Hailey
I stare at my phone resting in my hand, the black screen taunting me in its silence. I want to see Chase tonight, but no way in hell will I reach out to him first when I adamantly refused a relationship. I’ll have to wait for him to message me.
“Bitch, it’s a Friday night, get your ass dressed. We’re going out and I won’t take no for an answer.”
“But there’s a John Hughes movie marathon on tonight.”
“There’s a John Hughes movie marathon on once a month. I don’t want to stay in and listen to you recite every word of The Breakfast Club for the millionth time. And I won’t leave you here to mope by yourself. Chop chop.” She claps her hands to enunciate the words as I roll off the plush sofa.
My feet carry me at a snail’s pace to my bedroom and into my large closet. I stand in the middle, surrounded by all my clothes, staring at my options and one hundred percent convinced I have nothing to wear.
“Are you ready yet?” It’s only ten o’clock so I don’t know why she’s on my case tonight. She storms into my room, exasperation dripping off of her.
“I have nothing to wear.” I plop down on the floor of my closet in full dramatic fashion.
“Wear your black ripped jeans with your black open-toe shoes; you know, the ones with the chunky heel. And pair it with…” She flips through my shirts, looking for inspiration. “Ooh, this shirt is perfect.” She holds it out for me to see.
It’s a shimmery, champagne-colored, backless tank top with a deep scoop neck. “Throw your hair into a power pony and you’re set.”
I comply because it’s easier than arguing with her.
She leaves me to get ready and rustles around in the kitchen. Fifteen minutes and a ton of noise later, she storms back in my room, two solo cups in her hands.
“Uber will be here in ten. Drink up.” I sniff the top of the cup before pinching my eyes closed and swallowing the contents in two big gulps. Vodka. Awesome.
I finish curling my hair before the booze kicks in and throw it up into a high, messy ponytail.
We down a few more shots and stumble our way to the Uber, bursting into fits of giggles along the way.
We bar hop through the city and I drown my sorrows in copious amounts of alcohol and dance like I’m freaking Beyoncé.
“I need to sit down!” I yell over the music
I wobble on unsteady heels into a secluded area of the club full of black leather couches. A dull throb racks through my feet, so as I plop down onto the edge of one sofa, I kick them out to relieve them of my weight.
Reaching into my black wristlet, I pull out my phone and squint at the bright screen. No messages. No notifications. Nothing. Dammit.
“Can I get you something to drink?” A cute blonde waitress with boobs up to her neck leans over with a tray in hand.
I’ve already drunk too much, but what the hell? “Long Island Iced Tea.” She scurries away but somehow returns in record time.
The drink is tall and strong, but that doesn’t stop me from downing it. The alcohol doesn’t even burn my throat anymore.
I pull open my texts and just so happen to see Chase’s name. I wonder what he’s up to tonight. My phone reads 1:47 in the morning but it’s a Friday night. Unless he’s with another woman, I’m sure he’s not busy.
Hailey: I want you to come over tonight and do dirty dirty things to me again.
I throw in a wink face for good measure so he knows I’m serious.
My lap starts vibrating—who knew the mere idea of Chase could have my crotch vibrating? I glance down. Oh. It’s just my phone.
I snatch the device with the excitement of a toddler getting an ice cream cone and open the new message.
Chase: Are you drunk?
Hailey: So what if I am? What will you do to me, Chase? Spank me?
“Hailey! There you are. Let’s get out of here. I’m wiped.” Kenzie grips my arm with a vice of death and tugs as hard as she can to pull me upright. I think she dislocates my shoulder. See? I can still say dislocate. I’m not drunk. “What the hell are you smiling about?”
I glance around and point to my chest. My best friend laughs at my expense. “Okay, someone’s had a little too much to drink. Let’s go.”
“You had just as much as me.”
“Maybe so, but I stopped drinking an hour ago, and it’s clear you haven’t.” She gestures to the empty glasses around me. Those aren’t all mine though. Are they? How long was I sitting here?
She helps me into the Uber and half carries me up the stairs to our apartment. I collapse onto our sofa, perfectly content to sleep here tonight.
“Hails, come on, I’ll help you to bed.”
“No. I need to wait by the door in case my booty call responds to my text.”
<
br /> “Oh honey, you didn’t.” Pity rings loud and clear in her voice, but I’m too drunk to care.
“Yes, I diiiiiid!” I sing at the top of my lungs. My inhibitions are nonexistent and I don’t have a care in the world.
◊◊◊
The aroma of coffee wafts up my nose, waking me from my slumber. My eyes open a crack, and I’m lucky to not be hungover. I’m having a hard time remembering the majority of last night.
My phone is on the floor, sticking out from under the couch face down. I grab it, roll onto my back, and see a text from Chase. I knew he’d message me eventually.
“You’re up early.” Kenzie leans over the couch looking bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
“The coffee called to me.” I sit up slowly, but I still feel fine. No nausea or headache, thank God. “Why am I on the couch?”
“Oh, you don’t remember? You had to wait for your booty call. Did he ever show?” No. You’ve got to be freaking kidding me.
My eyes are wide as I glance back at my phone and the missed text from Chase. He didn’t reach out to me first. I drunk texted him. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
With hesitance, I open the message as my nerves rattle inside me like spilt marbles.
Chase: Go to sleep, Red. We can talk spanking when you’re sober. ;)
Lord, if you’re listening, strike me dead.
“That bad, huh?” My grimace must give me away and my roommate can’t help but laugh at my expense.
“I may have suggested some light kink, but overall it could’ve been worse. I didn’t send any nudes so there must be a God.” I roll my eyes and cover my face with a pillow.
“Here. Drink up. I have to get to work and I don’t want to see you moping when I get back.”
“When’s your shift over?”
Chasing Red Page 10
