by Nora Blake
“You have friends besides me. You’re the social butterfly of Monmouth High.”
He laughed. “Don’t you ever refer to me as a butterfly again.”
I grinned and looked at him. “Okay, precious wittle butterfly.”
He threw his head back laughing. “You better be glad you’re a girl or I’d punch you for that.”
“You know I could take you,” I teased.
“Yeah, you and your whole two-foot-self.”
I laughed and kicked dirt at him. “Shut up, I’m not that short. I’m every bit of 5’5.”
His smile faded. “Who the hell am I gonna be able to shit talk like this with? You’re the only one who gets me or really knows me. Fuck, this sucks so bad. Life won’t be the same without my dirt queen.”
We didn’t say much after that. There weren’t words to express the pure suckiness of the move. We both knew the reality of it. We’d keep in touch, but it wouldn’t be the same.
He took my hand in his. His hand was rough, calloused from work on the Jenks’ Farm. He always worked summers there and sometimes on the weekends to save up for his own race car one day. I focused a moment on how small my hand was in his. He had never held my hand before.
He finally broke the silence. “Sarah?”
I looked at him, saw something different, or so I thought. Hoped, maybe. “Yeah?”
“I’m thinking of all the ways I can talk your parents out of this or just hold you hostage.”
I laughed, making him smile. “I wish.”
“One day we’ll be together again, and that is a hope I will forever hold onto. I mean it.”
I hoped he was right.
In that moment, I knew my heart would always belong to the tall guy with brown eyes and a smile that’d make you weak at the knees. But more than his good looks, he had a heart of gold and always made me feel like I mattered and was cared for.
“Always,” he promised again in a whisper, squeezing my hand.
I nodded. “Always.”
I jumped when my phone dinged, irritated at whoever rudely pulled me from a place I wanted to stay a little longer.
Kait: Want to hang out later?
Me: Can’t. Editing has taken over my life.
Kait: Booooooo. Fine.
I clicked to reopen Facebook and stared at his message, over analyzing it, of course. My heart fluttered in my chest.
Oh, geez. Get a fuckin’ grip, Sarah. It’s been eleven years … You’re twenty-seven, not sixteen.
Me: Who is this? I don’t know an Aaron.
Aaron: Okay, I deserve that. Now shut up and say hi.
We kept in touch for six months before he got a girlfriend and stopped talking to me. It wasn’t his fault, though. He did try to message me a few times, but I was stupid and mad he had a girlfriend. It wasn’t fair of me. Then I had a boyfriend, and when I told him with the intentions of hopefully making him jealous, we stopped talking for good.
Me: Okay, hi.
Just as I opened the pictures back up to work on them, hoping to busy my mind, I heard a ding.
Aaron: That’s better. So, you should come tonight. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you, and I heard you moved back. It’ll be good to catch up. Plus, I need you to explain why you haven’t contacted me since moving back. You’re in big trouble.
Me: Been a while? That’s putting it lightly. It’s been eleven years. And I’m in trouble? What exactly was I supposed to say to you, Aaron? When you go eleven years without talking to someone you kind of assume maybe you lost touch for a reason.
It killed me. Dammit, it hurt. I mean, the longer we spent not talking the less it hurt, but I never stopped thinking about him and missing our friendship.
Aaron: The only reason we lost touch is because we’re fuckin’ idiots.
He had a point, but he was married. Or at least, that’s what I had heard. I didn’t feel right contacting him. He had a life. Kids, even. Too much time had passed.
Me: I can’t argue with the idiot comment, but I can’t come to the races tonight. I have so much work to do, and I’m leaving on a trip with my mom in a few days.
About a year ago, he friended me on Facebook. We never said anything to each other, we were just like most of my “friends” on Facebook. Keeping up with each other through posts and pictures but not really interacting. I never knew how or what to say to him.
Aaron: Maybe after you get back?
Me: Maybe. It depends on how busy I am.
Aaron: It’s been a while, Sarah. I was just thinking about us and how close we were. I found the pact we wrote. Remember it?
Me: Lol, yeah. How could I forget. We promised each other “always”. Guess we screwed that up.
Aaron: Yeah…but maybe life’s giving us a second chance. I really would like to see you.
Me: …maybe when I get back to town, okay? I saw you’re married now, that’s great! Will I get to meet your wife too?
Aaron: When you get back sounds great!
I chewed on the inside of my cheek as I thought about mentioning his wife again, but maybe he avoided answering me for a reason. Was it wrong of me to hope that he avoided answering me because they were having problems?
Me: Remember I said maybe. I’m not committing to anything. LOL
Aaron: Got it, but this racetrack sure misses the hell out of you.
I laughed as I stared at his words. I missed it too. I missed him. I always thought racing would forever be a part of my life. That I’d always find myself on hot summer nights breathing dirt and exhaust into my lungs while cheering on my dad. Weeknights were always spent in the garage helping Dad on our race car, covered in grease, and having the time of our lives. Silly to some, but those moments were everything to me. But then life happened. Racing and Aaron quickly became a part of my past.
Honestly, I had been too busy to even think about racing until Aaron messaged me. Now I had a pull in my gut like the track was calling me. One night at the track with Aaron wouldn’t hurt. It’d be fun, and we could talk about some of the best times of our lives. It’d be great to see him doing well, all established and shit. So unlike me. I hated to admit that I was living in my parents’ basement. It was like a small apartment, my own little kitchen and all, but it was still their house, and I felt like a failure – the product of multiple major changes and not settling on what I want to do with my life.
I looked at the message again. It’d be nice to catch up. To make things less awkward, I could even invite my dad to come. I’m sure he’d love to reminisce, too.
I smiled a little as I started to type.
Me: Send me the date of the next race and time.
Aaron: I knew you couldn’t resist. I’ll send it as soon as I find out.
I stood and went to my small kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. While I waited for it to brew, I found my favorite Elton John playlist on Spotify and turned up the Bluetooth stereo that sat on the counter near the coffee maker. Caffeine and Elton always got my creative ass in gear. These pictures weren’t going to edit themselves, and after hearing from Aaron, my mind was nowhere near where it needed to be. It was at the racetrack, with the boy who stole my heart and never gave it back.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t stalk Aaron’s Facebook page every chance I got on the trip with Mom. I chalked it off as mentally preparing myself to see him after all these years, instead of being nosey. As far as I could tell, he was still married. There were pictures of him, his wife and kids, but nothing recent. They were all old photos according to the dates. He also didn’t have any recent status updates. So, what did that leave me with? Nothing. Absolutely nothing but unanswered questions.
Mom smiled at me as we headed to her car. “Maybe we should get another flight and go back?” She looked over her shoulder at the airport with longing eyes.
We could both easily be beach bums for the rest of our lives. Sand, tan skin, and the sound of waves every single day? Heaven on Earth.
“Dad may freak if you
don’t hurry back.”
She beamed. “I’ve missed him, but the beach …”
I laughed and stopped walking when we made it to her car. The car held every childhood memory of mine. She could never part with the old thing. Dad and her built it when they were dating. I often teased she loved the old robin’s egg blue, 1960 Volkswagen Bug more than me. We put our bags in the backseat and as soon as we were in, she let the top down. She always said if you own a convertible and the weather's nice, you’d be committing a sin if you didn’t let the top down—certified way to land yourself in hell.
“Mom?”
“Yeah?” She lowered her sunglasses to cover her eyes.
“I had so much fun. Thanks for taking me.”
She reached over and patted my knee. “Oh, honey, of course! Our mother-daughter trips are my favorite.”
I grinned. “Mine too.” I looked out the window, my short, dark hair whipping in the wind. I reached toward the dash for the ball cap she always kept there. It was my dad’s racing hat with his old number on it. Her good luck charm. I put it on my head and tucked my hair inside of it.
“Your dad tells me you asked him to go to a race with you. I’ve been meaning to ask you about that, but we were having so much fun I forgot.”
I nodded. “Remember Aaron Brown who I was friends with before we moved?”
“Oh, your crush!”
I rolled my eyes, but the corners of my mouth raised a little. This was the exact reason why I didn’t bring it up while we were on our trip. I was already thinking too much into this whole thing, and she’d make it worse. She meant well, though.
“Yes, him. Anyway, he contacted me and wants to catch up. He invited me to a race.”
“Wow. I haven’t seen or heard from him or his parents in so long! How are they?”
I shrugged. “No clue. I’m guessing I’ll find out when I go to the race.”
“When is it?”
“Not this weekend, but the next. I asked Dad to go because I’m sure he’d love to see everyone again, too. We were all so close. You can come too, if you want.”
“No, I’ve gotten time with you for a whole week. I’ll let your dad enjoy some time with you, too.”
I nodded and rested my head against the headrest. I needed to stop thinking into this Aaron thing so much. A first love and a best friend I lost contact with was all he needed to be so I didn’t get hurt. My mind didn’t need to go where it was trying to go. There shouldn’t be a hidden agenda or anything beyond my reason for agreeing to meet up with him. It’d be good to catch up and be at the races again. It’d be good to be friends again. But … what if his wife didn’t allow us to be friends? What if she could read my mind and know where my mind goes when I lose control of it? What if … I stopped myself from thinking anymore. I dug around in my large purse and found the book I had started reading at the first part of our trip. I opened it and began to read, busying my mind with wizards and the fight for the greater good.
CHAPTER THREE
Aaron
I was disappointed in myself for not winning the race, but my mind wasn’t in it like it should’ve been. All I could seem to focus on was everything else in my life that didn’t seem to be going my way. First there was the pending divorce, only getting to see my kids every other weekend, and now the fact that Sarah didn’t show up to the race when she said she would. Everything I shouldn’t be thinking about while driving in a race. I climbed out of my car and groaned as I saw Nick hurrying over. I’m sure he was ready to yell at me for the stupid mistakes I made on the track.
You hit the brakes too much. You over corrected. What the hell were you thinking when you didn’t close in on number ten? I could hear him now.
I held my hand up. “Before you say anything, I know I need to do better.” I unstrapped my helmet and took it off.
To my surprise he shrugged like it was no big deal. “It’s been a while, I expected you to suck!” he teased as I handed him the helmet. He cuffed my shoulder and motioned his head toward a crowd of people. “She got here near the end.”
If it weren’t for Facebook, I wouldn’t have recognized her. We were older now, not the goofy awkward teens from back in the day. Her once long brown hair that always stayed in a ponytail pulled through the back of her hat was now cut short with loose waves, falling just below her chin—still just as beautiful. She stood with her dad who was talking to a group of men his age. She started looking around until she saw me. She waved a little before putting her hand back in the pocket of her cut-off shorts. Her tan legs caught my attention until my eyes found hers again. Her cheeks were a little red against her sun-kissed skin.
My brother and I made our way through the crowd of people toward her. I couldn’t help but grin as I came to stand in front of her. I thought I had forgotten how to smile like that. “I’m glad you could make it.” Her eyes had the slightest specks of gold in them, and I wondered how the hell I missed that in the past.
I kept the words that really wanted to spill out at bay.
Why didn’t you stay in touch?
Do you realize I’ve never stopped thinking about you?
What the hell were we thinking not figuring out a way to talk over the years?
What the hell was my problem?
I loved you back then, did you know that? And I’m pretty sure I never stopped.
She stepped away from her dad and inclined her head to look up at me. “Damn, you got taller.” She looked at Nick. “Both of you did.”
Nick laughed. “Yeah, people tend to do that as they get older. What was I? Like eight the last time you saw me?”
“Nine,” I corrected.
“Oh yeah …” Nick laughed as he looked her up and down. “I guess some people don’t grow taller as they get older.”
“I grew an inch or two … maybe.” She smiled and my heart beat faster. “Short or not, I could lay your ass out if I wanted to.” She hasn’t changed a bit.
“I’m so glad to have you back around so you can pick on me like old times. Just beware, I bite back.” He hugged Sarah while laughing, then waved at someone in the distance. “I’ll catch up with you two later. It’s great to see you again, Sarah!” He left and went in the direction of a group of his buddies.
“He’s still a mess I can see.” She looked up at me.
“Worse, actually.”
She laughed a little. “Sorry I was late. My photoshoot went longer than I had anticipated.” She was nervously fidgeting with the Apple watch on her left wrist. She looked around and then at me again. “Do I give you a hug, fist bump, high five? Shit, I’m being so awkward right now.” She smacked her forehead.
I laughed and pulled her into a hug. “It’s good to see you, Dirt Queen,” I whispered against her hair. “And you’re still a munchkin.”
She hesitated but hugged me back, and then pulled away before I was ready to. “Still spittin’ short jokes, I see,” she chortled. “So, how’ve you been?”
I shrugged. “I’m alive so that’s a plus. How ‘bout you?”
“Same. It’s hard being an adult.” Sarah looked over her shoulder when her dad came walking over.
He put his arm around her shoulders and held his hand out to me. “Aaron Brown. It’s been a while.” He looked the same as he did years ago, except for his peppered hair and beard.
I shook his hand. “It has. A long while. It’s good to see you both here.”
"Where's your wife and kids? You’re married, right? Sarah mentioned you were."
Sarah's face reddened as she looked at her dad.
I frowned a little. “Actually, no. The kids are good, though. Growing like crazy.”
Mr. Stone nodded. "Sorry to hear that. Thanks for getting Sarah and I back to the track tonight. But what the hell are you doin’ losing? We're gonna have to work on that!" He chuckled and turned toward Sarah. "I'm gonna go finish catching up. Damn, it's good to be back!" He hurried over to the group of men he was talking to.
Sarah lo
oked mortified. "I'm so sorry he asked that."
“It’s not a big deal, I promise. It’s all complicated, but I’d rather not talk about it. I’m glad you came tonight. Even if I sucked.”
She laughed, looking more at ease. "Can't win em' all, right?" She winked, reminding me of the times I used to tell her that when her dad lost. She looked over her shoulder at her dad, then at me. "He's happy to be here. After we moved, life got too busy for racing. When we moved back, he talked about getting back into it, and Mom freaked out. She said with his age she worried about him getting hurt."
“Well, maybe he can give me a few tips. I’ve been out of it for a bit myself. I’m rusty.”
"He'd love that."
“So, you’re into photography?”
She raised a brow but kept an amused grin on her face. “Someone’s been snooping.”
I held up my fingers, leaving a small space between my thumb and index finger. “Maybe a little.”
"It's more of a side job than a real job. I haven't done anything amazing with my life yet. I actually work at a vape shop.”
“Oh, yeah? Which one?”
“309 Vapors. It’s in Galesburg.”
“That’s cool. I’ve heard it’s a nice place.”
“Yeah, it is, as far as a vape store goes. My late twenties look nothing like I pictured them when I was younger."
I laughed. “Do any of ours really look like they did back then? Hell, I planned on being a Nascar racer.”
She burst into laughter. "And I was gonna paint your car hot pink!"
