by Ward, H. M.
Black’s words bounce around in my mind. In a few moments I realize what they mean—Sean doesn’t want me. He rejected me. Worry pinches my face as I wonder what I did. Why would he say no? The other night, everything seemed perfect. I don’t understand why he would do this. I thought he liked me.
There’s a knock on my door. Amanda’s voice makes me jump. “I have your next selection here.” She opens the door and hangs the dress on a hook. When she turns to look at me, her smile falls. “Are you all right? You look ill.”
“I’m fine,” I manage to choke out. Pushing away the feelings bombarding me, I plan to fake my way through the rest of the night. I hand her the dress that made me look flat and pull this one on. It’s deep blue with silver stitching along the hem. There’s a thin belt at the waist and a neckline that dips into a deep V. The skirt hugs my hips before it flares at the thigh. It’s sexy and cute, all in one dress.
Zombie-like, I wander into the center of the store and show the dress. There’s a fake smile plastered on my face. Mel and Marty both gasp when I walk out. It’s a good sign.
Marty speaks first, “That is the dress, like the fuck-me-three-ways-til-Tuesday dress.”
Amanda blinks, like she’s never heard a crass word before.
“Will you shut up, Fifty Shades of Gay, and let her show us the dress!” Mel says to Marty, and hops up to look at me. “Spin around, honey. Show off your stuff.” I turn slowly, palms raised while they look me over. “You look hot, Avery. I agree with the drama queen over there. You have to get this one. It’s perfect. Sean will love it.”
I swallow hard and keep the smile on my face. “It’s not for Sean.”
“What?” they say in unison.
Marty looks at Amanda and flicks his hand while he talks, “Go get us sparkling waters, honey.” Amanda smiles and walks off. No doubt she’s going to spit in his. Marty and Mel flank me. We look in the mirror as we talk in hushed voices. “What happened? How do you know?”
“I got a call while I was in the dressing room. Sean declined.”
Mel’s eyes go wide and she looks at Marty who is uncharacteristically silent. Mel takes over. She slips her hand around my waist and says, “To hell with him, then. You don’t need him, Avery. He was eye candy. A crush. Nothing more. I’ll help you pick out a new guy, someone better.”
Marty eyes her. “You too? Is the whole school whoring, now?”
Mel goes on the defense. She folds her arms over her chest and narrows her eyes. “You got a problem with that?”
“No,” Marty says, almost whining, “I feel left out.”
That makes me laugh. It caught Mel off guard too and she snorts so loud that she sounds like a pig. We both stare at her. “Like you expected him to say that?” I shake my head. “Where’d you find this basket of gay, anyway?”
“He’s my lab partner,” I respond, waiting to see what Marty does about the gay accusation, but he just glosses over it. I wonder what’s going through his head. The last time I assumed I knew something about someone from the way they looked, well, it didn’t go well. It turns out that the woman wasn’t pregnant. Since then, I don’t blurt things out like that.
“That was witty,” Marty says, pressing his hand to his chin and examining Mel like he’s never seen her before. “I like what you did there.” The two of them chatter and I look at the dark blue dress knowing that some other guy will be taking it off of me. I swallow hard and walk back to the dressing room to take it off. This is the dress that will be on me when I solve my financial problems. This is the dress that some guy will remove from me the night I lose my virginity.
Several hundred dollars later, I’m leaving the swank little shop with a new dress and silk shoes. It cost a good chunk of the money I earned with Sean, but it’s necessary to do whoever’s next. After we walk outside, I put the things in my car.
“Let’s go grab a bite to eat,” Marty says.
“Sounds good to me,” Mel replies.
Marty claps like he’s five and yells, “Shotgun!” This is a major turn of events, since he rode to the store with me. Mel met up with us and brought her car. Glancing at me he says, “No offense hun, but your car scares the glitter out of me.”
“None taken,” I say. “Listen, I’m going to run an errand and head back. I’m not really hungry, yet. Late lunch.” I’m lying, but neither one calls me on it. I wave and duck into my car.
I have to pick up my last paycheck from my previous employer. By the time I get there, it’s dark outside. The sun sets so early at this time of year. My sweater doesn’t do much to keep the chill away. I need to buy a coat. My mother would have yelled at me for wearing something so thin. God, I miss her. On chilly nights like this, she’d be cooking chicken noodle soup. Bread would have been baking in the oven all day, filling the house with that wonderful aroma. Memories like that sneak up on me at the worst times. I sit in my car for a moment, trying to push the past away.
Moving fast, I jog across the parking lot and walk into the front of the restaurant. There’s a line of people waiting to be seated. A man is talking to the hostess. There’s a beautiful woman on his arm. She has deep brown hair with a hint of red. A black dress clings to her curvy body. I envy her for a moment, wishing that I had curves like that.
“Hey, Stacy,” I say as I approach the hostess. “I just need to pick up my check.”
“Sure, but they weren’t ready when I came in. You might have to wait for it.”
I nod, intending to walk past her. I’m dressed like a bum, with tight jeans and my holey sweater. I stand out like a stripper in a preschool. A chill washes over me as I’m about to pass her. The guy at the podium turns. His blue eyes lock with mine and I freeze in place.
Sean.
We stare at each other for half a beat. Sean’s wearing a black suit that fits him so well. It shows off his shoulders and his trim frame. The shirt he’s wearing is the color of the night sky, perfectly blue—dark like my new dress. A chill encases my heart, as it tries to climb up my throat. I can’t do anything but stare.
The girl on his arm, leans in close, possessively. “Is there a problem?” she snaps.
I blink and shake my head. I hate her. I hate everything about her. I want to rip her face off. My fingers flex at my sides as I think about it, but I’d rather Sean didn’t know how hung up I am on him. “No ma’am,” I say, knowing ma’am pisses off anyone under thirty years old. “Your table will be ready in a moment.”
I shoulder my way past them, leaving Sean staring after me.
I get to the back room and find Lenny’s office. He’s my boss, or he was until Miss Black stole me away. “Hey,” I say, my heart still racing from seeing Sean. “Is my check ready?”
“Yeah. I just finished. Here it is. I hope you come back, if you ever need a job again. You’re a good kid.” Lenny hands me my check. He’s an older guy with gray stubble on his face. His white hair is thin and flops to one side. He reminds me of my dad when he isn’t screaming at the staff.
I nod, fingering the check. “I will. Thanks for everything.”
“No problem, Avery.”
I smile at him and leave the office. I head through the kitchen and get enough dirty looks to last a lifetime, but I have to get to the back door. There is no way I’m leaving through the front. I’m lucky I maintained my composure the first time. If I see Sean again, I’ll go nuts.
I leave through the receiving door and walk around the parking lot, back to my car. The parking lot is well lit, but there are still patches of shadow. I eye my car and hurry, walking fast, rubbing my arms to try and keep warm. A jacket is definitely a priority. When I get to my car, I stuff my check in the glove box and grab a can of ether. I lift the hood and hold it up while I spray, holding my breath so that I don’t breathe it in.
“Miss Smith,” a familiar voice says behind me.
25
“It’s a wonderful night for a spray-start car,” Sean says. Startled, I flinch and the can of ether goes flying.
It smacks into my windshield, chipping it, before rolling down into the engine. Sean reaches under the hood and grabs the can. “A bit jumpy, are we?”
“Yes, I am,” I say, snatching the can from him, after I drop the hood. “When strange guys come up to me, things never end well.” I try to walk past him to get in my car, but he doesn’t move. When I look up into his face, I’m angry. “Better get back to your new hooker. She didn’t seem like a patient woman, if you ask me.”
“I didn’t ask you,” he says with confidence that I’ve never felt.
“Real nice. You scared the crap out of me and cracked my windshield. Unless you plan on robbing me, go away.” I fold my arms over my chest and look anywhere but at Sean. The parking lot is fairly empty. It’s dinnertime and the place is packed. It’s always packed.
“What would I take? That dress you have in the backseat—”
“Tell me what you want or go away,” I say. My nails are biting through my sweater and into my skin. I lock my jaw, trying so hard to keep from saying something stupid.
“Is that dress for your next lover?”
“It’s not for you, if that’s what you’re asking.” I’m bristling. I don’t mean to. I don’t want to, but I can’t stop. Sean has my blood pumping and my body just reacts.
Sean’s eyes flick over me, like he’s amused. “I don’t wear dresses, although I appreciate the thought.”
“Let me in my car,” I hiss and drop my hands to my sides. He’s blocking the door.
“What will you do if I say no?” His eyes sparkle, like he thinks this is funny.
I lean in close to his face. A twisted smile snakes across my lips as I speak. “I’ll take your nuts off and then run you over with my car.”
Sean flinches and steps away from the door. I push past him, brushing his shoulder and fighting the urge to throw myself into his arms. I’m so messed up. He’s on a date with a hooker and I still want him. How many times was I dropped on my head as a baby? There’s no way that this is normal. I sit down hard in the driver’s seat and yank the door shut.
Sean leans on the door, resting his hands on the roof. He speaks into the open window. “You’re beautiful when you’re angry.”
“Go to hell.” I turn the key in the ignition and the car backfires and rumbles to life. God, could this be worse? Is he here to taunt me? I don’t get it. I throw the car into reverse and rev the engine, ready to peel out, but his words stop me.
“I would have rather had you.” Sean straightens and turns to walk away. His hands are in his pockets as he strolls back toward the restaurant.
The car sputters and stalls. I stopped feeding the engine gas without realizing it. I throw the car into park and jump out. “Wait!” Sean stops and turns around to look at me. There’s a golden glow on his head from the light above. His hands are in his pockets and there’s a faint smile on his lips.
I leave my car where it is and run the three steps toward him. “What do you mean?”
Sean looks me over like I inhaled too many fumes. “You are my preference.”
I stare at him like I’ve been hit in the head with a board. “Then why did you tell Miss Black no?”
Something flashes behind his eyes, but it fades quickly. He tries to conceal it by looking down and pushing a rock with his shoe. “I shouldn’t have,” he confesses.
“Then fix it.” Heart beating too hard, I stare at him.
Sean’s gaze lifts and meets mine. “I am under the impression that it’s not the kind of thing that I can fix.”
“If you don’t want me, I suppose I can screw someone else—” I turn from Sean, but he grabs my wrist and pulls me back.
“I never said I don’t want you.” He flips open his phone and dials. I stare at him. Someone picks up. “I’ve changed my mind,” he says without any introduction. “Yes, Miss Stanz. I want her delivered to my doorstep wearing nothing but a bow tomorrow night.” He hangs up before the person can respond. His eyes are locked on mine the entire time. “Is that plain enough?”
Giddy hope flutters inside of me. I’m so fucked up. Why do I like this guy? He’s on a date with a hooker. He ordered me on the phone. He wants me naked, in a bow.
“Maybe.” I try to hide my smile, but suck at it. I rub my arms, trying to chase away the chill.
Sean takes off his jacket and places it over my shoulders. “Come inside and have dinner with us.”
All sorts of nervous energy snake through me. I twist my hands and say, “With you and your hooker? I’m not into threesomes. I know it’s not on my list yet, but I’m pretty sure I’m not into that.”
“How do you know if you haven’t tried?” His voice is light, teasing. He grins at me.
“Because I’m possessive. I don’t share.”
Sean looks down and then up again. The movement makes my stomach feel like it’s floating away with my brains. Those dark lashes are delicious. “I like that. I don’t share, either. The woman is my accountant. We were going over some records this evening. I didn’t think I’d see you again, but I’m glad I did. Come inside.”
I shake my head and look back at my car. It’s halfway out of the parking spot. “I can’t. I mean, I shouldn’t. Black would be pissed if she found out about it.” And you act so hot and cold, that I feel like I have whiplash.
The way his eyes devour me makes me weak. Somehow Sean manages to get close to me. Before I know it, Sean’s rubbing his finger over my arm, gently. He looks at me from under his lashes, and says, “Please.”
I melt. How can I refuse him? He sees it in my face. I offer up one last halfhearted protest. “But, I’m not dressed for it.”
He takes my hand, “I don’t care.” Sean pulls me to his chest and wraps his arms around me. The way he looks down at me makes me shiver. Desire flames to life inside of me. “I wish I could kiss you.” His lips barely brush mine as he speaks. It’s a cruel trick, a kiss without kissing.
“Maybe, someday.”
This makes him smile.
26
I sit at the table in my tattered jeans and oversized sweater, feeling out of place. When I look up from my plate, Sean’s eyes are on me. He explained to his accountant that I was an old friend and that I’d be joining them for dinner. Her eyes sweep over me before giving me a look that says she thinks I’m no threat. Whatever. She can take her perfect body and shove it. Besides, all Sean’s attentions are directed at me.
Dayla has a tablet on the table, where she presses buttons, asking Sean to clarify expenses. “You can’t take a deduction on that Sean.”
“I wouldn’t have come here if the damn merger went through.” Sean says, ripping off a piece of bread from the loaf on the table. “The additional trip isn’t an expense?”
She sighs, “Your private jet isn’t an expense. I need the fuel bill when you get back, along with these other papers.” Her eyes flick to me. “Can you believe him? He avoids New York at all costs and then spends money like it’s water when he finally gets here.”
I have no idea who Sean is, why he’s avoiding New York, or the reason for the sudden spending spree. I just smile politely and say, “Yeah, Sean’s always pissed away money like a drunk sailor when he hits the Big Apple.”
Sean grins at me. Dayla rolls her eyes. “It wouldn’t be so bad if he told me what some of these expenses were. Like this one. What cost you $8,000 last weekend?”
Sean’s eyes remain amusedly locked on mine. My stomach flutters. “Entertainment,” he says.
It takes me a moment, but I realize what he spent that money on. That was the down payment for me. Sean sees the comprehension in my eyes and winks at me, while Dayla has her eyes glued to her tablet. Excitement flutters through me and I smile awkwardly.
Dayla looks up and says, “I need more information, Sean. Honestly, how am I supposed to be your accountant if you don’t tell me specifics? I need specifics.” She glances at me, looking for help.
I lean back in my chair and say, “I’m not getting involved. He’s
your client. You fix him.”
She laughs lightly and gives me an “if only” look. “God bless the woman that brings him to his senses.”
Sean doesn’t look phased, but his eyes shift between us, like it worries him. He cuts our conversation short. “Unless there are more questions, we need to be on our way.”
“Nothing you didn’t already avoid telling me.” Her pretty face pinches as she scrolls through her tablet, shaking her head.
Sean stands and says, “Do the best you can. I don’t expect you to find a way to deduct, claim, or mark everything as an expense.” She nods slowly, like her mind is still reeling from the meeting. “Please, take your time. I’ll take care of the bill.”
“Email me a copy,” she insists. “This was a working meal.”
Sean nods and heads to the front. I don’t know why I didn’t see him when I was working here. I would have remembered him. “Do you come here a lot?” I ask.
“No, why?” He tells the hostess that he’d like to settle his bill with the waiter. She rushes off to find him. Sean turns back to me, waiting for an answer.
“I worked here, until a few days ago.”
He grins at me. “You got a better job, I hear. One with benefits.”
I laugh, “Benefits for you, maybe.”
“Miss Smith, you dismiss me too quickly. I assure you this arrangement will benefit both parties.” The hostess returns with our waiter. Sean’s eyes rake over me, openly admiring my body. I look away, unable to process what’s happening. We just had dinner. That’s all. We ate. Pull yourself together, Stanz.
Sean settles the bill and gives the waiter a big enough tip to render him speechless. His jaw drops as Sean walks away with me on his arm.
The nippy night air blasts me in the face as soon as we’re outside. I shiver and try to race toward my car, but Sean grabs my wrist. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“Home, lunatic. I’m not supposed to be with you right now.”
“Says who?”
