by J. R. Ward
“I was not looking for anyone.” She shook her head. “My husband and I married young. I was very career focused back then, keeping my own name, determined to go far in the law. Basile was very handsome and looking for a wife. As they say, the days were long, the years short, with two kids, two careers. Eventually, I knew he was having affairs, and I found out about his then current one because one night, I followed him to a ‘work event.’ ” She did the air quotes around the words. “I can remember sitting in my car and watching him escort this woman into the restaurant. Oddly, I knew the marriage was over because I didn’t feel anything. There was nothing. Here.” She paused as she rubbed over her heart. “We have two beautiful children. Elle and Terrie are the best thing to come out of those nineteen years together. But I knew Basile didn’t love me anymore, if he ever had. I knew I didn’t love him anymore, if I ever had. And truly, he’s not a bad man. He’s just… who he is—and I know this all sounds detached, but I spent too many years angry. I’m not doing it anymore.”
“That sounds healthy,” Qhuinn said softly.
“Luke was the one who helped me see it that way. We would have coffee after class. He was a total gentleman. He never… he never took things further than that, and neither did I. But that time with him, it changed me. After the class was finished, we continued to meet at restaurants or libraries. We would talk for hours and I lied to my husband about where I was. I told him I was taking another class. I’m not proud of that, but I knew what he was doing on his own time. I guess that made it… easier.”
Anna Sophia smoothed the handkerchief on her knee. “It went on for a year. Until I told Luke I was getting a divorce. I’d finally decided to talk to my husband and just… be real about where we were. Basile put up a fight, but not for long. I think he was relieved? It was hard on us to keep pretending everything was okay in front of our girls.” She looked up sharply. “I told Luke I had no expectations about him and me. I didn’t need rescuing. He seemed surprised by my announcement, but we set another date for a week later… I waited for two hours at the restaurant. He never showed up.”
“When was this?”
“It was August. Three and a half years ago.”
Qhuinn looked at Blay. The raids, he thought as his mate nodded back.
“It wasn’t like Luke. I phoned him. Several times. But I never heard back. No texts, no calls. That was it… I figured I spooked him. That I was good enough when I was uncomplicated, but two kids? Newly divorced single mom? Too much.” Her eyes dropped back to the handkerchief. “The next day, I became convinced that something had happened to him. I had no idea where to find him other than his phone, though. I called St. Francis Hospital, feeling like a stalker, a paranoid stalker. They could tell me nothing. I searched the papers and the news. Nothing. But it turns out… I was right, wasn’t I. Something had happened.”
“I’m so sorry.” Qhuinn cursed as he heard his words in the tense air. “That’s so fucking lame to say, though.”
“What else can anyone do?” Her sad stare lifted again. “And I return the sentiment. I’m sorry for your loss as well.”
They held eyes for a long moment, and in the mutual mourning, there was again that strange relief to know that his suffering was not solitary—although that was bullshit, wasn’t it. Everybody back at the mansion, and Blay, as the male sat beside him, was grieving. But it was different for him.
Different for this woman, too.
“How exactly did it happen?” she asked. “His death, I mean. You said it was natural causes. Was it a heart attack? A stroke?”
For a moment, Qhuinn felt like he did owe her the full truth. But then the species divide reared its proverbial head. How the hell could he explain Lash, and the Omega, and the Lessening Society? And as for the details of what Luchas had chosen to do? He was going to spare her them.
“His heart gave out,” Qhuinn said. “His heart… just stopped.”
Anna Sophia pressed the handkerchief into her face for a minute. When she lowered her hands, her eyes were even more bloodshot.
“He brought so much to my life.” She shook her head. “And then after he was gone… I just became so lost and I haven’t cared about much since then. I am ashamed of my failures with my girls, but I can’t seem to resurrect myself. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I did need rescuing.”
Qhuinn reached into his jacket. “I have some things he asked me to give you.”
Anna Sophia stiffened. And then she breathed in on a gasp as he leaned forward with the three letters and the little ball of tissue and Scotch tape.
“These are for you,” he said.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
An abiding sense of peace and completion came over Qhuinn as the woman took the letters and the little present. At first, she just held on to them. And then she looked at each one in turn.
“Where did these come from?” she murmured.
“He hid them.” When she glanced up, he rephrased. “Saved them. For you. At the time of his death, he was working to get to a place where he could present them to you personally, but he never… I don’t believe he ever got there. And I’m truly sorry for the delay. I didn’t actually find all this myself until very recently.”
In the quiet that followed, while she took the time to examine each of the envelopes and the tightly wound ball, he imagined the Luchas she had known, strong and tall, handsome and well-spoken, a male in his prime.
“I’m scared about what is in these.” She glanced up. “Will you stay while I open them?”
“Of course we will.”
“Is there an order to them?”
“I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
She nodded. And then she carefully opened one of the envelopes. Extracting the letter, she lifted the single fold of creamy high-quality stationery. As she absorbed the words intended for her, her eyes went back and forth slowly.
Her tears dropped onto her jeans.
That was the way of it. One after the other, she read each of the three letters, her eyes moving faster and faster. When she finished the last one, she sat back. The tissue paper ball was in her hand, but she seemed to have forgotten everything around her.
Qhuinn didn’t move. Neither did Blay.
He wasn’t sure any of the three of them were breathing.
And then the words, so soft, so sad… and yet wondrous, too.
“He loved me,” she whispered. “He said he loved me, and only me.”
Her eyes rose, and they were luminous with complex emotion.
Qhuinn nodded at her. “Yes, he did. And I’m glad.”
“He said he would have married me if he could have.” She frowned. “But the writing is different on this one. Was this right as he was having the heart attack?”
“May I?”
When she gave him the letter, once again it was a shock to see that handwriting of his brother’s—but she was right. The script was messy. And the letter was short.
Qhuinn imagined it had been written as the lessers had stormed the house. Had Luchas been hearing the screams of their parents, their sister, their doggen, as he scribbled this all? And the message was plainly stated. He loved Anna Sophia Laval and he had decided to tell his parents that he was going to be with her, if she would have him.
If he survived the attack, Qhuinn tacked on to himself.
But that was not to be—and not because their mahmen and father would not allow him.
It was the start of the nightmare.
Yet it was good to know that Luchas had broken free of their upbringing, just as Qhuinn had. Maybe duress and the threat of death had done it, but in the end, he had chosen love over heritage—and Qhuinn was choosing to believe that the conviction would have stuck if the family had survived.
“This is beautiful,” Qhuinn said as he returned the letter to its owner.
Anna Sophia took the missive back… and then her hand dipped under the collar of her sweater. As she pulled out a gold cross, he thought of his little grapefr
uit session with Lassiter.
“You know what,” he murmured, “I personally believe that love is immortal, that love abides even after death. And I know that Luchas is up in Heaven, and he’s waiting for you there. At the end of your course, I believe you and he will be reunited.”
Because the fallen angel who watched over the Fade was going to have it no other way.
Her eyes shimmered. “Thank you for saying that.”
“Will you open his gift to you? You don’t have to, but—”
“Oh, yes.”
She tucked the letters under her hip, and struggled with the Scotch tape and the tissue. When she got the tangle free, she gasped.
And held out a ring as if she couldn’t believe what she was looking at and needed a good second opinion.
It was a diamond solitaire of good size. Two or three karats. Set in a modern setting that had to be platinum. Simple, beautiful… a symbol of enduring love.
Qhuinn didn’t recognize the piece. It wasn’t one that their mahmen had owned.
“That’s an engagement ring,” he said. Like an idiot.
“Is it for me?” As if she were in the same state of shock he was.
And then he realized something about the ring. You didn’t go out and buy something like that while there were slayers in your house, murdering everybody. Hell, given its size and the way it sparkled, even in low light? You didn’t just waltz out and pick it up at the local mall.
This was an important ring. One that had been chosen with care, over time, and with consideration, for which a tremendous amount of money had been spent.
So Luchas had made his mind up before the raids, before that night.
As that math added up, Qhuinn felt a tremendous swell of pride toward his brother.
“Do you…” Anna Sophia looked worried. “Do you need this back? It’s very expensive.”
“I’m sorry, what—oh, no. That’s yours. My brother clearly bought it for you.”
“Are you sure?”
“Never surer about anything in my life.” Well, except his love for Blay and his young.
Anna Sophia sat back and stared at the ring. Then she slipped it on the fourth finger of her left hand. “I wish he were here.”
“Me, too.”
“Is it wrong…”
“Is what wrong?”
“I’m glad that he didn’t just… forget me.” She looked around the apartment. “I have felt… forgotten. By my husband over the last decade of our marriage. By Luke. Especially by Luke. I loved him, too, you see. But… you’re not supposed to care what others think of you, right. Others are not supposed to define us.”
The last sentence was said with resignation, as if it were something she had been trying to convince herself of—with little success.
A sudden fear had Qhuinn leaning forward. “Anna Sophia, I know you don’t know me—”
“But I do. You’re Luke’s brother.”
“Well, then, please listen to me. You have things to live for on this side. There’s no reason to rush… seeing your Luke again. There’s time for that. Much later.”
It was a relief when she nodded. “You are very right. I have my two daughters. And God knows, I haven’t done enough for them lately.”
And Luchas had you, Qhuinn thought. He just didn’t trust your love was strong enough to handle his physical suffering.
Qhuinn reached forward and took the woman’s hand, the one that bore his brother’s ring. “Luke will be waiting for you, at the end of what I hope for you is a very long life. You’re in your middle, though. Not at your end. So you must stay here with your children and carve out your life—now knowing that you were loved by a male of great worth.”
He squeezed her hand and then sat back again. At which point Anna Sophia splayed her fingers out. As she considered the ring, her face was cast in shadows of sadness, but there was a light in her eye that had not been there before.
“Thank you,” she said. “This gives me closure that I needed. I don’t want him to have passed, and I hate that he died so young. But I am… this is more than I could ever have hoped for. So thank you.”
Qhuinn smiled a little. “It’s helped me, too. Just doing this… makes me feel like I’ve done something for him.”
Anna Sophia smiled back at him. Then she grew serious. “I’m never going to see you again, am I.”
For a moment, Qhuinn considered lying. “No, you’re not.”
And yet he wasn’t going to take her memories. It felt important that she remember this just as much as he did, as if they were in a pact together that swore to the one thing that mattered most to him in this moment: He had honored his brother’s last request.
Which had been a beautiful, bittersweet one.
“I’m leaving town,” Qhuinn explained.
“Sometimes a fresh start is best.” She looked at the ring. Looked at him. “I’m not going to sell this. Ever. Don’t worry about that.”
Qhuinn nodded. “Wear it in good health. And think of him every time you see the sparkle.”
Anna Sophia curled her hand in. “I think I’ll put it in a really safe place for a while. It would be hard to explain to my girls. But maybe later…”
“The future is yours to decide.”
They all stayed where they were for a little while, and then Qhuinn took Blay’s hand and they got to their feet. Anna Sophia stood up, too, and tilted her head to one side.
“Is this your husband?” she asked.
“Ah, we don’t call it—he’s my partner, yes.”
“You two look like you fit together.”
Qhuinn blinked as a realization hit him hard. And then he slowly turned his head toward his mate.
“We do,” he heard himself say. “We do fit together.”
CHAPTER FORTY
As they arrived back at the mansion, Blay was the one who went into the vestibule first, and after he stepped through the heavy outside door, he put his face up to the security camera. Almost immediately, the door was opened by Fritz.
“Sires, you have returned! And there is still time for First Meal, come, come!”
The butler seemed concerned as he inched back. Then again Qhuinn’s absence at meals had been well noted by everyone—and the butler had a lot in common with Blay’s mahmen: People needed to eat good, home-cooked food. Or they were in danger of expiring on the spot.
Blay opened his mouth to placate the doggen with an order of room service, but Qhuinn spoke up.
“Let’s go in,” he said. “And see everybody.”
“Your place settings are awaiting you!” Fritz clapped his hands like he was giving a rousing round of applause. “Come, come this way.”
Like they hadn’t eaten at that big table before. Like the huge room, with all the food, was a mystery when it came to its purpose.
Then again, Qhuinn seemed like he was in a daze as they walked over to the archway, and Blay was of a mind to suggest they bail—except then there was a lull in conversation as their presence registered: People paused in the consumption of their eggs and bacon, forks going still in the mid-rise from plates of food, coffee cups hitting saucers too loudly, jaws halting from chewing.
There was a quick recovery, however, the assembled throwing themselves back into the eating thing, trying to pretend that they weren’t worried and relieved all at the same time. Qhuinn, on the other hand, seemed to be in a complete stupor.
Their two seats, next to Xcor and Layla and the twins, had indeed been left vacant, and Blay made sure Qhuinn sat closest to the young. It seemed like a good sign that he greeted both Lyric and Rhamp with smiles and murmured words, but he didn’t take either of them into his lap.
Then again, the pile of calories on a porcelain plate that was presented to him was nearly as big as the mountain they were all on.
Blay’s plate was no shorter when it came to macros.
Qhuinn picked up his fork. But he didn’t eat. He just pushed things around, and Blay felt compelled to leaned
back and mouth an It’s okay to their co-parents because Xcor and Layla looked really concerned.
And he supposed, considering it all, things were okay. Qhuinn had closed the circle with his brother’s final request, and it had been… sad, but lovely.
A secret love. A human. A break with tradition.
It made Blay respect Luchas even more.
Still, it was no wonder Qhuinn was rattled. And hey, he had made the effort to come here for the first time since—
Qhuinn jumped up with such force, his chair went flying backwards. As the thing bounced off the carpet and rattled across the bare floor, everyone went shocked-silent—as Blay wrenched around on his own seat.
Reaching up, he stammered, “What, what whatwhat—”
Was his mate having an aneurysm? At least Manny and Doc Jane were across the—
Qhuinn’s chest was pumping up and down as he dropped to the carpet.
“Medic!” Blay called out as he reached toward Doc Jane. “He’s going over!”
“I don’t think that’s what’s happening here,” somebody said gently.
Which was when Blay realized Qhuinn was still very definitely conscious. And not collapsing…
… but down on one knee.
Staring up with blue and green eyes that glowed with love.
Abruptly, the room tilted and spun—and that sensation of spinning got more intense as Qhuinn took Blay’s dagger hand into his own.
In a voice that was full of emotion, Qhuinn said, “Thank you for all your support since… my brother’s passing. And thank you for all the nights and days before that. And thank you for all the nights and days that are ahead of us.”
“What are you doing?” Blay breathed.
“I love our middle, Blay. It isn’t without challenges, but with you? I believe I can get through them—I believe with you, anything is possible.” Qhuinn pressed his lips to Blay’s palm and placed it against the side of his face. “I don’t want to wait any longer. I want us to be properly mated. Luchas didn’t just give me one last way to honor him—he provided me with the example of one sure way to honor you. Let’s follow in his footsteps. His end came too soon, but our middle is here now. Mate me, my love? Mate me now, here. Let’s not waste even a moment. Please, make me yours. Please, be mine. Officially, before all of our family.”
