by Toni Draper
Sydney’s eyes shimmered and grew wide. What Isa didn’t know was that Sydney, far from having given up, was about to go all out in her attempt to win back Mena’s heart. She decided now was the time to tell her. She started by divulging the real reason she’d asked Isa to come.
Isa had no idea what to say when Sydney was done revealing all. She wasn’t sure how Mena would respond when she found out. Afraid for them both, she thought she should encourage, almost demand, that Sydney tell her before it was too late. But wasn’t it already? After all, Mena had struggled to understand why Sydney had come and gone, leaving in her wake another hurtful five months filled with pain and confusion.
She broached the subject with Sydney, “Don’t you think you should let her know? I really don’t think you should keep this big of a secret.”
“I just don’t think it’s the kind of thing that can be done over the phone. It’ll only be a few more weeks. I’ll be moved and settled in by Christmas.”
The reality of that awareness sunk in for both women as they each retreated into themselves and the silence of their own thoughts.
Finally, Isa spoke. “I know the day will come when I’ll feel like shit for doing this, but it has to be done.” She handed Sydney a few printer pages stapled together. “I guess you’ve never seen this?”
“I don’t think so. What is it?” She looked at the title page. “No, I haven’t.”
“Mena just showed it to me a few months ago. She was about to throw it out, but I managed to salvage it from the trash.”
Sydney glanced again at it.
Isa handed it to her. “You should read it. It’s your story, you know? Mena wrote it as a sort of healing, some therapy, I guess. Although it details a few of your differences, I think you’ll find that you two have a lot in common.”
Sydney’s forehead creased.
“Not the smallest example of which is the very existence of this story. I doubt she would ever open up like this to just anyone. Maybe that’s why she never sent it in after writing it. Like you, she reveals her heart and soul by way of written words, on paper. It works for her, and for you too. Seems like the lesson here might be that you should continue to write to each other, even when you’re close enough to talk.”
Isa smiled at Sydney, who asked, “Can I hold onto this for a while?”
“Of course. Like I said, it’s yours. You need to read it. It’ll help you understand Mena’s side of your story. Can you just maybe wait to answer if she asks how you figured all this out?” After being made privy to the very personal and private messages written into Mena’s “Love at first write,” Isa felt like she’d been given a directive and was meant to serve as an intermediary between these two women, who needed someone to help push and pull them together. Otherwise, it may never happen.
Mena was still in love with Sydney and probably always would be. And Isa had a good idea the feelings were equally returned. She did it to help their relationship, and Sydney, who she was really starting to like, know, understand, and see differently.
Together, they devised a plan they hoped would work.
Chapter 17
As the Christmas season approached, Mena prepared herself and her classes for two glorious weeks of vacation. She read the younger children the holiday tale Pancho’s Piñata and helped them make their own similar candy- and toy-filled clay pots and star-shaped creations, which they would break open at their own Fiestas Navideñas. She then introduced the older students to both Mexican and Spanish traditions. First, Las Posadas, the recreation of Mary and Joseph’s journey in search of an inn where she could give birth to Jesus. These days, the emphasis was more on the party that would take place when they finally reached the house that would allow them in. Another favorite was las uvas a las doce, the December 31st tradition of eating one grape for each chime of a midnight clock announcing a new year and a new day.
It was a fun and festive time for all. Even Mena, maybe most of all.
The joy of the season was in the Yankee Candle- and balsam fir- scented air, reaching its peak at the party on the last day before the winter break. Over punch and cookies, the students thanked their teacher for making learning enjoyable and lavished her with homemade cards and handcrafted gifts, the ones she treasured most of all.
Lupe gave her a tote bag full of new picture books for reading days in future classes, and Magda parted with one of her worry dolls.
“This one works the best,” Magda said, “if you whisper your worries in her ear, low, so that no one else can hear, before you put her under your pillow when you go to bed. She’ll scare them far away so you can have sweet dreams.”
Mena smiled. It was the girl’s version of what she had told them about the origin of the small, brightly colored figures.
Itziar gave her a piece of pottery she’d made in art class, a glazed clay star. “For your Christmas tree at home,” she said.
And Mateo drew her a picture of her own Chesa and Emi. He knew what they looked like because she had photos of them on her desk in their classroom.
“It’s beautiful,” she said. Using magnets, she hung it on her file cabinet right away.
Before they knew it, the last bell rang, signaling the start of their vacation. “Yay!” They yelled in excitement as they packed up Mena’s gifts to them—spoils from the piñata and whatever candy and cookie crumbs remained on their plates—and headed out the door.
It was time for Mena to go home, pack up her fur babies, and head back to Flagstaff with Isa to check the cameras she’d left there and do more unofficial investigating. Not wanting to take advantage of Alex’s generosity, they’d decided to rent a cabin of their own this time. She’d let Isa make all the arrangements.
“You’re being unusually quiet,” Mena said to Isa. “Are you feeling okay?”
Isa swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat as they passed a sign for the Surprise exit off Highway 17. Somehow, she didn’t think Mena would appreciate the segue. But as the miles passed by, the clock ticked. She needed to find the courage to tell her about the real surprise that was coming.
Although she wasn’t at all hungry, Isa’s stomach had been tied in knots to rival the one in her throat since they’d pulled away, she said, “I need some food, Mena. Is it okay if we stop for something to eat?”
Wrinkles appeared across Mena’s forehead. “Sure. At the next exit? Did you have something in mind? A place you’d already scoped out? I must admit, I’m kinda surprised you’re hungry.”
“Why? Aren’t you?”
“No, but maybe I ate more than you did for breakfast. I guess I just assumed you’d fill up before we set out.”
“Sorry. I didn’t really feel like eating then. Anywhere’s fine.” Isa made herself small in the seat.
Mena drove on until they saw a few restaurant signs and exited at a place called Black Canyon City and headed for Nora Jean’s Koffee Kitchen.
Isa waited until their food was brought to the table before she told Mena everything.
The woman’s silence in response was killing her.
“Mena, please say something. I only just found out myself at Thanksgiving. I didn’t know, I swear.”
“But you did know about this surprise. You planned it, even. Were you really going to let me pull up to her place, thinking it was a rental property we’d be living in for a week, without telling me? Can you imagine how I’m feeling right now?”
Mena didn’t even know how she was feeling herself. She’d tried to avoid thinking about Sydney ever since she’d appeared by her hospital bed, only to again disappear without her promised goodbye. It all seemed so strange. “Funny thing is, now it all seems to make sense.” She laughed. “It’s almost like what I did when I moved to be with her. It was spontaneous, she said so herself. Said she hadn’t had time to prepare for it.” She laughed again. “Paybacks sure are hell.”
&n
bsp; She looked across the table at Isa, and despite her unhappiness with the way this was being sprung on her, she realized she was being a little harsh with and unfair to her friend. Isa was only trying to help. She decided to give her a break.
“Well, I guess it’s fitting that I’m finding out here.”
Isa looked at her with narrowed eyes.
“We are on the edge of the Tonto National Forest, and I’m feeling a little tonta right now for having been so played.” A smile of a genuine nature spread widely across Mena’s face. “But a little warning would have been nice.” She sat her coffee down and looked at Isa.
She wasn’t quite ready to meet Sydney again, heart to heart and face to face, so she had Isa call and tell her they’d be arriving a day late. She needed time to think about what she wanted to say and to prepare herself for the flash flood she feared would rise over her after the opening of the emotional floodgates.
“You’re gonna pay for this, mi’jita,” Mena playfully said before snatching the ticket off the table. “And I’m not talking about this check for our breakfast either.” She waved the register receipt in her face.
They drove on to Sedona but stopped at the first hotel they’d come upon after exiting onto Highway 179, the Hilton Sedona Resort at Bell Rock. It looked like a nice enough place. Mena faked like she was going to make Isa pay for their stay. After all, they had said they’d share the cost of the cabin they were supposed to have been renting. Let her sweat it a little bit. She’d pick up the tab in the morning.
After they checked in, put their bags in the room, and fed Emi and Chesa, it was time to start talking. Mena really didn’t want to leave the hotel. All she needed was to run into Sydney out there before she was ready. She walked to the window and looked out at the scenery. It was such a beautiful place. She hadn’t really been able to enjoy the area before. All she’d seen of it then was black and burned. With the sun out and shining on the red rocks, the sight was majestic, captivating. She really wanted to get out in it. What the hell? They could walk and talk, and unless Sydney had changed, she wouldn’t be out hiking the trails. She’d likely be cooped up inside writing, anyway.
The next morning found Mena energized and ready for whatever feelings might come.
As they pulled up outside of Sydney’s place, she quipped, “Just what is it with northerners? They all seem to have a cabin. Even though, no surprise, this one seems to be luxurious too.” Mena shook her head, trying to lighten the mood and distract herself from more serious thoughts she knew were coming.
From somewhere on the other side of the Jeep, maybe from inside the house, she thought she heard a dog bark. Chesa had heard it too and was already responding in her own canine language with expressly excited tail-wagging.
“Jenny?” Mena couldn’t believe it. She turned and saw the sheltie, who shyly kept her distance while approaching slowly, sniffing all the way. “It’s me, girl! Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten me? Get over here and let me love on you!” Mena crouched and opened her arms to the dog. Finally, after much barking and lots more sniffing, Jenny must have caught a scent she recognized. She lunged into Mena’s arms, licking and nuzzling her with her muzzle. “Oh, my sweet girl. I’ve missed you so much.”
So caught up in her homecoming with the pup she’d given up on ever seeing again, Mena hadn’t yet looked up to where the human, whose voice she heard coming from the porch above, stood waiting. Truth be told, she wasn’t ready for what was to come, and she was content where she was: on the ground, out of sight, playing with the dogs. Hiding.
But she knew she couldn’t avoid the inevitable for much longer, so she got up and dusted off her jeans. The moment she saw Sydney, her heart flipped into cartwheels beneath the button-down covering her chest. The traitor. No longer numb and drugged as she was during her hospital daze, the enormity of feeling hit her unexpectedly hard.
Isa slipped around their hostess and disappeared inside, giving Sydney and Mena some privacy.
“Hello, Mena.”
“Sydney.”
“You’re looking well. Completely recovered, I hope?”
“All better now.”
“That’s great. I’m not sure how to get over this small talk, but as I recall, the last time I saw you, we were deep in an important conversation.”
“Yes, and best I can remember, I wasn’t doing much of the talking.”
“I hope we find some time to start again where we left off. Then and in that long ago February.”
“So do I.”
“I’ve missed you, Mena. I’m so happy that you came.”
As much as she wanted to, Mena couldn’t say all she was feeling. She hoped those words would unlock themselves from where she had them—for now, in a well-guarded chamber.
Thankfully, it wasn’t long before Jenny reappeared to demand more of Mena’s undivided attention. With the dancing dog and the delicious aromas emanating out the open door from what she expected would be a magnificent chef’s kitchen, her heart was soon quieted by her stomach’s awakening. She’d almost forgotten what a good cook Sydney was.
With massive cast iron skillets lined up across the top of what appeared to be a six-burner Viking range, she and Isa were detoured to an island covered with a myriad of omelet makings. In a glance, she saw mushrooms, ham, cheese, and spinach. She also saw sausage links and bacon that was crisp, the only way she liked it. Of course, Sydney would have known and remembered. To the side of that culinary station, she caught glimpses of bagels and cream cheese, a variety of other fresh baked breads, toast, juice, and coffee. There was far too much on the smorgasbord for the three of them to eat in a week.
“Sweet baby Jesus! And I thought your place in Maryland was over the top. I hope you’re planning on hosting lots of parties here,” Isa said in appreciation.
Mena smiled at the memory and looked at Sydney. “I remember how distraught you were to find that your exquisite new home had an electric range and not a gas one.”
Now it was Sydney’s turn to laugh. “You know, I almost backed out of the deal because of it.” She held Mena’s gaze.
Oh God. There it is. That look, that feeling she was trying to hold at bay. Mena looked away, but not soon enough.
After they’d stuffed themselves to the point where not another crumb could be eaten, Isa, to remind them she was still there, offered, “That was magnificent, Sydney. The best brunch I’ve ever had. Compliments to the chef.” She raised her glass of OJ in homage to the hostess of the meal and gave it a three-star Michelin rating.
Mena spoke from experience, “If you think that was something, just wait.” She winked at Sydney as if the two of them shared a secret, which they did.
Sydney explained, “Yes, dinners can be much more fun to prepare than brunches.”
“Well, in that case, would it be too bold of me to say I can’t wait?”
All three of them had a good laugh at the eagerness of Isa’s earnestness and in anticipation of what was to come, despite their currently full stomachs.
As Mena and Isa moved to clear the counters and pick things up, however, Sydney stopped them. “That can wait. I want you to see the rest of my home.” She looked Mena in the eye when she said, “Mi casa es su casa. C’mon. I’m not quite finished unpacking and moving in, but I want to hear what you think.”
A while later, Isa looked at both of them and said, “If you don’t mind, I’m gonna take Chesa for a walk. I don’t think it would be wise to let her out off-leash in such a beautiful, unknown place. All we need is for her to go after a squirrel and find herself unable to make it back home. Besides, I need to waddle some of this newly acquired weight off if I’m going to pack more on later this evening. I would ask you to join me, but I think you need to catch up and get yourselves reacquainted.”
Sydney mouthed the words that Mena spoke. “Thanks, Isa.”
The door had barel
y closed behind her when Sydney seized the gauntlet. “Do you feel any differently now, Mena? Now that you know my past of which you’d been unaware?”
Mena took her time answering. “Not because of it. I always knew you were very spiritual. I just didn’t know quite how religious. Now that I do, it makes me wonder what you think of me, of us. What that would look like going forward. In a relationship.”
“Mena, that was a long time ago. Years before you and I were ever together the first time. I’d come to terms with who I was well before then. That’s why I left the order before taking my final vows. I knew in my heart why I’d entered the convent. I needed a safe place for healing and time to get to know me. By the time I finally got over Allyson, I realized it wouldn’t be just her. It was me. I was attracted to women and wanted more than a ‘particular friendship’ in a convent. That was not the life for me.”
“So that wasn’t why you left our shared bedroom that day?”
“No, Mena. If only I had talked to you then like we’re talking now.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“In all honesty, you didn’t really give me a chance. You blew up immediately.”
“I did, I admit it. I was afraid.”
“Of…?”
“Losing you.” Mena laughed, “Isn’t it ironic?”
“Well, you haven’t exactly lost me. We just had to go our separate ways until we could figure it out. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, ‘If you love someone, you should set them free.’”
“And if they come back to you, then it was meant to be.”
“And here we are.” Sydney opened her arms and Mena moved in.
