by Emma Scott
Before you burst into my room like a pair of crazy people.
“I can’t understand why he’s still climbing up my trellis,” Mom said, fuming. “If you’re not trying to hide him, Violet, then he can come through the front door like everyone else.”
“Lynn, we’ve been through this,” Dad said. “They’re friends. That’s how they do things. Right, pumpkin?”
“Yes,” I said, not adding that the few times I’d had Miller come to the front door, Mom and Dad had either been in a rage or a cold front. Humiliating for me and awkward for him.
“And anyway,” I said, “he has the same concerns you do about me working with Mrs. Whitmore. Because he’s a good person. The best.”
Mom let it drop, but the thoughts behind her eyes told me talk of “that Miller” wasn’t over.
“When do you start?” Dad asked.
“This week. Tuesdays and Fridays.”
“That’s fast. Well, I’m proud of you,” Dad said. “You’re going to make an excellent doctor, and this program will be the perfect finish to your college applications.”
“Thank you, Daddy.”
“And on that note…” Mom smoothed her napkin on her lap. “Seeing as that process is going to begin soon, it might be a good idea to look into a few scholarship opportunities.”
“For God’s sake, Lynn…”
“What? She’s top of her class. A shoo-in for Valedictorian. Why shouldn’t she be rewarded for all her hard work?”
I glanced between them. “Do I need to apply for scholarships?”
“No,” Dad said firmly while Mom started to speak, then snapped her mouth shut.
My stomach felt like it had suddenly turned to stone. My parents offering to pay for my entire college tuition, even through med school, had been the greatest, most precious gift of my life. Not only for the money but because it meant that they believed in me.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
“Everything is fine,” Dad said, glaring at Mom. “There is no need for you to apply for any scholarship. We promised we’d cover it, and we will. Isn’t that right, Lynn?”
Mom met his gaze steadily. “If you say so, Vince.”
“I do say so. And I’m going to be late for work. Have a great first day, honey.” He brushed his finger over the tip of my nose and left without another word.
I turned to my mom, afraid to ask and afraid of the answer. “Mom…?”
She stirred her coffee. “Don’t ask me, ask your father.”
“He won’t tell me. You guys never tell me anything. You just shout at each other. In front of my friends now, too.”
Mom sipped from her mug.
My hands twisted under the table. “Mom, please. I want to be a surgeon. Even with the college credits I’ve earned already, that’s still ten years of school, minimum. If it’s too much, I get it. Things change. If there’s an issue with my tuition, you can tell me.”
Tell me you and Dad are going to be okay.
“We’ll talk about it later,” Mom said, rising from her chair. “You’ll be late for school.” Her fingers trailed over the envelope of my PCV assignment. “You’ve been quite friendly with River Whitmore, haven’t you? I hear you talking about him more and more. Even more so than that Miller, which is why I was surprised to see him in your room last night. I thought he was out of the picture.”
I blinked at the abrupt change in topic. “Miller will never be out of the picture. Because we’re best friends.”
“I thought Shiloh was your best friend.”
“She is. They both are.”
“And River? You’ve had a crush on him for ages and now you’re hanging out with his crew.”
“Yes, but—”
“I’ve made an appointment for you to see Dr. Crandle next Thursday.”
“The gynecologist.”
“Yes. Since it’s become clear to me that I can’t keep track of which boys come to your room at night, better safe than sorry.”
“Good idea,” I said, my face burning. “I might lose track, myself.”
Mom sighed. “I’m just being realistic. You’re seventeen now, and I know how the world works.” She pursed her lips. “Should I have done it sooner?”
God, I wanted to sink into the floor. “Uh, no, Mom. I haven’t even been kissed. Going on birth control is overkill, don’t you think?”
“Oh, honey,” she said, regret swimming in her eyes. “You work so hard, and I know we haven’t been around as much as we should. Not like we used to.” She cupped my chin in her hand. “I’m just trying to do the mom-thing and take care of you. Okay?”
I mustered a smile. “Okay. Thanks.”
She smiled back with pained amusement. “You were supposed to say, ‘No need, Mother dear, I’m saving myself until marriage.’”
“Seeing as how I’ll never get married, that’s a little too long to wait.”
“I hope that’s not true, though God knows we haven’t set the best example.”
I swallowed hard. “You used to. You and Dad used to be…so happy.”
She stiffened. “Yes, well. Things have come up.”
“Mom…?”
She blinked and patted my hand. “I’ll make that appointment. Have a great first day.”
Shiloh and I didn’t have any classes together until History that afternoon. I met her on the expanse of grass in front of the shaded cafeteria tables at Santa Cruz Central High School at lunch. My friend wore a loose bohemian-style dress over her slender frame, and her dark hair was box braided in hundreds of tiny braids, the ends flowing loose and wavy over the light brown skin of her shoulders. Chunky bracelets, necklaces and rings—most of which she made herself—completed her look that I called Earth Goddess Chic.
Everyone couldn’t stop telling me how I’d “blossomed” in recent years, but Shiloh Barrera was a natural beauty largely because, like everything else, it came so naturally to her. I’d never met anyone as confident as Shiloh. Comfortable in her own skin.
“Hey, you,” I said, flopping next to her. We hugged, and I smelled sweet perfume that she made herself out of flowers from her grandma’s garden.
“What’s with you?” she asked, studying me. “You don’t look like your usual First Day of School self.”
“Mom’s putting me on birth control, and I’m beginning to suspect there’s no money for my college. How was your morning?”
It took a lot to shock Shiloh. Now her eyes widened. “Sorry…what?”
“It’s more of my parents’ drama. Forget it. How was Louisiana?”
“Hot,” she said. “And do not go changing the subject after dropping little gems like birth control and… Really? No college fund? I thought that was a done deal.”
“So did I. Dad denies it, but Mom suggested I look into scholarships. But what if it’s worse than that? What if they’re broke?”
“Your dad still has his job, right? Your mom still drives the Jag?” She gave my arm a squeeze. “It’s probably not as bad as you think.”
“Maybe. But God, I wish they’d just be honest with me. I’m going to apply for merit-based scholarships anyway. They’re competitive as hell, but I can’t sit around and do nothing. And if there is a situation they’re not telling me about, I should help out.” I inhaled and exhaled easier. Making plans and following a course of action always made me feel better. “I’ll do what I have to do.”
“Of course, you will,” Shiloh said. “Now let us revisit the Birth Control Situation. What gave your mom the idea that you needed to get on the pill, you hussy?”
“My parents busted into my room last night, and I had Miller over.”
“Did you two…?”
“No,” I said, ignoring how Shiloh looked almost disappointed. “You know the deal with us. My mom’s paranoid because Miller comes over all the time and because I was assigned to the Whitmores as a Patient Care Volunteer.” I lowered my voice. “River’s mom is sick.”
“I heard.” She brushed her h
ands off on her lap. “Okay, tell me the real deal. You and Miller. You and River. What’s going on with…all of you?”
“Miller and I are—”
“Just friends. Uh huh. Does he know that?”
My head whipped to her. “Of course, he does. Why? Has he mentioned something to you?”
Shiloh looked at me for a long moment, then said, “No. He hasn’t.”
I eased a small sigh of relief. “Good.”
Shiloh rolled her eyes. “Because you’re afraid of messing things up and you don’t believe in real love anyway.”
“I believe in love, but yes, I’d be afraid of messing things up with Miller. He’s too…special to just date or whatever and then have things go south. It’d ruin us.” I shook my head. “I nearly lost him once, Shi. I can’t do it again.”
“So Miller lives permanently in the friend zone but River gets a free pass?”
“I’ve had a crush on River since always, you know that. But he’s the most popular guy in school, in his senior year, and on his way to a storied career in the NFL. I’m completely busy studying and prepping for college. Neither one of us have time for anything serious. I mean, he’s barely spoken to me, but yeah…we could date. That would be nice.”
“You mean safe.”
“Well, yes. I don’t want to get to college with zero experiences, but if it turns out there’s no college money, I’ll have to work even harder than I am now.”
“So, you want to date River and have what kind of experiences? The kind that require birth control?”
“Maybe.”
Shiloh’s brown eyes widened. “You’d let him punch your V-card?”
“What? You think because I’m a dork who spends all her time in the library that I don’t have the same sex drive as everyone else? I’m a geek, Shi, not a nun. And God, I haven’t even been kissed yet. I’m ridiculously behind.”
“It’s not a race,” Shiloh said. “And anyway, you’re not a geek anymore. You’re going to be in the Homecoming Court and probably Prom Queen. Especially if you start dating the future Prom King.”
“No way. Evelyn’s got Prom Queen locked up.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure.” Shiloh leaned back in the grass on her elbows. “What if you fall in love with River, despite your best attempts to remain a casual slut? What if he falls in love with you?”
I laughed. “If something happened with us—and that’s a pretty big if—we’d be practical about it. I’m going to UCSC, which doesn’t have a football team. River has to go somewhere else, like Alabama or Georgia. It would be stupid to get serious and then go our separate ways.”
“Wow, you have it all figured out, don’t you?”
“I have big plans, Shi. Trashing my heart isn’t one of them.”
“We don’t always have a say in what our hearts want,” she said in a quiet tone I’d rarely heard her use. “You know that, right? Didn’t you tell me you loved Miller?”
My stomach inexplicably fluttered to hear her say that out loud. “I do. You know he’s like…a brother to me.”
The words tasted sour in my mouth, but I didn’t take them back.
“Have you seen your brother lately? You’re not the only one who’s matured into a stone-cold hottie.” She arched a brow at me. “You haven’t noticed?”
“No. I mean, yes. But I don’t think of him…in that way.”
Shiloh stared at me a moment more and then shrugged. “If you say so.”
More words to protest rose up, but she was right. I had noticed that Miller was no longer the skinny, underfed thirteen-year-old he’d been when we met. He’d grown taller, bigger, his shoulders broadening, his muscles defined. His handsome features had become more chiseled, more masculine, his jaw and cheekbones more angular. A shadow of stubble and his longish hair—paired with his usual flannel shirt and knit beanies—gave him a scruffy, alternative rocker vibe.
It was very easy to picture him on stage at a festival, thousands of fans—girls—clamoring for him as he sang in that rough, soulful voice of his…
“Hey.” Shiloh nudged me gently from my thoughts, her voice uncharacteristically soft. “I get it. You’re protecting something precious.”
I nodded. “I’ve seen what love gone rotten looks like. My parents were once best friends, too.”
She put her arm around me and gave me a hug. “I know.”
A short silence fell, and then I sucked in a breath. “Are we okay?”
“Of course. Why?”
“I don’t know. Miller said some things last night. That I’ve been distant lately. Hanging out with new friends instead of you two.”
“You’re moving up the social food chain. Scratch that. You’re casting a wider net. Everyone loves you.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“I do. You’re kind to everyone. And it resonates.”
“I guess. Evelyn said there’s a party at Chance Blaylock’s this Saturday—”
“Nope. Not my people.”
“Why not? You’ll know me, and I’ll get Miller to come—”
“I doubt that.” She gave me an arch look. “Do you have the political capital to invite me to a party you’re not throwing?”
“It’s a rager. No one knows how anyone gets there.”
“You, Dr. Violet McNamara, are going to a rager?”
“It’s an experience.” I smiled and looked away, watching other students milling around the grass or talking and eating at the tables. “Evelyn said River specifically asked if I was coming.”
“Then I guess your master plan is working.” She shielded her eyes with one hand and jerked her chin across the crowded cafeteria. “Hey, check it. Fresh blood.”
I followed her line of sight to a devastatingly handsome guy with hair that was probably blond under the silver dye. He leaned his tall frame against a cement column at the edge of the cafeteria, surveying the scene with casual detachment.
“That’s Holden Parish,” I said. “Evelyn told me about him this morning.”
“Evelyn is the TMZ of this school. She should have her own channel.”
I smirked, though she wasn’t wrong. “She said he moved here from Seattle, and he’s mega rich.”
“You’re mega rich.”
I inwardly flinched. I’m not so sure about that.
“Holden is millionaire rich,” I said. “Maybe billions.”
“He certainly dresses the part.”
Holden leaned against the poll, hands tucked into a expensive-looking black pea coat. An emerald green and gold-patterned scarf was wrapped round his neck and tied in an elegant knot. His jeans were perfectly tailored to fit his lean physique, and thanks to endless hours hanging out with Evelyn Gonzalez, who had her own popular fashion YouTube channel, I knew a Balenciaga boot when I saw one.
“Holden Parish,” Evelyn said, materializing beside me as if I’d conjured her. She stood over us, hands on the hips of her short denim skirt. A skin-tight black tank hugged her slender torso, highlighted her small, perfect boobs. Her huge hoop earrings glinted gold in the afternoon, as did her warm light brown skin. “He is so hot.”
Shiloh smirked. “I’m sure he is. It’s seventy-five degrees out, and he’s in a coat and scarf.”
Evelyn rolled her eyes. “He’s got impeccable style, and he looks as cool as a cucumber. I’ll bet he’s hung like one, too. Time to introduce myself.” She held her hand to me. “Let’s go.”
I let Evelyn pull me up, then looked to Shiloh. “Coming?”
She waved us away. “Go. See you in History.”
“What is her problem, anyway?” Evelyn asked as we crossed the outdoor cafeteria. “I’ve been nothing but nice to her.”
“She does her own thing.”
“Well, she doesn’t have to be a bitch about it.”
I started to defend Shiloh, but we’d arrived at Holden Parish. He watched us approach, casually pulling a sleek package of cigarettes out of the pocket of his pea coat with Djarum Black embossed
on the front in gold.
Evelyn flashed him her best smile and tossed her Ariana Grande ponytail over her shoulder. “I’m Evelyn, this is Violet. We thought we’d come over and say hi, since you’re new and all.”
“Am I?” Holden heaved a sigh. “It’s only noon, and it feels like I’ve been here for ages.”
He tucked a cigarette between his lips while his eyes—a stunning peridot green, clear and light—took us in from under sandy blond eyebrows. He flipped the lid on a gold Zippo and those brilliant eyes narrowed as he inhaled deep and blew it out; the air between us was filled with the pungent scent of cloves and tobacco before wafting away in the afternoon breeze.
Evelyn gave him an appreciative glance. “This is California, not Paris. There’s no smoking allowed at school.”
Holden crossed his arms, the black cigarette held elegantly in his slender hands with ink-stained fingers. “I’m sure there isn’t,” he said and took another drag.
“There’s a spot under the bleachers on the north end of the football field,” Evelyn said, her smile turning coy. “Good place to smoke or do other things you don’t want anyone to see.” She cocked her head, her lip gloss shimmering in the sunlight. “Care for a tour?”
Holden eyed her up and down, a smirk on his lips and cunning intelligence in his eyes. But they were heavy too. Shadowed. He hunched against the pole, as if taking shelter from a cold wind only he could feel.
An old soul maybe, I thought.
“As enticing as that sounds, I’ll pass. Raincheck, princess?”
Evelyn Gonzalez—two-time homecoming queen and designated ‘Hottest Girl in School,’ who usually had guys eating out of her hand, took the rejection in stride.
“Definitely. There’s a party Saturday night at Chance Blaylock’s house. A back-to-school thing. Should be pretty epic.”
Holden’s green gaze flickered to me. “What do you think, Violet?”
“I think smoking is bad for your health and those around you.”
His eyes widened, pleasantly surprised. “So it is.”
Evelyn elbowed me in the side. “Don’t mind her. Violet is going to be a doctor, so she’s anal about stuff like that.”
Holden shot me a wink. “So am I.”
