by Wood, Lauren
“Where are you? Are you okay?”
“Yes, of course. I’m fine,” she laughed. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Ah, sorry. I just…after everything we talked about…I guess I’m just feeling…”
“Overprotective?”
It was true. Mixed in with everything else I kept picturing this Clinton guy hurting Tara, and it made me want to break into whatever jail cell he was rotting away in and beat his brains out.
“I was just calling to let you know that my appointment is over, and I’ll be heading back to the manor soon,” she explained. “I’m going to grab some lunch first. Want me to bring you anything?”
I wondered if she was asking as my nanny or the woman I had recently slept with, but this hardly seemed like the appropriate time to ask such a loaded question.
“No, I’m fine. Thanks. Hey, Tara?”
“Yes?”
“Be careful on the way home, okay?”
The word “home” stung in my mind, and it must have hers too because the line fell silent for a few seconds.
“I’m a big girl, Jason. I can take care of myself.”
I hung up, mumbling to myself. Anna used to tell me the same thing and look where it got her. But that spunk in her voice hit me hard. She had a knack for making me feel too many things at once. I was aroused, worried, and hesitant all at once. I wanted to throw her over my desk and have my way with her, hire a bodyguard so no one could ever hurt her again, and run far away from her so I didn’t have to feel any of this.
I cradled my head in my hands feeling like I was losing my mind. This is why men shouldn’t sleep with their nannies, I thought. Especially not one of the Halstead brothers. Our messed-up pasts and closets of skeletons just made tricky situations a hundred times worse.
I tried once again to lose myself in my work when I heard creaking in the hall. Either the twins were trying to sneak up on me, or Bailey was sulking around with something she wanted to talk to me about but was too afraid to. She had been that way since birth. When something was bothering her, she’d plant herself nearby and just wait for you to coax it out of her.
My heart broke when I thought back to when she had to tell me such awful things about Anna. No daughter should ever be put in that position.
“Bailey?” I called out. “Get in here.”
She slowly appeared around the corner and plopped down on the couch. “You wanted to see me Daddy?”
“Sure, it was me that wanted to see you,” I laughed under my breath. “I know you’ve got something on your mind. Let’s hear it.”
She stared at her feet that swung in the air, insisting on staying all clammed up. I had to ask five more times before she’d finally get to it.
“Do you love Tara?”
My pen dropped to the table along with my jaws. I thought we had been so discreet, aside from Jesse hearing it in my voice and the time Kelsey walked in on us. But apparently not discreet enough for the kids not to notice.
“Why would you think something like that, sweetie?”
“Well…it’s the way you look at her,” she confessed nervously. “I used to see you look at mommy that way.”
I walked over and knelt down at her feet. “Listen, honey…Tara is your nanny. And that means she cares for you and your brother and sister very much. And I love anyone who cares for you like that. Just like your uncles and our friends and…even Kelsey. Does that make sense?”
“You don’t look at Kelsey the way you look at Tara,” she argued, this time flashing a mischievous little smile.
“What…you playing matchmaker now?” I teased, playfully shuffling her out of her seat. “Go on, get out of here. Daddy has to work.”
Bailey skipped off down the hall, singing “Daaaaddyyyy loooooves Taaaaraaaa,” as she went. It did not help with my headache. Worse than my fears about how I would keep Bailey from telling everyone we knew that she was convinced I was in love with her nanny…I had to swallow the fact that this was the happiest I had seen Bailey in a long time.
18
Tara
I don’t know what I expected to get out of my phone call with Jason. In my gut, I knew there was no way he killed his wife. Dominic would know something like that about his own brother, wouldn’t he? And he never would have told Vanna if he thought his brother could have actually murdered his wife.
But then again…I never thought Clinton would do everything he did to me. Maybe I was just a bad judge of these things, and I was on my way back to my new temporary home…with a murderer.
You’d think that would be enough to curb my feelings for Jason, but they raged on inside of me anyway. I thought back on my phone call with Vanna and hated how normally when she found out I had a thing for a guy, I could gush to her about it. But this was way too complicated for that.
I found the kids in the kitchen when I got back. Bailey was trying her best to get a jar of jam open while the twins pounced on me the way they always did when I or Jason returned to them. It was a normal kid thing, but they always looked especially thrilled to see you after you’d been gone. It was as if after they lost their mom, they thought every time they saw you could be the last. And they were relieved when you came back.
“Need some help?” I asked Bailey as she grunted and continued straining to twist the lid off.
“I guess,” she huffed, giving up and handing it over.
I noticed the twins disappearing around the corner, likely running off to find some kind of trouble to get into. Kelsey was washing the dishes, not bothering to offer her help to the kids in making their afternoon snack. If Jason told her he was keeping an eye on them, she made a point not to lift a finger for them. I often heard her mumbling under her breath how she was hired to be a maid, not a nanny.
“Hey, why don’t you go keep an eye on them?” I nodded to Bailey. “I’ll finish these sandwiches and bring them up when they’re done.”
Once she was gone, I positioned myself next to Kelsey and tried to quietly get her attention, just in case anyone else was lurking around to hear us.
“What do you want?” she sneered, barely looking up from the pan she was scrubbing.
“I need to ask you something. It’s about Anna.”
“God rest her soul,” she shook her head and made a cross over her chest.
“Right, well…You worked here when she was alive…”
“I have worked for the Halsteads for ten years!” she boasted, showing hints of her Russian accent.
“What was it like when she was here?” Kelsey stared back with blank eyes. “I mean like…did she and Jason get along? Did they argue a lot?”
Her face melted in realization, as if she’d put something together I hadn’t. I cringed to think she must have been remembering the night she caught us in the kitchen with all the signs of having just made out.
“It’s none of your business,” she insisted with tight lips, but I could see something inside of her just dying to get out. I knew she had to have some kind of gossip buried deep inside that she had only been able to talk to the butler about.
“It kind of is,” I argued. “I’m just thinking of the kids here. I want to help them process their grief, and I was curious about what their life was like before all this. Were they like a picture-perfect family? Or was there any trouble?”
“Both,” she admitted finally. “Anna was a stupid woman. She made bad decisions. Mr. Halstead was like a doormat, letting her walk all over him.”
“Oh. So…he doesn’t have a bad temper or anything like that?”
“Stop pestering me with your stupid questions!” she snapped. “I have work to do and so do you!”
“Anything I can help with?” Jason’s voice appeared behind us.
I whipped around in shock and braced myself against the counter, wondering if he had heard anything.
“N-no…not…not at all,” I stammered.
His brows flinched at my odd behavior. “Tara, may I speak to you in my office for a moment?�
�
I nodded and followed behind him. I hated how formally he spoke to me when other people were around. It was nothing like the casual tone he had when it was just the two of us, and I had to work very hard to ignore the way the sternness of it turned me on.
“How did your appointment go? Was it helpful?”
I thought back on how even my therapist was shocked and amazed at how quickly I could find another terrible choice of a man to fall head over heels for. This time it was my boss and a suspected murderer. She shook her head and yanked off her glasses to massage her head, looking like she was about ready to give up on me.
“It was…all right, I guess,” I shrugged. “It can be a…slow process, but I’m sure you probably know that. Since you’ve been in therapy before.”
“Too slow for me,” he replied. “That’s why I don’t go anymore. It started to seem like I’d be better off not drudging those memories once a week. I figure if I need to sort through them, they’ll pop up on their own.”
“And do they?”
“Of course,” he mumbled. “Listen, while you were gone…I was thinking…I hate to bring this up right now, but...” he paced the room, struggling to get the words out. “What’s been happening between us…I think we should stop.”
A huge breath of relief gushed from my mouth. “I think you’re right.”
“For the kids,” he added.
“Absolutely. I’ve been thinking the same thing. I really do like them a lot, Jason. I don’t want anything to happen to mess that up.”
“Good,” he said bluntly, showing the faintest hint of disappointment in how quickly I agreed. “So, does that mean you intend on staying with us after Vanna returns? Won’t she be disappointed to lose one of her best caterers?”
“Did you ever actually pay attention to me at those gigs?” I laughed. “I was a terrible caterer. I couldn’t be around all of those people and just serve them food. I’m too social. I wanted to talk to them…to be a part of the party.”
“Huh, then you must get really lonely out here.”
I breathed in deep, knowing that the only loneliness I seemed to be struggling with was the sexual kind. And now I had lost my only outlet for that, which was for the best.
“The kids keep me plenty entertained.”
“I’m happy to hear that. Because they have really taken to you. And now that we have this other stuff sorted out, I would like to extend the official offer for you to stay long-term.”
“I would love to,” I smiled. “That was easy.”
“Yeah, I’m glad I brought it up.”
We sat there awkwardly before I finally stood up to leave. On my way out, our shoulders brushed, making me linger for too long to take in a whiff of his cologne. Our eyes glinted into one another, and for as relieved we claimed to be, our hearts were heavy with doubt. He was smart enough to serve the solution for everything up to me on a silver platter, but could I really stay here in this house with him and never touch him again?
19
Jason
I was checking in on a few stocks in my office at the Halstead Corporations headquarters, and I found myself having to read bits of information over and over again. I thought putting a stop to things with Tara would help me clear my head, and it was the right thing to do for the kids. Tara seemed to think so too.
And yet as I scrolled through the numbers on my screen, my mind would drift back to her scent, her eyes, and her smile, and I’d lose myself in fantasies about things that could never happen again. Somehow, I had just made my attraction to her worse.
There was a knock on my door followed by Jesse’s head popping around the corner. I had been using Dominic’s top floor suite while he was gone, and I regretted telling the secretary to let my brothers through any time they wanted.
“What is it?” I sighed. “I’m just catching up on a few things and then I was planning to call it an early day.”
“Uhm…actually, you’re going to have to stay late for this meeting,” he grimaced.
I clicked over to my calendar, confirming that the rest of the day was empty, which is why I got in my head that I could leave early.
“What meeting?”
“It’s something Eric set up.”
“Then it’s Eric’s meeting,” I huffed as I defiantly started gathering my things. “You’re in the wrong office, little brother. Go bother him with this.”
“He’s gone. He took off to some island. It’s the usual story. Some model he met and now he just has to whisk her away until he gets bored with her. But he had already set up this meeting with these guys who are looking for a buyer for their dating app.” He plopped a thick folder onto my desk. “Here are the numbers for it. They’re waiting in the conference room.”
I glared at the folder then back to him. “I’m not interested in picking up any more apps right now. Especially not a dating app.”
We dabbled in a number of investments and purchases in many different fields. Spreading ourselves across multiple industries is what kept the money flowing in. Dipping our pen in so many different inks was also what kept things scattered enough to distract from some of our shadier, but most lucrative deals.
With my tycoon mindset, I couldn’t resist taking a quick peek inside the folder. At first glance, I had to admit the projected returns were impressive. But our last few software purchases didn’t live up to my profit standards, and I was not about to make another frivolous deal.
“If you’re into it, then you go,” I suggested, sliding into my coat. “I’m heading home to see the kids.”
“Ah, well…” he swung his fists around innocently, like a little boy. “I can’t. I have a date.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I groaned. “Eric sets the damn thing up then doesn’t flinch to hop on a plane, and you expect me to drop everything because you’ve got a date?”
“Come on, Jason. We helped out while you went to the beach. And you know I’ve been all torn up over the whole Vanna thing. Let me have tonight. This chick’s a doctor and older than me. You know I have a thing for cougars.”
I rolled my eyes, thinking the only reason he had a fetish for older women was because he’s so immature. Whatever poor woman got roped into being with him would be signing up to take care of a man-child. These two were proving once again how useless they could be when it came to our business.
I was about to insist on him figuring it out, but he stared back at me with big hopeful eyes. Dominic was living it up in Paris with Vanna, Eric was about to be lounging on some exotic beach with another mindless beauty, and Jesse had a date. And all I had going on was a hot nanny at home who I couldn’t have.
“All right,” I sighed. “Just go. I’ll talk to these guys.”
“Thank you, Jason. I really appreciate it,” he beamed with excitement, once again looking like a child in a man’s body. “This really could be a great investment, and I didn’t want to pass it up without at least talking to them. But this lady is…hot. I couldn’t flake out on her.”
“Yeah, yeah. Just get out of here.”
He ran out the door, leaving me to accept that I had just given up my early night out of the office. And of course, the meeting went on way longer than it should have without really getting anywhere. I felt too restless and unfocused and told the guys I’d have to think about it and review a few things with my analysts before I could make any decisions.
By the time I made it out of the building, the sun was going down. I knew once I got back to the manor, the kids would be settling into bed, so I decided to take a little walk before getting in my car. The sunset was beautiful that evening—what could be seen of it peeking out between the tall buildings. Everything had a grayish purple cast to it, but my heart felt heavy.
I would never stop loving Anna, even after everything I came to learn about her after she was killed. But sometimes I was just so angry with her. She got herself into an awful mess and it ended up taking her away from the kids…and me. Would I be
alone forever now?
I was thinking about the dating app meeting as I strolled past several boutiques, wondering if I should try it out for myself. If I couldn’t have Tara, the best thing I could do was come around to dating again—even if it was just for fun.
I imagined bringing another woman into the house right in front of Tara and cringed. I would clock any guy she ever brought around me. So, maybe we were doomed. I couldn’t have her but couldn’t bring myself to be with anyone else either.
Something in one of the windows caught my eye—a pair of sparkling diamond encrusted emerald earrings. They reminded me of Tara’s eyes, and I knew they would look beautiful next to her long flowing red hair.
I couldn’t move past them and instead stood there with my hands in my pockets, moping over what a hopeless romantic I was. Rather than clinging onto years of gallivanting around as a bachelor the way my brothers did, I was ready to get out of the game the minute I saw Anna. I was the first to settle down, and even when I learned how she betrayed me while she was still alive, I still loved her too much to let her go.
It was no different with Tara. No matter what I knew to be rational and true in my brain, which was that sleeping with her was a mistake and couldn’t happen again, my heart still longed for her. Despite all my doubts and fears, I couldn’t wrap my head around moving on to anyone else.
If I was doomed to be alone and couldn’t act on my feelings for her anymore, the least I could do was let her know how special she was. For everything she’d been through, she deserved someone to remind her of that. I pulled my hands from my pockets and swung open the jewellery boutique door.
20
Tara
The kids were all settled into bed, which afforded me some much-needed alone time to unwind. They had kept me on the run all day, and I was eager to soak my tired aching muscles in a hot bubble bath. Afterwards, I wrapped up in a towel and moved into the bedroom to slather on my favourite scented lotion.
