I regret my outburst as soon as the words leave my lips, but I can’t take them back. Holland winces, wounded, and I hate myself for being the cause of that lashing. Even if he was being a bit too academic, too serious, too unemotional about my situation, I know he meant no harm. If I expect to best this rogue, I need to remain calm, collected. I need to think, not react.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I know you all want answers. I do too, but we will get nowhere in our pursuit of them unless we can all agree that no one truly knows how magic operates. I used to think it was impossible to create a pure, evil entity, but I wear one at my chest every day. I think it’s safe to say we don’t really know anything at all.”
Holland nods. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I never doubted you, and I certainly didn’t mean to make you think I did.”
“I don’t know what’s going on,” I admit. “I don’t know why this person targeted my coven, and I certainly have no idea who this rogue vampire is or how he even knows about me. But he’s real, and he will return for me. We must be ready for that.”
I swallow hard, remembering that message scribbled in the ash, the one that appeared to be magically linked to the reveal of my missing coven. The moment I swiped it away, something happened in that basement. Jasik might not have felt the chill of the elements, but I did. I am almost certain magic was used to kill my coven, but if I believe that, then I can’t also believe that the rogue vampire was involved. Because a witch and a rogue wouldn’t work together… Right?
“Huh,” Malik says.
The sound breaks through my thoughts, and I meet his glazed-over eyes.
“What is it?” Jasik asks.
Malik blinks several times, clearing his vision so his glowing, crimson irises better focus on me. I frown.
“Ava just noted something rather interesting,” Malik says. “Something we haven’t stopped to ask ourselves yet.”
“And what is that?” Hikari asks, crossing her arms. Her tone is fierce, but when she glances at me, her eyes soften.
“Why her?” Malik asks, brow furrowing as his curiosity grows. “Why Ava? And how did he know about her? If he’s new to town, someone must have led him here. But who? And why?”
“And when and where and how…” Hikari says. “We can ask all of those questions, Malik, but we are still no closer to figuring out what’s going on or what we should do next.”
“True, but this is where we start,” Malik says. “This vampire knows you, Ava. Personally knows you.”
I shake my head. “I have never seen him before. I mean, outside of that dream, I have never met him.”
“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t know you,” Malik says. “He does, and we just need to figure out how.”
This was the last place I experienced her happiness. I know that is why my mind brought me here, to watch her at peace. I find comfort in believing she is not in hell. After her horrific actions on earth, I had my doubts about the safety of her eternal soul, but this gives me closure.
I watch them from a distance—forever the onlooker, never participating, even when I so desperately want to run into her arms.
They don’t seem to notice me. That’s how I know this is a dream. I am asleep, hopefully safe in my bed beside Jasik. The tea Holland offered me was spiked with an elixir to soothe my aching heart and troubled mind, but also, I was so mentally exhausted, darkness consumed my tired mind with little protest from me.
I stand in the shadows, on the outskirts of the field. The grass is scattered in colorful wildflowers, and I yearn to pick some, to form a bouquet for my mother. But I don’t. I remain in the shadows, where I was always meant to be.
Blooming trees encircle this sacred space, and I lean against one for strength. In the distance, my family is together, happy and free of life’s burdens—even if only momentarily. I know they won’t see me from where I stand, even if they glanced my way. The brush is too heavy here. Nature protects me.
I am watching my younger self. She appears to be maybe four or five years old. I don’t remember much from that time, but I know I was too young to understand how terrible the world is. Still, I would give anything to return to this moment in time, to be a smiling little girl who believed so full-heartedly that the world is beautiful.
The sunlight is warm against her skin, illuminating her tanned complexion. She wears a dress with thin straps that cling to her shoulders. I watch as she shivers as the breeze caresses what is exposed.
Barefoot, she snakes blades of grass between her toes, the wildflowers tickling the sensitive skin there. I still remember how that felt, how the giggle, so full of life and joy, erupted from my chest.
That little girl believes she is safe, and she has no idea how the simple act of a setting sun will soon alter her life forever.
I know I am dreaming because Papá is here. He is alive and well, just like Mamá.
I have watched this dream unfold many times, and it always begins this way. It tortures me with memories of things I will never again have.
My father looks at her, at the innocent girl I once was, long before bloodshed became my sole focus. His jaw is strong, sharp, as he smiles widely. A dusting of hair covers his chin—some black, some gray. His forehead is creased, his eyes soft with lines etching his content state. This was the last time he was truly at peace.
“Te amo, mija.” His tone is deep but gentle as he tells me he loves me.
I close my eyes, repeating the sound of his voice in my mind. I hear him speak these words as if he were just here, right beside me. I feel his embrace. I smell his cologne, like spices and herbs, candles and potions. I remember him to be as strong as a crystal yet as gentle as the breeze. He was always the calm to my mother’s storm, just like Jasik is to me. Two halves of one whole. I remind myself that some people wait a lifetime to find this level of affection.
I look at the little girl again, and I see it, the truth in her eyes. She believes she will be safe forever. She doesn’t know about the demons of the world or understand the warning from spirit, that growing sensation within her gut that was screaming at her to leave this place, to protect her father. She was too young to understand it then, too young to help him, too young to believe in vampires and monsters.
In mere moments, the sun will set, and they will hear them. The vampires. They are waking, planning their attack. They are hungry. They are not here yet, but still, from the edge of the forest, I can see them.
I focus on my mother. She laughs as she reaches over, tickling her daughter. The little girl is loud in her desperate attempt to brush away my mother’s hands. Her chest is bubbling with excitement, buzzing joyously like the bees in this field of wildflowers.
I sigh as I watch them, leaning against a nearby tree. I rest my head against its rough bark, ignoring as it scratches my skin. A shiver works its way down my spine, tingling to my toes. I shift my weight from foot to foot, but the sensation never lessens. Still, I ignore it, distracted by the scene before me, consumed by the promise of one more peaceful second with my family.
As the sun sets, it casts the world in shadows. My parents frantically pack their bags, shoving toys into pockets and abandoning Tupperware of uneaten food. My mother grabs the little girl and lifts her into her arms. They are running, and even though I never move from where I stand as I watch them, I easily keep up with their pace, as if I have now become hunter and they are my prey.
My mother trips, and they are falling, tumbling forward. The girl’s back slams against the ground, and she screeches. My parents shush her, determined to keep her silent, but she is crying now, the bare skin of her back shredded by the rocks.
My father drops our picnic bag as he helps his family to their feet, and I glance at it, knowing this is the last time I will ever see it. He left it there, and so did we. For all I know, it’s still waiting to come home.
They hear it, the rumbling thunder I now understand to be feet smacking the earth. It feels like an earthquake, and for a moment, I believe
the ground will split in two.
The vampires are closing in on us, and I see that truth in my father’s eyes. He knows we have no chance. We are cornered. There are more of them, and they are stronger. He knows what he must do.
He forces my small, frail frame into my mother’s arms, and I continue to sob, burying my face in the crook of her neck. She attempts to soothe me, but there is no use. My injury is all I can think about. I don’t even realize this is the last time I will see him. I have no idea that vampires will change my life forever.
Blood seeps down my back, staining my white dress, and from where I stand now, I am enthralled, mesmerized by the patterns and shapes it makes in the fabric.
My father is speaking frantically to my mother, but his words are a jumbled mess. My little mind, foggy and tired, can’t keep up with them, so I just lean against my mother, sobbing, praying the pain will ease.
The catcalls of the encroaching rogue vampires erupt around us. They have baited us, forcing my parents directly onto the path they wanted. Realization flashes behind my father’s eyes as he bids us farewell.
My mother is crying, shaking her head so forcefully, I believe she will break her own neck if she continues. She grabs on to my father’s arm as he turns to leave us, walking directly toward the monsters and away from his family.
In an attempt to keep him here, she holds on to him harder, digging her nails into his flesh, and he bleeds. I think no one notices. Not she, nor little me, and he doesn’t even flinch. But the vampires howl. They know he is injured, and they now know exactly where he is.
With one final glance, he looks back at us, eyes heavy.
Mamá is transfixed by his wound, staring helplessly where he bleeds. She loosens her grasp, and he slips free.
The little girl in her arms turns back, meeting her father’s gaze.
He says something before abruptly turning on his heels and running. He disappears into the darkness.
I trail his path until he is gone, and that was the last time I saw my father. Because he never came home.
But now, as an onlooker, I return my gaze to my mother. She is focused on her little girl, cooing softly, trying to keep her calm. She dries her tears and disappears into the forest, blurring until I see nothing at all.
Alone, I turn back to the path my father disappeared down. Night has befallen Darkhaven, the sky gloomy and dark.
“She cut him. She cut him, and she let him go,” I say softly.
The small part of me that wonders if she did it on purpose is squashed by the much larger part of me that is beginning to think this is no dream at all. No longer plagued by spirit, I think I am back at that place, during this time.
You can still save him, a voice whispers to me.
I run. I follow him down the dark path toward the vampires, and I ready myself to aid him in this battle.
But I halt when I reach him, realizing I am too late. The trees surrounding us are on fire, and the ground is covered in ash. My father is held upright by several rogue vampires, who feed from every limb, every exposed inch of skin. He is limp in their arms, and I know his soul has long since left this earthly vessel.
The rogue vampire who drinks from his neck stops and glances up. He looks at me, head crooked, and smiles.
Chapter Eight
Despite warming temperatures, a shiver works its way down my spine. Patrolling the forest is exceptionally unsettling when hunting with a partner because there is only one reason not to go alone—and it is most definitely not a good reason.
Jasik reminds me that danger lurks around every corner, behind every brush heap, and even within the shadows. We may be together, but that doesn’t mean we are safe. Without the confines of the manor, we are simply bait.
I trudge forward, sidestepping broken branches and decaying leaves never gathered after falling last autumn. This past winter was brutal. From freezing temperatures to several feet of snow, Mother Nature was not kind to our region. Thankfully, as an immortal, I don’t have to experience the brunt of her wrath. Vampirism has many perks, and the inability to die from the cold is one of them.
I shimmy past a tree, scraping the back of my jacket against the rough bark. Jasik glances over, frowning at me, likely internally chastising me for being so loud, so careless in my pursuit of the vampire who haunts my dreams.
Jasik was hoping luck would be in our favor tonight and maybe we would be able to sneak up on the rogue we seek. But I know that will never happen. In fact, I am so certain of this, I would bet all I own that he is watching us at this very second, simply buying time until he is ready to make his move.
The thought that we are probably walking into a trap doesn’t escape me. I mentioned it to Jasik, and I even wondered if we should gather the other hunters to properly ready ourselves for an attack, but he explained that we couldn’t abandon the manor. I already knew Jeremiah wouldn’t agree to join us. He refuses to leave Holland behind, so he is essentially our stay-at-home guardian now, forever remaining alongside his witch.
I don’t blame him for desiring a more peaceful life with his boyfriend, somewhere far away from all this chaos. I would like nothing more myself because Darkhaven has never been kind to me. I will never escape. I know it has every intention of keeping me here, from birth to death.
Still, I pressed on, but when we mentioned it to Malik, I opened another can of worms. Our new leader wasn’t keen on the idea of sending me out again so soon after discovering my former coven, but Jasik pointed out that I am needed. With Jeremiah on a permanent vacation, we are down a hunter, and we simply can’t properly patrol with just three.
But now that I find myself hiking under the moon, stars lighting my way, I have the jitters. What should be a peaceful place gives me anxiety. I hate that the rogue stole this space from me. As a vampire, there are very few places I can openly be myself—the forest being one of them. I should feel protected around nature, at unity with the elements, but instead, I question everything about my surroundings.
“How are you feeling?” my ever-perceptive sire asks.
I smile, staring at the ground as I maneuver through a tricky spot where a tree collapsed. It appears there is very little I can hide from Jasik. He mentioned he was aware that I was hiding visions from him and keeping secrets, but he never desired to push me to a confession. He wanted me to come to him myself, and while I appreciate the thought, that only makes it that much harder to look him in the eye.
Jasik is like no one I have ever met—honest and vulnerable, protective and loyal. I envy his strength. I’m not so sure I would have been as understanding if the situation were reversed.
I shrug in response, but he isn’t looking at me. He keeps his vision cast ahead, scanning our surroundings, always readying himself for the inevitable attack. I think he plans to take the first hit and maybe even finish the fight himself, never needing to call on me for assistance.
He walks ahead of me, clearing the way so I can walk a bit easier. Today, we decided not to take the usual paths, which have had enough foot traffic just from us vampires that there is now a permanent walkway embedded in the earth, making for a relatively easy hike. Instead, we are leaping over brush and crawling around fallen trees. Every step I take makes noise, and I watch as Jasik flinches each time. On the other hand, he glides with experienced ease. I have yet to hear him snap a twig.
“I’m fine,” I mumble.
“Are you sure?” he asks. Although he never turns back, I hear the concern in his voice.
“I would really rather not talk about it, Jasik. The whole point of coming with you tonight was to have a distraction.”
I am snippier than I mean to be, and I watch my sire’s back shudder as he winces at my tone. By now, he is probably used to my outbursts, but that doesn’t make the impact any less a burden.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I didn’t mean to sound so…”
I sigh heavily, not bothering to finish my thought. I have a bad habit of taking out my frustration on
those around me, and I need to do better. I can’t always be so rash and reckless. Amicia once told me she admired my persistence, my headstrong youth, but I am not so sure she would feel the same way now.
“I know this has been hard for you,” he says.
I am too busy staring at the ground, watching where I walk so I don’t continue making noise, that I don’t notice he’s stopped and is now facing me.
We collide, Jasik preventing me from slamming into him by clasping his hands around my arms and guiding me to a halt.
I glance up, meeting his gaze.
“Are you sure you are okay, Ava?” he asks. “We don’t need to talk about what happened, but you seem awfully distracted tonight.”
His concern is well placed. He fears what will happen when we finally locate the rogue—or when the rogue discovers us. A distracted warrior is a liability, and we are already out here alone, so far from the manor that I doubt the others would hear our screams. Both Jasik and I need to be at our best if we intend to make it home tonight.
“I promise. I’m okay. I mean, I hurt. All over. It’s like a…” I exhale sharply, trying to find the best words to accurately depict just how horrible I feel. None come.
“It’s like an anchor at your heels, pinning you in place, rooting you in a singular spot, even though you are desperate to run wild,” he says. “And although the anchor is strapped to your legs, you feel the weight of this burden everywhere else. In your head and arms, around your waist, and atop your chest.
“Every breath you exhale allows it to sink a little deeper into your flesh until your heart is beating so brutally fast, desperate to keep your body alive, even though the blood supply to your extremities has long since been cut off.
“Everything burns, from your toes to your eyeballs. The pain is all-encompassing, and you are pretty sure, at this very moment, it is absolutely possible to die from a broken heart, even though your sanity scoffs at the idea. Because being generally healthy yet dying anyway seems impossible. But your grief is so powerful, so much stronger than your sanity, that your mental stability is easily squashed, replaced solely by your torment.”
Dark Shadow Page 11
