by Skye Horn
It should have been his job to protect her, and yet, she’d be ashamed of what he’d done to achieve that.
A heavy weight settled in the pit of his stomach at the idea of disappointing his sister, but Haven was still there, still looking just as threatening as before. She slowly loosened her arm against his neck, allowing him to breathe properly again.
“Will she ever forgive me?” he asked, surprised by the desperation in his own voice.
Haven stepped back, allowing him to fall away from the wall. “You don’t deserve to be forgiven. What if she’d lost that child? Do you know how much she’s already lost?”
Adrian couldn’t muster the words to reply. He just lowered his eyes to the ground, but Haven growled and he immediately looked up to meet her gaze at the non-verbal demand. This girl was terrifying. Any doubts he had about a woman being a lead guard for a queen disappeared. He didn’t want to be on either of their bad sides, and yet, that was exactly where he was.
“That child might be the only thing that keeps her going after all of this is over.” Haven’s voice softened, as if someone might hear, and Adrian stilled.
“What does that even mean?” he asked, narrowing his eyes on Haven.
“She’s been through so much.” Haven frowned and rubbed the back of her neck. “I worry that when the war ends and she really settles down to consider what she’s lost, she won’t be able to handle it. She’s focusing all her energy on the rage she feels, but what happens when we win this?”
“You’re confident we’ll win?”
“If we don’t, we will all be dead anyway. I won’t have anything to worry about then.”
The casual reference to death made Adrian’s skin crawl, but that was what this war was. Live, or die. He’d never thought of what Thea might face when it was all over, though. They’d never talked about what she’d lost, but now that Kieran was here, he imagined things were about to get a lot harder on her. Not to mention the child.
“Tell me how to fix this,” Adrian begged.
“Give her time.” Haven sighed, anger disappearing from her face. “She’s been so worried about you, and she’s processing everything that’s just happened.”
Hearing that Thea was worried about him made his heart race. Of course, he’d known it. She’d said it, but hearing it from someone else was different. It made it more real and made him feel even more like a traitor.
“And start with Caden. Perhaps if he forgives you, she will.”
“What about you?” Adrian asked with caution. He didn’t know why he cared, but somehow, it seemed if he could gain Haven’s forgiveness, he could gain anyone’s.
“I will respect the wishes of my queen, but if you ever betray her again—”
“You’ll end my life?” Adrian offered with a small smile.
Haven didn’t smile, though, and he knew the threat was not empty. Still, he nodded. He didn’t intend to blow his second chance if Thea was willing to give him one, but Haven was right. He needed to start with Caden.
He hesitated, unsure if he was allowed to leave yet. Haven scared him more than any soldier under his command.
“Go,” she said, stepping aside.
Adrian nodded his head as he slipped past, but before leaving he added, “I know you don’t like me, but thanks for the advice.”
With a grunt, Haven turned to leave, and Adrian went to find Caden, letting the nerves settle in the pit of his stomach.
Chapter 17
Kieran’s head ached terribly as he blinked his eyes open against the surrounding darkness. His vision blurred before adjusting to the new environment. Unsurprisingly, he was no longer on the cliffs of Blackmire. It took a moment for his senses to reacquaint themselves to the damp air. There was a scuttle of tiny paws along the floorboard beside him, but he didn’t flinch. He knew where he was, and he knew what likely crawled around him. Instead, he started to stretch his sore limbs, only to find them restrained by metal cuffs.
“Great,“ he muttered, glaring at the cuffs. Each one had specific runes engraved into them. Learning about runes hadn’t been a major concern of his during his training to join Grimwalde’s army, at least not in the position he held, but runes protected Gimmerwich from Ainé’s entrance, and now they were being used to suppress his magic, he was certain. Even with the help of the Goddess, they’d gone the extra mile by encasing each wrist and ankle in cuffs. There would be no escaping this.
“Good morning, sunshine.”
Kieran jerked at the voice in the darkness just as a candle flickered to life. A sharp pain traveled through his side where Thea’s dagger had sliced into his skin, but all weapons had been removed from his body and the wound had been patched and bandaged. Kieran knew it would heal quickly, but it still hurt like hell.
Outside his cell, Kieran saw the shadow of the man from the hillside leaned against the wall. The hood of his cloak was pulled over his head to obscure his face, but as the candle light flickered, Kieran caught glimpses of hazel eyes and white teeth.
“I told you I meant no harm,” Kieran said, pushing himself into a more comfortable position against the opposite wall. The chains did not allow him much movement, but it was enough to get his wings untucked from beneath him. “I just came to protect my child.”
“I think you gave up that right.” The man’s voice was low, and perhaps he meant for his words to come off as a threat, but Kieran only shrugged.
“I doubt Thea will see it that way,” he said, smiling confidently.
The man in the cloak visibly tensed, and Kieran tried to recall what Thea had called him.
“Adrian, right?” he asked, feigning politeness as he tapped his fingers against the ground. “Let me give you some advice. Don’t try to tell her what to do. It never works out.”
Kieran chuckled as Adrian approached the bars. He could see him more clearly as he got closer. Anger flickered through his hazel eyes—weakness. This man clearly wanted to protect Thea. Kieran had once wanted that too. He’d paid the price for that protection.
“What is Ainé planning?” Adrian demanded, and Kieran let out a laugh that reverberated from his gut.
“You think I will tell you?” He ran his fingers through his hair, trying not to wince at the new bruise along the right side of his face. That punch had done some real damage. That was something he’d remember.
“No,” Adrian admitted. “But I think you’ll want to see Thea.”
“And you’re going to tell me I can’t see her until I tell you what the Goddess plans?” Kieran asked, smirking. “I’d like to see you try stopping her from coming to me.”
A low growl rose from Adrian’s chest and he slammed a fist into the bars, causing them to rattle. Kieran didn’t flinch. “She isn’t tied to you any longer.”
“Then why are you so angry?” Kieran asked. “If she isn’t tied to me, why didn’t she kill me?”
The wound in his side had been painful and surprising, but it hadn’t been a killing blow. He’d taught Thea himself how to deliver a fatal one, and she hadn’t even tried.
“We need information from you.” It was a lie and they both knew it. “So… Give me the information and I’ll let you see her.”
“No, thanks.” Kieran shrugged, and the movement hurt. Adrian’s face flushed red as he took a step away from the bars.
“Fine, then remain here without food or water. I don’t care.”
He started to turn away, and Kieran, cocky as always, called out after him. “Thea will care when you tell her! I’ll see you soon, Adrian.”
Adrian took the long way back to Caden’s chamber. He knew it had been a mistake to talk to Kieran without Thea, but unfortunately, he was making mistakes left and right. His emotions were all over the place, and there was no one to blame but himself for that. Of course Kieran had told him nothing. He had no leverage over him. In fact, he’d probably even come here knowing he would get captured. That only left Adrian with more questions about the other man’s intentions and more gu
ilt about what he’d done to Thea. He didn’t know if she would ever forgive him. And thinking about it, he didn’t know if he would ever forgive himself.
When he reached the door of Caden’s room, he knocked three times. After the third attempt with no answer, he frowned. It was midday. Caden could be anywhere in the castle, but Haven had made it clear he should probably apologize to him before he talked to Thea. It made sense, even if Adrian didn’t want to do either one at this point. If he was being honest with himself, he wanted to return to bed and pretend this hadn’t happened for as long as possible.
That wasn’t what he did, though. Instead, he turned and headed for Thea’s room, determined to make things right or at least let her yell at him. His feet carried him forward while his mind screamed at him to turn around. He didn’t deserve forgiveness—that he knew, but he’d be a coward not to at least ask for it and admit what he’d done had been wrong.
Adrian reached Thea’s door within a matter of minutes. The corridor was silent aside from a few passerby servants. If the king found out he or another guard was not by Thea’s side, it would be his neck on the line, but there had been no time to go after her before. He’d been in such a rage to get answers from Kieran, and then so desperate to speak with Caden, that he hadn’t thought about the consequences once.
Now he was glad no one had noticed the Queen of Ivandor was unguarded.
Adrian wasn’t sure how long it had been or how many times he’d lifted his hand to knock before he decided he wasn’t ready to see Thea after all. He’d been standing in front of her door attempting to convince himself, but fear gripped him. What if she hated him? He didn’t know if he could handle that. Sure, they’d played at hating each other since her arrival, but had he ever really hated her? No, he’d just wished he could. The truth was he’d spent a great deal of time worried about what she thought of him. She’d been attempting to comfort him for days, trying to figure out what was wrong, all while he’d been lying to her. He didn’t know if he could bear seeing the disappointment in her eyes or the kindness gone from them. Perhaps he’d been enjoying her attention more than he could admit, even when he was pretending to ignore her.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone stare at a door for so long.”
The quiet words pierced through the silent corridor as if someone had dropped an iron pot on the stone ground. Heat rushed into Adrian’s cheeks as he turned slowly to face Thea.
Her eyes were bloodshot, and her hair had been ripped out of its usual braid. It now fell in loose strands beneath the hood of her ivory cloak. There was a slight flush to her pale cheeks, and as she approached, Adrian saw the way the specks of gold danced within her gray eyes. He’d come to recognize this as her power being a little less in control. It often happened when he annoyed her, but now he knew there was more than annoyance beneath her surface.
“I—” Adrian started to say but his tongue stuck to the top of his mouth. He wanted to say he was sorry. He wanted to tell her how much of an idiot he was. There were so many things he should have said and yet none of them came out of his mouth.
She tilted her head at him.
“Came to apologize?” Thea offered.
He nodded mutely, shame washing over him.
“I see. Well, may I?” She waved toward the door and he realized he was blocking the only way for her to enter her room. There was no forgiveness on her face, but there was also no anger. If anything, she just looked exhausted.
He started to move out of the way, but then stopped, placing an arm across the threshold as she went to open the door.
“Wait. I need to say something.”
She stopped, pursing her dry lips together. “Well?”
“I’m sorry.”
“If that’s all…” Thea went to push passed him, but he moved to step in her way again, causing her to crash directly into his chest.
“No, that’s not all.” His courage was rising, but he desperately wished she wasn’t so close to him. He could smell the lavender soap on her skin, and feel the brush of her breath against his skin. However, unless she stepped back, he was trapped against her door. Even though her wings always made her look more menacing, she looked small now—vulnerable even. He hated that he’d done that to her. He’d never hated her at all.
He’d just hated himself.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth.”
Thea ran her fingers through her knotted hair, tossing the hood of her cloak back in the process, but otherwise didn’t respond, so Adrian continued. “You asked me about my sister. Well, she isn’t well, and Morrigan said that if I told you I would lose my shot at the position in the castle.”
“I know that—” Thea started to say but Adrian shook his head.
“I should have told her I wouldn’t do it.” Adrian surprised even himself as he reached out and took Thea’s hand. It was the most gentle touch they’d had since the day he carried her back from training with Morrigan. He’d done his best to avoid touching her lately, realizing what it did to him, but now he needed her to understand. “My sister would be ashamed of me. I’m ashamed of me.
“There is no excuse I could make, or reason for you to forgive me, but I am so sorry. I swear to you I will never lie to you again.”
There was a silence between them for what felt like hours, but Thea watched him and he refused to break eye contact. He also did not pull his hand off hers and was happy to feel that she wasn’t pulling away from him either.
“I’m also sorry that I went to see Kieran without you…” Adrian added with a sigh. If he was going to be honest, he had better be fully honest. This time, however, Thea laughed. The sound was a bit off, but it was a laugh nonetheless.
“I didn’t think you were capable of apologies,” she said, glancing down at where he held her hands in his. A blush crept back into his cheeks and he shrugged.
“Only when I’m scared of losing a friend.”
The last word came out before he could stop himself. He was terrified of thinking of Thea in any way other than a task to complete. And yet, she had become more than that to him, more than he wanted to admit, but he’d start with friend.
“Friends, huh?” she said quietly. He stroked a thumb across the back of her hand, taking a deep breath before responding.
“If you’ll still have me.”
“Answer one question first.”
Adrian hesitated, but then nodded his head. “Anything.”
“What is it that you and Caden aren’t telling me?”
Adrian looked at her in surprise, realizing she truly did miss nothing. He’d been doing his best to keep her in the dark, and yet she obviously suspected that they weren’t being fully honest with her. He wondered if she’d asked Caden the same question and how his friend had felt lying to her. A frown tugged his lips down as he contemplated answering that question, or where to even start. Thea, however, looked disappointed.
“You ask me to trust you when you’ve done things that should end that trust, but you won’t even answer a simple question.”
She pulled her hand out of his, folding her arms.
“It’s not a simple question,” Adrian explained, but even to him that sounded ridiculous. It was simple. Did he trust her enough to let her into a world that he’d protected for so long? Seeing her frustration growing, his frown deepened. If he wanted this friendship, he needed to start being honest. They’d been hiding things from each other since they met, never giving one another a chance, but it was hard for him to give her a chance—to give anyone a chance.
The thing was, though, it seemed to be hard for her too.
When she looked ready to walk away from him despite having nowhere to go, he sighed. “Okay, but I can’t tell you here. I’ll have to show you.”
“Show me when?” Thea asked, sounding more impatient than tired now.
“Tonight. I’ll meet you here at midnight, but come alone.”
“Midnight?” Her eyes widened a little.
/> “Just trust me, and come alone. Okay?”
Adrian stepped aside, allowing space for her to pass, and waited. If she said yes, their entire world might change tonight. Not many knew about what he planned to show her, but those who did were sworn to secrecy—Caden, his sister, and the others involved. Everyone knew the consequences of allowing outsiders in, and yet, Thea no longer felt like an outsider, and part of Adrian wanted to prove to her that he was worth trusting.
He wanted to show her that he was worthy of being her friend.
“Okay,” she finally said, reaching for the door handle.
“Thea?” Adrian said before she could open the door. She paused to look at him. “Don’t go to the dungeons without me. Okay?”
Her lips tugged downward.
“It’s not that I don’t trust you,” Adrian clarified. “I just want to be there in case something happens.”
Thea thought about that long enough to increase Adrian’s unease, but finally nodded in agreement.
A relieved sigh escaped his lips as she disappeared into her room without another word. Adrian lingered in the moment for a while, feeling the slight tingle from the touch of her hand where it had rested within his own.
He knew he shouldn’t feel that way. She was the queen of an enemy kingdom who’d lost her soulmate and was with child—and yet, he couldn’t shake the way her skin had warmed his. It was an unfamiliar feeling, but he liked it.
He liked it a lot more than he should.
Candles were already lit within the room when Thea entered. Haven was sprawled across Thea’s bed, asleep and drooling on her pillow, and she fought the urge to giggle at how innocent her lead guard appeared.
It was late in the evening. Thea had flown until the last speck of daylight lingered on the horizon and then returned to find Adrian at her door.
