I meditated on those words for some time after he left, turning the amber moth over in my hand as I did so. They helped me to understand both myself and my father. I had felt such a fool for loving Brian when I thought he had betrayed me, especially given that I still loved him, no matter how hard I tried to deny it. Once I learned the whole truth, I came to see that the real tragedy was not what I thought.
We had enjoyed a pure love, even as Robert said. While everyone else was off committing every conceivable form of fornication, we cared for one another deeply. Goodness, even after his apparent betrayal I had caught myself worrying about Brian: whether he was in good health, whether he was happy, et cetera. I could not make myself stop feeling that, as angry as I was, because I loved him so deeply: I loved him for more than what he could give me.
My father had taken that pure love and tainted it. He had ensured that any feeling I had for Brian would be wrong, sinful, adulterous! In so doing, he stole from me one of the most wonderful things I had ever enjoyed in the course of my life and caused me to spend every day in guilt. Yes, every time I thought of Brian and felt a trace of love still there, I was struck with guilt, for I was married to another. Not that I wanted to be: that was all my father’s doing. Oh, how I hated him for it!
Yet Robert’s words had also caused me to see that I was greater and stronger than my father, for no matter how much he had taken from me and no matter how much guilt he had heaped upon my conscience, he could not force me to become what he was. Certainly, there were days when I was in danger of turning cruel—of allowing my hatred to consume my soul. But even in my anger, the love did not die. It was still there, a flame flickering in the wind, struggling to remain alive.
If my father could not kill the hope in me, I thought, then I’ll be damned if I let Stephen do so!
Alas, this personal revelation did not change everything: we were still in a fight to the death with the usurper. Although my brother had not yet announced his change of allegiance for very good reasons, my uncle David had declared himself faithful to me from the beginning. When Stephen returned to England after failing in Normandy, he was greeted by a message from King David of Scotland demanding that he surrender the earldom of Northumbria according to their agreement. The false king refused, believing as he did that he could defeat any invasion from the North. King David and his son, Prince Henry, at once set out to prove just how wrong the traitor was.
When the Scots crossed the River Tweed and marched south into England, they must have seemed to the people of that land every bit as foreign and barbarous as their ancestors had in the days of the Romans. I cannot vouch for the behavior of my uncle’s men, for they not only seized English castles but also women, children, and the aged, forcing them into servitude and killing any who resisted. Such things are not unheard of in war, but the result was that the lords of northern England, who had long disputed with one another, united in their hatred of the Scots. Yet although Stephen did press north as far as the Tweed and forced the retreat of King David’s forces, they did not meet in battle at that time.
Even as all of this was happening, those of us in Normandy were assembling for an invasion of our own. I arranged in secret to meet with both Earl Robert and Count Geoffrey at the beginning of April 1137, when there would be a break in the fighting for Lent. The difficulty lay in finding a place where we could gather without attracting attention, for if it became known that the three of us were speaking with one another, we would lose any chance of surprising Stephen when the time came. Count William Talvas knew of a hunting lodge just west of the River Orne, about a day’s ride south of Caen. It was not too close to Falaise and allowed Earl Robert to claim that he was simply out stalking.
It was as I was traveling there with Count Geoffrey that I recognized just how perfect was our choice, for although we knew where the lodge was, it still took us quite some time to find it, so deep was it within the forest. I was soon less worried that Stephen’s spies would discover us and more worried that Earl Robert would not. We had to wait a full day before he arrived, accompanied by a single knight. So it was Robert and his man along with myself, Count Geoffrey, Count William, and two other servants: not a large party by any means.
The lodge, as it was called, was little more than a hovel, having only a single room. There was a very small hearth, two pallets for sleeping, a small table with two chairs, a pair of chests, and two seats by the fire. I remember that the floor boards were rotten in places, and you could see through to the dirt below. I paced across them nervously as we waited for my brother’s arrival, while the counts Geoffrey and William sat at the table in silence.
What is taking Robert so long? I thought. I hope he gets here soon. It was bad enough that I had to spend the night with these men!
“Stop that incessant pacing, wife!” ordered Count Geoffrey. “It will not bring him here any faster.”
“I shall walk if I wish to,” I replied.
“I’m sure there is no need to be nervous, my lady,” offered William Talvas. “The messenger said he would be here by midday, and from the position of the sun, I’d say that is still half an hour away.”
I was about to respond, but was cut off by my husband.
“It’s no use, William. She cares far more about him than she does either of us, though I cannot think why after he has treated her so poorly.”
You’re one to talk, I thought.
I did not speak what I was feeling, as the two of us were not alone and I wanted to maintain the appearance of unity. In truth, I was very much in danger of loathing my husband as much as I had done in the old days, for ever since I had learned of Lord Brian’s continual devotion, my husband’s own words and actions appeared all the more lacking in honor. Many times, I had caught myself dwelling on memories and had been forced to tear my mind away. How could I not think of him when my husband offered me no affection? Why would I not want to cling to those memories of real love? But that was a dangerous road to take—to think of things as they might have been, or perhaps as they ought to be. It could only place my soul in peril.
Even as I was having these thoughts, there was a knock at the door and the two men rose from the table. Count William looked through a small hole in the door, then opened it to reveal the form of Earl Robert of Gloucester, who entered and greeted us each in turn.
“Empress Mathilda, Count Geoffrey, Count William. Let’s make this quick.”
“I’ll just see myself out then,” said William Talvas.
“Thank you, Count William!” I called, as he shut the lone door behind him, leaving the three of us standing there alone.
“Where do we stand?” I asked my brother, not wishing to waste time.
“Stephen is holding a council at Northampton,” he said, sitting down in the chair Count William had just abandoned. “They will no doubt be celebrating his victory against the Scots.”
I sat in the chair across the table from him. “They would do better to save their strength. King David tells me he will come down again this summer.”
“Good. That will prevent the northern lords from riding to Stephen’s aid.”
“And when do you intend to renounce your fealty to Stephen?” Count Geoffrey asked, an edge to his voice.
My husband was still standing, or rather leaning back against one of the chairs by the fire, his arms crossed and his face formed into a frown. I could not help but notice that he was literally looking down on Robert.
“One thing at a time,” my brother replied calmly. “We must make sure the moment is right.”
“My men are getting cut down while you wait for the proper moment, Earl Robert! We must move to take Normandy as soon as possible.”
Robert nodded. “I agree, but I fear for my castles in England. If we strike too soon, then Stephen will seize them one by one while we are trapped down here.”
“Earl Robert is right,” I said, looking back at my husband. “He knows the Norman lords better than either of us. If he says we sho
uld wait, then we must wait.”
This did not sit well with Count Geoffrey. He scoffed in a manner not unlike a snort, shaking his head.
“I beg your pardon, but Earl Robert forgets his place! Tell me, my lord, do you think we are yours to command? I have been leading us here for the past two years—organizing everything.”
“And rather poorly at that,” he replied, the frustration beginning to show on his face.
“How dare you!” Count Geoffrey cried, stepping near my brother, his hands formed into fists.
“Please, allow Earl Robert to speak!” I argued, touching my husband’s arm. The last thing I needed was for my two chief commanders to fall out with one another. Even so, if my husband thought I was going to support him against Earl Robert when he was behaving like an arse, he was about to be sorely disappointed.
“Why should I when he merely hurls abuse?” he asked, shaking himself free of me.
“Count Geoffrey, I do not mean to deny you the respect that is yours by right, but whatever you have been doing, it is clearly not working,” Robert said. Geoffrey glared at him, but he continued, “The empress is no closer to the throne today than she was when Stephen first stole it from her. You are a good man and a fine commander, but you must trust my experience. I am on your side!”
My husband walked backward slowly until he leaned against the chair again, smiling crudely all the while.
“Fine, then tell us what you think we should do, since you are so wise,” he replied scornfully.
My brother turned to address me. “First, we will send a deputation to Rome to speak with Pope Innocent. We will tell him that the lords have broken their oath and that Stephen lied. Then we will ask him to transfer his support to you. That will provide the moral justification for the nobles to grant their support, as well as the Church.”
“He is still likely to side with Stephen, since he is favored by Cluny,” I said. It was a fair concern, given the power of that monastery.
“Even so, we must try. Second, I will send word to my vassals in England to rise up against Stephen as soon as I announce my change of fealty. Third, we should see if we can work with King David as well. Fourth, I will use the money I still have from our late father to purchase such arms as we require. Fifth, we must ensure a port of entry into England for whenever we are ready to land. And finally, Count Geoffrey and I will march on Falaise and the other castles as soon as possible. We will gain control of the west of Normandy, then Count Geoffrey will remain here to conquer the East while Maud and I make for England. What say you to that?”
With each suggestion, my excitement had increased. “All excellent ideas, but I still think it may be difficult to win over the lords,” I answered. After all, I knew enough about war to know nothing ever goes perfectly.
“When we begin to apply the pressure, the divisions among them will grow,” he assured me. “There are men right now who merely wait for a standard to gather around: anyone other than Stephen.”
I recognized that we had cut Count Geoffrey out of the discussion. I looked over to see that he was still very sore at both of us. His arms were crossed, his brow as wrinkled as a dry fruit, and his nostrils were flaring with each breath. As much as I might have liked to simply work with my brother and not have to deal with my husband, I knew that I needed him if we were to succeed. Earl Robert needed his men to defeat Stephen. I therefore tried to make him feel like his opinion mattered.
“Count Geoffrey, what do you think?” I asked, as pleasantly as I could.
“I think you are both fools to abandon Normandy before it is won!” he growled. “Earl Robert knows that the lords all have lands on both sides of the water. They will not suffer their estates to be divided, some under one lord and the rest under another. If we achieve victory in Normandy, they will forsake him in England: you’ll see!”
Here the difference between myself and my husband was revealed: he considered England an inferior jewel to Normandy. While the duchy of Normandy was part of my heritage as well as my sons’ and I had no intention of surrendering it, England was the land of my birth and my mother. It was a sovereign kingdom, free from any claims by the French king, and it held the first place in my heart. I knew I could never make my husband love that land as I did, so I tried something else.
“But if he gains Earl Robert’s lands in England along with all of their wealth, then Stephen will simply send over an army to conquer us here,” I argued. “If we are to make our case, we must do so in England.”
“Then I should come with you, for you cannot win it without my help,” said Count Geoffrey.
I had just about had it with his arrogance, especially when he had made such a mess of things in Normandy. “I think what Earl Robert means to say is that we cannot win with your help, for the lords of England all hate Anjou,” I stated rather bluntly.
“What she says is true, Count Geoffrey,” Robert agreed. “We need you here, and the empress needs to be in England.”
Count Geoffrey simply shook his head and muttered, “I do not like this—not at all.”
“Well, it is not your decision to make,” I said. “You may be my husband, but I am the heir. The inheritance passes to our sons through me. I was the one chosen by King Henry. Therefore, as difficult as it may be for you, I will be the one making the final decisions.”
“What do you know of war?!” my husband charged. “He has been denying you in public for two years”—here he pointed at Earl Robert—“while my knights and I have been defending you, and now you welcome him back like some prodigal son and are eager to accept everything he says, simply because it is he who says it! Well, I will not stand for it! You need me more than you need him: surely you know that.”
You really are a churl, aren’t you? I thought, but I knew the comment would not help the situation.
“If that were true, then I would already be sitting on the throne of England,” I explained. “Count Geoffrey, I am thankful for everything you have done, and for what you will do in the future. But there is no victory without Earl Robert. You must see that. Trust him as you trust me.”
He shook his head and let out another snort. “I am not sure I should trust either of you, but it seems I will not win this argument. Very well. Run off to England on your fool’s errand! I will stay here and fight for our sons’ inheritance: the dukedom of Normandy.”
The count then turned and walked out the door, perhaps hoping that he would gain a better hearing with one of the trees.
“Well, I hope you do not miss him too much when we are in England,” Robert concluded.
“Tell me, brother: when Saint Jerome removed the thorn from the lion’s paw, do you think the beast missed it?”
He laughed heartily. “He is your thorn in the flesh then?”
“Until death do us part.”
As the cat stalks its prey, so we began to set in motion all the things Earl Robert had advised. I sent Prince Geoffrey back to Anjou to be tutored by one Goscelin Rotonardi, the better to keep him out of danger. For the time being, I kept my other sons with me. Count Geoffrey gathered his strength for an assault against those castles in western Normandy that were still true to Stephen. Earl Robert wrote in secret to his vassals in England to let them know that the time had come.
Soon a great many things happened all at once. Two of Earl Robert’s men rebelled against the false king: Geoffrey Talbot in Hereford and William fitz Alan in Shrewsbury. We might have preferred that they wait until after Robert had announced his defiance, the better to combine our efforts, but the distance made communication difficult. No doubt, Stephen saw these rebellions as solitary actions, but they were actually the opening shots in a battle that was to consume the whole of England.
In the month of May, Earl Robert of Gloucester sent to Stephen a formal declaration of diffidatio, which means defiance. As Brother William of Malmesbury has noted, he declared “that the king had illegally aspired to the kingdom and neglected his plighted faith to him, not to say a
bsolutely belied it: and moreover, that he himself had acted contrary to law; who, after the oath sworn to his sister, had not blushed to do homage to another during her lifetime.”[18] I am told that Stephen received the news while traveling back to London, and here we had a stroke of good fortune, for the usurper allowed the messengers to continue on to the West and inform all of Earl Robert’s vassals. Thus, their rebellion gained both strength and organization, and they adopted the city of Bristol as their center of operations.
What must Stephen have been thinking at that moment? I heard he would often go about saying, “Since they have elected me king, why do they desert me? By the birth of God, I will never be called a fallen king!” Is that not the height of hypocrisy: for a traitor to complain of disloyalty? He who sows dissension will reap dissension, and the usurper was about to discover just how far he had fallen.
Meanwhile in Argentan, the summer was upon us, and a merry summer it was, for I had every hope that my fortune would soon improve. Nevertheless, something happened that sent a chill through my bones. My eldest son asked me, “Mother, can I ride on a horse with Sir Drogo?” After a fortnight of him beseeching me thus daily, I was forced to grant him a hearing on the matter. I knew well enough that Henry must one day not only ride a horse, but ride one into battle to defend his crown. However, I also knew that riders tend to fall off horses and do injury to their bodies. Some have even been killed, and given my son’s small stature at the time, I was quite afraid of a hoof to the head or some such calamity.
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