by K R Leikvoll
I don't really know what I expected to happen next, but it wasn't Kirin bundling her closer and crying himself. He held her face in his hands, looking down at all the blood with distress in his eyes. He smoothed her hair behind her ear and held her against him. He rocked back and forth, clearly in agony.
"Kirin," I whispered softly.
His silver eyes glared at me. "I think you should leave.”
"Kirin, I—"
"Leave."
I didn't wait to be told a third time. Honestly, I wasn't as worried about his emotions as I was about my own. I just killed someone... an actual person. It wasn't like killing monsters or lesser demons. It felt like I stabbed a real, living, sentient person. I closed the door behind me and sank to my knees. Her black blood was all over my hands. I couldn't wipe them off on my white dress to get rid of the overwhelmingly panicky sensation building in my mind. It hurt to breathe.
"Did you do it?" I heard Ronen's voice ask. My ears were ringing and it was hard to comprehend what he was saying. He tried to help me to my feet, but I sank back down every time. "Valentine?" he said waving his hand in front of my eyes. I could hear myself gasping for air. "What's wrong?" he asked.
Before I could calm myself enough to answer, the guards that had been bewitched both fell to the ground with a loud clang.
Ronen jumped to his feet and ran to them. "Are you alright?" he asked, helping one into a sitting position.
I could hear them talking in the background, but I couldn't make out all the words. I could only stare at her blood. Her crime? Besides trying to preserve her own life, loving Kirin unconditionally? No... she was an evil bitch. I couldn't feel bad for her.
"Don't... she was insufferable and weak," Vince's voice said in my ear.
His shadowy form was sitting against the wall beside me. I was in too much shock to care about his presence. His black and red eyes were focused on the blood on my hands, just like me.
"I've never killed someone before," I whispered. I could feel my heart slamming against my ribcage.
"It's a beautiful sensation, is it not? And not just any person... a person Sacramented by Lilith, much like myself."
"So?" I asked with a cracked voice.
His form leaned even closer to me. "So... taste it. The proper thing to do would've been to devour her, but Maundrell is no doubt taking care of that," his voice whispered.
Eat her? What was that crazy asshole talking about now?
"Trust me."
Fuck, no! I murdered her! Also, I wasn’t a cannibal.
He shook his head with a chuckle. "No, darling," he said sarcastically. "Taste her blood. Do it now, before someone sees."
Inner me was absolutely disgusted at the idea, but naturally there was always the other side of me. The stupid Nephilim side that thought about Kirin's blood. If he was derived from her, she might taste like him, too? My mind was trying to fight my body as I lifted my fingers to my lips. After several agonizing seconds of debate, I did what he suggested.
It tasted different. More metallic and less like wine. When it hit my throat, it was like swallowing an ice cube. The chill spread to my chest making my shakes worse. I looked to Vince for answers, but he had already disappeared and left me to deal with it alone.
Like a couple of nights before, I was overcome with all of the beating hearts through the walls. Not only that, but Kirin's form in particular was different. It was a shade of wine red much like the color when his eyes occasionally changed. He was still crouched in the position I had left him in. Below, I could see a few other white figures moving around the city. Everything smelled more intensely. The smell of metal, the weird cove scent of the city, even the outside breeze occasionally drifting from the surface to the geode. When I looked at the ring, there was a halo of white surrounding it. Past its aura, it was stained in Guinevere's blood. It seemed sinful at first, until I realized that it’s my job to kill demons. The light should want me to, right?
I made my way to my shaky legs.
Ronen was rushing back down the hallway to me with a smile on his face. "Divinus! The king! He has awoken!" he said grabbing my wrist. He dragged me to the king's room, where he was now in his bed drinking water. When he saw me, his eyes lit up instantly.
"Angel of light, you saved me," he said exasperated. He took my bloodied hands into his and looked at me with his crazy, amber eyes.
I sat down across from him, carefully as not to fall over. "I'm glad you're okay," I said quietly. I was still having trouble talking out loud. It wasn't because of Guinevere, but because of the euphoria from the blood. It was making it hard to form comprehensible sentences.
"How long was I in the Void?" he asked me curiously.
"The Void?"
His eyes seemed to zone out. "That's where I was... it felt like a thousand years," he said as if he was having difficulty registering reality. "And you came to me in the darkness and told me to hang on, so I waited another thousand years."
"It's only been a day," I said gently to ease his mind. I hoped I'd be looking that good at two thousand years old.
"Had it not been for your voice, I would have lost myself to madness," the king said with fear on his face.
I guess my heal had done something, even if it wasn't enough to get him out of the Void. The power to send someone to the Void mentally was chilling, though.
"Mr. King, I'm sorry, but I need to go somewhere. It's Alvir. He's—" I cut myself off.
"Alvir? Is he not well?"
"He's dying," I whispered. Ronen and the king looked sad at that news. "Rest, I'm going to go to him." I tore out of his room and down the hall. I could hear the tapping of Ronen's boots a few yards behind me, but I didn't look back. I wasn't shaking anymore. I was running faster than I had ever run in my life and it felt exhilarating despite the circumstances.
I made it to his house without breaking a sweat and threw open his door. He was sitting peacefully in his bed reading a scroll, smoking his pipe. I sat down at the edge. There were blood splattered cloth rags lying all around. He had fallen during one of his trips out of bed and knocked over his table. At least now he looked serene. His aura was the brightest white I had ever seen. It almost hurt to look at him.
"I take it Guinevere is dead based on the blood on your lips?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. I self-consciously wiped it away.
"She threatened to take me to Lazarus," I whispered. "She sent those men and the king to the Void... I didn't know what else to do."
"You did what you had to. She would have become a thorn in your side eventually. Better here, in the presence of her loved one than with those that loathe her in Duskwraith," he replied. He closed his scroll. "All of my tomes are yours to keep. May they help you discover your past lives." That man had more books than I could read in a few years and I wasn't sure where I'd keep them all, but that wasn't the pressing matter on my mind.
"Listen, I know I keep asking, but I have to know. How do I go home?" I said numbly.
Alvir coughed for a few minutes and I attempted to heal him again, but it did nothing. He cleared his throat and took a sip of water. "Ah, yes. No doubt you will want to leave immediately," he said.
Did I want to leave? Even though shit was messed up between me and Kirin, I didn't want to leave him. I didn't want to leave all of the people I had helped and met. At the same time, I didn't want to watch them die. I didn't want to kill people. I just wanted to sleep in my own bed and eat Pop-Tarts. "I'm not going to leave," I said, even though I felt unsure.
Alvir smiled. "Oh, you will... after you kill Nakarius. It is your destiny, you know. Now on to our main topic, pupil. Teleportation across the cosmos. It cost me the lives of two men to get this information for your mother not too long ago. I knew it would be useful. I do not know the exact method, but I do know it requires either the ring or the Dark Essentia. In your case, I can only assume Eve's final invocation was powerful enough to bring you and James to Earth. Though the method Vince used required a large sacrifi
ce and parts of the Essentia, Maundrell was able to achieve this with the help of the ring on the other side, sort of like a 'wormhole' Vince had called it in one of his books. I believe that is why James perished. Once he relinquished the ring to you, he was likely to be slingshotted through time and space."
"James didn't die that way, though. He was stabbed," I whispered.
Alvir took my hand in his. "Perhaps he did it to himself because he found it to be a more sufferable fate," he replied.
I'm not sure what I would have done had he just disappeared. As traumatizing as his death still was, his statement helped me realize maybe that was James' way of being able to say goodbye... and I had wasted so much of that time panicking.
"So, if I have some of the Essentia and the ring, I can teleport there?" I asked skeptically moving my thoughts away from James.
"Yes. I know my lack of details makes it hard to understand, but I can only assume based on Vince's research that it is either done through some kind of communion or by simply willing it like short area teleportation. Your powers will grow substantially. I promise you will return home," he said confidently. I didn't feel confident like him, but I wasn't going to press it anymore.
He started into a worse coughing fit, and we had been joined by a sudden presence I hadn't been paying attention to. Multiple presences. First Ronen, followed by the king and his guards, then the other three members of the council. Each member came forward to receive a blessing from him rather than give their final goodbyes.
"Lux Eterna," he muttered each time before kissing their foreheads. He barely made it to the Evyan king before he couldn't speak.
I pushed everyone out of my way and held his hand. "Thank you, Alvir, for teaching me," I said quietly. I wanted to cry, but I held it back.
Vince's form danced around me without solidifying. "We will meet again, old friend," Vince whispered in an uncharacteristically authentic fashion.
I leaned close to Alvir's pointed ear. "Vince says farewell," I whispered discreetly. I kissed his cheek and his forehead. A few tears slipped out of my eyes.
"Do not weep for me, Divinus. The stars will guide me now," Alvir murmured.
The sensation of grief I was feeling was so similar to when James died. I couldn't stay for his final moments; it hurt too bad. I walked to Ronen at the front of the room while the council gathered around his side, singing songs of praise.
"Where's Kirin?" I asked inconspicuously. I couldn't see his wine-colored form anywhere in the city.
"He took the body to the surface. I'm not sure where," Ronen whispered.
I moved past him and shut the door behind me without looking back.
There was a massive crowd of people outside his house. Word traveled fast. Some of the people were even ones I had healed the previous night. I didn't have to shove my way through; people bowed their heads and stepped out of my way. I jogged up the spiral in stifled tears. His death was of natural causes. He had to be really old. Maybe it was the mixture of killing Guinevere and his passing that made me feel so awful inside. People were coming out of their houses and making their way downward like they knew somehow something was going on. By the time I reached the entrance, there was only a singular guard. He saw my tears and didn't ask any questions. He moved the giant stone from its cover and allowed me to make it to the surface.
The light outside was so bright I had trouble adjusting. I thought I would have trouble finding Kirin, but I could see a hint of his wine-colored form over a mile away and down a steep hill.
A few purple, armored katoma lounged in the grass nearby. I approached one and it nervously took a few paces back. I reached the ring out, asking for its help. It sniffed my finger and stared at me with its massive yellow eyes. After it mulled over my request, it let me climb on its back. I hadn't really ridden any horses back home, but I knew the basics. I held onto its reigns and nudged its side in the direction of Kirin. The cat responded instantly, bounding off to my destination. It was moving so fast I had to hold on with more than just my legs. I wrapped my arms around its throat as tightly as I could.
The forest was really beautiful; I had forgotten in my few days underground. The hill was the worst part riding-wise, but it was stunning. Yellow and blue flowers grew on all the trees around me. There was a waterfall and a brook that I followed on the panther until I saw him.
Kirin was standing by a fresh grave, staring at the waterfall. He had covered the dirt entirely in flowers, uncaring about his own destroyed clothing.
I hopped off the cat which made its way to the stream to drink. As I got closer, I noticed Kirin's eyes were startlingly like Vince's, much like back in Himmel. He was also drenched in her blood in a way that suggested he had at least drained her. He didn't react to me as I stood next to him.
"Alvir is dead," I whispered.
He didn't respond.
"Did you love her?"
His eyes finally met mine. "No."
"Then why—"
"The death of a master is the most pain one can experience through the bond. Something you could never understand," Kirin said cutting me off.
"She was going to take us to Lazarus! What was I supposed to do?"
"Exactly what you did. I do not regret her death. Now why have you come? Shouldn't you be back at the city?" he asked in a tone suggesting that he wanted me to leave.
I reached out my hand to grab his. "I just thought you might need someone."
He pulled his balled fist away and turned to me. "You thought wrong," he replied coldly.
That was all it took for me to finally break down. About him finding out about Vince, about killing Guinevere, about Alvir dying... about the fact that I might be able to escape Praetis and make it home. "Listen, I'm sorry, okay? I should've told you as soon as I found out. I was scared. I didn't want to believe it myself," I said as my heart throbbed angrily. "Who would want to admit they are the kid of someone like that?"
"I trusted you to be completely honest with me."
"Then we fucked and my brain got all scrambled. I didn't want you to hate me. I didn't want to ruin... this," I said being entirely honest with him. I grabbed his arm and shook him. "I'm not like him. I swear! I will never be like him!"
He looked at the sky rather than look at me before pulling away again. "I can't believe I forgot those eyes."
"You know, you lied to me, too! Don't act like I'm the only liar! I know that you knew she was coming. I know you heard her voice. You just had to screw me before she showed up because you knew I'd find out you love her and your chance would be gone!" I yelled, finally losing my temper.
That caused Kirin to lose his temper, too. He grabbed my shoulder so hard it was definitely going to bruise. "You stupid fucking girl, I don't love her! I never did!" he yelled right back, directly in my face.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked evenly as tears fell down my face. "What's the difference between me keeping things from you and vice versa? You're a hypocrite."
Kirin released me and I couldn't help grabbing the spot. The ring buzzed against my flesh and undid his bruise with an annoyingly painful hiss.
His eyes traveled over my shoulder where I had healed myself. "I never meant to hurt you, Valentine," he said weakly as he turned away. "I just wanted to protect you from her."
I didn't want to fight him anymore. I wanted things to be back to normal. I slipped my arms around his back and hugged him. I didn't care that he was seeing me break down. I wanted to go home. I wanted to cover my head with blankets and disappear. I wanted James to be there waiting for me, ready to play a round of Tekken.
Kirin turned to me and took me into his arms. We slowly made our way to the ground. He stroked my hair and held me while I cried. I was more than ready for everything to be over. I’m sure he was, too.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Alvir's funeral was held the following day. The entire city made their way to the woods, and I led the way with the Evyan king Vya. We walked through the forest on a path e
veryone seemed to know except me. The location was northbound, toward the ruins of the old Evyan kingdoms. It took until mid-afternoon to reach the spot they had chosen, which was like Stonehenge in the way that tall, dark statues stood in a circle. Each one was carved to represent a different Divine—only the most notable. I even spotted one that looked like Eve, though they all kind of looked like Eve.
They put Alvir’s casket on top of a stone bed and cremated him. The stone was worn and charred, as if it had been used for other cremations in the past, but long ago. The council spoke for a while of Alvir’s long life and accomplishments. Kirin spoke too of his thankfulness for all the guidance he had given Naadean Emperors in the past. I couldn't find words to say on behalf of the Divines. I told myself mentally over and over that he lived a long full life, but it didn’t stop me from grieving. It was confusing to feel the light and the darkness, both weeping for him.
When we got back to the city, Kirin took me to the tailor so they could make clothes for the next leg of our journey. Apparently, there weren’t pants in my size and Kirin told me he didn't want to listen to me bitch for the trip because I was in a dress. I had to agree with him; I hated dresses. I never had a problem with them until I had to run for my life in one. Now I could never go back. So impractical. The tailor did a good job, but it took up a large portion of my evenings. I was fit with black pants, a dark leather corset and tunic, black boots and gloves. She sewed a light cloak while I ate dinner with Kirin and brought it to me in my room close to our last night. Something as small as properly-fitting clothes was enough to cheer me up a little. At least I could move around without getting myself killed.
Kirin and I hadn't spoken much at all. Our walk to and from Alvir's wake was silent. Besides Kirin's choice of color for my clothes, we hadn't really known what else to say to each other. I could tell that he was in some sort of deep mourning, and I knew it was over Guinevere. I tried not to feel self-centered. Whatever he was going through was bad enough without me making him feel worse. Besides, I had my own problems.
