His mouth hung open, speechless.
“You have no idea. For the first time since he died, I wish dad were alive just so he could hear this. You know in the movies or on the news when there’s a firefight and crowds of people are running away from it? I’m trained to run toward it. I’ve been shot. I’ve held dying friends in my arms. So, you ask me why I cut off the outside world? It was the one thing I could do to make it easier. So you can screw off. I’m not going to go out of my way for your approval. I don’t need it.”
I got to my feet and stood tall to face him. “I know you. If I hadn’t cut you off, you’d have done it to me.”
13
Callie
I found Morgan sitting on the front steps, her knees drawn up to her chest and long hair hiding her face from view.
“Colby gave me a ride.” She sniffed when I sat down. “So, I couldn’t leave.”
“I’m glad because we need to talk.”
“Troy’s birthday was last week. Mom wanted me to come home for it, but I couldn’t. He’d have been twenty-six.”
“Was your sister here for it?”
Morgan laughed. “Parker? No. She wants nothing to do with any of that sentimental crap. The most she did was put some of his ashes in her parachute for a jump. Now she’s off in Idaho working and BASE jumping.”
“She’s nuts.”
“I wish I was as adventurous as her.”
“Morgan, you’re living in Europe.”
She smiled sadly. There was something she wasn’t telling me. “London is… I don’t know what I’m doing there anymore. But can we not talk about it?”
“You’re right,” I said. “We need to talk about my book.”
“Do you really have to do it? Make us live through it again, I mean.”
I thought for a moment. “When I wrote the book about my mom, it was the first time I felt like I could put her to rest. She’ll still always be with me, but I’m not sad anymore. I miss her, but that doesn’t control my life like it did. I think we all need that. We need closure, finality. I won’t publish it if that’s really what you want, but I need to write it.”
She leaned her head on my shoulder. “No, you can publish it. I’m just being dumb. My mom never moved passed it. Maybe that will help.”
I patted her head, tears springing to my eyes as we heard shouting inside.
“Crap. We left Jay and Jamie together.” I jumped up and ran inside.
The two brothers were facing off in the living room with Colby to the side looking helpless.
“You know what pisses me off?” Jay growled.
“What doesn’t piss you off?” Jamie muttered.
“That you thought I’d write you off, so you went ahead and jumped the gun. We’re brothers, you should know better.”
Jamie’s face hardened. “Brothers, huh? You want to know why it was so easy to cut you out of my life? Because you never acted like a brother. You never stuck up for me, always choosing his side over mine.”
“Our father was a great man.”
Jamie charged as soon as the words were out of Jay’s mouth, knocking him to the ground and pummeling him. Jay, despite the size disadvantage, managed to knock him off and catch his chin with a quick uppercut before ducking away from Jamie’s more deadly swings. Jay had never been a fighter, unlike his brother. Add in the training Jamie now had and anyone could see where the fight was going.
“Jamie,” I yelled, trying to pull him back from the fog he was operating under as he held Jay’s shirt and popped him in the nose.
Colby looked about ready to step in when Jamie suddenly pushed Jay away. Neither of them seemed to register that they weren’t the only ones in the room.
Jamie’s shoulders dropped, and his voice shook, years of emotion breaking through. “I was just a kid when it started. You knew. You had to know. And you were my big brother.” He shook as he sank into the couch. “Dad is dead, and you’re still choosing him over me.”
Jay wiped a bead of blood from his lip and breathed heavily, but otherwise stood still. When he still hadn’t responded a moment later, I shot him a look and then moved toward Jamie, kneeling in front of him. “Let’s go.” I took his hands in mine and pulled him to his feet.
“You mind if I keep the boys tonight?” Colby asked. “I’ll use my key to stop by your house and pick up some things. I could use a nephew night.”
I gave him a grateful look. Jamie needed me tonight.
“Sure, want to just switch cars so you don’t have to move the car seats?”
He nodded, leaving to collect the boys.
I hugged Morgan, Amber, and my boys, ignoring Jay altogether before leading Jamie out to Colby’s car.
I knew where he needed to go.
Pulling into the parking lot, I still missed the crunch of gravel that used to signify we’d arrived. Now it felt less wild and more polished.
Jamie was quiet as he soaked in the evening beach air. It was crisp and smelled like high school. I laughed at the thought. High school to me wasn’t lockers and classrooms, it was that beach, because that’s what was worth remembering.
Jamie walked to the edge of the water and bent to splash it onto his face, hissing in a breath as the salt found its way into the cut on his chin.
“He cut me,” he murmured.
“Jamie?” I asked.
“Huh?”
“How old were you the first time your dad hit you?”
He straightened up. “Eleven.” He glanced back. “Right now you’re trying to convince yourself that the guy who was your best friend all those years didn’t know his brother was being abused.”
“I-”
“I tried to do the same thing for years. I wanted more than anything to think that my brother just didn’t know. Now that I have the kid goggles off, I don’t see how that’s possible.”
“Back then I didn’t get why you guys never got along. I thought -”
“You thought it was because I was a jerk.”
“Well, that’s why we weren’t overly fond of each other before senior year.”
He started laughing, but I didn’t get it. “Cal, you weren’t overly fond of anyone. And for the record, I always liked you. I slept with so many girls just trying not to be in love with you.”
“Gee, how romantic.”
He grinned. “I aim to please.”
“Are you okay, Jamie? Seriously?”
He took my hand, flipping it over to trace the lines on my palm. “No.”
I nodded. “I used to come here a lot when I was upset. I’d stare at the ocean, letting whatever troubled me drift away on the waves.”
“Did that really work?”
I smiled sheepishly. “Not really. But I did a lot of thinking while I was waiting for it to work. That seemed to help.”
“Then will you sit with me?” he asked. “I have a lot to think through.”
I sat next to him, securing my dress underneath my legs so it didn’t blow up. He rested his arm across my shoulders, pulling me closer. My eyes were focused on the dark water when I felt his warm lips on my neck.
I turned my face toward him. “I thought you wanted to think.”
“Thinking is overrated.”
His lips crashed down on mine as my heart pounded in time with the waves drumming against the shore.
I unlocked the front door as quickly as I could as his hands gripped my waist from behind.
Jamie. Me. This was happening.
I pushed open the door, and he spun me to face him, claiming my lips once again. I rose on my toes to wrap my arms around his neck, wanting every inch of our bodies connecting.
Jamie walked me backwards down the hall, knowing this house as well as I did. I nudged my bedroom door open with my butt and managed not to trip on anything on the floor.
“A bed.” Jamie grinned. “This is a first for us.”
The only time we’d actually gone all the way was on the beach. It’d been my first time, and a night I’d
never forgotten. It’d been goodbye.
I didn’t know what this was. All I knew was that it felt good, and I wanted to feel good. I wanted to stop being the adult in the room and just act on my impulses, my desires. I wanted Jamie - even if there was no promise of more than tonight. He was leaving - again - and I needed to be close to him.
I raised my arms, and Jamie slid my dress over my head, leaving me in a white cotton bra and matching underwear. I’d never pretended to be sexy, preferring simple instead, but his eyes drank me in all the same.
He reached out, running a hand up my side, leaving goosebumps in its wake. I unbuttoned his shirt, sliding it off his defined shoulders. Touching his sculpted arms, I smiled. “Quite a bit different from last time.”
“I’ve had ten years to get up to your standard.”
“My standard?” I laughed.
“The one you should have. The one you deserve. Not the idiot boy who fell in love with you and let you go, but the man who kicks himself for it every day.”
Forgetting how to speak, I kissed him with as much fire as I could muster. His hands gripped my waist, lifting me onto the bed. He didn’t stop kissing me as I laid back, his body hovering over mine. His lips left a trail of heat as they moved down across my collarbone and over my bra. He paused over my stomach and embarrassment started in. I shoved at him, wanting to hide my stomach from view.
Jacks and Liam had been natural births, but Declan’s was complicated. An emergency C-section left me with a permanent scar that stretched across the space near my panty line.
“Jamie,” I pleaded.
He raised his eyes to meet mine as he bent in closer, brushing the scar with the lightest of kisses. “Battle scars.” He winked.
I took his hand in mine, pulling him back toward me. Fitting my lips to his, I pressed close, intertwining our legs as tears pricked at the corners of my eyes.
I gripped his back as he moved and strained, my head swimming with the realization that Jamie Daniels was still very much in my heart. My love for him hadn’t gone away. It’d only lain dormant, waiting for a time when it could come back stronger than ever.
14
Jamie
Callie curled against me, her hair covering her face. I brushed it back with my fingers to see a shy smile appearing.
“Morning,” she whispered.
I ran a hand down her bare back, leaning in to kiss her head.
Being here with her had a surreal quality, almost like a dream, and I was afraid to wake up.
“You’re beautiful,” I said.
She snorted. “Yeah, I’m sure my bedhead is real attractive.”
“As long as it’s in bed with me, it’s the best thing I’ve ever seen.”
She reached up to flatten her hair, but I caught her hands in mine.
“Don’t even think about it.” I laughed. “I like you all messy.”
“Weirdo.”
“You used to like weird.” I grazed my lips across her shoulder.
“This feels weird, doesn’t it?” She shifted so she was facing me. “Us. Like going back in time.”
“Back then we never got to wake up together.”
“You know what I mean.” She shook her head. “It’s different now. We’re older.”
“We’re not even thirty.”
“I have three kids!”
“Okay.” I chuckled. “Maybe you’re old.”
That earned me a half-hearted punch to the shoulder. Her eyes widened as they followed her fist.
“Jamie,” she gasped, reaching toward the collection of scars on my shoulder.
“You can touch it,” I told her when she hesitated.
“What happened?” Her fingers were light as they felt where the bullet had entered and the surgeons had cut.
Memories of that night flashed through my head, but parts were still blank. I shuddered as it brought up the feelings from another night. They always went hand in hand.
“A little over six months ago, I was shot on a mission.”
Her eyes snapped to mine. “Did it hurt?”
I remembered the searing pain that turned into blackness. “For a split second, but then my body went into shock. I was held for a while, but my team got me out eventually, and after a few surgeries, I returned to base.”
“I can’t believe you were going through that and none of us knew.”
I shrugged. “I had my platoon. They were like my family.” She flinched at that, and I regretted the term. Once upon a time, her family had been mine as well. “I guess I was just feeling lucky to be alive though. Not everyone got that.”
She looked at me curiously, and I found myself telling her about Jessica. The first rule of being in bed with a woman was to never talk about an ex, but the story poured forth, and I couldn’t seem to stop myself. Callie had always been easy to talk to.
“Courage made us stupid,” I said. “Jessica wasn’t allowed to be there, in combat. But that was all she’d wanted. She was good too. One of the best. We had intel that our target was in the area and that he was alone, but the intel was old. We didn’t think we’d find him in that house, so we didn’t wait for the rest of our guys to show up.”
She listened in silence, at one point taking my hand in hers and squeezing.
I continued, unable to stop now. “We were exhausted and our cots back at base were calling to us. Two good soldiers died, and for some inexplicable reason, I wasn’t one of them.”
When I was finished, her eyes were glassy. I heaved out a breath, and she pulled me closer, letting me bury my face in her shoulder. That day was still so fresh. I shuddered against her.
“I’m so sorry that happened.” She stroked my hair.
She curled back against my side, and I savored her warmth after the chill of the story had sank into my bones.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
She hesitated. “Did you love her?”
The question was fair. I’d asked the same thing about Dylan even though her answer had hurt. Jessica’s fierce gaze filled my head. She’d been as strong as any man in the company and also kind and bright. She hadn’t deserved to die.
But I hadn’t been in love with her, despite trying my hardest to make it so. She’d deserved more.
“No,” I finally answered. “I wanted to love her. More than anything. After she died, the guilt nearly killed me too. It made me reckless. It got me shot.”
We fell into silence, a nice, simple morning had turned heavy with emotion.
Callie turned in my arms and rose over me. Without a word, she bent to kiss the shoulder that had ended my military career. The irony was that it had also brought me back to her. Without the injury, I wouldn’t have left base.
“I can’t go back,” I whispered.
“What?” She pushed her hair behind her ears.
“Nerve damage.” I flexed my fingers, feeling them tighten and strain. “I’m done.”
I turned my face away so she wouldn’t see the pain in my eyes at those words. Being a Ranger had given me more than I’d ever have imagined. It gave me purpose. Who was I without a mission?
“Jamie.” She placed her hands against my cheeks to turn me back to her. “Are you telling me that you’re staying?”
“Honestly, I don’t know what I’m doing.”
A smile graced her lips, and she bent to press them against mine. Her next words vibrated against my lips. “I think I’m still in love with you.”
I flipped her over, eliciting a shriek. Pressing a hand to the bed on either side of her, I grinned. “Well, then I guess the rest will figure itself out.”
I pulled my pants up my legs as I walked toward the door to answer the incessant knocking.
The smile that had been plastered across my face since Callie’s confession dropped when I saw who was there.
Jay stood on the threshold, his hands in the pockets of his slacks. He rocked back on his heels nervously and glanced behind me into the house.
“Callie won’t come to save you,” I said, unable to muster any venom when I was this happy. “She’s in the shower.”
Jay cleared his throat, finally meeting my gaze. “I’m actually here to see you. Colby said you were here.”
“Okay.” I gestured for him to continue.
“Look, I think we need to talk. Are you free for breakfast before I head to work?”
When I didn’t answer, a voice behind me said, “Sure he is.”
I turned and met Callie’s pleading eyes where she stood towel drying her hair. “You should go.” She stepped forward, reaching up to give me a kiss. “For me. Just talk to him.”
Jay still stood in the doorway, watching us.
“I have to go pick up the boys from Colby’s anyway and get them to school. Then I have a meeting, so I’ll be busy most of the day.”
“Let me grab a shirt.” I sighed, walking back toward the bedroom. I slipped my shirt on over my head and pulled on my shoes.
On my way out, I bent to kiss the top of Callie’s head. “Call me after your meeting.”
Getting into my truck, I followed Jay to the nearby Perkins. We didn’t speak as the hostess led us to our table, and the waitress poured our coffee. I ordered pancakes and bacon while Jay ordered an omelet. Lots had changed in the past ten years, but my hatred of eggs hadn’t.
“So,” I said, annoyed with my brother’s silence. “You wanted to talk. Spit it out.”
“Jamie, as blunt as ever.” He sipped his coffee before setting the mug down. “Look, I admit, I haven’t exactly handled things well.”
“You think?”
“Please, let me speak.” He pressed his fingers to his eyes and inhaled.
My brother looked tired. That was the only word for it. His suit was slightly wrinkled, and he looked at me with bloodshot eyes. An odd envy rose in me. I wished the death of my father affected me like it did Jay. I wished he’d been the kind of father one missed.
Invincible- The Complete Set Page 28
